Advice on my Dallas masseur etiquette please!

[Dfwmate]

I have a regular masseur that  I visit here in Dallas weekly and I have grown feelings towards. He will kiss me at the end of the massage and it feels very intimate. I have never been kissed like that and by far the best kisser I have ever encountered. I like him so much that maybe the intimacy part is giving me false hope or he is just really good at what he does and is just providing me a service that he may provide to others as well. That being said, I would really like to ask him on a proper date. Is that against masseur/client etiquette? Would it be offensive to him to offer compensation for the time off the table?  I know he does not do escort work so I would never want to offend him or make it awkward but I also want to respect his time. Can you guys please advise. Thank you in advance! 

[Dr.Daddy]

I’d be careful not to mess up something good if you’re happy with what you have, however if you really like him take the time to discover things he enjoys and find something of mutual interest. Ask if he’d like to do one of those things together rather than just suggesting dinner or drinks, you’ll have a much more enjoyable first hangout if you’re doing something fun together rather than staring across a table or bar. Just my 2 cents, great things come from building a friendship first rather than forcing romance. Ask politely and be okay if he says no, let it happen comfortably and organically at a pace you two are both comfortable with (or not), so you can keep what you have now but also maybe explore something new — wishing you luck! 

[PaulM]

I think Dr.Daddy provides good advice.  More often than not, he's just being nice to a good client.   It could lead to more but most of the time it doesn't.   You need to be careful to protect yourself (from yourself) and don't get too attached.   Many of us have walked in your shoes and ended up disappointed.   But there is always a unicorn out there...

[Dfwmate]

50 minutes ago, Dr.Daddy said:

I’d be careful not to mess up something good if you’re happy with what you have, however if you really like him take the time to discover things he enjoys and find something of mutual interest. Ask if he’d like to do one of those things together rather than just suggesting dinner or drinks, you’ll have a much more enjoyable first hangout if you’re doing something fun together rather than staring across a table or bar. Just my 2 cents, great things come from building a friendship first rather than forcing romance. Ask politely and be okay if he says no, let it happen comfortably and organically at a pace you two are both comfortable with (or not), so you can keep what you have now but also maybe explore something new — wishing you luck! 

Great advice! Thank you!!!

 

[+ JamesB]

I would not do it. The likelihood of any upside is slim to none, while the risk of losing what you currently have with him is significantly high.

[Dfwmate]

17 minutes ago, PaulM said:

I think Dr.Daddy provides good advice.  More often than not, he's just being nice to a good client.   It could lead to more but most of the time it doesn't.   You need to be careful to protect yourself (from yourself) and don't get too attached.   Many of us have walked in your shoes and ended up disappointed.   But there is always a unicorn out there...

You are probably right. Unfortunately, I already feel attached so maybe I should take a temporary break before I get disappointed. Guess you could say I'm addicted now. I've been to other masseurs but I have never felt like this.  

[Dr.Daddy]

32 minutes ago, PaulM said:

You need to be careful to protect yourself (from yourself) and don't get too attached. 

Great advice and well-worded! 

[56harrisond]

 

[BigNoiseDallas]

2 hours ago, Dfwmate said:

You are probably right. Unfortunately, I already feel attached so maybe I should take a temporary break before I get disappointed. Guess you could say I'm addicted now. I've been to other masseurs but I have never felt like this.  

That's a great idea -- get some perspective. Do you plan on telling him that you're taking a break? I can see both sides of that coin.

Something to think about: If you see him every week, do you 1) make your next appointment when you're on the table in the current appointment, 2) have a standing appointment the same day and time every week, or 3) play it by ear and schedule one session at a time? If it's 1 or 2, he might ask why you're cancelling/taking a break, so you need to have an answer prepared.

[Dfwmate]

20 minutes ago, BigNoiseDallas said:

That's a great idea -- get some perspective. Do you plan on telling him that you're taking a break? I can see both sides of that coin.

Something to think about: If you see him every week, do you 1) make your next appointment when you're on the table in the current appointment, 2) have a standing appointment the same day and time every week, or 3) play it by ear and schedule one session at a time? If it's 1 or 2, he might ask why you're cancelling/taking a break, so you need to have an answer prepared.

We play it be ear. My schedule varies and can be very hectic yet  he is sweet to accommodate. 

