Interest or "microagression"?

[Jamie21]

People have sometimes said very offensive things to me but luckily I chose not to be offended, it’s great!

It’s their problem if they meant it to be offensive, not my problem. And if they didn’t mean it but were just being ignorant well that’s not my problem either. They’ll learn. 

I think this is the best way to look at these things because I realise it’s entirely up to me how I choose to react to anything. 

[marylander1940]

I would ask politely: Have you ever had an ancestry.com test? and right away share my results to encourage others to share theirs or simply guess how their test would turn out,

 

[+ José Soplanucas]

4 hours ago, Lookin said:

Going into this thread, that would have been my take also.

However, having learned that several posters do find questions of ethnic origin to be insensitive or insulting, I've got no problem finding something else to talk about.

Seems equally simple to assume that folks are worthy of respect according to their own criteria.  If it takes a little extra effort and understanding on my part, I can't see any harm in that.  And I'd sure be grateful if someone showed the same effort and understanding towards me.

 

 

I agree, and that is what I mean by always making a judgment according to the circumstances. As I shared, I have asked these questions countless times and never offended anyone. But I see how the question can be constructed as offensive.

For instance, if I were in Buenos Aires, I would never ask about their origin to certain workers out of the blue. Because of local racism, some nationals hide their origin to avoid unfair discrimination against them. 

In this conversation, I find it very telling that those who recognize a potential offensive nuance in this question and advocate for tact acknowledge that it is harmless in many contexts. Blind fundamentalism is on the other side.

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

People have sometimes said very offensive things to me but luckily I chose not to be offended, it’s great!

It’s their problem if they meant it to be offensive, not my problem. And if they didn’t mean it but were just being ignorant well that’s not my problem either. They’ll learn. 

I think this is the best way to look at these things because I realise it’s entirely up to me how I choose to react to anything. 

You are advocating for a very healthy option but very selfish too. The fact that you can cope well with intolerance has nothing to do with the fact that we must cooperate in fighting to expand our rights. 

This conversation constantly switches to how thin the skin of the discriminated against minority is. However, this is actually about denouncing the mindset of the intolerant. Calling out the bigots is not playing the victim card.

So, even if you can ignore the assholes, I hope you join the fight against assholness. 

[Jamie21]

40 minutes ago, José Soplanucas said:

You are advocating for a very healthy option but very selfish too. The fact that you can cope well with intolerance has nothing to do with the fact that we must cooperate in fighting to expand our rights. 

This conversation constantly switches to how thin the skin of the discriminated against minority is. However, this is actually about denouncing the mindset of the intolerant. Calling out the bigots is not playing the victim card.

So, even if you can ignore the assholes, I hope you join the fight against assholness. 

Be like water. 

[+ Pensant]

Funny diversion: more than a few times black women have asked me or friends if my eyes are really as blue as they are. Perhaps they thought I was wearing contacts! I love when that happens. 

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Be like water. 

I try to. I love when water boils.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

conversations about race and corresponding power dynamics are complicated & nuanced.  And, I’m not surprised this is hard for many, because people tend to self-sort to be among others like themselves.  One “black friend” or one “gay friend” doesn’t make someone knowledgeable about those communities & sensitivities. Understanding those who have different life experiences doesn’t come naturally to most.

The simple rule is to not make others uncomfortable by our words & actions. If in doubt, err on the side of caution.  

As the last few years have shown, race & gender in America are topics under intense scrutiny and sensitivities are changing - what may have been ok 10 years ago is not ok today.  

 

[pubic_assistance]

22 minutes ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

the last few years have shown, race & gender in America are topics under intense scrutiny and sensitivities are changing - what may have been ok 10 years ago is not ok today.  

A powder-keg of butt-hurt used to manipulate groups of people.

Beware.

I agree with @Jamie21's approach.

 

[marylander1940]

5 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

I agree, and that is what I mean by always making a judgment according to the circumstances. As I shared, I have asked these questions countless times and never offended anyone. But I see how the question can be constructed as offensive.

