Tiger, out of the woods?

[MsGuy]

Just as I was getting bored with the endless stream of bimbettes, Playgirl drops a bombshell.

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/12/09/2009-12-09_playgirl_may_have_tiger_woods_nude_photos_pictures_will_be_published_if_mag_can_.html

 

Edit: It's not entirely clear to me why this story has had such legs. True, Tiger's been something of a dog, but that's true of any number of other athletes. Didn't Magic Johnson brag about screwing hundreds of camp followers?

Edited December 9, 2009 by MsGuy

[KMEM]

I wonder how forgiving his family will be.

 

Of course, that is really difficult to assess. John Daly is immensely popular and he has run around on every wife and girlfriend he ever had as well as disgraced himself and pro golf with his drinking and gambling. One of the main differences between Daly and Woods is Daly wears his frailties on his sleeve somewhat as a badge of honor (dishonor?) while Woods has promoted himself and been promoted by others with a clean cut image. So, who is the bigger sinner? Woods no doubt is the bigger hypocrite but perhaps very little different as a sinner.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ glutes]

Would you buy a car from this arrogant lying sack-of-shit?

 

http://www.autojab.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/buicktigerwoods.jpg

[MsGuy]

I don't particularly care for Buicks.

 

And now the Hollywood Madam chimes in.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/tiger_hired_worth_of_prostitutes_RiILkPLMI4e1IEA9ODtbpI

[+ glutes]

Gives new meaning to the expression 'Go get'em Tiger'...

 

“The most was for a girl in Manhattan” — whose name is Loredana, Braun said. “He paid $15,000 for her.”

 

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/tiger_hired_worth_of_prostitutes_RiILkPLMI4e1IEA9ODtbpI#ixzz0ZLnl0tpC

 

(Brother Miamilooker was right, the sh*t is beginning to hit the fan. Good call.)

Edited December 11, 2009 by glutes

[Guest zipperzone]

Would you buy a car from this arrogant lying sack-of-shit?

 

http://www.autojab.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/buicktigerwoods.jpg

 

If I was in the market for a humongous ugly SUV the fact that he was plugging it wouldn't deter me from buying it. GM is selling it to me - not TW.

[GoodFella69]

Sad for Tiger's Children...

 

The worst thing about this tragedy is that his kids will never care about him being a great golfer. They'll only remember him as the guy who broke mommy's heart and lied and cheated on her and them. No amount of money can keep his kids from knowing this and getting back the respect and trust of those who loved him the most.

 

Tiger had what most straight men would consider a perfect life: playing his favorite sport as a career; financial wherewithal as a billionaire; a gorgeous Swedish model/nanny as his wife and two beautiful children conceived with her.

 

Obviously, Tiger wasn't thinking with his brain. Sad.

[+ glutes]

Morford nails it again!

 

Tiger Woods must die

The sooner he flames out completely, the sooner he shall rise again

 

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

 

Friday, December 11, 2009

 

I find I am, almost against my will, utterly delighted by the Tiger Woods crash-and-burn who-woulda-thunk slut-of-the-week pornstars-n-skanks flameout shockfest circus funhouse megaspectacle.

 

So many holes, so little time, eh Tiger?You'd react dramatically too if your Official Skank

It was not a quick realization. Fact is, I have never once cared the slightest bit about Tiger Woods or anything he has ever done, represented, embodied. I have zero interest in golf, don't care for insipid multimillionaire celebrity endorsements, gated Florida mansions or blinged-out Cadillac Escalades, and I have never once found myself remotely enchanted or bedazzled by anything Woods has said or done, largely due to the fact he doesn't appear to have much of a discernable personality or any spiritual fire to speak of, and his sole accomplishment seems to be making a mountain of cash by playing one of the world's most boring, nonathletic sports exceptionally well.

 

But never mind any of that now. Tiger has transformed. Tiger has transcended. He is right now entering another glorious, rarified realm, a unique strata of American iconography, that of the fallen hero, the broken god, the disgraced saint soon be abhorred and mocked by millions, only to be -- and you may take my word for this right now -- loved and adored again in about, oh, I'd say two years and change. Maybe less. Just you watch.

 

It's the same old story, really. Woods is now in the midst of nothing less than a classic, time-honored pattern that just might be one of our nation's finest, most insidious inventions of all time.

