How often do you do freebies, after clients or when biz is quiet?

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I know this sounds like a moot point: but I been letting myself fall into this habit, and lately the past 2-3 times I’ve felt worse after. Not in the sense of didn’t enjoy it, but the fact that I’m doing the same thing I’d technically be getting paid for. And the reason I feel worse isn’t just because not getting paid: but it just seems the lack of appreciation and return from the guys. They see it as just a hookup, but they don’t see the behind the scenes shit I do to make that happen. I’m usually traveling, or booking hotels, coordinating my body and mind to ensure I’m horny enough to give them a good time. 
 

I guess sex work spoils me to an extent because of the gratitude and giving of the client, which in turn covers hotels (which lately, is my main means of hosting), travel, bills, etc. 

I feel lot of these non client hookups are so meaningless. They aren’t trying to establish a relationship, or contribute to any of the expenses I have to make the arrangement happen, etc.

I know technically, casual hookups and dating shouldn’t be based on “Money”, but many of these guys are wanting the same thing a paying client wants: no strings, getting fucked, leave after it’s over. The past few times I’ve had free sex, it’s felt almost the same as meeting a client.
 

I usually “allow” myself up to one freebie encounter per week or 2.  But sometimes even that isn’t worth it. Lot of these guys aren’t bringing anything differently to the table. It’s the same 30 minutes to an hour of fun, and then they go about their usual and I don’t even get paid.

That’s why I’m considering deleting my hookup/phone apps because it’s just a waste of energy sometimes. But I like being able to meet someone I’m attracted to, who’s closer to or under my age every so often. However, some clients including the older guys, are fairly attractive. Which fixes that urge. So in some ways, it’s almost pointless to even be looking for anything else. 

I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with someone, but the cards for it haven’t been lining up at all lately. It’s either a distance issue, or circumstances issue.
 

I think I’m going to start only using hookup apps as a low cost alternative to my other ads. So even if I can’t get the amount I normally do, it’ll be something. Like the other month, I hooked up with a couple fairly decent guys for 1/4 of what I normally charge.

I know that’s probably frowned upon by many professionals, but: when you’re in a hotel room or visiting a new city and hours go by without a booking, I feel I get restless. Like I almost have to “make use” of the room, even if one client might have shown up earlier in the day. When in reality, they can be helping me out by like.. creating some content or video for my website 🤷🏾‍♂️ 
 

But like I say, the past 3 hookups I had were great: but afterwards I just felt I wasted my time because non of the guys were really serious. They fuck and then go back to their own life and agenda, and act like they’re too busy to meet again unless it’s on THEIR limited schedule. So, I think going forward I’m only going to use hookup apps as “discount booking sites” if and when I have spare time. I’ll probably have to stick with going to nightclubs if I’m wanting to socialize outside of clients.

 

Edited April 10 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Following up to this again: this is the level I feel I’m on. I also think it could be useful in escort/client interactions too:

How to quit gay dating apps and take back control of your life

WWW.ESSYKNOPF.COM

---

Sick of the daily Grindr, but not sure if you're ready to quit gay dating apps for good? Here are six ways you can take...

It’s important to remember that many gay dating app users are simply “playing the numbers game”, texting countless others just to see who will bite.

 

Hmm, that sounds familiar. Insert “RentMen users” in place of dating apps sometimes lol. 
 

Also another article (though obviously I can’t say I’m going to give up sex all together, but just from an overall standpoint of stuff outside of paid arrangements). 

 

I gave up casual sex and dating apps to try and find a deeper connection. It's been almost a year since I've slept with someone.

WWW.BUSINESSINSIDER.COM

---

About a year ago, I realized I was having casual sex to avoid being lonely, and I wanted something more. I'm...

Edited April 10 by Jarrod_Uncut

[jeezifonly]

This topic might be better placed in Questions About Hiring, so more providers might see it.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I think it's important (healthy) to have both casual and paid sex as an escort.

You cannot mentally allow yourself to fully monetize the act.  It will ruin you in the long run.