For instance, if I were in Buenos Aires, I would never ask about their origin to certain workers out of the blue. Because of local racism, some nationals hide their origin to avoid unfair discrimination against them. 

In this conversation, I find it very telling that those who recognize a potential offensive nuance in this question and advocate for tact acknowledge that it is harmless in many contexts. Blind fundamentalism is on the other side.

Good point considering you lived in a country where over 90% of the population claims to be white including those who are called  cabecitas negras  and where black face during independence day is normal and not seeing as offensive.

 

 

Time to challenge Argentina’s white European self-image, black history experts say | Argentina | The Guardian

WWW.THEGUARDIAN.COM

---

New generation of researchers say country must confront its ‘erasure of blackness’ and the structural racism that exists today

I was just reading about the murder of Fernando Báez Sosa and all the racists slurs he was called while he was lynched to death by a group of white rugby players. 

Sorry for taking this off subject! 

I'm 100% Irish Catholic but I don't look "Celtic" like some members of my family and I was never considered Irish a block away. 

[BSR]

16 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

Often, the critics of "victimhood" are blind to recognizing when victims exist. 

Of course it exists, some awful people will always be amongst us, but on a systemic level?  I'd point to other factors *coughsinglemotherhoodcough* but don't want to get too political.

Sad to say, for far too many Americans victimhood is social currency.  Forget fancy degrees, income, net worth, or even cock size, the ultimate in prestige and social status is victimhood.  That's why Harry & Meghan scream "racism!" every 3.5 seconds.  There is no chic like victim chic.

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, BSR said:

Of course it exists, some awful people will always be amongst us, but on a systemic level?  I'd point to other factors *coughsinglemotherhoodcough* but don't want to get too political.

Sad to say, for far too many Americans victimhood is social currency.  Forget fancy degrees, income, net worth, or even cock size, the ultimate in prestige and social status is victimhood.  That's why Harry & Meghan scream "racism!" every 3.5 seconds.  There is no chic like victim chic.

Harry and Meghan? Your compass to look for victims is pointed in the right direction (for a blind Supremacist).

[BSR]

2 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

Harry and Meghan? Your compass to look for victims is pointed in the right direction (for a blind Supremacist).

Sorry, I don't speak Victimhood.  What's a "Supremacist"?  I'm guessing it means "anyone who disagrees with me."

Edited May 22, 2023 by BSR
Added a sentence

[pubic_assistance]

50 minutes ago, BSR said:

What's a "Supremacist"?  I'm guessing it means "anyone who disagrees with me."

[marylander1940]

6 hours ago, BSR said:

Of course it exists, some awful people will always be amongst us, but on a systemic level?  I'd point to other factors *coughsinglemotherhoodcough* but don't want to get too political.

Sad to say, for far too many Americans victimhood is social currency.  Forget fancy degrees, income, net worth, or even cock size, the ultimate in prestige and social status is victimhood.  That's why Harry & Meghan scream "racism!" every 3.5 seconds.  There is no chic like victim chic.

Single motherhood wouldn't exist without irresponsible sexual behavior and irresponsible dads, somehow you always forget women don't get pregnant by themselves.

Cock size, Harry and Meghan, victimhood, well it was late at night 🤔

[SouthOfTheBorder]

10 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

A powder-keg of butt-hurt used to manipulate groups of people.

I love a vague reference to dark conspiracy theories while simultaneously sampling a 12 year-olds vocabulary; Touché, how very contemporary !

Viva La Matrix 

[Guest]

21 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

btw - this is totally outdated language <"exotic"> and not an appropriate reference to human beings. using that language makes the speaker sound old & out-of-touch. 
 

Well, when I said "exotic" I meant "uniquely handsome in a way difficult to replicate due to a lucky genetic mix." Again, if someone wants to take it in a way in which it was not intended (offensively), that's on them and how they choose to frame the word (incorrectly in this situation). I remember watching this YouTube video by this handsome trans man who complained that some people described him as "lucky." He said "How can anyone say I'm lucky when being trans has led to so many hardships?".