 

Do you know this pattern? I bet you do. It's the same one that's been followed, with varying success, by all sorts of rock stars, supermodels, actors, athletes, pastors and politicians since George Washington was caught indulging his gay fetishes in an opium den in Paris. It's a blueprint that appears to work best in a ruthless capitalist system, not only because this is where wealth, power and ego can explode out of scale so quickly, but because capitalism gave birth to the damn thing in the first place.

 

It goes something like this: Above-average human with just the right mix of talent/timing achieves massive success in a particular pop cultural arena, largely based on the blind love of millions who, through relentless marketing and media hype, have come to see him/her as a true icon, a symbol of faultless morals and righteousness, the poster child for the American Dream -- even though the American Dream doesn't really exist, and it never really did.

 

Said blessed human goes on to enjoy an impressive, even stellar, career, sets records, makes blockbusters, appears in every magazine or cereal box known to man, becomes a brand, dines with the president, marries a supermodel/shipping tycoon, has God on speed-dial, earns influence and power far exceeding his/her actual domain/sport/category. All seems beautiful, ideal, bulletproof.

 

Then, the magic happens.

 

Seemingly out of nowhere, a crack appears. A dire mistake is made. An Escalade crashes into a tree, a line of cocaine is snorted near a paparazzi's hungry camera, a random drug test comes back positive for steroids, a gay prostitute proves he's had frequent meth-addled sex with a powerful homophobic televangelist Christian nutball. You know: same ol', same ol'.

 

You know what happens next. All sorts of delightful pop culture hell breaks loose. Celebrity has spectacular flameout, reveals self to be far more debauched, wicked, strange, stupid than gullible fans and followers ever wanted to believe.

 

Ensuing meltdown makes massive headlines as celeb loses product endorsements by the millions, is shunned by former community/fanbase, makes children cry, becomes instant pariah/punchline for wary and jaded nation, the poster child for How It All Can Go Oh So Frightfully Wrong.

 

As we're beginning to see right now, the force of this negative backlash can be downright shocking. Americans hate to feel like they've been duped, even if they willingly helped co-create the saccharine lie from day one. What's more, unbeknownst to the celeb, all that support and love they had in the beginning often morphs into quiet, seething resentment, over time. It's just waiting to be ignited, uncorked, tabloided straight to hell.

 

Enter Tiger Woods, the bland, clean-cut Buick spokesman and nice-guy family man, who is turning out to be just an incredibly offensive, adulterous slut, a Vegas-hopping, hooker-hoarding, waitress-nailing, cover-up money-giving, skank-loving, cheating *****bag of fun, a guy with absolutely awful taste in women but excellent skills at sleazy duplicitousness, hereby fully earning the crown as the new American pariah. U-S-A! U-S-A!

 

Oh, but wait. We're not even to the best part yet. Because, as I mentioned, I am hereby predicting, based on the Great Pattern o' Fame mentioned above, a relatively quick turnaround for poor Tiger.

 

I am confidently suggesting that Woods will crash, burn, be stomped into seemingly cultural oblivion in the coming months, only to rise again. It's virtually guaranteed. Unless Woods is revealed to have murdered a few hookers in Vegas or says something in a public microphone about his love of dog fighting and watching gay porn with Glenn Beck, his rosy future is a lock. Well, maybe.

 

Look, if there's one thing we love more than discovering new heroes and building them into overpaid royalty, it's tearing them down again, just so we can watch them fall from grace like an AIG exec taking a swan dive from the Empire State Building.

 

But even more than that, we really love it when they defy the odds and later rise again, when their former transgressions -- especially sexual transgressions, hey we're all sinners right? wink wink -- somehow magically turn into a charming defect, an appealing foible. All it takes is a clever agent to re-cast Woods as a reformed sinner, a misunderstood bad-boy with a heart of gold. Let him win a few big tournaments and donate all the proceeds to the Las Vegas Skank Rehabilitation Fund, and he's all set.

 

So take heart, Tiger. Yes, it's about to get far, far worse. Yes, you will be America's punchline for many months to come. But take it from, say, Kate Moss, whose career flameout was truly epic just a few years ago. She lost hundreds of millions in endorsements and couldn't get a modeling gig to save her life after she was photographed doing a line of blow in a dressing room. But not a year later, she re-merged as the highest paid model in the world, more powerful and sought-after than ever, in large part thanks to her "bad girl" image.

