Group Activities for a Friend with a Physical Disability

[lonely_john]

We are a group of friends where 1 of us has limited mobility, hip surgery gone wrong, and lately I've felt like we are falling short in planning group activities beyond dining out, or just visiting him at his place, that would make him feel integrated because he cannot walk normally (he uses a cane to walk, and has to do it very slowly) or perform activities where he would need to use his legs constantly. He's indeed living a very lonely life, even more throughout this pandemic.

I know that this could be a hard question to answer but in case there is someone else in the forum with experience on this, your feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Edited September 18, 2021 by lonely_john

[rvwnsd]

My dad had several mobility issues. My brother would take him shopping and to the doctor and it was my job to do fun stuff when I'd visit. We went to a few movies, had a picnic (he was able to walk with canes on the grass, not sure whether this is possible for your friend), rented wheelchairs at museums, borrowed a wheelchair and took a tour of public art in downtown Chicago, went sightseeing in the car, and (as you have done for your friend) out to dinner. We explored going to a Cubs game, but he was concerned if he had to use the restroom that he might not make it in time. Unfortunately, fun stuff only happened when I would visit Chicago from San Diego, which was not an everyday occurrence. Still, he got to do something other than go to the local supermarket.

PS: It is very nice of you to think about ways to include your friend in activities. I hope you can get the other friends (and most importantly, him) to do some fun things.

[lonely_john]

8 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

My dad had several mobility issues. My brother would take him shopping and to the doctor and it was my job to do fun stuff when I'd visit. We went to a few movies, had a picnic (he was able to walk with canes on the grass, not sure whether this is possible for your friend), rented wheelchairs at museums, borrowed a wheelchair and took a tour of public art in downtown Chicago, went sightseeing in the car, and (as you have done for your friend) out to dinner. We explored going to a Cubs game, but he was concerned if he had to use the restroom that he might not make it in time. Unfortunately, fun stuff only happened when I would visit Chicago from San Diego, which was not an everyday occurrence. Still, he got to do something other than go to the local supermarket.

PS: It is very nice of you to think about ways to include your friend in activities. I hope you can get the other friends (and most importantly, him) to do some fun things.

Hey thank you so much for your recommendations. Yes, he uses a cane to walk. When he walks he does it very slowly. We've already done the picnic thing, but museums and going to the movies sound like a great idea. Feel free to post again if you remember other options. Much appreciated. 🙏

Edited September 18, 2021 by lonely_john

[+ easygoingpal]

If your friend is able to get in a pool, that's an activity where a group could have a pool party and he might only need some help getting in and out of the pool.  How about a poker game night with the buddies...?  Also, stadiums accommodate people with disabilities so a football, basketball, or hockey game might work for a group...

Cheers! 

[BSR]

4 minutes ago, easygoingpal said:

If your friend is able to get in a pool, that's an activity where a group could have a pool party and he might only need some help getting in and out of the pool.  How about a poker game night with the buddies...?  Also, stadiums accommodate people with disabilities so a football, basketball, or hockey game might work for a group...

Cheers! 

Like so many seniors, my grandmother got to an age that she was going to do whatever the heck she wanted, regardless of what anyone else said or thought.  Because grandma was a die-hard Monica Seles fan, my aunt took her to the US Open, where they were delighted to find that handicapped seating was in a pretty prime location, with tickets cheaper than comparable regular seating.  During the match, rabid fan grandma kept bolting up out of her wheelchair whenever Monica won a big point.  My aunt & uncle noticed people in nearby seats started glaring at them.  They asked grandma to stop jumping out of her wheelchair because they feared the people around them thought they were faking.  Yeah, you can imagine how much grandma gave a sh*t about that.  My uncle started snapping photos every time grandma leapt out of her wheelchair.  My aunt cherishes those "busted grandma" photos to this day.

[samhexum]

On 9/17/2021 at 4:49 PM, lonely_john said:

I've felt like we are falling short in planning group activities beyond dining out, or just visiting him at his place, that would make him feel integrated because he cannot walk normally (he uses a cane to walk, and has to do it very slowly) or perform activities where he would need to use his legs constantly.

 

  Depending on where you're located, the upcoming months would give you the opportunity for a few of you to take a day trip to view the fall foliage (from the car) and maybe stop at a quaint little local place or two to eat or look around little stores where he wouldn't have to be on his feet much.

12 minutes ago, BSR said:

they were delighted to find that handicapped seating was in a pretty prime location, with tickets cheaper than comparable regular seating.  During the match, rabid fan grandma kept bolting up out of her wheelchair whenever Monica won a big point.  My aunt & uncle noticed people in nearby seats started glaring at them.  They asked grandma to stop jumping out of her wheelchair because they feared the people around them thought they were faking.  

I need to use the handicapped cart at the supermarket and always feel self-conscious when I stand up to get something because I think people will think I'm faking. (I can stand or walk briefly, but not nearly enough to walk around the store.)

