Working with nervous clients

[ICTJOCK]

So I had a client yesterday that I met for the first time.  It had been billed as a “get acquainted” meeting.  I don’t do those often, but I sensed this guy was somewhat new and wanted him to be comfortable and relaxed with me.  We chatted and after a bit took the initiative with a kiss and what I call an “introduction”.  He was still very nervous and was actually shaking when I kissed him.  All that changed once I got started, but I absolutely made sure he was thrilled with the outcome and had a great time.  He did.  So for the escorts out there, how do you react to the nervous client and for the clients, do you ever have an issue with this and how do you work through it?

[Decatur Guy]

Client POV: First of all, it's great you ask clients their perspective. That puts you way ahead of the game of many providers. I was definitely nervous the first few times I did hiring. But I wasn't a newbie to gay sex, so that helped a lot. I guess I had a drink or two to relax, thinking back on it (don't drink now). But just enough for a buzz. I don't like to be too far gone for an encounter like that.

I still get nervous sometimes meeting someone for the first time, especially if he isn't reviewed or is a particularly large guy (body size or cock size). But the nerves are just standard -- they don't interfere with the session. Sometimes I've had providers who were nervous, and I just try to make them feel unthreatened and take things at an easy-going pace.

[Jamie21]

I like the ‘get acquainted’ approach. Sounds good. Most of my clients are massage clients. Those that are anxious or new to make to male experience appreciate the opportunity to treat the session as just a naked massage. That way they can tell themselves nothing need happen unless they choose it during the session. We go at their pace. 

I find that working with anxious or ‘exploring’ clients probably the most rewarding and interesting sessions. It’s so fulfilling when they say they had a great time. One of the best parts of the work. 
 

[+ bashful]

I haven't hired often, but usually tell a new hire that I haven't had much experience with men, and limited activities.  Most took me though a wonderful experience, but a couple, meh.  

[CuriousByNature]

19 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

So I had a client yesterday that I met for the first time.  It had been billed as a “get acquainted” meeting.  I don’t do those often, but I sensed this guy was somewhat new and wanted him to be comfortable and relaxed with me.  We chatted and after a bit took the initiative with a kiss and what I call an “introduction”.  He was still very nervous and was actually shaking when I kissed him.  All that changed once I got started, but I absolutely made sure he was thrilled with the outcome and had a great time.  He did.  So for the escorts out there, how do you react to the nervous client and for the clients, do you ever have an issue with this and how do you work through it?

If I am ever kissed at some point in my life, I have no doubt my shaking would register on the Richter scale - LOL.  Or I suppose it's the modified Mercali scale now.  🤣

 

 

 

[ICTJOCK]

22 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

If I am ever kissed at some point in my life, I have no doubt my shaking would register on the Richter scale - LOL.  Or I suppose it's the modified Mercali scale now.  🤣

 

 

 

I’d likely have you shaking when I got done with you… haha

[Simon Suraci]

I’ve had clients like this before. One was just seeing me for massage. He was trembling and stiff when I first met him in my building lobby. He could barely speak. After a few minutes I put him at ease, he opened up, and we had a great session. He had only had one m4m encounter in his life (decades before) and was very nervous.

My clients tell me I have an uncanny ability of putting them at ease. It’s one of the many things a good provider must do well to be successful.

[NyGold]

Good providers can read body language, read between the lines, and adjust immediately to what “act” works best with which client.

Not that different from real life - even in a hookup as opposed to a relationship - you do better if you constantly recalibrate based on the other persons comfort, needs as they express them, your drawing out those expressions etc

 

[Rand]

Yet no one has said what they actually DO to ease the nervous client. 

[NyGold]

We’re human … in real life as well as in the hobby we may filter based on more “base” criteria … “ but who will I be comfortable with” is probably the most important question.

It’s also why even before meeting in person the interaction / questions stage can be important. Picture the nervous clients described here on text with a provider losing patience with someone as a booking isn’t confirmed in a nanosecond.

[LD19847]

I'm not a provider but as someone who has had mild bouts of anxiety in the past, the absolute one thing not to do when someone who is shaking is say "You're shaking!".