[Jamie21]

Casual sex is very different to paid sex for me. If I’m being paid, I’m not thinking of my enjoyment (except that I enjoy his enjoyment of it). I’m working so I’m thinking of time, what he likes, what might I do next, and if it’s for porn I’m thinking of camera angles etc. It’s definitely not recreational.

With casual sex I think I take a more selfish approach and I don’t think afterwards ‘I could have charged x for that’ because it’s a very different experience. I have less recreational sex though now than before I was doing sex work. I tend to want to save the energy for the work, which I think is not necessarily a healthy approach! 

[Simon Suraci]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Casual sex is very different to paid sex for me. If I’m being paid, I’m not thinking of my enjoyment (except that I enjoy his enjoyment of it). I’m working so I’m thinking of time, what he likes, what might I do next, and if it’s for porn I’m thinking of camera angles etc. It’s definitely not recreational.

With casual sex I think I take a more selfish approach and I don’t think afterwards ‘I could have charged x for that’ because it’s a very different experience. I have less recreational sex though now than before I was doing sex work. I tend to want to save the energy for the work, which I think is not necessarily a healthy approach! 

100% agree

[Jarrod_Uncut]

7 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

I think it's important (healthy) to have both casual and paid sex as an escort.

You cannot mentally allow yourself to fully monetize the act.  It will ruin you in the long run.

I guess in my case though, the past few hookups I’ve had have mostly been with all new guys. I used to have a regular FWB in the area, but I think he got too strung out on whatever he was doing (that I was not) and I haven’t seen him around in awhile.

And with it being new guys, they haven’t been consistent. It’s not even just about monetizing it, but more like: “they aren’t on this journey with me.” So…what are we doing? I know it sounds like a money thing, but there’s other aspects to it. Like recognizing one another’s struggles/ambitions. Which again, technically I guess it’s not to be expected in hookups, but that’s why it loses its value for me at times.
 

I’ll mention even further, many of my latest hookups have been on the interracial front…so sometimes I feel EVEN MORE that the guys are going into it NSA by default, and generally viewing it like we have not much in common except fucking. At the same time, it’s not just limited to that. Similar race dudes be playing games too, but the other week a friend made a suggestion about my hookups based on the last guy I quasi-dated briefly.
 

7 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Casual sex is very different to paid sex for me. If I’m being paid, I’m not thinking of my enjoyment (except that I enjoy his enjoyment of it). I’m working so I’m thinking of time, what he likes, what might I do next, and if it’s for porn I’m thinking of camera angles etc. It’s definitely not recreational.

With casual sex I think I take a more selfish approach and I don’t think afterwards ‘I could have charged x for that’ because it’s a very different experience. I have less recreational sex though now than before I was doing sex work. I tend to want to save the energy for the work, which I think is not necessarily a healthy approach! 

Well yeah, I don’t think “I should have charged for that” either necessarily. Even though I admit I HAVE had those feelings, but that was more in my younger days. 
 

When I talk about the monetary part of things, it’s not necessarily that I’m asking to get paid: but rather for people to contribute. And most hookup guys don’t want to contribute. Like the other week, I spent money to get a nice hotel room in downtown area of town: not for a client, but to spend time with a “past Instagram hookup” guy for a night out.
 

Now, I didn’t EXPECT him to offer to pay half or a portion, nor did I get my hopes up that he didn’t: but the fact that he didn’t, it further goes to show how these hookups are one sided. Technically I didn’t have the money reserved to do that, but I did so because it was convenient near him…since I live far. But since then, he’s been acting fake and phony, selectively returning messages, and didn’t even include me in his concert plans last weekend. Yet I’m spending money on a hotel? That’s bullshit. He won’t be getting a 2nd effort date from me.

Occasionally I have ask guys to go partial on a room and some been okay with it, if their place isn’t suitable. But as I’ve said elsewhere, I don’t always like spending the night with new guys because some aren’t always transparent about their time obligations. I’m not some trick or tramp to be made to leave out at 8 a.m.

I’m just over it though. I think I been in a funk about hookups/dating ever since February: I went to reconnect with a guy in another state, he was making all the right moves and on his best behavior, and then started acting weird out of nowhere. I could tell he wasn’t being genuine about his intentions, and it just made me realize how stupid I was to think he was going to be any “different” than the rest of the scene queens in that town. 

