Help with my alternative lifestyle personal assistant's kid

[alanalt]

Should we also do that for 10-year-olds who declare that they are straight?

 

In a word, yes.

 

Longer answer: I recognize that discovering/establishing one's sexual identity is a very individual process and undoubtedly there are some 10 year olds who are able to successfully articulate their sexual identity. But for my part, when someone that young makes such a proclamation, whether they call themselves gay, straight or bi, I would still be inclined to sit down with them to discuss and establish the process they used to come to this decision before coming to any conclusions of my own...

 

Alan

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Let's agree to disagree.........

 

Thanks, Merlin2.

 

Absolutely I'm in agreement that we first determine his correct understanding of gay, and this isn't a "false positive".

 

But I sense from the rest of your response that you see being gay as somehow less than and something to be corrected through counselling, and I couldn't disagree more.

 

Clearly being gay has its struggles. Living has its struggles.

But a child's ultimate happiness is a function of much greater things than if he is straight or gay.

 

[Rick Munroe]

But a child's ultimate happiness is a function of much greater things than if he is straight or gay.

 

For me, my ultimate happiness began with the advent of cable TV.

[Txpaytoplay]

My ultimate began with the invention of the Easy Bake Oven.

[seaboy4hire]

I should have mentioned that Kam (the boy) has been seeing a councilor for other issues & my friend said the councilor has suspected Kam might come out soon. So going by that I hesitate this might be a phase or something along those lines.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Guest Hottiewithabody]

As someone who just graduated High School I can tell you that my generation is much more in tune with their sexuality. Being gay isnt really a big deal and I know quite a few guys who are either out or messed around on the DL. But 10? Thats where the line is crossed. It is Illegal to discuss sexual activities Im sure with a minor and Im a little dissapointed that your friend is offering you up for advice? Let the Kid grow up or at least be of legal age..he will have plenty of time and life experiences to figure things out on his own

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Mmmmmmm

 

My ultimate began with the invention of the Easy Bake Oven.

 

Did you make SPECIAL brownies???

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Lol!

 

For me, my ultimate happiness began with the advent of cable TV.

 

LOL

As long as your happy....that's the main thing

[seaboy4hire]

As someone who just graduated High School I can tell you that my generation is much more in tune with their sexuality. Being gay isnt really a big deal and I know quite a few guys who are either out or messed around on the DL. But 10? Thats where the line is crossed. It is Illegal to discuss sexual activities Im sure with a minor and Im a little dissapointed that your friend is offering you up for advice? Let the Kid grow up or at least be of legal age..he will have plenty of time and life experiences to figure things out on his own

 

If you properly read my first post & understood it I would not be talking to her kid about sex & in my talks with her I told her I wouldn't. Where you got the idea I'd talk about sexual stuff to the is beyond me.

[+ Charlie]

Kids don't declare they are straight, unless someone accuses them of being gay and they feel defensive. Straight kids--and adults--take their heterosexuality for granted. It's only those who realize they are different who feel the need to declare their orientation. A ten year old who declares he is gay is trying to assert his sense that he is different from what his peers take for granted. As a consciousness-raising exercise, it might be worthwhile to ask a ten year old why he thinks he's straight, since he probably hasn't bothered to think about it at all.

 

To get back to Greg's original problem, however, the question was about how to advise the ten old who declares that he is gay. I still think one needs to probe to find out what the kid means by that statement, and whether it jibes with what we usually mean here when we identify ourselves as gay. If a 21 year old tells me he is gay and asks for advice, I normally encourage him to come out to those who mean the most to him, to be as open as he safely can be in most situations, and to try to arrange his life so that he can be fully himself. However, if a ten year old were to tell me he was gay, I would first want to know what he thought being gay meant; if it sounded like he he knew what he was talking about, my advice would be different, because a gay child is in a different situation from a gay adult, and it would be cruel to give exactly the same encouragement to someone who doesn't yet have control over his own life circumstances and doesn't yet understand the dangers and risks he may run by being completely open about his sexuality. If he has the kind of strong personality that chooses to insist on asserting his gayness despite being advised of the dangers, and is in a supportive situation, he may manage to get away with it, and more power to him, but I wouldn't prod him to do it just to promote my own political beliefs.

