Am I ugly?

[Decatur Guy]

By 26, I had been having all kinds of good sex and not looking nearly that good! You need confidence a lot more than surgery. Aren't you also the guy who wanted to hire an escort but only some specific, perfect person would do? If you are, you've got to get over all this perfection shit.

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

By 26, I had been having all kinds of good sex and not looking nearly that good! You need confidence a lot more than surgery. Aren't you also the guy who wanted to hire an escort but only some specific, perfect person would do? If you are, you've got to get over all this perfection shit.

 

You have an excellent memory, Decatur, and yes you're right, I do. It's called Body Dysmorphic Disorder and I have it.

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

lol I have no idea who Rick Munroe is and I think I said that to you before. I thought I looked pretty as a woman but there were a lot of facial issues that made me not pass so I'm planning to have surgery (facial feminization surgery). I've identified as gay many times. I'm feminine, I have "gay" interests, I love The Golden Girls, I can hum the entire score to Gypsy, and I like men (Big macho, muscular, studs). I do like straight men. I don't want a man's body though. I want a vagina. I hate masturbating with a penis.

 

I think it would have been nice though to have had a relationship. If I do transition again, I don't know if I'd ever have sex anyway. I'm just very tortured.

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

Okey dokey--to join the consensus--you are very cute. Take that from someone who is-on the ugly side. Ok--I am not hideous--but my attractiveness is of the type that gay men don't usually recognize. As for not having sex--I didn't have sex until I was 41--so you have a way to go on that one. But the transgender remark is baffling me. You said you weren't attracted to women, I believe. So does that mean you were born physically male--but with your own sense of gender you feel more female? In that case would plastic surgery mean- becoming female--because obviously gay guys aren't going to be attracted to a woman--so the transgender remark has me all confused.

 

I hope either the OP or someone who understands, takes pity on me.

 

Gman

 

You didn't have sex until you were 41??? Why?

[+ Gar1eth]

You didn't have sex until you were 41??? Why?

 

You didn't have sex until you were 41??? Why?

I'm not sure Daddy has enough band width for a complete answer. But ok--picture a young gay male who maybe is not exactly sure he is gay--but knows he doesn't seem to have the same feelings about girls as the other guys--not too mention that the young gay male is pudgy--socially awkward--and even the thought of sex scares him. Our young gay male also grows up in fairly conservative place where being gay is bad news. So our young gay male protagonist (YGMP for short) grew up not wanting to be gay--and being bound and determined that if he was gay he wasn't going to act on it. In addition every year he didn't have sex, the more scared he became of it--because any normal person would have had it years before. So combine all that--and you get a very unhappy, horny gay male who thinks about the fact that he can't seem to do--what 99.9% of the adolescent and adult male population can do.

 

Finally at the age of 41--afraid he might die before having the chance to experience sex, he calls up a visiting escort who just by chance he has wanted to meet for years--and the escort very kindly pops the man's cherry--hmm can a bottom acting as a bottom--pop a top's cherry--oh well I'll leave that for the philosopher's to debate.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

You are a nice-looking boy; before undergoing the "knife" have a go at a good hair cut, style and eyebrow pluck to enhance your appearance.

 

Second and third that. You will attract attention as is, but all other things being equal, a clean cut look will typically attract more men than long hair etc.

 

(This is one woman's observation, based on what I've seen during my occasional trips to gay bars. YMMV.)

 

Edit: I just caught the transgender stuff. I would never have guessed you had ever been female. You definitely have a masculine face.

[+ Charlie]

Second and third that. You will attract attention as is, but all other things being equal, a clean cut look will typically attract more men than long hair etc.

 

(This is one woman's observation, based on what I've seen during my occasional trips to gay bars. YMMV.)

 

Edit: I just caught the transgender stuff. I would never have guessed you had ever been female. You definitely have a masculine face.

He has a masculine face because he has never been female. He identifies as transgender because he is a man who wants to be female. Most of us agree that he is already an attractive male, despite the advice for ways to make him an even more attractive male. I guess he needs advice on how to be an attractive female, which I am unqualified to give.

