Flirting with Bartender

[BSR]

4 hours ago, ACluelessGent said:

Why not? He has nothing to lose. In my experience, some will say no and some will say yes. 

Why not?  Because @Minneapolis risks spoiling a fun, friendly connection and turning it into something awkward and uncomfortable.  Given that the bartender kept his phone number for quite some time yet chose to never call, I think it’s safe to assume that the bartender likes the relationship just as is:  a regular customer who tips generously in exchange for some eye candy and harmless flirtation.  An invite to coffee doesn’t necessarily ruin that dynamic, but it might cause the bartender to pull away and become noticeably less friendly during future visits.

Even if Minneapolis adopts a “nothing to lose” mentality, I hope he realizes he doesn’t have anything to gain either.  If the bartender wanted a relationship beyond the current dynamic, he had M’s phone number and easily could have called.  “Some will say yes” … true enough, but I doubt this bartender will.

[+ nycman]

It’s his J-O-B.

It’s your F-A-N-T-A-S-Y.

They are not mutually exclusive, but don’t confuse the two.

[ACluelessGent]

2 hours ago, BSR said:

Why not?  Because @Minneapolis risks spoiling a fun, friendly connection and turning it into something awkward and uncomfortable.  Given that the bartender kept his phone number for quite some time yet chose to never call, I think it’s safe to assume that the bartender likes the relationship just as is:  a regular customer who tips generously in exchange for some eye candy and harmless flirtation.  An invite to coffee doesn’t necessarily ruin that dynamic, but it might cause the bartender to pull away and become noticeably less friendly during future visits.

Even if Minneapolis adopts a “nothing to lose” mentality, I hope he realizes he doesn’t have anything to gain either.  If the bartender wanted a relationship beyond the current dynamic, he had M’s phone number and easily could have called.  “Some will say yes” … true enough, but I doubt this bartender will.

Again. Why not? Is the end of the world if he looses "the friendly connection to a bartender?" Lol

[BSR]

1 hour ago, ACluelessGent said:

Again. Why not? Is the end of the world if he looses "the friendly connection to a bartender?" Lol

Again, it is clear as day that the bartender isn’t interested in anything beyond the current dynamic.  Why not?  Because I’d rather be known as the nice, generous semi-regular than the creepy guy clueless about boundaries.

[Aamir]

Why passively wait and watch?

Personally, I'm like the ringleader, I call the shots. I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot when I put on a show.

A wise young diva once taught me there's only two types of people in the world...The ones that entertain and the ones that observe.

We choose our path in this Circus called life.

🎪 🤡 

[ACluelessGent]

8 hours ago, BSR said:

Again, it is clear as day that the bartender isn’t interested in anything beyond the current dynamic.  Why not?  Because I’d rather be known as the nice, generous semi-regular than the creepy guy clueless about boundaries.

Why is it clear he is not interested? Because he didn't call? If he is handsome how many numbers he collects in every shift? And how many other bfs/sex buddies/ clients, are in his life? And even if he was not interested then, he may be interested now because his rent is due... And finally, who cares if gets known as the creepy guy with no boundaries. 

My experience: I proposed to many bartenders. Very good looking ones of the bartender/model variety 😅. Some said no, some said yes, no one was offended - they are used to it. A few played with me, asked for a loan etc. One introduced me to his sexy friends. Always and regardless of the outcome it was fun 😅.

[Chien Andalou]

Did you ever ask? From what you said, he works in a gay bar, is flirty, dresses in short shots or underwear, and has worked you as a customer to get massive tips. He knows he makes you wet. You gave him your number, but how is he to know whether your intention was to date or hire?

What’s the harm in saying something like: “I understand “no” is a complete sentence, but I would absolutely love to hire you for some private time” or however you want to phrase it. (“I’d love for you to give me the tip next time, and the shaft.”) I guarantee you he has heard it before. And if you’re generally a nice guy, tip well, and take the rejection gracefully, he’s unlikely to be offended and he wants to keep the tips coming. 

[+ friendofsheila]

8 hours ago, Chien Andalou said:

 

What’s the harm in saying something like: “I understand “no” is a complete sentence, but I would absolutely love to hire you for some private time” or however you want to phrase it. (“I’d love for you to give me the tip next time, and the shaft.”) I guarantee you he has heard it before. And if you’re generally a nice guy, tip well, and take the rejection gracefully, he’s unlikely to be offended and he wants to keep the tips coming. 

is it a legal risk to ask the bartender this?  

[ACluelessGent]

6 hours ago, friendofsheila said:

is it a legal risk to ask the bartender this?  

I am not a lawyer, but for sure it's vulgar.