Quiet Disclosure

[Guest ncm2169]

I've been around here long enough that I can call this place my cyber-home. Like most homes, it is cyber-warm and cyber-fuzzy (try those terms on your analyst).

 

Suffice it to say that it's like many places I have been recently, where I have chosen to share with friends and associates, quietly and without fanfare and only when I felt it right to do so, that I have been treated for the past several months for non-hodgkins lymphoma.

 

For a political junkie Democrat like me, it doesn't get much better - Jackie O and I have something in common.

 

But I jest.

 

I am fighting a battle which doesn't give one good odds. The good news is, it was discovered early, and medical advances since Jackie O's passing have made it much less of a death sentence.

 

I share this not to draw attention or sympathy; rather I think our Baby Boom Generation needs to come to terms with aging and death, and to talk about it open and honestly. I just want to do my part in that regard. Death, after all, is a part of life, and as one buddy recently reminded me, "We don't get out of this alive."

 

Now.

 

Lest anyone here thinks I plan to become Daddy's Mr. Rogers, they can guess again. :-) I plan to be just as obstreperous as ever, hurling what I think are deserved personal insults against insufferable meatheads. But, going forward, it's important that I emphasize that, despite fierce disagreements, I bear no one here anything but endless good will. :-) After all, it's my cyber-home.

[Guest greatness]

I wish you a fast recovery

 

Thank you for sharing your illness. I wish you a fast and painless recovery.

 

 

 

I've been around here long enough that I can call this place my cyber-home. Like most homes, it is cyber-warm and cyber-fuzzy (try those terms on your analyst).

 

Suffice it to say that it's like many places I have been recently, where I have chosen to share with friends and associates, quietly and without fanfare and only when I felt it right to do so, that I have been treated for the past several months for non-hodgkins lymphoma.

 

For a political junkie Democrat like me, it doesn't get much better - Jackie O and I have something in common.

 

But I jest.

 

I am fighting a battle which doesn't give one good odds. The good news is, it was discovered early, and medical advances since Jackie O's passing have made it much less of a death sentence.

 

I share this not to draw attention or sympathy; rather I think our Baby Boom Generation needs to come to terms with aging and death, and to talk about it open and honestly. I just want to do my part in that regard. Death, after all, is a part of life, and as one buddy recently reminded me, "We don't get out of this alive."

 

Now.

 

Lest anyone here thinks I plan to become Daddy's Mr. Rogers, they can guess again. :-) I plan to be just as obstreperous as ever, hurling what I think are deserved personal insults against insufferable meatheads. But, going forward, it's important that I emphasize that, despite fierce disagreements, I bear no one here anything but endless good will. :-) After all, it's my cyber-home.

[Rick Munroe]

I plan to be just as obstreperous as ever, hurling what I think are deserved personal insults against insufferable meatheads.

 

Please do continue to fight the good fight, both here and with your illness. And I hope you have a really strong will to survive because this place wouldn't be the same without you.

[+ purplekow]

NCM2169 I am very glad you made this post. I have been widowed for 9 years and live a pretty solitary existence outside of work and the occasional escort. A recent birthday and some general deterioration of mind and spirit recently has led me to ruminate on death and life. I wanted to share those thoughts and get the input of the other people who post on this board but lacked sufficient courage to do so. Thank you for being braver than I am.

I will not hijack your post but you asked for thoughts and I will share with you my most startling self revelation. What I have discovered about myself is this: I am terrified of dying. It may seem strange that I hadn't realized it before, but the mind can sublimate and sublimate seemingly endlessly. I am not afraid of being dead, that after all is a fate we all share. But the process of dying and my ability to live through it with dignity and vitality and grace, that, has me terrified. I worry that I won't be good at it, that I will become self absorbed and angry and self-pitying. It is said that as we age, we become more and more of our natural selves and that when confronted with dying, we react most like our true selves. Well, perhaps I don't really know my true self. Perhaps I wont like my true self. Maybe once I see who my true self is, it will be too late to be better than I am now or ever have been. Will I be unprepared to face the future and dissatisfied with my past?

NCM, you are already doing better than I see myself doing. You quietly, dispassionately and courageously came forth to share one of the most intimate details of your life. You ask only for thoughtful discussion.

However your personal treatment goes, I for one, admire how you are stepping forth and asking us to consider out lives more thoroughly. You have shown yourself in your posts to be a man of conviction and principle. I have no doubt, you will acquit yourself admirably in this portion of your life. I hope that you find peace of mind and harmony of spirit and a treatment which will kick the shit out that lymphoma.

[Lookin]

I can only echo everything that greatness, Rick, and purplekow have said, and offer my support and good wishes. An acquaintance of mine has been undergoing treatment for the past year, and has made it through chemo and a bone marrow transplant and is doing extremely well. As you said, the advances in treatment have been amazing in recent years, and there seems to be something new every week. I've driven my friend down to Stanford for regular tests and doctor's visits and he's been like an encyclopedia of all the new options becoming available these days. His approach has been to learn everything he can, and to pay close attention to what his body is telling him.

