What makes you feel special?

[j r]

Just had an incredible session with a regular who I haven’t seen for awhile. He was so genuinely excited to see me and so sweet—wore his Good Boy tee and the thong I love and was first to finish hands free. Made me wonder what makes you feel extra special when you’re with a provider. Even though it’s an exchange, what makes you feel more of a connection with some providers than others?

[Mark_fl]

Several things for me:

Generally touch/caress not in a manner of getting me off. 

Seeming to be into it and enjoying the experience as well.

Talking about his life or something personal.

A compliment that isn't a generic "handsome" in a text, especially when he doesn't know what I look like yet! (That just always feels weird to me).

Doing something 'extra' that he thinks I'd like, not discussed beforehand.

Sexually, when he let's me finish in his mouth and doesn't seem like he's just doing it because I want it, or spits it out immediately. 

[jackcali]

9 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

Several things for me:

Generally touch/caress not in a manner of getting me off. 

Seeming to be into it and enjoying the experience as well.

Talking about his life or something personal.

A compliment that isn't a generic "handsome" in a text, especially when he doesn't know what I look like yet! (That just always feels weird to me).

Doing something 'extra' that he thinks I'd like, not discussed beforehand.

Sexually, when he let's me finish in his mouth and doesn't seem like he's just doing it because I want it, or spits it out immediately. 

All these things are a great, but I think the key for me is the escort seeming to be into it and enjoying it.  "Seeming" is the key word there.  If I thought about it, I would assume that they're not into it (I'm too old, ugly and fat and not that great a lover), but in the moment I'm not thinking that way and the escort's demeanor governs my reaction to it.  

And it doesn't need to be personal.  Years ago, I regularly saw a young guy who was incredibly into our sessions and I was thrilled by it.  I realized after a while that he just loved sex and would have enjoyed a session with the bedside lamp, but I was still thrilled by his enthusiasm.  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

11 minutes ago, jackcali said:

I would assume that they're not into it (I'm too old, ugly and fat and not that great a lover)

I wouldn't assume they're not into it. There are many young men, even ones who are conventionally attractive and fit, who are into older men, overweight men, men who are not conventionally attractive. And many of the best escorts are those who are able to find something attractive in all their clients. I'm an empath so it's incredibly hard to fake enthusiasm and have me believe it. The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr. 

My husband and I are constantly approached by younger men (too young for us, usually). And while we're both conventionally attractive, we're not movie star handsome, and we don't have perfect bodies. 

I love this podcast, which is aimed toward older guys, particularly those in open relationships. This episode features three escorts/content creators and they talk about why they love their work, their love of older guys, etc. It's worth a listen to get another perspective besides the overarching gay media narrative that you must be 28 and have 3 percent body fat to be attractive. 

 

[j r]

4 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr.

Good to remember that there is a range here. Just because a provider can have a good time providing a service doesn’t mean it’s the same as feelings they have in their personal lives. It’s nice when you can tell they are feeling genuine pleasure. For me, that really only happens when I’ve been able to spend time with someone over many sessions. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

To answer the original question: 

• Specific compliments definitely get me going
• I have a bit of a praise kink - so providers who get that 
• Once we've met or at least changed pictures, a bit of flirty banter is great (not full-on sexting, which I know providers can be really overwhelmed or turned off by that)
• Authentic pillow talk - showing that they're genuine and also interested in us as people 
• Honesty and transparency - sometimes things don't work out because we're tired, or a provider has worked too much. Being open about that as we will be - makes for a better session than trying to pretend everything is fine
• Being friendly if we run into each other in public like you would with a client in any other profession. We run into providers at clubs, bars, concerts, etc. Guys who will just say hi and ask how we are and then move on also score points. 

 

And, of course, complimenting my ass  

[jmichaeliii]

39 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I wouldn't assume they're not into it. There are many young men, even ones who are conventionally attractive and fit, who are into older men, overweight men, men who are not conventionally attractive. And many of the best escorts are those who are able to find something attractive in all their clients. I'm an empath so it's incredibly hard to fake enthusiasm and have me believe it. The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr. 

My husband and I are constantly approached by younger men (too young for us, usually). And while we're both conventionally attractive, we're not movie star handsome, and we don't have perfect bodies. 