Thats why I’m like, I have to limit how much I give myself up to the non-pay breeds. Their lack of transparency in situations…can’t go too far out of my way for them, because they won’t do the same. Lot of these guys act like bad clients, who should be blocked and blacklisted lol.

Edited April 11 by Jarrod_Uncut

[marylander1940]

Many escort friends while travelling go on Grindr and get laid for free after the day is over and they're done with clients.

What a wonderful life! Making money while on vacation and having sex with gorgeous men after business!

Edited April 11 by marylander1940

[Jarrod_Uncut]

11 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Many escort friends while travelling go on Grindr and get laid for free after the day is over and they're done with clients.

What a wonderful life! Making money while on vacation and having sex with gorgeous men after business!

And on the anniversary of the Titanic; that assumption can often lead to missing: the iceberg 🏔️ right ahead 😐 

That may work for some, but many of us don’t operate as lavish as that. I remember chatting to one popular guy here, and he said the same: “I’d love to hookup with other guys after work but…I don’t”. 
 

Like I said too, the lack of transparency from Grindr guys is my issue. Last December, I was traveling and stopped in Chicago for the night. I had no bookings, so I decided to go on one of the apps…hoping for something during the time I had my hotel. Which I did, but he didn’t reply back until nearing check out time.

I should have continued on to my destination, but I had an extra day to spare…and I was glad to find someone decent, considering all the trash 🚮 I been dealing with most of last year at home. Ended up with $220 in impound fees and damn near panic attack. Like dude, how could you not tell me your apartment complex tows anyone without a permit after 8 p.m. 🤦🏾‍♂️ 

The apps can be more of a distraction than anything. Sometimes the distraction is beneficial, but other times it just gets me off track and fucks up the flow of what I’m doing. It can often feel like a place to offer “pro-bono” escort services unless they are interested in a consistent, transparent situation. 

Edited April 12 by Jarrod_Uncut

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

And on the anniversary of the Titanic; that assumption can often lead to missing: the iceberg 🏔️ right ahead 😐 

That may work for some, but many of us don’t operate as lavish as that. I remember chatting to one popular guy here, and he said the same: “I’d love to hookup with other guys after work but…I don’t”. 
 

Like I said too, the lack of transparency from Grindr guys is my issue. Last December, I was traveling and stopped in Chicago for the night. I had no bookings, so I decided to go on one of the apps…hoping for something during the time I had my hotel. Which I did, but he didn’t reply back until nearing check out time.

I should have continued on to my destination, but I had an extra day to spare…and I was glad to find someone decent, considering all the trash 🚮 I been dealing with most of last year at home. Ended up with $220 in impound fees and damn near panic attack. Like dude, how could you not tell me your apartment complex tows anyone without a permit after 8 p.m. 🤦🏾‍♂️ 

The apps can be more of a distraction than anything. Sometimes the distraction is beneficial, but other times it just gets me off track and fucks up the flow of what I’m doing. It can often feel like a place to offer “pro-bono” escort services unless they are interested in a consistent, transparent situation. 

that's a scene from The Great Gatsby, no need to bring the Titanic.

Everything could be a distraction in this day and age, especially if it's in your phone. My escort friends, simply say on Grindr "Visiting XX" and let guys contact them, mute, delete those who aren't a match and send pics to those they find attractive. They also block clients to avoid drama. 

Please, someone didn't reply to you till you check out the next day? That's called life! I'm sure there were other interested in you that same night. Sometimes it's all about timing. I'm amazed about your ability to remember details like this, I'm sure you'd have other successful interactions on Grindr while seeing clients on a successful trip. 

[DaltonJ]

On 4/10/2024 at 4:03 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I know this sounds like a moot point: but I been letting myself fall into this habit, and lately the past 2-3 times I’ve felt worse after. Not in the sense of didn’t enjoy it, but the fact that I’m doing the same thing I’d technically be getting paid for. And the reason I feel worse isn’t just because not getting paid: but it just seems the lack of appreciation and return from the guys. They see it as just a hookup, but they don’t see the behind the scenes shit I do to make that happen. I’m usually traveling, or booking hotels, coordinating my body and mind to ensure I’m horny enough to give them a good time. 
 