 

For the record, I knew I was gay at 13, came out to my close friends at 17, came out to my family at 19, and was actively involved in gay rights politics at 21.

[Guest greatness]

well

 

To his defense it is sometimes hard to follow and it gets confusing when there are numerous posts in a thread. Please give him a benefit of the doubt. Anyways, good luck with your meeting. You are so nice.

 

If you properly read my first post & understood it I would not be talking to her kid about sex & in my talks with her I told her I wouldn't. Where you got the idea I'd talk about sexual stuff to the is beyond me.

[+ purplekow]

Kids don't declare they are straight, unless someone accuses them of being gay and they feel defensive. Straight kids--and adults--take their heterosexuality for granted. It's only those who realize they are different who feel the need to declare their orientation. A ten year old who declares he is gay is trying to assert his sense that he is different from what his peers take for granted. As a consciousness-raising exercise, it might be worthwhile to ask a ten year old why he thinks he's straight, since he probably hasn't bothered to think about it at all.

 

I would agree that this is probably true for children of straight parents. I suspect that children of gay parents, brought up in a loving environment, might find it difficult to come out to the parents that he is straight.

 

Since Rick loves to site TV plots, I give you Queer as Folk, when Michael and Ben (he was hot as fire that man) take in Hunter, a street hustler who has been soliciting from outside their window. Hunter feels awkward announcing to them that his new infatuation at school is not a football player or a handsome boy next door, but rather A GIRL. The shocked caretakers eventually compose themselves and tell them they love him no matter what. They even invite the girl's parents over for a get together. Then harsh reality strikes when Hunter,who is HIV positive,is in an accident during a swim meet strikes his head and bleeds into the pool and those same smiling parents yell out: "Out of the pool he has AIDs". This act tears apart our Romeo and Juliet, makes school life unbearable for Hunter and causes the parents to lecture the PTA at a special meeting about AIDs and risks. The End.

[Rick Munroe]

It is Illegal to discuss sexual activities Im sure with a minor and Im a little dissapointed that your friend is offering you up for advice? Let the Kid grow up or at least be of legal age

 

I think there'd be an awful lot more teen pregnancies and STD's if we had to wait until kids were 18 years old before teaching Sex Ed. Do you really think it's illegal to teach kids about the facts of life? Yes, it's illegal to solicit sex from a minor but having a frank, tactful educational discussion is something else entirely. Besides, as Greg said, the mother doesn't expect it (and he refused, anyway).

[Rick Munroe]

it would be cruel to give exactly the same encouragement to someone who doesn't yet have control over his own life circumstances and doesn't yet understand the dangers and risks he may run by being completely open about his sexuality.

 

But there are anti-Semites and racists out there on the playgrounds...do we advise Jewish or light-skinned black kids that they might want to reconsider letting other kids know the truth about themselves because it might be dangerous? Do we explain that they have an option to pretend to be Christian or white because it would be safer for them? No, we teach kids to be proud of who and what they are, whether it's how they were born or how they choose to be. So if a kid knows he/she is gay, I would certainly teach him/her not to hide it. Maybe I'm wrong, so it's a good thing I never had kids, but that's what I would do. And I strongly believe that if more parents talked to their kids about these topics, it would be a whole lot less "dangerous."

[Rick Munroe]

Since Rick loves to site TV plots, I give you Queer as Folk

 

That was a depressing little plot! Now you see why I only reference sitcoms like Lucy or the Brady Bunch.

[+ Lucky]

Thanks for the stroke!

 

 

We wouldn't want you stroking yourself, would we?

[Rick Munroe]

We wouldn't want you stroking yourself, would we?