[Dave]

i find this post confusing now. Dolphin, how about sharing a little more about yourself - i mean your background. its interesting that so many of us are willing to give you our time, to help you - yet IMO you've held out from giving some pretty key info that could, in fact, help us help you more. i get that you might not have wanted to say anything about identifying as trans earlier, so as not to skew the comments - but since you did eventually state that, why dont you just bring us all up to speed now. specifically:

 

were you born as a biological male, or female?

did you already start to transition? and if so, in what form - hormones? surgery? something else?

are you starting to have 2nd thoughts and are thinking to revert back to your biological sexual gender?

 

maybe if you give a little more of yourself here we can give back to you. hell, we might even be able to get you laid! LOL.

 

and (sorry but those that know me know i can be brutally honest) maybe it is this very weirdness that is the problem for you. that is, not the way you look, but what (little) you are putting out. i know many mentally healthy trans people but they were not always feeling that way. i might ask you, at this point in time, do you think you really PROJECT a feeling of openness?

 

sidenote to Lee: the way you're talking, i'm feeling like maybe my work is done here! oh noooooooo.... and yet, i am so proud of who you've become, son.

[leigh.bess.toad]

 

sidenote to Lee: the way you're talking, i'm feeling like maybe my work is done here! oh noooooooo.... and yet, i am so proud of who you've become, son.

 

:o

 

Don't worry. The work is not done, the journey is not complete. But the lyrics I have in my signature definitely describe you.

[+ Lucky]

So many times I have seen a person light up a room with his personality, and, in the process, make himself seem even more attractive than he had when he was just standing there.

So, I go back to my point: why ask strangers to judge your attractiveness with one picture, and not even knowing how sparkly your personality may be, or how sexy you are when you move...or not.

It's a colossal exercise in futility.

[+ FreshFluff]

He has a masculine face because he has never been female. He identifies as transgender because he is a man who wants to be female. Most of us agree that he is already an attractive male, despite the advice for ways to make him an even more attractive male. I guess he needs advice on how to be an attractive female, which I am unqualified to give.

 

Whoops. The first step is definitely makeup. If you google "crossdressing forums, " you'll find a site where many CDers are discussing the finer points of this topic. Even if you don't consider yourself a CDer, it might be helpful.

 

Take it from a female who was born with relatively straight brows: Arched (but not overly thin) brows can take you a long way towards looking more feminine. So can a shimmery pencil in the inner part of the eye and subtly winged eyeliner. A combination of contour and highlighter also works really well. I'd try to find a makeup artist who specializes in "transformations" to help you contour your nose and face to make them look more feminine.

 

If you've got the cash (too much for me), the next step is fillers and botox (which can help raise your brows). If you decide to do that, make sure to find a top doctor on a nationwide level.

 

Plastic surgery gives you a better bang for your buck, but it's more permanent. If you decide to do that, I'd consider doing one surgery at a time to see how you like it. (I'm guessing that's not what most TGs do, since they often want to transform all at once.) What I can tell you for sure: The advice about doctors above holds 4x for any kind of plastic surgery.

 

I've skipped over hormones. My understanding is that while they make your pores look smaller, thus giving you more feminine skin, they don't really change your facial features. Again, I'd verify that this is correct.

[+ purplekow]

Based on this one picture, I would say you are an average looking man who is doing little or nothing to make himself look better.

Haircut horrendous Eyebrows dead caterpillars Beard Unshaven and spotty Skin Caspar the ghosts anemic brother

Glasses I like the glasses as glasses but if you are trying to look your best rather than see your best, lose them.

Smile nice teeth and full lips but it comes across as forced.

So there you are. Average guy who can make some relative minor changes (better haircut, trimmed eyebrows, nice close shave or more manly stubble, ditch the glasses for contacts or lose them altogether, brighten the teeth a little and really feel the smile, a bit of a tan {just enough to make it seem you have been out in sunlight in your life}) and turn himself into an attention grabber. That should take one or two days of work. Ditch the shirt for some more fashionable clothes.

Then if you want to really put yourself over the top, hit the gym watch the diet and buff up. You are young, three months of good hard working out will put you over the top. So if your goal is to become a hot guy, you have the basic framework and could get there with a modicum of effort. Confidence, self loving, social skills may all need work but once the out aspect has you pleased, those other will be easier to obtain. I say this only because you asked us to work from the outside, in. I believe, you should really work from the inside, out and get in touch with whatever it is that is making you so negative about yourself.

