Is Bisexuality Merely a CoverUP Label for GAY ???

[jjkrkwood]

Whenever I meet a guy who identifies himself as Bisexual, I always ask his True preference, and what percentage of the time he chooses sex with men over women.

 

A vast majority of the time the answer is that the preference is Male, and they have sex with women "on occasion" (open to interpretation).

 

For me, sexuality has always been MORE about the emotional aspect than the physical aspect of sex. Hell, most people can have sex with either gender under the right conditions and frame of mind, but it really depends on your emotional connection as to how you would lable yourself....

 

Does using the term bisexual in cases where a preference is clearly Male/male just a coverup for fear of judgement? Even in todays society 2011 there is prejudice against homosexuality whether it is "open" or "closeted".. Is the term Bisexual merely a tool used to "lessen the blow" ?

[Decatur Guy]

Interesting question. I like thinking about things like this:

 

I guess it really depends on the person, but I get the sense most of the bi guys I know are genuinely bi. But that's just a gut feeling. I can't attest to it to the extent I've seen them have sex with women, but I get the idea they aren't lying.

 

It doesn't seem to be an effective "lessening the blow" tactic to me. It seems like anyone who is truly disgusted by the thought of a guy sucking cock isn't going to be less disgusted because he eats pussy, too. In fact, it might make it worse to them. Also, I don't think the bisexual argument would help with anyone opposed to homosexuality on religious ground. And some gay guys give bi guys a hard time. So I'm not sure who would be won over by the bi argument except sympathetic and lonely women who are hoping to score a conversion.

 

I call myself "slightly bi." I prefer men to women, but I don't find women unappealing. 100% gay men just don't like the idea of sex with them at all. I find them quite appealing actually, especially for kissing and breast play. I just rarely initiate things with them. And it's so much easier to connect with gay guys. So I'm essentially gay in practice but a little bi in my head.

 

I've had only one man/woman/man threeway in my life, and I'd love to do it again. The one I had was OK, but I'd like to have a better one.

[jgoo]

I've had this conversation with a number of people who I know that identify themselves as bi sexual. The preferences run the gamut from preferring men, preferring women and doesn't make a difference (either one will do). I do get the sense that they truly identify themselves as bi and are not using that as a way to lessen the blow. Certainly their contention of being bi is supported by their behavior (at least that behavior that I have observed). I consider myself bi and I have to say that my preference for men or women changes with time. I've gone through periods where I was much more interested in women and other times my preference was to be with men. I have no idea why that is the case but I just go with the flow.

[jjkrkwood]

. So I'm essentially gay in practice but a little bi in my head.

 

.

 

That is an HONEST, and very interesting way to put it. FYI, I am ALOT of things "in my head" so I understand the concept......

[jjkrkwood]

I've had this conversation with a number of people who I know that identify themselves as bi sexual. The preferences run the gamut from preferring men, preferring women and doesn't make a difference (either one will do). I do get the sense that they truly identify themselves as bi and are not using that as a way to lessen the blow. Certainly their contention of being bi is supported by their behavior (at least that behavior that I have observed). I consider myself bi and I have to say that my preference for men or women changes with time. I've gone through periods where I was much more interested in women and other times my preference was to be with men. I have no idea why that is the case but I just go with the flow.

 

And I agree that having "flow" is the ultimate goal we all seek, and whatever road you need to take to get there is OK....

[+ purplekow]

There are certain men, physical types personality types etc which to me are very sexy and desirable. There are certain women about whom I feel the same way. At this point in time, i do not bother with labeling myself anything. If I am asked a question about my sexuality, which is rarely, I give an answer which is appropriate at the moment. Mostly I feel as though with whom I have sex is really my business. I have no plans for a long term or at this time, even a short term relationship, so that is not an issue I have male friends, who hold no sexual interest for me and female friends about whom I feel the same way. If you were to ask me, when walking down the street, which turns my head more often, I would say there is a slightly larger number of men but that varies from month to month. Until my wife passed away, several years ago now, I would say that I rarely found men sexual. For awhile after her death, I had significant difficulty with women and sexuality. I believe I am probably more fluid than most in this aspect of my life. Unfortunately, not many men nor many women are looking back when I check them out so I am grateful for any reciprocation.

