How to Find a Passion in Life

[jgoo]

Not sure where to turn so I am taking a leap and posting here in hopes of some wisdom from the many great people here who I have seen give lots of good advice in the past.

 

I've lost my passion, if I even ever had it, and want to find passion in life again. My job is just a job with no real purpose beyond what it is for the moment. I have little interest in my friends anymore as everything we talk about is superficial. Used to love to travel but no longer. Normally would be looking forward to golf in the spring but even that holds no interest. Tried to do one of my favorite things, hiring an escort, this past weekend but it was a mediocre experience at best.

 

I normally don't get the winter dolldrums and not sure that is what it is. I don't necessarily feel depressed as I enjoy the moments I am in but its the future and looking forward to something or having something I feel really fired up about is what I am missing. In a word, I need somthing to be passionate about. How does one find that and is it even possible for a closeted, single gay man at the age of 50? Could this the be dreaded "middle age crisis" everyone has warned me about and it has finally arrived? If so, for those that have gotten through it, what advice do you have (i.e. professional help)? My upbringing basically says, suck it up and deal with it but its been about six months now and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Thanks for any advice.

[KMEM]

I would suggest learning to fly but I know nothing about you. So, what I do suggest is to try to find someone who has an "extreme" interest in almost any thing but especially life and try to "feed" off them. It is harder to be disinterested when in the company of someone who is very interested and, hopefully, very interesting.

 

Best regards,

 

KMEM

[Guest gryphone]

How to find passion

 

Not sure where to turn so I am taking a leap and posting here in hopes of some wisdom from the many great people here who I have seen give lots of good advice in the past.

 

I've lost my passion, if I even ever had it, and want to find passion in life again. My job is just a job with no real purpose beyond what it is for the moment. I have little interest in my friends anymore as everything we talk about is superficial. Used to love to travel but no longer. Normally would be looking forward to golf in the spring but even that holds no interest. Tried to do one of my favorite things, hiring an escort, this past weekend but it was a mediocre experience at best.

 

I normally don't get the winter dolldrums and not sure that is what it is. I don't necessarily feel depressed as I enjoy the moments I am in but its the future and looking forward to something or having something I feel really fired up about is what I am missing. In a word, I need somthing to be passionate about. How does one find that and is it even possible for a closeted, single gay man at the age of 50? Could this the be dreaded "middle age crisis" everyone has warned me about and it has finally arrived? If so, for those that have gotten through it, what advice do you have (i.e. professional help)? My upbringing basically says, suck it up and deal with it but its been about six months now and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Thanks for any advice.

 

What you are describing is classic anhedonia, the loss of pleasure

and withdrawal of interest. This is an indication of some depression

and I urge you to see a capable professional about it. I am a capable professional, so I can recognize the problem. I hope you

live in an urban area where professionals tend to be more available.

[Boomer]

I suspect Gryphone is correct. What you're going through is not unusual. I'm reading a book called "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up" by James Hollis. He goes into the issues that you mention and explains their source and why it's happening. Although I have not finished the book (it's rather dense in terms of information and requires re-reading of sections) I am finding it to be a good road map. As far as getting through a mid-life crisis I'm not sure it's a problem to solved, but a transition in life to be explored and understood. Good luck!

[+ purplekow]

Though most of you only know me as the well adjusted and friendly bovine I am now, I too had a period of time in which I found little to dream about, little to anticipate, little to wake up for in the morning, little to draw me to my bed at night. I was lost and there did not seem to be a map out the deep black wooded place in which I suddenly and unexplainedly found myself. One day, I received an invitation to a 25th school reunion. Now while ordinarily I would have found this to be an anathema to be avoided at all costs, I noticed that one of my closer colleagues in school was named Man of the Year with an award to be give at the reunion. I decided to attend the reunion and to seek out my long ago acquaintance to find out what one has to do to lead a Man of the Year life. This required dieting to get into my tuxedo and exercising to help to insure the weight loss. I was sure my colleague would have some guidance for me and this buoyed my spirits. Since the reunion was to be in NYC, I had to make plans for the trip, arrangements for dinner. I contacted an old friend in NYC about a get together. I began counting down the days to my revelation and began to anticipate the meeting. I found my step a bit lighter emotionally and physically as that extra ten pounds was shed. The weekend of the reunion arrived and there were several classmates there and truth be told, I seemed to be living a more interesting and vibrant life that they were leading. I gathered some renewed sense of self. Upon entering the reunion the brochure had a profile of the Man of the Year. He had gone on to be a plastic surgeon and he had earned his Man of the Years honors for his cleft palate and lip repairs on children in Guatamala. I was impressed and a bit "cowed" in that there was no way I would be able to measure up to this man's accomplishments in good works and charity. I thought, well he may have the answer, but it is not going to be my answer. My high spirits began to wane, but I sought out the Man of the Year, to offer him my congratulations and to admit to my desire to know his secret to leading a life that would lead one to be Man of the Year. I spotted him near the front of the room and he was standing alone, a drink in one hand and what I thought to be a light saber in the other. It turns out it was just his laser pen pointer for his presentation. After a brief hello, long time no see, I asked the question which had been the impetus for my journey, my quest to the High Clyde. "Clyde" I said, fore his name is Clyde and even with that handicap he became Man of the Year, what prompted you to pursue a path that led you to be Man of the Year. He nodded his head, pointed with his laser pointer in the direction of a woman whose face was so tight you could see her porcelin crowns through her skin, and told me that was his wife. She had led him to this. I said he was a lucky man and he said "No, my wife is the biggest fucking bitch you can imagine. I can't stand being with her and I stay with her for the kids and the money. I need to go to Guatamala to areas where she cannot track me down, just to retain any shred of sanity that I have." After that day, I was reborn. I had lost the weight, started to eat healthier, I was fitter and found that my life, while not perfect, was indeed better than most and that while there may be a woman behind every great man, in many cases she is nagging harpy who forces her man to greatness just to escape her. So jgoo. Look around, make a plan, see some old friends, exercise, consider how good your life is in the face of others and be grateful that at the very least, you aren't going to Guatamala just to avoid your wife.