If a client is nervous, then it's in part they see you as important or may be overawed by you.  It obviously doesn't help if you're already in the bedroom but I've found meeting someone at a public place first and walking together to the hotel/their place helps break the ice.

Some people just a bit more time to adapt to new social situations and "rise to the surface" when meeting new people.  

Lying down and practising deep nasal breathing -  breathe in for 4 seconds, hold, and breathe out for 4 seconds - can also help.

 

Edited September 3, 2023 by LD19847

[56harrisond]

All clients are different and have a variety of past experiences, so there isn't one thing to specifically do. Just be confident in the service you provide.

[tightroundass]

I ask that they put on blindfold and enjoy hot  French kissing for a few minutes. It seems to work well. 

[Your Man in Arlington]

I was recently out on my second experience with a provider in decades, who I found to be unexpectedly hot in person, even after thinking he looked plenty hot in his photos. After a some quick hellos and a sip of water, we headed to the bedroom where he starts right into making out with me. It was amazing, but I was such a bundle of nerves (or overawed as @LD19847 said) that I was shaking and I myself said something about being nervous when we first came up for air.

In the sweetest and most casual-but-not dismissive way, he said "No need to be nervous." From there what proceeded was a super-fun couple of hours. I think it helped me to acknowledge my nervousness, but not give it undue attention or significance, and know that he was OK with everything that was happening, too.

Edited September 26, 2023 by Your Man in Arlington
Syntax

[mistrmikey]

1 hour ago, Your Man in Arlington said:

I was recently out on my second experience with a provider in decades, who I found to be unexpectedly hot in person, even after thinking he looked plenty hot in his photos. After a some quick hellos and a sip of water, we headed to the bedroom where he starts right into making out with me. It was amazing, but I was such a bundle of nerves (or overawed as @LD19847 said) that I was shaking and I myself said something about being nervous when we first came up for air.

In the sweetest and most casual-but-not dismissive way, he said "No need to be nervous." From there what proceeded a super-fun couple of hours. I think it helped me to acknowledge my nervousness, but not give it undue attention or significance, and know that he was OK with everything that was happening, too.

I had a very similar experience, and when the provider responds in this way all the barriers set up by our nerves just fall away.  

Man in Arlington...is it VA or TX ?  

[Your Man in Arlington]

1 minute ago, mistrmikey said:

I had a very similar experience, and when the provider responds in this way all the barriers set up by our nerves just fall away.  

Man in Arlington...is it VA or TX ?  

Good question: It's VA.

[KrisParr]

I can’t remember if it was my second or third “hire” and I was very nervous . And this was decades ago. The provider sensed it right away and guided me to an ottoman and proceeded to give me an amazing shoulder and neck massage, all the while making some great small talk with open-ended questions. The soothing rub was just the thing - and before I knew what was happening, my shirt came unbuttoned, then off on the floor. By now, I was relaxed and old one-eye was wide awake. The rest is a blur in my memory, but no doubt was quite satisfying.

[Jamie21]

On 9/2/2023 at 5:50 PM, Rand said:

Yet no one has said what they actually DO to ease the nervous client. 

There isn’t a checklist. If there was, it wouldn’t work, it’s not possible to work like that. Each nervous client is nervous in a different way and for different reasons. You could ask them but that tends to bring attention to the anxiety. I handle each situation differently but I guess common themes are being reassuring (holding hands, cuddles) and taking things slowly.

I think to myself: Here is a person who has chosen me to be with during an intensely intimate and personal time when he will be vulnerable, anxious and excited. That’s something to be treated with the utmost care and sensitivity and I’m going to make him thankful for choosing me. Get in that frame of mind and your actions to reduce his anxiety are natural. 

 

[+ newatthis]

15 hours ago, Your Man in Arlington said:

In the sweetest and most casual-but-not dismissive way, he said "No need to be nervous."

I wasn't relating much to this topic -- and then this story reminded me of the first time I had a private lap dance in Montreal.  I sat stiffly on the bench, hands at my sides, while the dancer undressed and moved provocatively in front of me.  Sensing my discomfort, he gently took my hands in his, placed them on his body, and said (in French) "you can touch me".