Dual post:Reconsidering removing number/Questioning use of RentMasseur

[Your Man in Arlington]

10 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I would like to turn the tables a bit: what if an escort contacted a client, say: from seeing them view their profile. Escort says verbatim what fake client said: “hey I would like to see you blah blah blah and I’m staying at the Hilton hotel in blah blah city. Would you like an appointment tonight. If so, how much are you willing to pay?” And what if after client replied back, escort doesn’t respond? How would a client feel about that?

This is a super-helpful explanation of your experience.

I'm still recently back into this, but I try to research in advance fairly well, starting with actually reading their profile (and Twitter/OnlyFans/website, if they have those) in detail!

Not everyone is as thorough as you in the information they provide, so the only times I've had followup questions are if I really do need more information (eg. some guys leave the "I am into" section blank) or a face pic. In both of these cases I make sure our schedules line up first, so I'm not wasting our time.

So far, it's worked out and I've booked every guy I've reached out to. I'm sure this won't be the case every time, but hopefully it's the rule rather the exception.

[Simon Suraci]

13 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

It’s not an excuse, they shouldn’t ghost but some do, and it’s because they’re paying (or would be paying). Customers feel like they can call the shots.

I agree. It’s shitty, but the world won’t change for us. You either adapt and learn to not let it bother you, or you resolve to be eternally frustrated.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 10/25/2023 at 2:23 AM, Jamie21 said:

It’s not an excuse, they shouldn’t ghost but some do, and it’s because they’re paying (or would be paying). Customers feel like they can call the shots.

 

 

On 10/25/2023 at 4:15 PM, Simon Suraci said:

I agree. It’s shitty, but the world won’t change for us. You either adapt and learn to not let it bother you, or you resolve to be eternally frustrated.

Well I’m not asking for the world to change for “us”. I’m moreso asking for understanding and respect, accountability and reliability from those who initiate contact. It’s not a distant fantasy, it just takes the will to ask and command it.

If I were to take your stance, and just be perpetually “unbothered”, then I would have never taken the steps to create a website, start asking for deposits, stop taking phone calls at random out the blue and having my time wasted, list goes on. I’d probably be just like some  other advertisers: letting clients flake on them or never reporting the repeat offenders to the proper channels. And those same guys don’t really take the business serious either so: you have both sides just playing games with each other.

Not everybody operates that way.

You can’t just give 2 options and take it or leave it. Sometimes it takes some standing up from oneself, and part of doing that is letting people know: if you contact me and don’t reply/respond, don’t expect me to continue being willing to offer my services to you. And I don’t have to say that in silence. I don’t have a problem letting them know I’m burning their bridge, if they have proven in previous correspondence to be disingenuous. Because if I don’t, they are liable to come around and do it again, as I’ve posted evidence in photos in this thread: and that “unbothered” attitude that you suggest, opens the door for them to mess me around again. 
 

They’re not paying or would be paying until they actually book a session or send a deposit at the very least. Beyond that, they’re nobody until they have actually shown a vested interest. Sex work can be a very intimate industry but also one full of adversaries. A person who who doesn’t respect my time or blows me off isn’t a bother to me. It’s simply an indication that the person is a potential enemy and I need to prevent or stop meeting them. 
 

At the end of the day, it’s my soul and my energy I’m lending to these guys. If they can’t show respect to me before even meeting me, or they have met me and continue to show disrespect: they have no business in my space. And I have no problem telling them that. That’s not being perpetually frustrated, that’s communicating boundaries and showing others that they can’t treat sex workers like nobodies just because it doesn’t have the same standards of other businesses. 

Edited November 1, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

5 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Well I’m not asking for the world to change for “us”. I’m moreso asking for understanding and respect, accountability and reliability from those who initiate contact. It’s not a distant fantasy, it just takes the will to ask and command it.

You can ask for it, you can set yourself up in expectation of it, you can respond appropriately when you don’t get it, all this I agree with and do myself, but I think you can’t command it. That’s like standing at the sea shore and commanding the tide to turn, and being frustrated when it doesn’t.

I argue that it’s best to accept that some people will be flaky etc and despite all your efforts they’ll still be like that and they’ll still try it on with you. It’s futile to expect everyone to change. This is human nature, alongside the good there’s the bad. The good cannot exist without the bad. So I reconcile myself to it because it’s essential for one’s well being in this business. 

[Simon Suraci]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You can ask for it, you can set yourself up in expectation of it, you can respond appropriately when you don’t get it, all this I agree with and do myself, but I think you can’t command it. That’s like standing at the sea shore and commanding the tide to turn, and being frustrated when it doesn’t.

I argue that it’s best to accept that some people will be flaky etc and despite all your efforts they’ll still be like that and they’ll still try it on with you. It’s futile to expect everyone to change. This is human nature, alongside the good there’s the bad. The good cannot exist without the bad. So I reconcile myself to it because it’s essential for one’s well being in this business. 

I agree.

To clarify, it’s ok to have boundaries. We shouldn’t be doormats. When a client flakes, I don’t book them again. At the same time, I have no need to spend emotional energy going out of my way to make them feel bad for flaking. If it helps you emotionally to vent, by all means, call them out. They don’t care though, and calling them out won’t change their behavior. Some clients are shitty, and will be shitty no matter what.

You mention your website and deposits and such. Great. I have policies and ways of doing business too, and it does cut down on a lot of nonsense. Even when we have policies in place to weed out some of the worst offenders, we can’t possibly prevent them all. I accept that fact and move on. To dwell on clients being shitty is a “me” problem.

I can’t force clients to change their behavior.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

15 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You can ask for it, you can set yourself up in expectation of it, you can respond appropriately when you don’t get it, all this I agree with and do myself, but I think you can’t command it. That’s like standing at the sea shore and commanding the tide to turn, and being frustrated when it doesn’t.

I argue that it’s best to accept that some people will be flaky etc and despite all your efforts they’ll still be like that and they’ll still try it on with you. It’s futile to expect everyone to change. This is human nature, alongside the good there’s the bad. The good cannot exist without the bad. So I reconcile myself to it because it’s essential for one’s well being in this business. 

 

12 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

I agree.

To clarify, it’s ok to have boundaries. We shouldn’t be doormats. When a client flakes, I don’t book them again. At the same time, I have no need to spend emotional energy going out of my way to make them feel bad for flaking. If it helps you emotionally to vent, by all means, call them out. They don’t care though, and calling them out won’t change their behavior. Some clients are shitty, and will be shitty no matter what.

You mention your website and deposits and such. Great. I have policies and ways of doing business too, and it does cut down on a lot of nonsense. Even when we have policies in place to weed out some of the worst offenders, we can’t possibly prevent them all. I accept that fact and move on. To dwell on clients being shitty is a “me” problem.

I can’t force clients to change their behavior.

I agree with you both, thanks for acknowledging the facts. I’ll try to keep in mind to allow minimal distraction from those who are not intent on being a drama/flake free client.