Now, if you are transgender and headed toward being a woman, then you should contact the appropriate physicians who can help you start the long process of mental preparation that preceeds the first bit of surgical transition.

Good luck

By the way, if you expect people to come to you in a gay bar, you will be sitting for a long time. Take a deep breath, find someone you want to talk to and walk over and introduce yourself. Do that through 2, 3 or 400 rejections until you are really good at it and it will be easier to meet someone.

[+ FreshFluff]

Glasses I like the glasses as glasses but if you are trying to look your best rather than see your best, lose them.

 

My friends who wear contacts tell me they see just as well with them as with glasses. The only issue is getting used to putting them in.

 

 

A tan is a good idea, but I'd stick with Mystic or one of the other spray tan machines to keep your skin young looking. A subtle bronzer would also work.

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

Thank you, everyone. It's funny someone mentioned caterpillar-like eyebrows because I hated them so much once I shaved them off entirely. It didn't really help.

 

I wish that the Forum Administrator would allow me to delete this thread. Sometimes we write things on very bad days and we don't feel the same way the next day.

 

I am surprised there are women here. Do women hire escorts too?

 

Anyway, I plan on slowly changing everything. I'm giving serious consideration to doing things one at a time. Having seven procedures done in one day may not be good, even if you have to travel six hours to see the surgeon.

 

Here's what I plan on doing:

 

These are the facial feminization surgeries I have planned:

Basic Facial Symmetry- Cosmetic

Chin- FFS/Cosmetic. Needs to be shorter, smaller, rounded at the bottom. It also needs to be augmented. This is an exaggeration but it gives you an idea: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7154/6552976589_a1beaf7400_z.jpg This may not be possible but I'll try and get as close as I can to it. The chin I have now will be unacceptable if I want to look like a woman.

Jaw - Some people tell me not to get it because there are lots of women with jawlines.

Side Profile- Totally gave me away, I can't pass unless the FFS dramatically changes it, which includes all of the FFS procedures.

Nose- FFS and also cosmetic. A feminizing rhinoplasty.

Browbone- FFS. There's a lot of brow bossing, it needs to be shaved down.

Forehead/Hairline- FFS. The forehead's too high, the hairline needs to be changed

Adams apple removed. A plastic surgeon once told me I didn't have a neck.

 

Non surgical

- Changes from the estrogen, dramatic. I dont have any estrogen in that picture from 2 years ago

- Hair will grow longer but many men have long hair and don't look like women. The hair will be a constant struggle, along with the eyebrows. There's always human hair wigs but I'll let my real hair grow because I really want long hair. I don't want to look like a witch either- therefore we need to take care of the paleness, the big nose, and the chin.

- The eyebrows need massive work- thinner, shaped femininely and arched will do a lot. Right now they physically hurt me because they're too heavy. There's a woman in Philadelphia who's considered one of the best in the field but she charges like $70 for a waxing. It may be worth it if nobody else can do these.

- My skin has always been pale, like a ghost and its an ugly clash with my black hair and black eyebrows so I've found a spray tanning salon in Pennsylvania that does beauty queens and hopefully they'll help me out.

- I am Italian, which means I am hairy as hell, and all of that hair needs to be removed, plucked off, lasered off, and destroyed.

- Eyes- I'll change the color of my eyes with lighter contacts. With good eye makeup, they will pop. Off of darker, tanner skin, the lighter eyes will also pop. This is important because the eyes are the most important feature for any transgender woman to pass.

- Skin care- This is more important than makeup. Right now I'm using olive oil from the kitchen. I've heard that Philosophy is good. I realize most of you are gay men, but surely one or two of you must have some beauty tips on skin care.

- Makeup- Very important especially since I'll be a somewhat older woman (30s) and therefore won't be a fresh-faced freshman girl at college. I can't afford to leave the house in the morning without makeup, but it can't be over the top. It has to be natural. I don't want to look like a drag queen, of course. They are lovely but its just too much glamour if I'm going to be a waitress or a secretary.

- Teeth- I wore braces for most of middle school and high school and my teeth came out wonderful thanks to a lot of money and time. Now I haven't been to a dentist in years and I need to torture myself again to make them white.

