Accepting a drink while with another client.

[Cooper]

Recently I hired an escort for a long weekend. I had met him at the Gaiety and enjoyed his company while there. So I was really looking forward to spending some quality time alone with him... After dinner on our first night, we went to a NYC bar called the "Townhouse" on 58th St, a rather gay conservative establishment. While there a patron, who knew my escort from the Gaiety, decided to buy him a drink. This patron didn't ask him if he would like a drink, he just bought it. Now for my question, and it's for both escorts and members.

 

Escorts: If you are out on a date with a client, would you accept a drink from a previous client?

 

Members: If you saw an escort you knew and he was in the company of another client, would you buy him a drink?

 

I'm looking forward to reading your replies. I'll tell you the way it worked out for me after I see your responses. What happened in my case is an unbelievable story.

[Boston Guy]

On two occasions, I have seen an escort I knew in a public place with another man. On one occasion, the escort was with a younger man who I assumed to be his boyfriend. The other time the escort (a different escort) was with someone I assumed to be a client.

 

In both situations, my assumptions were based on the relative ages of the other man; I could have easily been wrong both times.

 

But both times we acknowledged each other with a polite nod and a small smile. I felt that if the escort wanted more interaction, he'd come over. That didn't happen either time and I didn't in the least feel slighted. (It's worth noting that I know one of the escorts quite well and the other not so well.)

 

I wouldn't have dreamed of buying a drink for the escort and using it as a vehicle to intrude on their conversation, even though we were in a public place. If I really wanted to buy him a drink and couldn't control the impulse, I'd ask the waiter to get them both a drink and I'd nod again and smile from a distance when the drinks were delivered. But I'd still feel like I was intruding.

 

Buying someone a drink is a way of making oneself known and visible -- often it's a "look at me" message. In this kind of situation, I'd think it was improper.

 

If I were with an escort who was bought a drink by another man, especially one who brought it over personally, I would expect the escort to respond politely with something like "Thanks, John. I'd like you to meet my friend, Ted. We're here together tonight."

 

If John insisted on becoming part of the conversation, then it would quickly become the escort's responsibility to politely explain that, while it was nice to see him, the two of us wanted some privacy. If that turned out to be difficult, and I wasn't enjoying the company of the other guy, I might well step into the middle with something like "It was a pleasure to meet you, John. Perhaps we'll see you again sometime."

 

BG

[Boston Guy]

PS: You've really piqued my curiosity with your last comment. I'm dying to hear what actually happend. }>

[marc anthony]

>

>Members: If you saw an escort you knew and he was in the

>company of another client, would you buy him a drink?

>

 

No. Personally I wouldn't buy an escort a drink if he were with another client. I would respect their own time and space. But I also wouldn't be offended if someone bought an escort a drink while I was with him... provided the buyer didn't expect that would entitle him to intrude on our private meeting.

 

There really is no reason to be jealous or offended if other people find your escort attractive.

[ted]

Would I buy a drink for an escort I knew if I saw him out with someone else? No. I would acknowledge him after he acknowledged me.

I'm not sure what the escort can do in this situation-refusing the drink makes more of a scene than simply accepting it with a simple thank you. If delivered personally, adding I am with xxx please give me a call tomorrow or whenever he will be free.

[mmk]

I do think it was inappropriate of that person to buy the escort a drink when you were with him. He should have bought a drink for you as well. What makes it even worse, just because this person is an escort, does not mean that he could not have a boyfriend which could have been you, for. From what I gather on this site, many escorts have boyfriends who do not escort yet have no problem with their boyfriend escorting. To me this does prove that some gay men can be very rude and inconsiderate when it comes to other people's space (for lack of a better term).

 

I am curious to know what the escort did. I am all for accepting a free drink but since the two of you were together, I do think that the proper thing to do would have been for the escort to turn down the drink. Now if you to were just out as friends and there was no escort/client thing going on, then I do think that him accepting the drink would not have been bad.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>I am curious to know what the escort did. I am all for

>accepting a free drink but since the two of you were

>together, I do think that the proper thing to do would have

>been for the escort to turn down the drink.

 

This might have been difficult to do as it would have drawn more attention to the scene. What the escort could have done was accept the drink and leave it untouched on the table.

 

It was incredibly bad manners to buy a drink for the escort only. He should have bought for the both of them. And God forbid - I hope he did not have the audacity to deliver the drink personally. Let's hope he sent it over with a waiter.

 

Someone should send HIM a copy of Emily Post.

 

Thunderbuns

[Cooper]

>>

But I also wouldn't be offended if someone bought an

>escort a drink while I was with him... provided the buyer

>didn't expect that would entitle him to intrude on our

>private meeting.

 

Marc,

A quick follow-up question to your post. How can you determine what the intentions of the client buying the drink are? They could be all innocent, but then again he could be making a move. And, for argument sake, did the previous client know for sure that I was a client? Perhaps I could have been his boyfriend, uncle, dad, or in this case, his grandfather! Could be risky...