 

So play your transgressions right, Tiger, and they might just become, in the mangled gears of the American celebrity machine, a sublime asset. Your trespasses will be forgiven, your star repolished, your image reborn, your giant suitcase full of condoms replenished. Soon enough, you will again have all lame car endorsements, ugly sweaters, and slutty party-girl waitresses you can handle. God bless America.

 

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/12/11/notes121109.DTL#ixzz0ZOSpSxKo

[KMEM]

Not to be an English prick, but the word you meant to use was "repent". My 7th grade english teacher rears her ugly head at the most inopportune times!

 

I have no problems with "English pricks" or most any other. However, I think I meant recant from any previous "convictions" as well as repent from his multitude of "sins".

 

Thanks for your input which I thought much less than salacious.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ Lucky]

Tiger's Statement Today

 

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try. I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What's most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

[+ purplekow]

To paraphrase: The kitchen's a bit hot, I am headed to the porch for a lemonade and will be back to the kitchen when dinner's done and its sitting on the plate." See you at the Masters or is the US Open first?

[+ glutes]

focus on the family?

 

In other words, on leave until the story cools off. Not gonna work.

[KMEM]

What? No cynics wish to speculate that the "real" reason Tiger is taking a leave of absence from golf is NOT to repair his marriage but try to keep his bank balance as intact as possible? I think some cynics think that is a distinction without a difference.

 

Personally, I hope they achieve some semblance of order, for the kids if nothing else, although I don't believe kids benefit from parents being together that hate each other, that he returns to golf, preferably with some public comment or apology, and they get on with their lives. I certainly am willing to consider forgiveness, but no one involved has asked me yet.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[MsGuy]

Personally, I hope that he returns to golf, preferably with some public comment or apology, and they get on with their lives. I certainly am willing to consider forgiveness, but no one involved has asked me yet.

 

It's not entirely clear to me why Woods owes me, or anyone other than his family, an apology. No corpses, no dead dogs, not even a needle tract on his arm in this story.

[Luv2play]

It's not entirely clear to me why Woods owes me, or anyone other than his family, an apology.

 

Well, for starters. he owes an apology to all the people who bought products and services which he advertised to them. Basically, when celebrities promote goods and services for money (in his case a great deal of money), they are asking the public to buy into their image. In Woods' case, his image, which he fully exploited, was a squeeky clean, married, family man who just happened to be the world's greatest golfer.

 

He has now sullied his image and by extension, the products and services he is associated with, which is why none of those ads are running anymore and will probably never be run again. He is the butt of humour now on late night TV and on the Internet. People now think of him as a guy with gargantuan sexual appetites. Nothing wrong with that, unless you're tryng to sell a family car such as the Buicks he promoted. (He should have opted for racier cars, perhaps Porsches.)

 

I don't follow golfing very closely but I have come to have new respect for John Daly, who is who he is, no apologies for warts and all. He is the real thing, Tiger turns out to be a complete phoney. He's still the greatest golfer but given his personal proclivities, he should have stuck with that and foregone the endorsements.

[Guest mvan1]

It's not entirely clear to me why Woods owes me, or anyone other than his family, an apology. No corpses, no dead dogs, not even a needle tract on his arm in this story.

 

 

MsGuy, I agree wholeheartedly with you. TG is just a person with a great athletic ability and with human weaknesses. Why should he apologize?

Edited December 12, 2009 by mvan1

[+ glutes]

This guy has left the sport that he loves, for a woman he apparently does not.

 

Apologies or not, everything is being crafted and funneled by his ill-serving agent. From the laughable statement that his wife 'saved him' by breaking out the back window of the Escalade, to the "... the many false, unfounded and malicious rumours that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.", to the 'transgressions', and now the 'infidelity'. What will it be next week?

 

Tiger and Steinberg keep making poor decisions and a course in Crisis Management 101 should include this spectacle as what not to do!

 

So now Tiger loads his yacht Privacy for a trip to Faglaro Island (pronounce that one), Sweden to hide? Notice to Tiger and Steinberg, a 155' boat crossing the North Atlantic, even in good weather, is... well expect to throw some chum overboard.