- Clothes- I really don't have any and I think I have good taste, but its very awkward to go into a woman's store and know what to buy. A friend said she'd take me to Victoria's Secret for a bra.

- CONFIDENCE, CONFIDENCE, CONFIDENCE, and the thing I both need the most and lack the most. It's the greatest hindrance and it's the one thing I have no idea where to go to get. Maybe the Wizard of Oz can give it to me?

 

So I'm off on this yellow brick road and I hope it leads to a happy life as a woman...

 

I don't want to hear any misogynistic comments from gay men about why I shouldn't be doing this. I've already decided it is to be done. I've felt female since I was four, I've wanted this transition since I was 17, and I'm four years from 30. Something's got to give and it's got to happen next year. If I work hard enough and fight hard enough for it, I think it'll work. I have to be confident that it will.

[jjkrkwood]

That is certainly a long list of "perceived" enhancements. PLEASE be aware that even with all these changes you intend to make, there is NO guarantee your "social" situation will be any better or different. Life is funny that way. It can seem like most guys like blonde hair, until you bleach yours blond and find noone is drawn to you. As many have said, although your "look" might be the first thing that will get you noticed, it certainly WONT hold a guys attention and interest if other things such as personality, attitude and demeanor are lacking.... However, on the other hand if making the changes in yourself ONLY serves to make YOU feel better about yourself, then it was worth it. Self confidence is the most important Asset.

[RexAll]

Based on this one picture, I would say you are an average looking man who is doing little or nothing to make himself look better.

Haircut horrendous Eyebrows dead caterpillars Beard Unshaven and spotty Skin Caspar the ghosts anemic brother

Glasses I like the glasses as glasses but if you are trying to look your best rather than see your best, lose them.

Smile nice teeth and full lips but it comes across as forced.

So there you are. Average guy who can make some relative minor changes (better haircut, trimmed eyebrows, nice close shave or more manly stubble, ditch the glasses for contacts or lose them altogether, brighten the teeth a little and really feel the smile, a bit of a tan {just enough to make it seem you have been out in sunlight in your life}) and turn himself into an attention grabber. That should take one or two days of work. Ditch the shirt for some more fashionable clothes.

Then if you want to really put yourself over the top, hit the gym watch the diet and buff up. You are young, three months of good hard working out will put you over the top. So if your goal is to become a hot guy, you have the basic framework and could get there with a modicum of effort. Confidence, self loving, social skills may all need work but once the out aspect has you pleased, those other will be easier to obtain. I say this only because you asked us to work from the outside, in. I believe, you should really work from the inside, out and get in touch with whatever it is that is making you so negative about yourself.

Now, if you are transgender and headed toward being a woman, then you should contact the appropriate physicians who can help you start the long process of mental preparation that preceeds the first bit of surgical transition.

Good luck

By the way, if you expect people to come to you in a gay bar, you will be sitting for a long time. Take a deep breath, find someone you want to talk to and walk over and introduce yourself. Do that through 2, 3 or 400 rejections until you are really good at it and it will be easier to meet someone.

 

Ouch, I couldn't even read through all this. I thought the guy was perfectly cute 'as is' no need for all the adjustments you suggest.

 

Rex

[RexAll]

But What Does It Matter?

 

If Dolphin really feels like a woman, what does it matter what he looks like as a guy? Shouldn't his question have been, ' Would I make an attractive woman?' Also from his posts, it sounds like he isn't that interested in being with a gay male. He sounds like he is only interested in straight guys- and they are in short supply on this Forum.

 

 

Rex

[+ Charlie]

What matters is not what you look like but how you feel about yourself as a person. If you really feel that you are a woman, then do what you need to do to integrate your exterior with your interior. But don't expect it to solve all your problems, because gender isn't the only thing that matters in finding happiness. After the first rush of exhilaration, there is likely to be a big letdown, equivalent to what many gay men experience after they finally come out after a lifetime in the closet.

[+ purplekow]

Ouch, I couldn't even read through all this. I thought the guy was perfectly cute 'as is' no need for all the adjustments you suggest.

 

Rex

If you read the original posting fully, he specifically asks for ways to make himself more attractive. Telling him he is perfect as he is does not address the question posed nor is it a service to someone to blithely complement them when a harsher truth is what they are asking to hear. Most every post prior to the one I made, made the point you made. If the question was just am I ugly, I would have ended after half the first line: "...average looking.". But I think the take home point here is that he is an average looking male who could do much better with what he was god given but that if he needs to be a female, then he needs to get the appropriate help for that."