[+ Lucky]

I've always thought that declaring bi was simply a way of getting a toehold on being gay. I know I did it for awhile.

But recently a waitress at a New York restaurant and a woman employed at a doctor's office had me noticing them for their beauty.

It made me wonder just how gay I really am...97.5%? The waitress had a boob partly exposed in her cop costume that was enticing.

The other woman was just plain beautiful and I no doubt reacted to that.

[Guest Merlin]

I think the true test is whether the person is sexually attracted to men or women. Not sure anyone is attracted to both. I think some people use the term bisexual as meaning that they can and do have sex with both. Young men get hard so easily that they can successfully have sex with either. As they grow older, they probably will lean one way or the other, which explains why so many guys marry women, have kids and later realize they prefer men.

I think many escorts advertise themselves as bi because they are straight and think it is bad for business to say so.

[jjkrkwood]

I've always thought that declaring bi was simply a way of getting a toehold on being gay. I know I did it for awhile.

But recently a waitress at a New York restaurant and a woman employed at a doctor's office had me noticing them for their beauty.

It made me wonder just how gay I really am...97.5%? The waitress had a boob partly exposed in her cop costume that was enticing.

The other woman was just plain beautiful and I no doubt reacted to that.

 

I have always noticed women for their beauty, style, femininity, and often turn my head to look at a women I consider attractive. BUT, I DO NOT

ever want to stick my cock in one OR eat out their pussy. So I suppose that it what makes me a 100% card-carrying, flag waving HOMO ?

[jjkrkwood]

I think many escorts advertise themselves as bi because they are straight and think it is bad for business to say so.

 

Unless they are actually advertising their services to BOTH sexes, I would think their declaration as STR8 would enhance their business in alot of markets????

[Steven_Draker]

The Kinsey Scale ... the shades of gray

 

I think Kinsey gives an interesting approach about hetero-, homo- and bisexuality. His scale from 0 to 6 describes a person's sexual orientation at any given time in his life. On this scale, 0 means completely heterosexual while 6 represents purely homosexual with most people somewhere in between in terms of their sexual orientation and preference.

 

http://skew.dailyskew.com/uploaded_images/KINS-774322.GIF

 

"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects.

 

While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history [...] An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life." Kinsey

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

[Decatur Guy]

I have always noticed women for their beauty, style, femininity, and often turn my head to look at a women I consider attractive. BUT, I DO NOT

ever want to stick my cock in one OR eat out their pussy. So I suppose that it what makes me a 100% card-carrying, flag waving HOMO ?

 

I think is does! Because sometimes, that's what I want to do (but never seem to).

[bigvalboy]

I personally have known several men and women that were true Bi-Sexuals. It is hard for me to understand coming from Steven scale all the way to the right, however long and indepth discussions with my friends does reveal in my opinion that there are indeed people who are truely bi-sexual.

[nate_sf]

I think it used to be that saying you were bi was a cover for being gay, but I don't think that's the case as much anymore. Now if someone tells me they are bi, I take them at their word.

 

Recently I did two different shoots for Bound In Public and a few of the guys there ended up being bi. I hadn't even thought about it that some might be bi, being that it was an all-male porn, but to stay hard and get themselves to come a couple of the guys took out their iPhones and looked at images of women or watched straight porn. One guy I'd characterize as "gay-for-pay" but at least three others I'd say were really into both sexes. They definitely got into having the sex with the other guys but they also got off on looking at women. And even the gay-for-pay guy was fun to play around with and seemed to be enjoying himself. But until these last two shoots I hadn't thought much about whether the other guys were bi or gay.