[Guest greatness]

well

 

I think everybody goes through what you are going through once in a while. I think positively and get strength in helping other people or being a positive source to other people. That keeps me go on. You are not alone in this and I want to let you know I feel what you feel. Please try to change your perspectives. Cheers~~

[Guest TBinCHI]

I know how you feel...

 

About 5 years ago I found myself feeling just as you describe. Here's what I did...I started seeing a therapist, left the private sector for a lower paying job in the public sector, started doing volunteer work for a gay rights and other non-profit organization, starting serving meals at Salvation Army locations, and CAME OUT! It wasn't necessarily in that order and it didn't happen all at once. But the meaning came back in my life in many ways. The volunteer work is really rewarding and I highly recommend it. Coming out was very difficult, but I finally am able to live who I am. Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and keep us posted on your progress.

TB

[Guest greatness]

I find

 

Volunteers are so hot!

[OneFinger]

What you are describing is classic anhedonia, the loss of pleasure and withdrawal of interest. This is an indication of some depression and I urge you to see a capable professional about it. I am a capable professional, so I can recognize the problem. I hope you live in an urban area where professionals tend to be more available.

 

What jgoo wrote describes my current situation. Seems like all I've done in the past 3 months is go to work, have 2 hours at home before going to bed, and then back to work. Even if I had the extra time to do things, the desire is just not there.

 

Your suggestion to see a "capable professional" is good. But, could you be more specific about what kind of person you mean? Are we talking LCSW, therapist, psychiatrist, or ???

 

I also appreciated the post by PurpleCow and the perspective it provided. Excellent thoughts.

 

I've been playing with the idea of making major (positive) changes in my diet, spending time on my exercise equipment, and trying to change my attitude. But, I'm almost afraid that just won't be enough. So, what type of professional should I consider?

[+ azdr0710]

quick comment: no surprise that sustained cardio exercise usually does wonders not only for the body but for the mind....go for a fast-paced walk, bike ride, swim, jog, row, treadmill (whatever works at the time for you) for at least 30 minutes and 45 would be better....every day....

 

I went for a fast-paced 3.5 hour hike today here in Az just a few miles from my place...got back to the car and felt relaxed and energized at the same time (runner's high??)...felt great for the rest of the day....

 

but after I downed some chips and salsa and ice cream for dinner (!), felt loggy and heavy...temptations of the big city, I guess....

[foxy]

The late Joseph Campbell said "Follow your bliss". For me it sums it all up. I recently re-found mine. Its never too late, no matter what age you are. If it makes you happy do it!

[Guest gryphone]

What jgoo wrote describes my current situation. Seems like all I've done in the past 3 months is go to work, have 2 hours at home before going to bed, and then back to work. Even if I had the extra time to do things, the desire is just not there.

 

Your suggestion to see a "capable professional" is good. But, could you be more specific about what kind of person you mean? Are we talking LCSW, therapist, psychiatrist, or ???

 

I also appreciated the post by PurpleCow and the perspective it provided. Excellent thoughts.

 

I've been playing with the idea of making major (positive) changes in my diet, spending time on my exercise equipment, and trying to change my attitude. But, I'm almost afraid that just won't be enough. So, what type of professional should I consider?

Capability doesnt depend on academic degree, but rather on

ability to connect with you and to respect and understand you. For

medication, an MD is necessary and many MDs are good therapists

as well, but many places nowadays use MDs only for meds and refer all therapy to psychologists or social workers. Try to contact your town's general hospital department of psychiatry or

"behavioral health", local community mental health center, or

your state's mental health association or NAMI chapter.

[Guest alanm]

Or if you are lucky enough to have a good primary care doctor ask him/her for a suggestion of a good psychiatrist. It will be more expensive. But, it is worth the extra money to have the person who may be suggesting and recommending medication to actually know you and your situation in depth.

[+ Charlie]

I realize that I have always been happiest when I have had an obsession with something. My obsessions have been remarkably varied over the years--sex, travel, dog shows, learning another language, running an AIDS hotline, learning to play the piano, finding the perfect retirement spot, playing tennis--and when one fades, I am usually kind of blah until I find another. There is nothing like a project to get the adrenaline pumping again, even if it seems silly. How about seeing how many national parks you can visit?

[Guest greatness]

That's a good idea!

 

I love nature~~

 

I How about seeing how many national parks you can visit?