I responded that I believed it was likely that those who commented how lucky he was were actually complimenting his physical appearance (perhaps awkwardly?), and relaying how it was probably easier for him as a trans man compared to other trans men for this reason. I encouraged him to view those comments in the complimentary fashion in which they were probably intended. 

[pubic_assistance]

26 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

Well, when I said "exotic" I meant "uniquely handsome in a way difficult to replicate due to a lucky genetic mix." Again, if someone wants to take it in a way in which it was not intended (offensively), that's on them and how they choose to frame the word

Wokeism finds fault at every turn.

"Exotic" in humans merely refers to a blending of blood lines where you can't clearly distinguish a person's ethnic origin. I have a good friend who's Jamaican of African/European descent who's married to a Japanese woman. Their son is stunning, and yes "EXOTIC" because you can't quite peg what ethnicity he is. He's had a very good start to a modeling career since 2022 and I'm sure he represents the way the world is turning as we all mix together (while certain players try to pry us apart.)

Edited May 22, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[marylander1940]

2 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

I love a vague reference to dark conspiracy theories while simultaneously sampling a 12 year-olds vocabulary; Touché, how very contemporary !

Viva La Matrix 

Don't worry some in this forum  keep on saying victimhood and butt-hurt.

I think it's nothing but resentment towards the gay community.

[Rand]

44 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Wokeism finds fault at every turn.

"Exotic" in humans merely refers to a blending of blood lines where you can't clearly distinguish a person's ethnic origin. I have a good friend who's Jamaican of African/European descent who's married to a Japanese woman. Their son is stunning, and yes "EXOTIC" because you can't quite peg what ethnicity he is. He's had a very good start to a modeling career since 2022 and I'm sure he represents the way the world is turning as we all mix together (while certain players try to pry us apart.)

Agree!
Many people called me exotic and I couldn't even start counting how many times in my life I've been asked about my background. As @pubic_assistance said people "can't quite peg what ethnicity" I am. I blend easy with natives in many countries.
 

My reaction to that question is based on context of prior conversation. I have many friends of different ethnicities and I did speak to them about it. We all agree that context is the key. It's not the best choice for a conversation starter or a small talk.
But after a few words, If I feel genuine interest or I'm interested in that person myself I will gladly talk about it and more. If the question being asked out of boredom or as a silence filler, or they state that they are "good at pinning it down", I'll do my "inner eye-roll" and suggest them to guess. No-one could guess my background as of now and I doubt someone ever will. I guess it's my way to feel a little smug about that situation and I have no regrets 🙃

Just show us that you are not just "curious" but genuinely interested and the conversation will go smooth like butt-er.

[pubic_assistance]

27 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Don't worry some in this forum  keep on saying victimhood and butt-hurt.

I think it's nothing but resentment towards the gay community.

What exactly to they "resent" about the gay community ??

 

 

[pubic_assistance]

3 minutes ago, Rand said:

Just show us that you are not just "curious" but genuinely interested and the conversation will go smooth like butt-er.

Thank you @Rand

I find it VERY strange that anyone would take offense at the word "exotic", since personally I find that many of the people who's parents were from two very separate parts of the globe are some of the most beautiful. Hardly a comment meant to disparage anyone. More often I am celebrating the beauty in cross-cultural pairings.

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Wokeism finds fault at every turn.

"Exotic" in humans merely refers to a blending of blood lines where you can't clearly distinguish a person's ethnic origin. I have a good friend who's Jamaican of African/European descent who's married to a Japanese woman. Their son is stunning, and yes "EXOTIC" because you can't quite peg what ethnicity he is. He's had a very good start to a modeling career since 2022 and I'm sure he represents the way the world is turning as we all mix together (while certain players try to pry us apart.)

Politics?

[pubic_assistance]

5 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Politics?

"Wokeism" is a CULTURAL PHENOMENON.

It is merely USED by politicians as a tool. 

It's not a political term in and of itself.

[pubic_assistance]

"Wokeism"[ wohk-iz-uhm ] 

noun

Definition: Weaponized personal grievances masquerading as a genuine social concern.

“The only religion allowed around here is wokeism,” he complained.