Opining on the appearance of escorts

[robberbaron4u]

23 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

There's a picture of me in my profile.

Go to town .

Be still my heart! You may hold and caress my AMEX Centurion card any day!

[pubic_assistance]

21 minutes ago, robberbaron4u said:

Be still my heart! You may hold and caress my AMEX Centurion card any day!

Ha ! Thanks ..but..I posted that photo years ago. A little less blond and a little more gray these days.  When you hit your 50s you pass from prized pup to old dog.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Bottom line, you can be critical without being an asshole.

Know that difference.  It's what separates trash from treasure.

[pubic_assistance]

8 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Bottom line, you can be critical without being an asshole.

True.

Yet.

Some people have a mental trigger that identifies every criticism as an attack.

I would have never made it through architecture school if I cried every time a professor told me I could be better.

Critique is not a compliment...so you can wrap it up in a bow tie all you want but personally I find that disingenuous.

It's a fine line between being mean and simply being honest.

 

[pubic_assistance]

4 minutes ago, Walt said:

There is an ENORMOUS difference between saying something is not what you personally prefer -- vs. insulting a provider

Obviously.

The sky is also blue and water is wet.

I think the conversation is more about where that line is for people.

In my observation there's a wide range of lines and I think some of you are overly sensitive to the point of being obsequious. As if any actual criticism will get you in trouble with the authorities.

Edited September 1, 2022 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ KensingtonHomo]

7 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

You talk like my wife's lesbian friends ...

I think some people are frank in their conversational style and some like to talk around things in a Southern Belle style.

Beyond the analysis of Lesbian hatred of Patriarchal Society, this is a group of men sharing their opinions about providers not WITH providers. No one is CALLING anyone "fat", because they aren't HERE! Same way I wouldn't call one of my wife's friends fat to her face but I can certainly say it to my wife and she will giggle.

I'm a native NYer who grew up pretty poor. You will not find a more frank speaker than me. 

However, knowing that providers do check this site - in fact some moderate it - calling them "fat" or "ugly" or whatever is unnecessarily nasty. You could simply say "this person isn't my type" or just say nothing. 

And to be frank, you and your wife don't sound like people I'd want to spend time with. Again, as a NYer, we don't say shit behind your back that we wouldn't say to your face. So if you said one of my friends was fat, I would tell you that you're being an asshole. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

4 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

It's a fine line between being mean and simply being honest.

I used to think that way. But then I realized I didn't need to say everything I thought. 

And I think criticism is fair when it regards things people can control. But commenting on a person's appearance, particularly their weight, height, or facial features, is just mean-spirited. 

I prefer men taller than me (6' or taller), but I don't go from thread to thread calling the providers "midgets." So I'm frank about my preferences while not insulting or dehumanizing anyone. 

[pubic_assistance]

7 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

And to be frank, you and your wife don't sound like people I'd want to spend time with

I don't recall inviting you ! 😂But that aside you're basically proving my point. There is a line that nobody seems to agree on. I've lived in NYC all of my adult life and we are hardly considered to be rude people, yet you claim to find our style of frank discussion to be so. Perhaps some gay men who were picked on are more sensitive to criticism than I am.

I was a jock and called "faggot" plenty of times but I never allowed that to make me feel bad about myself. I know gay guys often suffer emotional triggers that they carry through their life when ever someone criticizes them because of being tormented as inferior growing up.

I work in an industry where harsh criticism is a daily occurrence and I've worked in fashion where it was even more so. I would have killed myself if I didn't brush it off easily.

You wouldn't survive a day in my shoes if you think everyone with a strong opinion is "an asshole."

[pubic_assistance]

12 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I think criticism is fair when it regards things people can control. But commenting on a person's appearance, particularly their weight, height, or facial features, is just mean-spirited. 

You can't control your weight ?

 

[Walt]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I was a jock and called "faggot" plenty of times but I never allowed that to make me feel bad about myself.

I am happy it didn't make you  personally feel badly, but just because you were treated that way, doesn't mean somehow that you can do it to others.  Insulting/teasing/bullying/name calling others because it was what was done to you is a tradition to be broken, not to be carried on.