I guess sex work spoils me to an extent because of the gratitude and giving of the client, which in turn covers hotels (which lately, is my main means of hosting), travel, bills, etc. 

I feel lot of these non client hookups are so meaningless. They aren’t trying to establish a relationship, or contribute to any of the expenses I have to make the arrangement happen, etc.

I know technically, casual hookups and dating shouldn’t be based on “Money”, but many of these guys are wanting the same thing a paying client wants: no strings, getting fucked, leave after it’s over. The past few times I’ve had free sex, it’s felt almost the same as meeting a client.
 

I usually “allow” myself up to one freebie encounter per week or 2.  But sometimes even that isn’t worth it. Lot of these guys aren’t bringing anything differently to the table. It’s the same 30 minutes to an hour of fun, and then they go about their usual and I don’t even get paid.

That’s why I’m considering deleting my hookup/phone apps because it’s just a waste of energy sometimes. But I like being able to meet someone I’m attracted to, who’s closer to or under my age every so often. However, some clients including the older guys, are fairly attractive. Which fixes that urge. So in some ways, it’s almost pointless to even be looking for anything else. 

I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with someone, but the cards for it haven’t been lining up at all lately. It’s either a distance issue, or circumstances issue.
 

I think I’m going to start only using hookup apps as a low cost alternative to my other ads. So even if I can’t get the amount I normally do, it’ll be something. Like the other month, I hooked up with a couple fairly decent guys for 1/4 of what I normally charge.

I know that’s probably frowned upon by many professionals, but: when you’re in a hotel room or visiting a new city and hours go by without a booking, I feel I get restless. Like I almost have to “make use” of the room, even if one client might have shown up earlier in the day. When in reality, they can be helping me out by like.. creating some content or video for my website 🤷🏾‍♂️ 
 

But like I say, the past 3 hookups I had were great: but afterwards I just felt I wasted my time because non of the guys were really serious. They fuck and then go back to their own life and agenda, and act like they’re too busy to meet again unless it’s on THEIR limited schedule. So, I think going forward I’m only going to use hookup apps as “discount booking sites” if and when I have spare time. I’ll probably have to stick with going to nightclubs if I’m wanting to socialize outside of clients.

 

Hi Jarrod - have you considered that some of your clients would want a scenario where you didn’t leave, where it wasn’t all about getting fucked, etc.?  Is it possible that some of your regular clients may view you more than just provider getting paid for your services? But they don’t act on asking for a relationship bc of the nature of the hookup and to respect unspoken boundaries?
 

For some, I don’t think these client hookups are “meaningless.” Sex is intimate, whether it’s paid or not. It’s an intimate experience. And seeing a client regularly, that experience has to naturally deepen in some way. Whether it’s acted upon outside the client/provider relationship is a different story, but I think the experience deepens in some way.
 

So if you’re getting money and gratitude from a client, that you’re not getting from non client hookups, have you thought of pursuing one with a client that checks off the OTHER boxes that you seek from non client hookups, would be my question?

[Jamie21]

4 hours ago, DaltonJ said:

For some, I don’t think these client hookups are “meaningless.” Sex is intimate, whether it’s paid or not. It’s an intimate experience. And seeing a client regularly, that experience has to naturally deepen in some way. Whether it’s acted upon outside the client/provider relationship is a different story, but I think the experience deepens in some way.

This is an interesting perspective and I agree with it to an extent. Doing sex work it’s easy to transactionalise (is that a word??? well you know what mean) client sessions and overlook the intimacy and companionship angle. 

I was talking about this with another provider I know after we’d done a duo session (4 hands massage plus extras) for a client. The client was ecstatic about the session in his feedback afterwards. It had had a profound impact on him. After the client had left I was talking with the guy I’d worked with and reflecting that it was just a routine part of our day, as in get up, eat, do some chores, see the client, have lunch etc….What was to us an every day occurrence we’d almost forgotten about as soon as he left, was to him something extra special that would stay with him for ages.