[jjkrkwood]

If Dolphin really feels like a woman, what does it matter what he looks like as a guy? Shouldn't his question have been, ' Would I make an attractive woman?' Also from his posts, it sounds like he isn't that interested in being with a gay male. He sounds like he is only interested in straight guys- and they are in short supply on this Forum.

 

 

Rex

 

From what I hear Rex, str8 guys are in short supply EVERYWHERE..... lololol

[jjkrkwood]

I dont think we members should argue over what the OP's needs and wants are. Many of us addressed his inquiry head-on while others have taken another road to address him. in the end, the OP will do what he feels he needs to do to be Happy... I just think he is a bit fore-sighted in believeing that changing his sex with result in him finding that STR8 man of his dreams and living happily ever after. He is embarking on a VERY difficult road which requires stability of mind. I believe the OP needs to work more on his mental state before undergoing the knife, because although his goal is clear to him, it is clouded with other uncertainties...

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm going to ignore the self esteem issues and focus on what I can give advice about.

 

The OP asked about skincare. Most of the really effective skincare out there is Rx only. There's nothing magical about Philiosophy, La Mer or other prestige brands. If you have an acne issue (I didn't see it, but someone else pointed it out), DON'T use olive oil or other oily stuff, which will worsen breakouts. Instead, go to a dermatologist and see if he can prescribe Retin A (generic gel is best), or Duac. Retin A is especially good because of its anti aging effects. If you need more, you may want to consider antibiotics or even Accutane. (However, you can't have surgery within a year after taking Accutane, so be careful.) In any case, the hormones should calm down the acne.

 

A good, high PPD sunscreen (try Neutrogena's Dry Touch) is also important for keeping your skin looking young. You'll hit your 30s sooner than you think, and you'll thank me then.

 

By the way, why do you think that light eyes will make you look more feminine? While I like my blue eyes, many of the most attractive actresses (Cruz, Alba, Berry) have dark eyes.

 

Makeup- Very important especially since I'll be a somewhat older woman (30s) and therefore won't be a fresh-faced freshman girl at college. I can't afford to leave the house in the morning without makeup, but it can't be over the top. It has to be natural. I don't want to look like a drag queen, of course. They are lovely but its just too much glamour if I'm going to be a waitress or a secretary.

 

LOL! Believe it or not, attractiveness does not end after 30, especially if you have decent genes and have taken good care of your skin. Once you have FFS, you want to find a routine that allows you to leave the house with some mascara, blush, lip gloss, and maybe some bronzer. I'm as vain as you, yet I leave the house without makeup all the time.

 

You asked about whether women hire escorts. Some may, but I'm not one of them, but I've always been interested in how the escort market works, and I find this site less "vulgar" than the straight escort boards. (I'm referring to talk about how to push escorts to do things they don't want to do without paying extra. I have yet to see that here.)

[+ FreshFluff]

Also:

- My skin has always been pale, like a ghost and its an ugly clash with my black hair and black eyebrows so I've found a spray tanning salon in Pennsylvania that does beauty queens and hopefully they'll help me out.

-

 

This is one of these areas where you need to get some confidence. Very dark hair and light skin is a relatively rare combination (one which I share, except with light eyes), and that makes it attractive to many men. Spray tanning sometimes is fine, but it's expensive, so don't get dependent on it. Save your money for FFS.

 

And make the most of your dark features. You have naturally long eyelashes; all you need to bring them out is some good mascara and an eyelash curler.

 

In general, unless you are wealthy, DON'T walk up to a makeup counter (even MAC) and let some saleslady talk you into spending hundreds on dubious skincare and/or makeup. Do a ton of research online (meaning read reviews) before you buy anything.

[+ FreshFluff]

Dolphin, how are you doing? Are you more satisfied with your appearance now? Did you end up doing any surgery or other things?

[citylaw1]

This is clearly a joke. If not:

 

1. Plastic surgery.

 

2. Haircut.

 

3. Gym.

 

4. Stop posting your pic on sites like this.

 

Or get rich and then none of this matters.

 

Best,

 

Citylaw