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Fin Fang Foom Needs Advice From The Class

Fin Fang Foom
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Gather 'round all you nasty evil bitches - I need your advice.


Here's the sad tale of woe..........


Last night, a good friend of mine who is an "escort" from NYC (let's call him "Steven") had an overnight in scenic and historic Mahwah, New Jersey. The client (who we'll call "Philip") had a car whisk him off to The Garden State and drop him off at "Philip's" office, where they stayed for the next two hours while "Philip" did countless lines of cocaine. "Steven", however, doesn't do drugs so he had to sit there bored out of his skull while the cokehead babbled on as only cokeheads can.


Eventually, they left the warmth and charm of the office and headed home to "Philip's" loveshack, which he shares with - yes, you guessed it - his MOTHER.




Once arriving at said loveshack, they go upstairs to his room and "Steven", realizing that cokeheads aren't the most reliable johns, asks for half the money upfront. "Philip" then informs "Steven" that he left his money in his wallet in the the car but he can't go get it now because the dog will bark and wake up his mother. "Steven" smells a great big cocaine-addicted rat and tells "Philip" to call for the car right then, he's going home. "Philip" says yes and calls the car service (on speaker phone, no less) and they inform him they need cash and not a credit card, and he says that's fine.


By the this point, "Steven" has developed an Excederin headache of biblical proportions and decides since the guy has the money to pay the car service, he's just gonna stay the night and leave in the morning. He tells "Philip", I'm going to bed now and leave in the morning. The car service is cancelled and "Steven" goes to bed.


Our little tale isn't over........


"Steven" has a hard time sleeping because the cokehead is up all night drinking vodka, snorting coke and watching an endless loop of porn on the TV. Nearing dawn, "Philip" finally attempts to sleep by wrapping a black cloth around his head to block out the light.


Morning comes, and it's time for "Steven" to leave. They go to the car and, good golly Miss Molly, "Philip" can't find his wallet anywhere in the car. What a shocking turn of events! So they ankle back up to the room and still no wallet. So, "Philip" leaves the room and returns with a check for $1000 drawn on a business account of his mother's. (There's nothing quite like a mother's love, is there?)


"Steven" hops in the car and speeds back to his home in NYC.


On his way back, he calls to give me an update on this trainwreck of an overnight and I tell him he should call the bank to make sure that there are funds to cover the check before he gets a bounced check fee.


Being the good doobie that he is, he follows my sagely advice and learns that the account has been closed.


oopsie daisy


So, what does "Steven" do? He's left two messages for "Philip" and has called the home, the mother answered, said there was no one there by that name and immediately hung up. (There's that mother's love on display again.)


He doesn't have a car so he can't drive out there and he certainly can't go to the police and say: "Hi, I'm a male prostitute and my client has written a bad check - I'd like to press charges."


It appears "Philip" is his own boss so he can't threaten to call his work.


So, I call upon all you nasty evil cunts who read this board to give advice for young, troubled, well-hung "Steven". How does he get his money?


Appreciatively yours,



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time for your buddy to pay momma a call; and let his little friend and his mother know that the law enforcement agencies dont look kindly on nose candy ... and if they dont pay up, what the heck, make that anonymous call tothe cops... at the very least they might pay a visit to said office and let the loser tremble for abit

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Sadly, there's not much that "Steven" can do, at least not anything to get his money. There are all sorts of evil things he could do to bug "Phillip" and teach the prick a lesson. Private me if you want to know some. Oddly enough, one of the few clients to stiff me lived in Mahwah, too. Not with is mom, though.


Cheerily, Ben


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"Steven" has been calling all afternoon, hoping to drive "Philip" crazy enough to actually pick up the phone, and he DID. "Philip" immediately said that the call was being traced (uh huh, yeah, right). "Steven" then started reading him the riot act and "Philip" calls out to his mother: "Are we missing a check?".


End of conversation.


I think it's highly likely that this guy has done it before.


I'm calling upon all you nasty cunts out there to give suggestions on how this guy's ass can be nailed to the wall.


Demurely yours,



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Sadly, there probably isn't much your friend can do. An anonymous letter to both the DEA and the police in Mahwah, alleging that drugs are being sold out of his client's house may launch a drug investigation. An telephone call, making the same allegations, from a pay phone using one of those pre-paid calling cards may also produce the same effect. (There has to be SOMEWHERE in NYC that still has an old fashioned phone booth, so your friend can make the call without being overheard.


Keep us posted.



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No law enforcement agency is ever going to do anything based on some anonymous complaint that some guy was sitting in his house or office using drugs.


The only leverage your friend really has (aside from general stalking and extra-legal means) is the check he has. Is the information on the check (i.e., amount, payee, date, authorized signor) handwritten (as opposed to type-written or stamped)? If so, that constitutes proof that your friend didn't steal the check and make it out to himself, but either the client or his mommy wrote the check.


That check is a fraudulent check. Passing fraudulent checks is illegal. Your friend should deposit the check in his bank account and it will then be returned. He can then notify the local police department that the guy (or his mom) passed him a bad check (and it wasn't just returned for insufficient funds; it was returned because the account was closed, which means it was knowingly fraudulent). Police departments take that relatively seriously.


He could also use the returned check to sue the guy in small claims court. The guy would have a hard time denying the money was owed, since he wrote the check in the first place.


The only issue your friend has to navigate with this strategy is to provide an explanation as to what he did to warrant the payment, but that shouldn't be hard. Whether it was to do work around the house or provide some sort of consulting service or to claim that it was a re-payment of a loan (which your friend made in cash), it isn't hard to concoct something. And the only person who can deny that part of the claim (the conniving client) isn't going to, because he would have to say: "No, actually, I hired him as an escort."