It’s so easy to fall into that way of thinking that you risk forgetting that to many of your clients it’s something quite different and that’s why they hired you. 

Obviously because we’re professional and take the work seriously I guess we make it look like it’s not ‘routine’ but the risk of letting it appear to be transactional is always there (especially if you see a few clients in a day for example). 

Where I think the challenge comes though, which is why I caveat my agreement to your point @DaltonJ, is that for regular clients where the relationship and intimacy does deepen  (which is great!) the risk is the client believes it has or can go beyond a provider/client situation whereas you as the provider don’t want that, and of course you don’t see it coming until he tells you! I’ve had that once or twice and it’s horrible to have to bring things back from that.

It’s a really difficult tightrope to walk and is why most providers will want to keep their work and their non work sex quite separate. If indeed there is much non work sex!! (and that’s a different topic 🙂). 

 

[DaltonJ]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

This is an interesting perspective and I agree with it to an extent. Doing sex work it’s easy to transactionalise (is that a word??? well you know what mean) client sessions and overlook the intimacy and companionship angle. 

I was talking about this with another provider I know after we’d done a duo session (4 hands massage plus extras) for a client. The client was ecstatic about the session in his feedback afterwards. It had had a profound impact on him. After the client had left I was talking with the guy I’d worked with and reflecting that it was just a routine part of our day, as in get up, eat, do some chores, see the client, have lunch etc….What was to us an every day occurrence we’d almost forgotten about as soon as he left, was to him something extra special that would stay with him for ages.

It’s so easy to fall into that way of thinking that you risk forgetting that to many of your clients it’s something quite different and that’s why they hired you. 

Obviously because we’re professional and take the work seriously I guess we make it look like it’s not ‘routine’ but the risk of letting it appear to be transactional is always there (especially if you see a few clients in a day for example). 

Where I think the challenge comes though, which is why I caveat my agreement to your point @DaltonJ, is that for regular clients where the relationship and intimacy does deepen  (which is great!) the risk is the client believes it has or can go beyond a provider/client situation whereas you as the provider don’t want that, and of course you don’t see it coming until he tells you! I’ve had that once or twice and it’s horrible to have to bring things back from that.

It’s a really difficult tightrope to walk and is why most providers will want to keep their work and their non work sex quite separate. If indeed there is much non work sex!! (and that’s a different topic 🙂). 

 

Hi, Jamie — I completely agree that the risk of the experience deepening is more on the client side. Providers work hard to create a personalized and meaningful experience while keeping clear boundaries, and that’s no easy task. It’s impressive how providers can balance intimacy and professionalism to make the session feel special for the client. Managing client expectations while still delivering a quality experience takes a lot of skill and care. 👏 

A BFE, for example, by its very nature, suggests an added layer where the experience isn't meant to feel like anonymous sex. I think most clients appreciate this and would likely NOT want a session to feel transactional.

I understand the challenge you described, and I agree that the risk of crossing boundaries and blurring lines between a provider/client relationship and something more personal is typically greater on the client side. There are exceptions, but generally speaking, this is more likely to be an issue for the client than the provider.

Regarding Jarrod's original post, and I can be completely misunderstanding here, but what I am taking away from his post is it seems he feels a disconnect in non-client hookups because they lack the depth and consideration he experiences with clients. It’s possible that some of his regulars have connected with him in a way that could lead to a more meaningful relationship. If that's the case, it could be worth exploring, but that comes with its own set of complexities and considerations.

If Jarrod IS looking for a meaningful relationship, he might find it more easily with one of his clients than through non-client hookups. Most “meaningful relationships” would likely involve shared expenses and a journey together, as I am understanding from his OP (but again, I’m not speaking him). Of course, such a shift would mean moving away from a provider/client dynamic whereby the foundation of that dynamic is predicated on the client paying the provider for a sexual experience, thus requiring careful thought and communication since that will now cease.

[ICTJOCK]

It does happen once in a while,  but generally for a reason.