 

It's times like these that we realize what excellent medical care is available in this country, and your passion to make sure it's available to everyone becomes even clearer now.

 

It's also times like these that we realize how important our extended families are. Thanks for including us in yours.

 

Now, back to the Politics Forum! http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/images/_char/hagar_haga.gif

[alanalt]

This is one of those revelations that leaves me not knowing what to say, but unwilling to say nothing...

 

Years ago, I supported my Mom after she was diagnosed with liver disease and the doctor told me (privately) that he gave her an outside chance at surviving as long as 6 months. Instead, she lasted longer than 6 years and for most of that time (until the final few months) she enjoyed a quality of life that was pretty close to normal. So while I can't say I have been in your position, I have seen something like it up close and personal.

 

I don't think I need to encourage you to 'fight the good fight', because I'm confident you'll do that anyways. I do want to wish you the very best for a quick and full recovery and, along with the rest of our 'cyber-family' here, offer you my support during this time of trial!

 

Take care buddy,

 

Alan

[+ glutes]

This is one of those revelations that leaves me not knowing what to say, but unwilling to say nothing...

 

 

I concur, I am a bit speechless.

Hope you have some good Docs, and know that we are thinking of you.

[+ sf westcoaster]

I admire your courage and positive attitude. I echo all the sentiments of the previous posters and will simply say that my prayers and good wishes are with you.

[BgMstr4u]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I value you and your participation here, as annoying as we both probably find each other politically. I value you more as a person, even though we have not had the opportunity to meet except online.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

One more...

 

As a long-time-lurker-but-only-recent member of this site, I have come to appreciate your significant contribution here...particularly in the Political forum. Especially during the (rather long, but that's another story) run-up to last year's election: you made me incredibly more aware and knowledgeable than I would ever have been had I only the MSM to rely on. I passed along to friends and colleagues several of the great articles and points-of-view that you so often provide links to.

So even while you weren't aware of it, you were having an impact beyond your known sphere.

 

I, too, would like to echo all the rooting-for-you sentiments, and selfishly hope we are witnesses to your continued being just as obstreperous as ever for a long time to come.

Perhaps our collective wishes can impact your known sphere.

 

PS. On the Jackie theme, perhaps a pill box hat, large sunglasses, and a smart strand of pearls will add to your therapy effectiveness. Especially on the down days. Don't discount the power of laughter on your recovery.

[KY_TOP]

You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. Stay positve and fight a good fight as I know you will.

[Guest greatness]

well here is a nice song for you

 

I would sing for you if I were near you. Since, I can't sing a song for you,

 

here is a song for you. It has good graphics. I think of nice things when I don't feel good.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irhroQ14Ufo

 

 

<My Favorite Things>

 

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into Springs

These are a few of my favorite things

 

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad.

 

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into Springs

These are a few of my favorite things

 

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad.

[Guest ReturnOfS]

I'm sorry to hear about that NCM.

 

Keep fighting the good fight and put those rightwingers in their place.

[Guest ncm2169]

I've been around here long enough that I can call this place my cyber-home. Like most homes, it is cyber-warm and cyber-fuzzy (try those terms on your analyst).

 

Suffice it to say that it's like many places I have been recently, where I have chosen to share with friends and associates, quietly and without fanfare and only when I felt it right to do so, that I have been treated for the past several months for non-hodgkins lymphoma.

 

For a political junkie Democrat like me, it doesn't get much better - Jackie O and I have something in common.

 

But I jest.

 

I am fighting a battle which doesn't give one good odds. The good news is, it was discovered early, and medical advances since Jackie O's passing have made it much less of a death sentence.

 

I share this not to draw attention or sympathy; rather I think our Baby Boom Generation needs to come to terms with aging and death, and to talk about it open and honestly. I just want to do my part in that regard. Death, after all, is a part of life, and as one buddy recently reminded me, "We don't get out of this alive."

 

Now.

 

Lest anyone here thinks I plan to become Daddy's Mr. Rogers, they can guess again. :-) I plan to be just as obstreperous as ever, hurling what I think are deserved personal insults against insufferable meatheads. But, going forward, it's important that I emphasize that, despite fierce disagreements, I bear no one here anything but endless good will. :-) After all, it's my cyber-home.

 

Looks like it's time to say, "So long."

 

I'll leave you with the incomparable Kingston Trio Scotch & Soda, my "signature song."

 

Have fun, guys. It's been loads of fun.

 

[+ purplekow]

I read this and I just feel so sad. I was never good at good-byes.

[Guest ncm2169]

NCM2169 I am very glad you made this post. I have been widowed for 9 years and live a pretty solitary existence outside of work and the occasional escort. A recent birthday and some general deterioration of mind and spirit recently has led me to ruminate on death and life. I wanted to share those thoughts and get the input of the other people who post on this board but lacked sufficient courage to do so. Thank you for being braver than I am.