[TorontoDrew]

I joined these boards for information.  This has turned into mean girls.  Grow up people.

[guru68]

If all else fails, there is always the "ignore" feature.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, Walt said:

just because you were treated that way, doesn't mean somehow that you can do it to others. 

You clearly missed my point.

I was saying the line between critique and insult is too close with some people because they have no coping mechanism. I wasn't saying you should deliberately insult people.

[pubic_assistance]

4 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

knowing that providers do check this site - in fact some moderate it - calling them "fat" or "ugly" or whatever is unnecessarily nasty. You could simply say "this person isn't my type" or just say nothing. 

Maybe you want to further your mission with some of the contributors to THIS thread:

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

17 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I work in an industry where harsh criticism is a daily occurrence and I've worked in fashion where it was even more so. I would have killed myself if I didn't brush it off easily.

You wouldn't survive a day in my shoes if you think everyone with a strong opinion is "an asshole."

Honey... I've been visibly queer since I am four years old. I literally had to fight off bullies for all of my schooling, I was called everything under the sun and sexually assaulted by straight guys. And I'm not only still standing, but I'm also a nationally recognized leader in my field, which involves me taking on powerful interests not negging sex workers on a website.

When I've been in work situations where people tried to be abusive to me, I corrected them because I'm not going to be someone's doormat. And I stick up for people who are less confident than me. 

I love strong opinions. I love debate. I love locking horns with people I disagree with on matters of substance. But no matter how long you've lived in NYC, if you let people abuse you to "climb the ladder", you're telling on yourself. 

Some people (like me) experience abuse, unfairness, and systemic discrimination, and we say "This is unacceptable and I won't tolerate it for me or anyone else." Other people say "I've been treated badly and can't wait to amass enough power to abuse other people." Sounds like you're the latter. 

[pubic_assistance]

21 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

if you let people abuse you to "climb the ladder", you're telling on yourself. 

STILL missing the point.

We are talking about critique. Not abuse.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

STILL missing the point.

We are talking about critique. Not abuse.

No, I have many friends who have worked in fashion and related industries. They are known for being rampant with abuse, sexual harassment, low pay early in your career, etc. That you choose to normalize abuse is on you. I had a boss raise his voice to me once. Just the one time and my reaction ensured it never happened again. 

[pubic_assistance]

19 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

 I had a boss raise his voice to me once. Just the one time and my reaction ensured it never happened again. 

Continued support of my original point. ..

Some of you all, have a hair trigger, and the slightest blip in your sense of entitlement is abuse to you.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

3 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Continued support of my original point. ..

Some of you all, have a hair trigger, and the slightest blip in your sense of entitlement is abuse to you.

Seems like a lot of projection to me. 

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Seems like a lot of projection to me. 

That comment didn't make any sense.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

12 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

That comment didn't make any sense.

Sure, it did. You're projecting your belief that people are unable to tolerate criticism onto me and others, despite no evidence because we think making insulting and dehumanizing comments about people's bodies is shitty. 

[mike carey]

Moderator's Note

Gentlemen, this thread was started to remove general discussions of escorts' appearance from a thread about one escort. There is ample scope to discuss that, although I doubt there are many thoughts that haven't already been canvassed. Stick to whether personal opinions on their appearance are useful. It's time though, to draw the line under discussing the motivations for commenting, and particularly personalising that conversation.

[LookingAround]

On 9/1/2022 at 3:45 PM, pubic_assistance said:

I was a jock and called "faggot" plenty of times but I never allowed that to make me feel bad about myself. I know gay guys often suffer emotional triggers that they carry through their life when ever someone criticizes them because of being tormented as inferior growing up.

As a gay man, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t stereotype or generalize what you think “gay guys” are like from your perch  

 

[pubic_assistance]

27 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

As a gay man, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t stereotype or generalize what you think “gay guys” are like from your perch  

And who's "perch" would you like me to speak from ?

I only know what I know.

Why don't you share the parts I missed instead of just making bitchy comments ?

Be my teacher .

Edited September 4, 2022 by pubic_assistance

[Kevin Slater]

And we're done here.