Relationship-I'm Definitely Not Telling

[+ Gar1eth]

As I've said in some  threads recently,  I'm in my 60's and in my first real relationship other than an intense fbud relationship about 9 years ago that lasted for about a year.
 

Prior to this relationship for the last 8 years or so I only had sex from guys I met on the hook-up apps. Some of the guys I met with more than once. But it was nothing I'd call a relationship. 
 

Before 8 years ago-starting from 2002 until mostly 2017 -the majority of my sexual experiences were with escorts-including my very first sexual experience at the age of 41. I had kissed women in my life on an occasional date before then. But that had probably happened less than 10 times. And those kisses were only a brief touching of lips. At no time did my tongue ever leave the confines of my mouth. 
 

My new beaux was active a lot earlier than me. He dated and "knew  women (in a biblical sense) in high school and college. But at some point he decided it was men he was really attracted to. 
 

I've heard a lot of his stories. I've told him a very few  censored stories of mine -not really  much about sex but experiences I had while on dates with escorts (A large plurality of my encounters if not an actual majority were overnights or weekends.)

But  while I mentioned in passing once that I had had erotic massages in the past, I haven't told him I used to routinely hire escorts and don't plan to. It feels weird as I'd like to, for example, tell him about my first time. But I don't know how he'd feel about it. And I don't want to risk it. 
 

I have a platonic close friend who lives in the area-I'll call him Stan. I've known Stan for around 7 years.  We met thru the Message Center although he's not active on here anymore. He used to hire too. But he hasn't for a while. A month or so back  I  introduced my beaux and Stan. We went out to lunch together.  Stan has also met my Mom-multiple times-- and my siblings a few times. Prior to all of these I made sure that Stan and my stories matched. Our story is  that we initially met each other on a message board. It has the advantage of being true even if it leaves out a bunch of specifics. 
 

Anyone else avoiding the topic of hiring with a new -or an old -significant other?

[marylander1940]

22 minutes ago, Gar1eth said:

 

Anyone else avoiding the topic of hiring with a new -or an old -significant other?

Depends... how often do they hire among other things. 

Many bf/husbands don't mind their partner hiring once a month but if it's more often than that they wonder why toss out of the window money that could be used to pay mortgage for example. 

Are you thinking about hiring again? 

[+ Gar1eth]

2 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Are you thinking about hiring again? 

Well I think about it. But it's not going to happen due to, among other reasons, lack of funds. Plus I live in the Dallas area now. These days most of the escorts here aren't really my type. I'm more into Northern or even Eastern European (well Eastern European if they had better reputations-in the old days of Rentboy I remember multiple reviews of how they promised a lot and didnt deliver) extremely athletic to muscular physiqued masculine gay escorts who are either bottoms or versatile bottoms. Those types seem to be in short supply these days. 

Edited Sunday at 04:52 AM by Gar1eth

[+ PhileasFogg]

7 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Anyone else avoiding the topic of hiring with a new -or an old -significant other?

Like my current lifestyle orientation, I don’t advertise and I don’t lie.  But for me, I’ve exited the closet, so my encounters are evolving toward FWB and I reserve hiring for traveling. 

[marylander1940]

6 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Well I think about it. But it's not going to happen due to, among other reasons, lack of funds. Plus I live in the Dallas area now. These days most of the escorts here aren't really my type. I'm more into Northern or even Eastern European (well Eastern European if they had better reputations-in the old days of Rentboy I remember multiple reviews of how they promised a lot and didnt deliver) extremely athletic to muscular physiqued masculine gay escorts who are either bottoms or versatile bottoms. Those types seem to be in short supply these days. 

I remember 50 guys available in the DC area in Rentboy 10 years ago... now we have 300 in town or about to fly in. I'm sure you'll find someone to hire. 

Btw, at least you live in an affordable city and not in NYC where the average rate is 400-500

Edited Sunday at 11:28 AM by marylander1940

[ACluelessGent]

Don't tell him. It seems that this relationship is important to you. Don't risk it. Honesty is a very bad thing.

[+ Gar1eth]

6 hours ago, ACluelessGent said:

Don't tell him. It seems that this relationship is important to you. Don't risk it. Honesty is a very bad thing.

I think you are right. As I've mentioned to him (about another matter entirely), when ignorance is bliss, it's folly to be wise ( with the proviso that what you aren't divulging is not going to cause harm to the person not in on the secret).  

[+ Charlie]

When I met my life partner, neither of us was a virgin (we had both been out for several years), so one of our first discussions was about whether ours would be an exclusive relationship or one which accepted the possibility of sex with other men. We admitted that we were both sexual sluts at heart and unlikely to change, so we agreed that sex with other men was acceptable, as long as we were honest with one another about our activities. Neither of us had ever paid for sex (this was before Internet sites like this one had even been invented--we didn't even have personal computers!), so weren't aware that it was possible to shop for providers--whatever we did outside the relationship was usually the result of a spur-of-the-moment opportunity. We both agreed that one-off experiences were acceptable, but multiple experiences with the same person were not. As far as I am aware, we both kept to the terms of that compact during the 56 years we were together.

[liubit]

I have a very similar arrangement with my husband, @Charlie  From the outset of our relationship we agreed that we could play around as much as we wanted, provided that we would be totally honest and share everything about our “extra curricular activities”. We have been together for 23 years now, so I guess that the system has worked for us 🤷🏻‍♂️