[Simon Suraci]

Your relationship is client-provider. I recommend keeping it that way. It can get really messy trying to change the nature of the relationship to a personal one. More than likely it will negatively impact your hiring relationship where either or both of you are uncomfortable with the status quo after introducing personal feelings, and you both lose out on what you want. You’re willing to pay for his time, which you already do. Now you just want a different kind of service during that time. No harm, no foul.

He’s kissing you as part of his service. He’s delivering value to you giving you something you like for compensation. Some masseurs are comfortable with kissing, some aren’t. You’re fortunate that he is. Is this making it too romantic for you? Can you enjoy the kissing for what it is, or is it too personal or romantic for you?

You said he doesn’t escort. Is that an assumption or have you discussed this in detail with him? By escort I mean capital E Escort, as in accompanying a client to social and leisure activities.

Consider asking him a different way than “do you escort?” That word means different things to different people. For a lot of us the term is interchangeable with “sex worker”, which carries a lot of baggage. Escorting may or may not include sex. It often does include sex before/during/after social and leisure activities, but merely having sex with a client for an hour is not truly escorting. It’s sex work. Going on some form of a date with a client for a fee is escorting.

Sooo…you could propose to your masseur paying him for his time to do __xyz__ platonic activities together. I would avoid explicitly romantic situations and sex, at least at first. Keep it to platonic activities and see what he says. The worst he could say is no. Ask yourself if you could handle him saying no. Would you still feel comfortable with the status quo of seeing him for massage and kissing? If you can confidently and honestly say “yes”, then go for it!

If he does agree to entertain you for compensation for activities other than massage, it can (but may not) lead to more over time. Just be clear about your mutual boundaries up front. Let him take the lead on pushing or breaking those boundaries, never you. And if he never does, be ok with it and enjoy hiring him for his company. You’re only paying him for the things he has agreed to do with you.

If you can’t handle navigating these boundaries and respecting a potential “no”, it’s best to keep to the status quo. You don’t want to mess up a good thing.

[Mk27]

U paying him weekly u r his #1 CLIENT that’s paying his bills only    He doesn’t want that messed up 

[+ Italiano]

There is a masseur in NYC I have seen 3 times already.

Every time since the first after 30 minutes massage which slowly becomes more and more sensual we end up frotting grabbing kissing hugging like two lovers, sucking, rimming, fucking and last time he even showered me with his cum. Very friendly, and he tells me (of course..😄) that he doesn't do this with all his clients at all.

After the 3rd time I sent him a text telling him that it would have been nice to do all that in bed. He replied saying "Happy New Year".

I learned my lesson

[Simon Suraci]

6 hours ago, Italiano said:

After the 3rd time I sent him a text telling him that it would have been nice to do all that in bed. He replied saying "Happy New Year".

When asking for more and higher levels of service, it would be appropriate to offer more compensation, or to ask him what would be an acceptable fee. That’s a more fair value proposition. I’m assuming he’s already going way above and beyond for you for a massage fee.

Good on your masseur for drawing a line and protecting himself from you taking advantage of his already very high level of generosity. And he did it politely. A lot of us wouldn’t have handled your message so well.

[Mk27]

Dear pent house.   My oral skills are so GD awesome that porn stars beg me to blow them and want to pay me.    What should I do 

[UncutDad]

I have had several masseurs kiss me.  I've never initiated that type of thing, but when it happens I definitely let it happen.  I did have a long conversation with a MT after a session and I asked him about the requests he gets.  He told me he is often asked for kissing, oral (giving) and anal, but that 98% of the time he lets clients know he doesn't go that far.  He told me that he gets a lot of people asking for those activities without him ever seeing what they look like.  He charges $120.  Personally, I don't know what would be going through someone's head to ask for that type of activity from a massage therapist and never send a pic.  Especially for that low of a rate.  

My guess would be that if he's kissing you, he finds you attractive.  But going beyond that, it could be dicey.  I would try to lose "the feels" and look at it as you getting something that others likely do not.  Massage therapists have to navigate a lot of things with clients that most of us cannot imagine for our jobs.  Any therapist that provides extras that are not overtly advertised should be reasonably tipped as well.   

[Spikeguy]

If he did date you would you be okay with his line of work or be jealous and ask him to stop?

[Thelatin]

I’ve started dating several over the years, and regretted it both times.   The last one literally nearly did me in I was so depressed.  So I would caution against it.  I see a masseur currently who for whatever reason loves long make out sessions in the shower with me.   I appreciate that he’s into that, enjoy it, and leave it be.