I will not hijack your post but you asked for thoughts and I will share with you my most startling self revelation. What I have discovered about myself is this: I am terrified of dying. It may seem strange that I hadn't realized it before, but the mind can sublimate and sublimate seemingly endlessly. I am not afraid of being dead, that after all is a fate we all share. But the process of dying and my ability to live through it with dignity and vitality and grace, that, has me terrified. I worry that I won't be good at it, that I will become self absorbed and angry and self-pitying. It is said that as we age, we become more and more of our natural selves and that when confronted with dying, we react most like our true selves. Well, perhaps I don't really know my true self. Perhaps I wont like my true self. Maybe once I see who my true self is, it will be too late to be better than I am now or ever have been. Will I be unprepared to face the future and dissatisfied with my past?

NCM, you are already doing better than I see myself doing. You quietly, dispassionately and courageously came forth to share one of the most intimate details of your life. You ask only for thoughtful discussion.

However your personal treatment goes, I for one, admire how you are stepping forth and asking us to consider out lives more thoroughly. You have shown yourself in your posts to be a man of conviction and principle. I have no doubt, you will acquit yourself admirably in this portion of your life. I hope that you find peace of mind and harmony of spirit and a treatment which will kick the shit out that lymphoma.

 

PK: You know me, I can't shut up without an answer.

 

As for your fears, I suggest planning ahead, ala George Burns who was booked at The Paladium on his 100th birthday. Maybe try this: Plan an event (maybe a 75th Birthday), and spend the next few weeks/years making it happen. Call it your Party of The Year, and by God, have FUN. Good Music, Good Food and Good Wine. Celebrate the fact that you couldn't do that when you were 25, but you can now. And, dance your ass off.

 

So long, PK. And, Goddamnit it, DANCE!!!!!!!

[MsGuy]

Damn, NCM, I called myself handling this ok until I listened to your song. For what it's worth I'm one more guy here that will miss you. You have my e-mail address, feel free to make use of it if the spirit so moves you.

[Guest greatness]

Same here

 

You are in my thoughts. If you are willing to update your status please send me a private message. If I knew your address I would love to send you some flowers/goodies. I've never met you but you seem a wonderful guy. I send you a big comforting smile and heart.

 

Damn, NCM, I called myself handling this ok until I listened to your song. For what it's worth I'm one more guy here that will miss you. You have my e-mail address, feel free to make use of it if the spirit so moves you.

[+ glutes]

For you, and only you NCM, I will dance.

[+ purplekow]

I am posting this ostensibly to bump this to the top. I think this deserves more attention than it has received and I hope that by bumping this back to prominence, some who did not see it the first time will see it now and respond. I only know NCM2169 from his posts here, but the part of him revealed in his posts makes him someone I would be honored to meet in the three dimensional world.

NCM2169 told us ever so sweetly that this was his cyber-home. When I first came to this site, I read his posts and felt they were a welcome mat to this place. His point of view was well articulated and rarely if ever did he fall into the childish banter that passes for debate for many others. He presented his ideas honestly and directly and with courtesy and respect. Few others here have offered as much insight and compassion. So for myself and many others who share this opinion, I tell you NCM there is a candle in the window for you here. We will burn it bright so as to guide you back home. Grateful for your return.

[BewareofNick]

We'll keep your seat warm

 

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless

Like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

 

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend, till you break

Cause its all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad you get strong

Wipe your hands shake it off

Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel

With the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon

With only one way down

Take what you're given before its gone

Start holding on, keep holding o

 

Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place

 

Stand by Rascal Flatts

[Luv2play]

Two years ago, I posted a similar message about my own health crisis that I wanted to share with this community in cyber-space that I feel very at home in. I was also dealing with a cancer diagnosis and despite all the various treatments and advances that we know exist, there is still the primal fear that we have to deal with when we learn we have cancer. NCM, I share your fears and hope.

 

I have learned some things about cancer since having my own bout with it. You need to learn everything there is to know and challenge your doctors to give you the straight answers as to what they can and can't do. Put yourself in the hands of doctors that you can trust.

 

Despite the impression that has been given in the current health care debate in the US, we here in Canada also can choose our own doctors and opt for the treatment that we want. In my case, I chose surgery over radiation and I glad that I did. In your case, you will have to deal with other options as each cancer is different. I still recommend being a pro-active patient.

 

I hope you take the time to heal and when you feel up to it, report in here from time to time to let us know how things are going. We will all want to hear how you are doing. Best of luck.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Toasty

 

We'll keep your seat warm

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae139/DuchessIvanaKizznhugg/InfinitiFX35SeatWarmer0421070401.jpg

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Burning brightly......

 

So for myself and many others who share this opinion, I tell you NCM there is a candle in the window for you here. We will burn it bright so as to guide you back home. Grateful for your return.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae139/DuchessIvanaKizznhugg/watermark.jpg

[Guest greatness]

Nice car!

 

It that your hand in the picture? A nice hand you have. NCM keep on fighting. You are in my thoughts.

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae139/DuchessIvanaKizznhugg/InfinitiFX35SeatWarmer0421070401.jpg