 

[+ WilliamM]

You be are such a decent honorable person

[jeezifonly]

If you are talking about a group, think of encouraging him to use a wheelchair for the long parts and a cane or walker (carried by another of the group) for the shorter parts more manageable for him. Call ahead for specific info on an exhibit or show -lots more places have ADA accommodations in place. If you take him to see strippers, make sure he can reach his own singles and fives without needing help 

[lonely_john]

14 hours ago, jeezifonly said:

If you are talking about a group, think of encouraging him to use a wheelchair for the long parts and a cane or walker (carried by another of the group) for the shorter parts more manageable for him. Call ahead for specific info on an exhibit or show -lots more places have ADA accommodations in place. If you take him to see strippers, make sure he can reach his own singles and fives without needing help 

I think he doesn't want to know anything about wheelchairs. I'm pretty sure that he prefers to use the cane, even if he has to walk very slowly, to feel less disabled. I'm not sure how I feel about going to see strippers with him. He might go crazy. His hip might be bad but his libido goes through the roof. We are friends but he already hit on me, ON ME?! In front of muscled strippers, I think he will put on another show, parallel to the main one, just like @BSR's grandma did with Monica Seles, but with the strippers. 🙄

[+ sniper]

What if you "ordered in" for strippers rather than going to a club?

[+ easygoingpal]

7 hours ago, sniper said:

What if you "ordered in" for strippers rather than going to a club?

And order a lap dance on him... 😈

[samhexum]

12 minutes ago, easygoingpal said:

And order a lap dance on him... 😈

With a bad hip, that might not be a good idea.  🤢😟👀

[+ Coolwave35]

I’ve never once questioned the validity of someone in a wheel chair, handicap seating in a theater, the use of handicap parking spaces or a grocery store cart. I’m sorry there are people out there that make you guys feel self conscious for having mobility issues. 

[+ easygoingpal]

12 hours ago, samhexum said:

With a bad hip, that might not be a good idea.  🤢😟👀

Good point...  Informing ahead of time of a person's condition calls for creativity on both parties as to how best enjoy the entertainment...  I have done this in the past with success where the guy doesn't put pressure on my lap and rubs his body on other pleasurable areas... 😋

[lonely_john]

On 9/19/2021 at 2:15 PM, sniper said:

What if you "ordered in" for strippers rather than going to a club?

I strongly believe he can handle that himself. Also I don't want to feel like a pimp being there watching the private show happening. I can be close by, available by phone call if he needs me to, but not right there watching everything.

Edited September 21, 2021 by lonely_john

[+ sniper]

Well I was assuming this was a group party at a residence and there would be strippers for everyone...

[rvwnsd]

On 9/18/2021 at 5:59 AM, lonely_john said:

Hey thank you so much for your recommendations. Yes, he uses a cane to walk. When he walks he does it very slowly. We've already done the picnic thing, but museums and going to the movies sound like a great idea. Feel free to post again if you remember other options. Much appreciated. 🙏

You are welcome. It is my pleasure! Will certainly post more suggestions as I think of them.

On 9/19/2021 at 11:14 PM, Coolwave35 said:

I’ve never once questioned the validity of someone in a wheel chair, handicap seating in a theater, the use of handicap parking spaces or a grocery store cart. I’m sorry there are people out there that make you guys feel self conscious for having mobility issues. 

On said excursions, I'd have my dad's handicap placard, hang it from the rearview mirror of my rental car, and park in a handicap space when my dad would walk to the door of wherever we were going. (he preferred to walk from the car to the door) Typically, he would ask me to pick him up at the door when we were leaving. A man gave me a very dirty look one time as I got into the car, as I can walk with relative ease. He turned bright red when he saw me pull up to the curb where my dad was waiting for me with a cane in each hand.

[+ bashful]

On 9/17/2021 at 3:49 PM, lonely_john said:

We are a group of friends where 1 of us has limited mobility, hip surgery gone wrong, and lately I've felt like we are falling short in planning group activities beyond dining out, or just visiting him at his place, that would make him feel integrated because he cannot walk normally (he uses a cane to walk, and has to do it very slowly) or perform activities where he would need to use his legs constantly. He's indeed living a very lonely life, even more throughout this pandemic.

I know that this could be a hard question to answer but in case there is someone else in the forum with experience on this, your feedback will be greatly appreciated.

You’re good guys!  
I was hospitalized back in June, later released with a walker, and quickly learned it’s not easy to get around if not able bodied.

[+ Kman]

Has your friend tried a cortisone injection?  Takes a few months to feel the effects but people seem to move around more easily and with less pain afterwards.  

A power chair or scooter is an option if it's a long walk outside and still have the cane for inside.  Or a four wheeled walker has a seat and will have more stability than a cane.  

 

[BeamerBikes]

From my years of caregiving, keep on finding ways to include him. Depending the nature of his disability, the mobility issues may plateau and him making peace with using a wheeled conveyance will make it easier.  

Some items to consider

Watching fireworks from cars with full sunroof.  Easier to navigate than getting in crowds. Tops of parking garages were a great vantage point. 

Street festivals earlier in the day before the crowds come in - wheeled conveyance makes that easier.  Look for an airbnb or hotels with balconies to avoid the crowd, but still allow for easy access to facilities AND get in people watching. 

I regret never renting/buying an RV for a roadtrip adventure with my mom when she had mobility issues that were still workable. 

Stay strong.  Hope this helps.