[+ Italiano]

On 1/26/2025 at 12:53 PM, Simon Suraci said:

When asking for more and higher levels of service, it would be appropriate to offer more compensation, or to ask him what would be an acceptable fee. That’s a more fair value proposition. I’m assuming he’s already going way above and beyond for you for a massage fee.

Good on your masseur for drawing a line and protecting himself from you taking advantage of his already very high level of generosity. And he did it politely. A lot of us wouldn’t have handled your message so well.

That would have been quite out of place from "a lot of you". Where did you read in my post that I pretended free service taking advantage of him?...🙄

[Oakman]

On 1/25/2025 at 8:12 AM, Dfwmate said:

he is just really good at what he does and is just providing me a service that he may provide to others as well. 

Sounds like you already know the answer. If he was into you, he wouldn’t be charging you. He’s doing what it takes to keep you hooked and coming back. Adjust your expectations and enjoy it, or stop doing this if you’re apt to fall for a man who isn’t available for the relationship you long for. 

[BrooklynIrish]

3 hours ago, Italiano said:

That would have been quite out of place from "a lot of you". Where did you read in my post that I pretended free service taking advantage of him?...🙄

Yeah, I generally agree with @Simon Suraci but I think this was misinterpreted. I read @Italiano as saying "we're doing all this sex stuff and it would be fun to move it to the bed with the compensation. The provider responded by making it clear he didn't want to go there, so that's that. The provider could also have responded saying "I'm not comfortable with that," or "That's more than a massage, and I charge X for that." All of these are totally fine responses. 

As a client, I'm not necessarily comfortable saying "If I give you $100 more, will you fuck me." It feels like pressuring someone. 

I've had providers move me to a bed or start on a bed, etc. Some of those have stayed as just sensual massages, some have gone all the way. 

[UncutDad]

On 1/26/2025 at 11:06 PM, Spikeguy said:

If he did date you would you be okay with his line of work or be jealous and ask him to stop?

you absolutely cannot be possessive or jealous when dating a massage therapist.  

[aiseeya]

On 1/25/2025 at 11:12 PM, Dfwmate said:

 That being said, I would really like to ask him on a proper date. Is that against masseur/client etiquette? Would it be offensive to him to offer compensation for the time off the table?  I know he does not do escort work so I would never want to offend him or make it awkward but I also want to respect his time. 

Frankly bit lost here. Are you looking for a BFE with him (hence thinking to offer $$$) or rather leaning towards real life dating (which wouldnt customarily involve $$$ offer)? Each has vastly different implication. If the former, ask him nicely I reckon - rejection is a possibility but he unlikely be offended. Surely he has similar propositions in the past.

If the latter, now this is a different ballgame. Whats your plan here? Ask him out on a date in real life but would still be paying him for massage? Or you would stop being a paying customer? So he stand to lose a line of income and supposed to gain what? Are you a catch? Financially ready to support his life? Has he ever insinuated that he is willing to provide same service for free? 

Bottomline - if you are still paying for his time, he deff without a doubt see you just as a customer (might be his best customer but a customer nonetheless). 

All my regulars treat me with extra care and super accomodative (e.g. moving their prior engagment to meet my annoyingly erratic schedule; let me pay days after session; pick me up to go to dinner; treating me meals; off-clock lunch/ dinner etc) - none of the above indicate any of them would look at me beyond a preferred customer. I pay premium $$$ for their time.

[MscleLovr]

On 1/25/2025 at 4:12 PM, Dfwmate said:

it feels very intimate. I have never been kissed like that and by far the best kisser I have ever encountered.

You’ve had sound advice here @Dfwmate I’d agree with keeping it professional, but I do have a suggestion. 

I had something similar happen to me. It wasn’t a business relationship at all. It was an acquaintance: a handsome guy I’d seen several times at the gym but not chatted to. He happened to see me at a restaurant near the gym after a workout: I was engrossed in a book and nursing an espresso. He approached me unseen, from the side and gave me the best kiss on my cheek. He said he’d asked guys about me as he wanted to get to know me. I told him I was delighted by the kiss and he joined me for coffee. We’re now firm friends.
 

I suggest that you compliment your guy. Tell him he’s the best kisser etc, and that it makes your day when it happens. Just smile at him and keep it light.
He may be very pleased to hear this. It allows him to suggest taking it further, if he wants more than a client-provider relationship.
Equally, he won’t be offended by a compliment on his kissing skills. If he doesn’t suggest anything other than a next session, you have your clear answer.