 

Out to Boston Guy,

You are really good at answering these questions. That personal experience is really paying off....Be patient for how my bar incident turned out, you are going to get a real "kick" out of it...

 

I should also add that I flew this escort in from Florida and he was not working at the Gaiety that weekend.

[Guest NakedTony]

This is a complex question for which we have to make a lot of assumptions since we don't know all the circumstances. But, based on your other posts, here's how I see it.

 

The "intruder" was probably just being kind and was trying to help you and the escort celebrate your joint birthdays. Now, if he also gave the escort expensive jewlery and Broadway tickets, I'd be pissed. But a simple drink was merely a kind gesture.

 

On the other hand, maybe the escort had spoken to the "intruder" about your willingness to loan money. Perhaps the "intruder" was merely trying to break the ice so he, too, could get on your gravy train. :+

 

You said the story had an interesting ending. I suspect you probably took both guys home and one serviced your front door while the other was approaching from the rear.

 

I wish my experiences with escorts were as interesting and varied as yours.

[marc anthony]

>>>

 

>

>Marc,

>A quick follow-up question to your post. How can you

>determine what the intentions of the client buying the drink

>are? They could be all innocent, but then again he could be

>making a move. And, for argument sake, did the previous

>client know for sure that I was a client? Perhaps I could

>have been his boyfriend, uncle, dad, or in this case, his

>grandfather! Could be risky...

>

 

If he is making a move, that is classless. If he is just buying a drink, like I said, I wouldn't do it, but I also wouldn't be offended. And you can tell his intentions by whether or not anything happens after he buys the drink.

 

As for the second question, I buy drinks for lots of people and they buy drinks for me when we are out on the town. It doesn't always mean that someone is making a move on someone. If you are sitting with some relative of yours, it is easily explainable. Anyway, to each his own.. but I am not so possessive of my escorts that I expect that no one else can enjoy looking at them or do a nice gesture for them. But like I said, I totally understand that some people are NOT like me, so I don't do it myself.

[phage]

I don’t want to sound insensitive, but it was just a drink. I’m assuming the drink did not lure your boy away, so it should be an inconsequential matter. I’m also having trouble reconciling your desire to spend time alone with him and then going to a gay bar in a city where he dances. There had to be a better choice if you are that sensitive about him interacting with another man.

 

The questions you have posed recently are interesting, but it makes me wonder. Are these issues that have built up over time and you are just getting around to asking them? If not, it sure doesn’t sound like you’re having much fun. Remember fun? The reason for engaging escorts in the first place?

 

I suppose your idea of fun could be anguish and drama, but it sounds like you are emotionally vulnerable and making yourself miserable. If you can’t thicken your emotional skin a little, you would be wise to rethink this particular hobby before these boys eat you alive.

[Will]

Perhaps I'm being naive, insensitive, or both, but I don't see anything complicated about this situation at all. It was rude. Period. As BG rightly points out, sending a drink to someone else's table is a way to call attention to oneself. In this case, the drink-sender was attempting to divert your escort's attention -- not yours: he didn't send you a drink -- off of you and onto himself. I can't imagine another reasonable motive in the circumstances.

 

Let me quickly say that I'd not expect most escorts to know what to do in that situation. The classiest thing would be for him to send the drink back, with a polite "Thank you," but a clear refusal.

 

This is about manners. It's not about proprietary rights to someone else's body.

[Cooper]

>This is a complex question for which we have to make a lot

>of assumptions since we don't know all the circumstances.

>But, based on your other posts, here's how I see it.

>I wish my experiences with escorts were as interesting and

>varied as yours.

 

Hey Naked Tony,

 

I'm impressed by the clever and humorous way you have combined all my posts into one. You can interpret for me any time. (I guess I'm never going to live down that "birthday" post)...Also, your ending to my drink question is a lot funnier than what actually happened, so unless someone can come up with a better ending, I'll stick with yours!

FYI, this was a different escort (and a real hottie).

[Guest Kalifornia]

>I'm looking forward to reading your replies. I'll tell you

>the way it worked out for me after I see your responses.

 

What is this, a test?

>What happened in my case is an unbelievable story.

I bet it will be

 

Mark -Kalifornia

[Guest Kalifornia]

Marc how would you know the escort was with another client? Also, as a client would you mind being identifiedf as such in that sort of situation? I know not your original question, I am just interested.

 

Mark -Kalifornia

[+ Lucky]

:-)

[Cooper]

>Let me quickly say that I'd not expect most escorts to know

>what to do in that situation. The classiest thing would be

>for him to send the drink back, with a polite "Thank you,"

>but a clear refusal.