I do have to say, though - if this is all about punishment rather than compensation (which would be understandable under the circumstances), isn't the fact that this guy is an impoverished, pathetic coke-head . . . . living with his MOM . . . in NEW JERSEY . . . punishment enough? No matter how evil or vicious your friend wants to get, he's going to have a hard time topping that when it comes to inflicting misery on this loser.

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FFF. Sorry to hear about your "Workin Guy" Friends Problem. I am sure there are Guys who have been in this situation in the past, and will be in the future. I have a Workin Friend who was in this situation,which happened after a Boston Overnite. No Drugs, he would have just left at that point, He knows how "unpredictable" the Situation can get with Drugs around! But the check was Stamped "Insufficent Funds".. How did the story end, after phone calls, even Friends knocking on the guys door! He was Out the Money..Lesson Learned: Be Thankful for The Good Clients! LOL :+

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Dear FFF,


How about having your friend make harassing calls to his office? Does he remember where it is, or have a number?


I'd certainly call "Mom," and drop a bomb on her. And tell her her son's coke habit is illegal. I think the issue here is to make this scum's life miserable, rather than to collect. Sounds like he doesn't have the money, and is living off Mom's largesss, anyway. If he's as much of a cokehead as you're making out, it might not matter to him at all. But it wouldn't hurt to inflict the same kind of humiliating behavior on this prick as he inflicted on your friend.


Maybe he should consult with a lawyer, preferably one of his johns, if he has one who is a lawyer. Might be able to concoct some suitable revenge that is well within legal bounds.


I hope he succeeds. This guy needs to go into rehab and then back home to Mama where she should only live to be 100 and control his every financial move!

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Your friend should figure out where this "office" is and camp out there till he see's Mr Coke Head and demand he make good on the bad check, he should however deposit the check into his account so if the Coke Head calls the police he has proof that he is there to collect on the bad check. It doubtfull if the business is in Mahwah and he lives in Mahwah he would call the police. Whats the Coke Head going to say to the police, "I wasnt satisfied with the Escort I hired"?


Mahwah, the land of white trash and indians trying to build a casino....

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The fact that this "client" passed a bad check makes this situation somewhat different from the usual situation of getting stiffed, but the sad fact is that it happens occasionally. Some escorts seem to have the unrealistic idea that everything is always supposed to go their way, and that they will always be paid, no matter what.


Time to wake up and smell the coffee. Escorts need to understand that they're in business, and EVERY business, unfortunately, runs into a certain number of deadbeats. Most, of course, don't pass bad checks. They just don't pay, or they go bankrupt, leaving their creditors holding the bag. Successful businesses understand that this is a fact of life and plan for a certain amount of such losses by adding something to their prices or taking the losses off their income taxes, etc. Escorts may not be able to take a tax break (since few are paying taxes on their earnings) but they, too, need to face the facts and just chalk off getting stiffed occasionally as a cost of doing business.


Maddening as such situations may be for an escort, they also need to consider other issues like personal safety. The situation you described, with a hopped-up client in his own home, could have taken some seriously uglier turns. The smart solution is just to leave and not make a giant scene that could lead to something worse. In this case, "Steven" has some recourse because of the bad check. But most times there won't be any recourse. You just have to go on with your life. When I was a college undergraduate in New York I drove a taxi at night to pay my expenses. On at least a couple of occasions I fell victim to passengers who had no money, or who were going to run into their apartments to get their missing wallet and, of course, never returned. When that was in the middle of the night on W. 127th Street I wasn't about to go running after the fare! It pissed me off, but in a few minutes I had another fare and that was that. With escorts it's the same. There will always be another client. So chalk it up to experience. . .

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I believe that writing a bad check is a felony. Deposit the check, when it returns, he will then have proof that a felony was committed. From that point, the escort might have a few legal roads he can explore. However, the escort might just have to chalk this up as an experience he would like to forget, but in the meantime makes him mad as hell.

I too have been mad as hell with an escort who recently stiffed me for over $2000.00. I would love to get my money back, but the escort has since changed his phone number and will not respond to my e-mails, and I don’t see too many options for my recovery. I think taking him to small claims court would create problems for me, and not worth the risk, and he knows it. (A review is pending)

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Young, Troubled And Well Hung


>So, I call upon all you nasty evil cunts who read this board

>to give advice for young, troubled, well-hung "Steven". How

>does he get his money?


Dear Nasty Evil Cunts:


Surprisingly, the nastiest evilest twat amongst you actually gave Triple F the best advice to pass along to his young and trouble friend as far as attempting to get paid. However, in this instance, frankly, had it been me or a friend of mine, I would have left during the first hour of the coke binge at the office and advised anyone else who called me (discretely from the hallway bathroom to ask my advice, of course) what to do. Even if it involved my own money to get back home, I would have been better off with far less wear and tear and drama.


From an Escort perspective, particularly an escort who has been in an identical situation as far as trusting someone I should not have to give me a check, I have several simple pieces of advice:


Cash only, unless you have a prior and comfortable relationship of however long in standing your comfort level is (I have many of those and never a single problem with any of them);


Avoid clients who do drugs at any level. While I have seen some clients while they were in some stage of intoxication of one substance or another, when they are doing something excessive, I have always left or, for example, for the client who showed up on my door step drunk, I called him a cab and the next day drove his car over to his house for him. However, generally I avoid this type of client.


Finally, learn to trust your gut reaction and if something walks, talks and smells like a rat (or Doug), run for the hills.




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