[orbital sander]

On of my best friends identifies as Bi. He is married and has two children, he likes sex with his wife, and definitely is attracted to other women, and as well some men. He has slept with guys, but has no interest in living as a family with another man. He often tells me that it is more complicated for him to be Bi than gay or exclusively straight. He thinks I am lucky, and while I never thought of it much, I can see where being exclusively on one side or the other of the spectrum would be easier than in the middle.

 

Additionally, I have had many straight male friends who have been curious to fool around. It was always guys that I had known for a while, I suppose that they felt more relaxed as we were not new friends. I would speculate that many men are more flexible than one would think, if they feel relaxed and confident about the other person.

[Lohengrin1979]

When I was in high school, everyone at my school was bi...or so it seemed. I agree with Nate that it was a way at that age for us to get our feet wet in the pool of sexual experimentation. As we've grown older, few of us kept the bi label. I consider myself a 5-6 for Kinsey purposes and most everyone else seemed to gravitate towards the edges as well. Only one girl that I keep in touch with identifies as completely bi and she actually lives in a polyamorous situation with a guy and a girl so there it is. I don't think it's impossible to be bi but I think it's very rare for someone not prefer one gender over another even if it's only a 60/40 split.

 

Lohengrin

[ragazzolupo]

I was in Rome recently seeing my regular guy there. We were traveling together. I knew he advertised himself as bi-sexual, but that has never been a problem. He mentioned that 95% of his clients are men, but that he has girlfriends on his own time (no boyfriends). He keeps a close relationship with other escorts-including some who are exclusively gay. In our conversation the term "gay-friendly" came up, he said that while he leans to being hetrosexual, he is more than "gay friendly"—he is "gay enthusiastic!!"

[jjkrkwood]

I was in Rome recently seeing my regular guy there. We were traveling together. I knew he advertised himself as bi-sexual, but that has never been a problem. He mentioned that 95% of his clients are men, but that he has girlfriends on his own time (no boyfriends). He keeps a close relationship with other escorts-including some who are exclusively gay. In our conversation the term "gay-friendly" came up, he said that while he leans to being hetrosexual, he is more than "gay friendly"—he is "gay enthusiastic!!"

 

Well I think people that can pull-off "gay-enthusiastic" really have the best of both worlds. Same sex encounters are becoming more common, which could signal a progressive society. I have always thought that the stigma attached to same sex encounters was the most damaging thing about it. Lets hope the trend continues.

[nate_sf]

This might be straying a bit off topic, but an exception to this might be Eastern Europeans. I recently had some houseguests visiting from Russia and they told me in Russia it is not really acceptable (or safe) to label oneself gay, so lots of people who are otherwise gay describe themselves as bi. I'd expect this doesn't just apply to Eastern Europe, but other parts of the world were homosexuality is stigmatized.

 

From time to time I like to check out webcams, and there is a disproportionate number of guys from Romania and other Eastern European countries. Almost without exception they list themselves as bi, not gay. I'd assumed it was just a marketing ploy, to appeal to the str8 fantasy or appeal to both men and women, but after talking with my houseguests it makes me think it is a cultural thing too. Anyone who is familiar with this part of the world please, er, set me straight if I've got this wrong!

[jjkrkwood]

This might be straying a bit off topic, but an exception to this might be Eastern Europeans. I recently had some houseguests visiting from Russia and they told me in Russia it is not really acceptable (or safe) to label oneself gay, so lots of people who are otherwise gay describe themselves as bi. I'd expect this doesn't just apply to Eastern Europe, but other parts of the world were homosexuality is stigmatized.

 

From time to time I like to check out webcams, and there is a disproportionate number of guys from Romania and other Eastern European countries. Almost without exception they list themselves as bi, not gay. I'd assumed it was just a marketing ploy, to appeal to the str8 fantasy or appeal to both men and women, but after talking with my houseguests it makes me think it is a cultural thing too. Anyone who is familiar with this part of the world please, er, set me straight if I've got this wrong!

 

Its really interesting that male to male sex is more palatable in some Countries with the "right" label..... You can stick your cock in a guys ass

10 times a day, everyday, but as long as you stick it in a pussy once in ten years, you are NOT gay.....