I love this podcast, which is aimed toward older guys, particularly those in open relationships. This episode features three escorts/content creators and they talk about why they love their work, their love of older guys, etc. It's worth a listen to get another perspective besides the overarching gay media narrative that you must be 28 and have 3 percent body fat to be attractive. 

 

I completely agree with the younger guys enjoying older guys.  I have to admit that surprised me a bit, but I have a regular who is 26 and another who is 24 and if they are faking having a good time, then god bless them... because the times with them are amazing.

[mtaabq]

Wow. This is a great topic. Like another commenter I will say that I am old, ugly and fat so I’m usually tremendously happy that the guy will actually show up, LOL! For me it’s “consideration” – consideration for my wants and needs and my special requests. Treating me like a human being and a sexual being. I once had a provider call me on the way to my place and ask if I wanted anything from Starbucks – he was getting himself a coffee and offered to get me one, also. When they don’t leap off the bed once we’re both finished saying, “Well, I gotta go!” (I once had a man ask me if he could use the shower while he was still in me.) A soft, sweet kiss at the door. Hell, a soft, sweet kiss out in public! A text afterward thanking me. When they leave their underwear behind. When my sheets smell of their scent, their cologne and sex. A genuine concern that I am getting what I want. 

[j r]

Thanks @mtaabq Love these responses! So important to feel like we are still sexual beings, no matter looks or age or body shape!

[j r]

2 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

To answer the original question: 

• Specific compliments definitely get me going
• I have a bit of a praise kink - so providers who get that 
• Once we've met or at least changed pictures, a bit of flirty banter is great (not full-on sexting, which I know providers can be really overwhelmed or turned off by that)
• Authentic pillow talk - showing that they're genuine and also interested in us as people 
• Honesty and transparency - sometimes things don't work out because we're tired, or a provider has worked too much. Being open about that as we will be - makes for a better session than trying to pretend everything is fine
• Being friendly if we run into each other in public like you would with a client in any other profession. We run into providers at clubs, bars, concerts, etc. Guys who will just say hi and ask how we are and then move on also score points. 

 

And, of course, complimenting my ass  

So interested in your praise kink @KensingtonHomo (and your ass! 😂)

[+ KensingtonHomo]

20 minutes ago, mtaabq said:

I am old, ugly and fat

I worry that so much of this sense that you and others are "old, ugly and fat" is the result of advertising geared toward gay men and our community's obsession with physical perfection. I have no idea what you look like, but I know a lot of people who are very hard on their appearance when they're average or even slightly better-looking than average. The world can be cruel. Be nice to yourself. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

15 minutes ago, j r said:

So interested in your praise kink @KensingtonHomo (and your ass! 😂)

EVERYONE is interested in this ass. I'll DM you to discuss the praise kink. 

[mtaabq]

14 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I worry that so much of this sense that you and others are "old, ugly and fat" is the result of advertising geared toward gay men and our community's obsession with physical perfection. I have no idea what you look like, but I know a lot of people who are very hard on their appearance when they're average or even slightly better-looking than average. The world can be cruel. Be nice to yourself. 

You are very kind. I AM old - 62 - which is 186 in gay years - “ugly” is subjective I suppose - and fat? Well, yes. Not just “slightly overweight” and not “morbidly obese”, but fat. I had one provider turn me down as he “didn’t work well with fat guys.” The flip side to that is I now have an FWB who is a triathlete. This guy likes big guys and he is sexy as hell and he asks me to f**k him. For a man who doesn’t fit the mold of gay physical perfection, I sure do get a lot of sex. But, the good Lord doesn’t like a braggart. 🤣

[+ KensingtonHomo]

6 minutes ago, mtaabq said:

which is 186 in gay years

This is my issue. We're doing to each other and ourselves what men and advertising have done to women. Straight men get to age and gain weight and generally let themselves go, but women and gay guys have to be eternally youthful and beautiful. It's not realistic or healthy. My husband is four years younger than you, and he's as handsome to me now as he ever was. And when we go out, I have to beat the twinks off him because they all love a silver fox. 

The generation before ours didn't get to age because AIDS killed so many of them. I want more of us. As your triathlete friend shows, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.