 

Will,

 

The above statement hit the nail right on the head. You are absolutely correct and that's what actually happened. My escort did not know how to deal with the situation and was concerned as to how I would react if he accepted it. So what he did was to turn to me and say, "he bought me a drink", and I shook my head indicating "NO"... The man came right up to the bar where we were sitting and stood next to my escort. He told the bartender to give him another drink and pointed to my escorts drink and said one more for him. Unfortunately, the patron became upset with the escorts refusal ("I can't accept this"). So what the patron did was (and to save face), he said I didn't buy that one for you and took both drinks and walked away. However, that was not the end of it. The patron became more irate as the night progressed. He came back to the escort and angrily said "a simply no thanks would have been sufficient"...Now for those of you who attend the Gaiety you'll understand what the following means, the guy took out a dollar bill and slipped it infront of the escort. I guess that was his way of reminding the escort of what he was. It was a cruel thing to do and before I could get up and punch out the guy he hurriedly left the bar...I knew my escort was hurt by what happened and I did everything I could do to cheer him up. It didn't ruin our night, for we continued to party till 4am and then took the party to the bedroom. So that's the story.

[Gigiloz4me]

>

>Escorts: If you are out on a date with a client, would you

>accept a drink from a previous client?

>

>Members: If you saw an escort you knew and he was in the

>company of another client, would you buy him a drink?

>

There isn't enough information here to answer these questions thoughtfully... however, if you can't accept the worst case scenario I would suggest not talking your dates to 'The Townhouse' and the alike.

[Rick Munroe]

>Escorts: If you are out on a date with a client, would you

>accept a drink from a previous client?

 

I would never accept a drink from anyone while out with a client. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I don't drink?

[Rick Munroe]

>...the guy took out a dollar bill and slipped

>it in front of the escort. I guess that was his way of

>reminding the escort of what he was. It was a cruel thing to

>do and before I could get up and punch out the guy he

>hurriedly left the bar...I knew my escort was hurt by what

>happened and I did everything I could do to cheer him up.

 

What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at his rear end.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

I will follow you

 

Generally, I have been very impressed with Boston Guy's comments on all three threads, and I think you have received more than sufficient adequate answers, again given the limited information you have provided. Beyond adding, that I am with Mr. Munroe in that I rarely, if ever, drink with clients, and then never on a first meeting, I would like to add on additional thought.

 

It struck me from all of your posts that one of the things that is going on is that you are experiencing the escort/client relationship for the first times or are experiencing this in a different way than before. In any event, and I am sure I sound like a broken record in repeating this, but in every instance, a lack of communication between you and your escorts appears to be happening, particularly given where you may come across them. I do not want to suggest anything one way or another beyond you should take the opportunity to discuss what your expectations are and what your mutual understanding is, at every stage of your relationship, but particularly at the outset.

 

You seem to be curious if you are doing the right thing and so far, it does not appear your own feelings have been hurt, at least not badly. You also seem to have a genuine interest in learning from your experience and trying to improve them in the future. I would hope, for your sake, this is the case.

 

Good luck.

 

Love is no subsitute for communication.

[+ deej]

>Oh, by the way, did I mention that I don't

>drink?

 

But you slurp. :+

[marc anthony]

>Marc how would you know the escort was with another client?

>Also, as a client would you mind being identifiedf as such

>in that sort of situation? I know not your original

>question, I am just interested.

>

>Mark -Kalifornia

 

Mark (Kal): You are correct. You really can't know. That is why I said I would personally never buy a drink for an escort that I knew was out with someone else. What is getting everybody excited is that I also said I wouldn't mind if someone bought an escort a drink if he were out with me. That is just me. I don't mind it at all. I think it is kind of flattering that other people find my date very attractive. As long as my escort knows who is paying his bill at the end of the night, I really could care less how many people flirt with him. But like I have said repeatedly, that is just me.

 

By the way, in reading the ending to this story, it would have been a "non-story" had it involved me. The escort in this situation very appropriately looked to his date for guidance. The client said, "No, return it." And like a good date, the escort did and that's when all the trouble began. Had it been me, the escort and I would have given a big smile and blown a kiss at the 3rd party and shared the free drink! ;-)

[marc anthony]

Oh... and in answer to the question as to whether I mind being identified as a client by another client... the answer is no. I don't mind.

[Cooper]

RE: I will follow you

 

Franco...Advice well taken...Çommunications is a big part of developing any strong relationship. However, this became the issue in the "gift-giving" post. You certainly can't go up to the guy and say, "I was expecting a gift", Christ! who would want anything under those circumstances. If gift giving is something he doesn't like doing, well he certainly likes receiving them (perhaps I can cut that out)...So how do you communicate your feelings on this matter? He doesn't seem to realize that even a small jesture of giving a card would have meant a lot to me...This escort will be spending a few days with me next week, our relationship (other than gifts/loans) is a very strong one. I have always had a great time with him and he does know how to make me feel special...If you do have any additional thoughts on this topic I'd love hearing from you. Thanks...Coops...