Anyone into large age gaps?

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

It makes lots of things easier if/when things get tough for one reason or another ... joint property, right of survivorship power of attorney/health care proxy, etc

All that can be handled legally without a marriage contract. Your only real benefit in marriage is taxation. For gay couples, owning property in common was always insulting when their life partner would pass and you'd need to pay inheritance tax on something that was already yours!  With this fellow, you haven't built a life together so protecting him from inheritance tax isn't the same priority.  Your home is NOT his home. He IS inheriting it. I would suggest a few years living together and see how that goes before entertaining a marriage contact that could lead to an expensive divorce if the "taking out the garbage" lifestyle isn't as appealing as the vacations together.

[shadowcatzxxx]

UPDATE by OP

Well, we're still at it ... still in love and living together half a world apart! Have been spending somewhat longer times together ... 2 weeks at a time,more or less, as often as possible. He's just finished his long-term obligations on the other side of the world, and now has more freedom to move around. Unfortunately, my/our original idea for him to come to the U.S. so we could live together is out the window, thanks to the current U.S. political situation. It's infuriating ... he's from a Latin American country, and the risks of him getting snatched/incarcerated/deported for no reason seem too high right now for both of us. So we're looking to establish residence together abroad. It will be interesting  indeed to see how things develop over the next few months.

[Gilfson]

My ex who is now my roommate and I have an age gap. I was 23 when I met him and he was 48. We dated for 2 years but had a lot of fun and ended things cordially. We’re now best friends without benefits! He is an ex pornstar muscle daddy! But funny enough neither of us are remotely attracted to each other anymore. Funny how relationships evolve.

[TryItAllTwice]

I love it. Especially when i'm the older one. Haha.

When I was younger I loved it too. Like passing the seed from generation to generation. Let's fill those boys with our wisdom!

[+ Charlie]

When I met my future spouse, I was 25 and he was 33, which seemed like a big age gap to me then. I was the same age of one of his younger brothers (he was the oldest of four brothers, and he had one younger brother who was older than I was). However, I was actually more sexually experienced than he was, because I had come out at a much earlier age than he had. By the time we were both middle-aged, however, I looked older than he did (like my own father, I lost my hair in my late 30s, while my partner still had a full head of hair on his deathbed), and the age gap didn't seem noticeable at all, until he retired and I was still working. But even after I had retired also, the age gap soon became noticeable, because he lapsed into Alzheimer's and it was almost like I was his child taking care of him. In other words, age gaps are malleable factors that work in many different ways.

Edited yesterday at 04:56 PM by Charlie

[pubic_assistance]

16 hours ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Unfortunately, my/our original idea for him to come to the U.S. so we could live together is out the window, thanks to the current U.S. political situation. It's infuriating ... he's from a Latin American country, and the risks of him getting snatched/incarcerated/deported for no reason seem too high right now for both of us. So we're looking to establish residence together abroad. 

We cant discuss politics here.

But on the subject of immigration. In spite of what you may be reading in the media, being appropriately documented does NOT put you at risk of "being snatched". I live in NYC and know multiple people who are at varying stages of immigration paperwork. None of them feel "at risk", because they have their papers in order. 

That said...immigration law, in the United States, IS somewhat complicated to navigate and therefore mistakes CAN be made. So establishing your marriage overseas is one way of preventing errors but then you are merely landing into the same complications of expat life in another country. Choose wisely because certain destinations are actually MORE complicated and bureaucratic for extended stays and then you BOTH end up with problems !

Edited yesterday at 06:40 PM by pubic_assistance
spelling

[handiacefailure]

On 12/5/2024 at 7:18 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Why ?

What would you get for marrying this person ?

If you like someone's company, you stay with them. Marriage certificates don't confirm your love, they confirm your property rights and in most states split your assets 50/50 no matter who came in with what.

Unless you have built a life together and/or have children in see no benefit for you in marriage..but a multitude of benefits for your young friend should he marry and then divorce you.

At minimum, get a solid pre-nup, but beware even with a contract, judges have been known to call them invalid and push for the standard distribution.

I'm almost 60 and only reason I  haven't retired yet is I have great 100% company paid health insurance and am on a coupel very expensive maintenance meds.   If I were to get married I could go under the husband's health insurance    They are also protected for things like Death and disability insurance.   and if one makes a lot more than the other they can draw off their SS or if one has a pension and the other SS that helps out.   Also for 401K and IRAs there's a lot of tax advantages if it's a spouse

Even if the guy was older than me, I'd insist on a prenup at my age.   And if I outlive my mom, I'd like to protect her assets as well that I inherit and would have them in a separate account with the charities she had for the contingent if I don't need to spend it to go to those charities on my death instead of the husband's family.

[shadowcatzxxx]

8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

We cant discuss politics here.

But on the subject of immigration. In spite of what you may be reading in the media, being appropriately documented does NOT put you at risk of "being snatched". I live in NYC and know multiple people who are at varying stages of immigration paperwork. None of them feel "at risk", because they have their papers in order. 

That said...immigration law, in the United States, IS somewhat complicated to navigate and therefore mistakes CAN be made. So establishing your marriage overseas is one way of preventing errors but then you are merely landing into the same complications of expat life in another country. Choose wisely because certain destinations are actually MORE complicated and bureaucratic for extended stays and then you BOTH end up with problems !

Yeah ... I would say this is more about relationship logistic issues than politics.

The issue in  our case isn't so much "being" here, but getting INto the country. I've spoken with immigration lawyers and, of course, thousands of non-citizens come and go all the time with no problem. The issue seems to be that if someone arrives and encounters an agent who either got up on the wrong side of bed, or hasn't reached their quota yet, things could get troublesome. One lawyer told me in no uncertain terms that under current circumstances, if we Do plan for him to come here, NOT to say anything about getting married, because then they will NOT let him in. (From her experience.) And of course, if they grab someone for no good reason, they refuse to admit error, and instead conjure up a criminal record out of nothing. 

That said, you are 100% CORRECT about the bureaucracy in many destinations, ... especially some EU countries! The paperwork and glacially slow process of getting even the simplest, most basic paperwork processed is both mind-blowing and infuriating. (Like, you can't open a bank account without a solid local address ... and you can't buy property or sign a long-term lease without a bank account!) Which is why we haven't done that yet ... and won't, unless/until we feel we need to certify/verify our relationship for other reasons and have no other choice.

[+ Charlie]

In the eyes of the straight world, my partner was definitely the senior partner in our relationship (age, income, family background), but from the perspective of gay acquaintances, I was definitely the senior partner in the gay world in which we became a couple (I had been an officer in a gay rights organization when he was still in the closet--he wasn't even out to his gay brother until after we became a couple). Age can be a state of mind as well as a number.

[dbar123]

I’m almost 72 and my current FB is 25. Normally I don’t go for 20 something’s but this one is so much fun and makes very few demands of me so it’s a pure delight. We just enjoy each other.