 

Actually....I do want to get one of those Fleshlight devices to do it for me!

[Guy Fawkes]

Hummm.... Don't make the assumption that he is "Gay". On several occasions now I've had to relate to parents: "I terribly sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is straight!"

[Rick Munroe]

On several occasions now I've had to relate to parents: "I terribly sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is straight!"

 

Stop talking to my mother and telling her I watch straight porn!!

[Guest ryan2552]

I am not convinced that anyone can know that he is gay prior to puberty. .

I didn't know I was "gay" but I sure knew it felt weird and good when a male school friend and I played around some

[+ Charlie]

But there are anti-Semites and racists out there on the playgrounds...do we advise Jewish or light-skinned black kids that they might want to reconsider letting other kids know the truth about themselves because it might be dangerous? Do we explain that they have an option to pretend to be Christian or white because it would be safer for them? No, we teach kids to be proud of who and what they are, whether it's how they were born or how they choose to be. So if a kid knows he/she is gay, I would certainly teach him/her not to hide it. Maybe I'm wrong, so it's a good thing I never had kids, but that's what I would do. And I strongly believe that if more parents talked to their kids about these topics, it would be a whole lot less "dangerous."

 

Rick, I love your idealism....but I'm glad you weren't my parent, because I might not have survived to adulthood. I admit that the world has changed: gays, blacks, Jews, women, even children, all have legal rights and protections that didn't exist when I was young. Nevertheless, in the real world, openly gay kids still face ridicule, ostracism, bullying, and subtler forms of discrimination from other kids, adults, even their own families. If a kid is willing to deal with that, then it's fine to tell him to be out and proud, but most kids are not willing, and I wouldn't tell him, "Go ahead: wear your gay pride t-shirt and take your Barbie doll to the football team tryouts and the church picnic; it'll be good for you." From the perspective of Manhattan and Palm Springs, it's easy to see changes in social attitudes, but hard to perceive what life is actually like for a kid in Boise, or Gary, IN, or rural South Carolina. Even in a sophisticated suburb of LA, a gay 12 year old was recently killed by a classmate for being open about his attraction to the killer. Lots of parents do "talk to their kids about these topics", but that doesn't mean that the message they send is one of tolerance, acceptance of difference, etc.

[Guest RianB]

As someone who just graduated High School I can tell you that my generation is much more in tune with their sexuality. Being gay isnt really a big deal and I know quite a few guys who are either out or messed around on the DL

 

True that. Besides in this day of the internet and chatrooms, myspace and all that it makes it that much easier for one to come to terms with who they are. Whether or not they'll act on it yet is unimportant. They are what they are...They just need validation. And the internet can provide it where parents and peers won't.

 

There was a time where I'd stay in a city for more than 2 years I explicitly remember after I turned 18, seeing the same guys from middle and high school who I knew were a bit 'different' would end up being at the same gay club a few years later

[Romann]

...I love your idealism....but I'm glad you weren't my parent, because I might not have survived to adulthood.

 

THAT would be funny if said to anybody! Good stuff!

[Guest greatness]

Oh my

 

You really have a good gaydar. I really can't tell whether a person is gay or not.

 

 

I explicitly remember after I turned 18, seeing the same guys from middle and high school who I knew were a bit 'different' would end up being at the same gay club a few years later

[Rick Munroe]

Rick, I love your idealism....but I'm glad you weren't my parent, because I might not have survived to adulthood.

 

I'm probably too idealistic at times, I'll admit, but you were also a child in a very different era. I know kids still face ridicule and bullying but they also face that for many reasons, whether it's weight or ethnicity or whatever. Kids are cruel and I still don't see the value in advising a child who knows he/she is gay to be in the closet.

 

"Go ahead: wear your gay pride t-shirt and take your Barbie doll to the football team tryouts and the church picnic; it'll be good for you."

 

I don't mean to nitpick, but I really hate when we perpetuate the stereotype that all gay boys want to play with dolls. I mean, I did, but that's not the point.