[Romann]

Can I be a stowaway?

[GoodFella69]

Gillette Shaves Tiger's Role in Mktg Campaigns...

 

Gillette is the latest corporation to limit their exposure to Tiger. No doubt, other endorsement partners will throw him overboard soon.

Article: \\http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/12/12/tiger.woods/index.html

 

I concur with GLUTES. In a couple years (maybe sooner), Tiger "the phoenix" will emerge from the ashes and land on top again. There's too much money for the PGA, mass media and giant corporations to earn in the long-term to abandon him forever. It's the American way.

Edited December 14, 2009 by GoodFella69

[+ glutes]

And ESPN said just last week that he was in no danger of losing sponsors, and I called them on it.

 

-Gatorade

-Gillette

-AT&T

 

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4713202

 

Concerning Steinberg / IMG, I am not alone:

 

"Team Tiger, the fabled say-nothing entourage of trouble-shooters and deal-closers, now appear as a gang of shambling amateurs who were powerless to save him from his amorousness and inept in their handling of the subsequent crisis, in which the old standby of PR haughtiness not only failed them but extended their client's writhings."

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/dec/13/tiger-woods-loss-scares-industry (great article, shows you how many people have been affected by TW's behavior)

Edited December 13, 2009 by glutes

[Lookin]

It's the American way.

 

Sad to say, I think you're right.

 

I think I understand the system. Nike pays him a hundred million dollars because they think we'll pay them more than that in higher prices. None of the extra dollars we pay go into a better product. We get nothing for our money, except possibly the fantasy that we're going to play a better game of golf, or pick up a Swedish model in the clubhouse, because we're wearing ol' Tiger's brand.

 

But it is a fantasy. Multidimensional perhaps, and probably different for each person. We pay our extra ten bucks for Nike, and we get our Tiger fantasy.

 

And then Tiger does something tacky and our fantasy is blown to hell. Ten bucks down the drain. The best we can do is try to get a few bucks worth of schadenfreude out of it as we slip off our Nike's.

 

No question that Nike packaged the fantasy, and did their best to encourage us to buy in to it. And no question that Tiger tried to play his part, even though the role was beyond him. But I can't tell Nike what to do, and I can't tell Woods what to do.

 

I can only tell myself what to do. And what I'm telling myself is: Don't buy a product on the say-so of a paid endorser. It's money down the drain. If we all stop paying extra for a fantasy, then the endorsement industry will collapse. If we don't, it won't. The ball's in our court.

 

Disclosure: There's only one product I've ever bought because of the face on the package, and would do so again in a heartbeat. I just know he's not the cheatin' kind.

 

http://www.jimgoad.net/images/brawnyguy.jpg

[+ glutes]

Well said lookin', I never have bought a product or service based on a hired gun...

[+ deej]

Tiger's wife needs to take a song cue from Liza Minnelli:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEoCw5ysY3g

[MsGuy]

Tiger's wife needs to take a song cue from Liza Minnelli:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEoCw5ysY3g

 

Right chanteuse, wrong performance:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkRIbUT6u7Q

[Guest zipperzone]

I totally DISagree with the posters who are saying that because he was a "role model" and an example of a squeaky clean family man, we bought the products he endorsed.

 

Bullshit!!!

 

I buy Gillette razor blades because I think they have a superior product. Not because a squeaky clean family man shills for them.

 

I would buy a Buick SUV IF I needed a monster vehicle, liked the styling and had confidence in GMC. Not because a squeaky clean family man shills for them.

 

I would buy Nike shoes IF I liked the design and found them comfortable. Not because a squeaky clean family man shills for them.

 

I'm sure you get my drift.

 

I predict that his hiatus to Sweden will do little to repair his marriage. His wife might stay with him for a few more years, strictly because it is in her financial best interests to do so. As I have said before, if she does this it makes her, IMO, a glorified hooker. And sooner or later she will write a book telling of her trials & tribulations.

 

He has shown time and time again that he is incapable of making intelligent decisions. If one needed any more proof of that, I give you........ A trip across the north Atlantic in December in a 155 ft vessel. It could be a shitty trip on the Queen Mary, let alone on the Good Ship Lollipop.