[rvwnsd]

I have a friend who is bisexual. Sometimes he dates men and other times he dates women. He claims to be equally attracted to both genders and I take him at his word. I think some guys who label themselves as being bisexual use that word because they are not at the point where they accept the fact that they are homosexual. In the words of my friend, they spoil it for everyone who truly goes both ways.

[adriano46]

Nate, what you wrote about guys from Eastern (:and I would add here, Central) Europe rings true to my own experiences.

 

Russians cannot openly admit to being gay as it is a very homophobic society (and many try to escape to the west precisely to be free from this stigma). It is interesting too because homosexual pracices are very rampant in the Russian military (gay hazing known as "godfathering" is always mentioned in serious reports of rape and worse of cadets), and many of the escorts who ply their wares in Moscow and St. Petersburg are military cadets or come from the military (I once saw frequently a member of the Presidential Guard). These guys would wear wedding rings and have girlfriends for "cover" but in bed were voraciously gay.

 

As you move west (Hungary) -- I met many guys who are porn actors in both gay and bi films (and they switch easily), and I am amazed because their taste in men is flawless but the women in the films are really ugly, homely, and even without the sense of smell in films, you can smell the foul pussy odor coming through the scenes. I have never figured that out -- most of the bi guys from Hungary that I know will have sex with women (and date, and even marry) but they will not turn down a chance for a night with a guy -- and so I am mystified how they work it so easily both ways.

 

Romanians are more problematic - any are gay for pay (especially in other European capitals), but at home are very hetero for society's sake. They tend to prefer rougher sex with guys (somewhat aggressive for those who like it) and are into more bareback (or they were into it, now they are more educated on the risks).

 

Czechs are similar to Hungarians -- very few admit to being totally gay (especially among the porn actors) and among escorts you see many types. Those who are bi can be a handful emotonally (getting a bit crazy on you in sex or not getting i up enough) so I pick and choose, preferring guys I know are more comfortable saying they are "gay" especially as Prague is more open about such things. Slovaks are very reticent on calling themselves gay - still a stigma - so if I come across a Slovak guy -- and many of them are very handsome and well built -- I will not hesitate if he tells me he is bi... he will top, bottom, kiss and do everything else pretty much on par with the best gay guys I know.

 

In the end... I have difficulty letting ay bi guy top me (but then again, I rarely - if ever - bottom) and am shy about putting a cock down my throat that has been coated in pussy previousy. So I shy away from escorts who call thesmelves BI most of the time -- there are enough good and superior guys out there who are comfotable calling themselves gay.

[nate_sf]

Adriano, thanks for all that info. Wow, I had no idea it was so complex and varied from country to country like that. You could write a book on it I bet! Good to see you back here on the Forum too.

[+ Shoreboy]

From my first moment that I knew I was gay I knew I was 100% gay....never, ever attracted to a woman in any sexual way.

 

One of my best friends in the whole world is married and has children and has a healthy sex life with his wife. He knew for years that I was gay. He enjoys teasing me about this woman or that woman that he would love to "have" and what he would do to them and watch me give him my normal gross face.

 

Two years ago he came into my house in the morning, stripped down to nothing and said "okay let's try this"...and try this we did!!

 

Afterwards I asked him (still breathless and happily exhausted) what just happened? He then went on to tell me that he had fooled around with guys before he was married but had not in years and suddenly, in his words, his "itch" returned.

 

He is now a friend with benefits and comes over when he needs to get his itch itched.

 

I have come to the conclusion that he feels safe with me and knows that no one will ever know what he does here...kinda like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but in Jersey.

 

I don't consider him gay nor do I consider him straight....I guess he just likes what he likes.

 

Oh, and by the way, since I am a bottom he loves it, and I mean loves it, when he stops and gets some toys and use them on him.

 

We are sexual beings and who can say what one person likes is right or wrong or should even be labeled

 

Plus, we have become much closer friends in all senses...and I am loving it!