I feel miserable

[Dtxstudfinder]

Not sure what I expect here. Just curious what others think.

 

I frequently use Rent Men and Grindr as a generous guy. I have met some great guys that I think of as friends. I define friends as those few that contact me and vice versa for no other reason than to visit about everyday stuff. Recently, I had an escort hit me up wanting me to fly him here for a few days. He gave me a rate of $1200 for Wed thru late Friday. He is 20 and I'm 51. He has an insatiable sex drive. I can only go at it once a day. We have in the past used his Grindr to find a third or fourth to join us. I was reading the group chat he had going on and once my pic and age was given, there were a lot of hateful remarks made by those guys. They were asking if could leave so they could all use my place, etc.. I usually have thick skin but this time several things hit me. I told him they couldn't come. My escort was disappointed as he really wanted to have an orgy. I wasn't able to get it up that night or the morning. I had him charge to an early flight on Friday morning. I feel worthless for having a dick that doesn't cooperate, feel like I wasted money even though we had sex twice and I feel like a gross old man. Today is kind of a low for me.

[+ Travis69]

Hope you feel better. Things like this have happened to most people and we all bounce back. Personally I have learned to think of escorts/masseurs as business arrangements, not friends.

[Dtxstudfinder]

Yeah, I do too. I only have a couple that I consider friends. I guess I feel low because i hated that I couldn't satiate him at all and the guys on Grindr were really hateful. On top of all this, two nights was a bit much. I didn't get much sleep as he was on Grindr all the time. My body is much less responsive when I'm tired.

[Winky]

I think that a lot of hiring escorts is about illusion and fantasy. A large part of sexual drive and performance depends on those as well. Part of me wishes I could know what people really think of me, by overhearing the kinds of conversations that you did, and the other part, which increasingly wins as I get older, doesn't care. I know myself better than anyone else, and I am honest to me, so let the fantasies continue! There are young, sexy guys out there who are genuinely attracted to the experience, wisdom, confidence and intelligence of older men. I would work on finding them.

[Dtxstudfinder]

Thanks and that does help. I am trying to really determine the kind of guys that really are compatible with me. I'm finding the insatiable ones or ones that requires other twinks are the ones I need to stay away from. I have about 3 regulars and one I do not pay except maybe every third or fourth time. He is from Grindr that doesn't know I do this with others. The trouble I also need to learn to get over is not saying no. I didn't contact the 20 year old who came over he hit me up. Im not going to have him over again.

[Dtxstudfinder]

I also need to quit trying to please every escort I do overnights with. I don't want to hire a second or get a Grindr guy just for them. Im a once and done guy. Each time that has happened in the past I just end up watching two guys have a great time while I'm sitting there limp. Realizing my age is another form of depression.

[Dtxstudfinder]

BTW, I lost my partner of 25 years last year. I'm not attracted to other older guys and I think I'm trying to make up for lost time and promiscuity I never had before. Most of the time I really enjoy the escorts and being generous. This has just been a hard few days. Sorry I have no one else to talk to.

[Winky]

There's a lot of support here, but I would encourage you to find people you can talk to about how you feel about yourself, aging, etc. even if you can't provide all the details of this and similar experiences. There's nothing as powerful and effective as saying the words out loud and trusting the listener. Most of all, don't let one person or one encounter turn into the way you see yourself!

[+ Keith30309]

I have occasionally struggled with finding a healthy way to think about my time spent with escorts. My ultimate need is a little more emotional than physical and both can be satisfied but the emotional part is obviously much more tricky.

 

How can I satisfy an emotional need to be sincerely cared about and desired with someone I have to pay to spend time with me.

 

I think the answer is different for everybody but, for me, it is in maintaining realistic expectations of others. Even the most sincere, empathetic escort has to have their own healthy emotional boundaries to maintain their sanity. The best I can do is choose guys carefully and when I feel myself passing a boundary I pull myself back. It kind of sucks but I focus on the positive part and enjoy it for what it is.

 

I'd try to focus on the good parts of what you had with the guy and put the negative parts into the perspective of a one-time bad experience - not something that is wrong with you.

[SirBillybob]

It might have been better for you to control the Grindr contacts with your profile pic cluster showing you both and you being the primary host, or even being folded in to his profile but you doing the texting. That might have inhibited some of the nastiness because they would be responding directly to you.

 

It sounds like he put himself in charge, fished them in, then tagged you in and he was then proxy and switchboard operator for snotty remarks. Similar to if he added "BTW I share a bedsit with my female room-mate but she likely won't just walk in".

 

I prefer the less glamourous term "hypersexual" over "insatiable" ... either ring of obsessionality, though, and I would not have a guest in my home who could not unplug.

[ScottyTX100]

Escorts are not your friends. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

Without revealing too much about myself, I often get asked by escorts if I’m an escort myself. I STILL dont see their compliments as friendship.

 

It’s a business relationship. Give me the dick. Give me the ass. And get out.

[DallasClient]

Actually, I think a major part of your problem is with the escort you hired for the overnights. Part of his job is to please YOU and make you feel like you were enough for him sexually. If you had sex with him and you finished (or not), he should not be like "hey can I have some twinks over so I can get off again?"

 

He needs to do that shit on his own time at his own house.

[+ JEC]

BTW, I lost my partner of 25 years last year. I'm not attracted to other older guys and I think I'm trying to make up for lost time and promiscuity I never had before. Most of the time I really enjoy the escorts and being generous. This has just been a hard few days. Sorry I have no one else to talk to.

So sorry for your loss, truly. LTR here too, and cannot imagine your pain. The dating/hooking up world has changed dramatically in 25 years. The world today seems clearly defined between transactional and relational connections. Escorts are purely transactional, and there is no expectation other than the time purchased. Grindr is highly transactaional - many guys are looking for hookups with NSA, there are a few exceptions but that's my read. If a Grindr connection results in something more, you are truly defying the odds. If you are looking for a relational connection, respectfully suggest trying other venues. Long story short, you should adjust your expectations re: M4M and Grinder. If you are looking for meaningful connections, there are other sites out there more oriented to that......give them a search. Depending on where you live you might also get involved in a social group, charity or other venue to meet new peeps. Despite all the great technology we have, in-person connections are still the most real and meaningful.....good luck my friend. Jack ;)

[+ sync]

I encourage you to not compete with yourself. As time goes by, so do libido and endurance limitations for most people. Indulge yourself when you feel like it. It may be less frequent, but the joy will be the same. Now, as for the haters, just understand them for the ignorant asses they are. As you visit these fora, you will see that even the most beautiful men you can imagine suffer slings and arrows insulting their age and/or physical appearance.

Welcome

[DallasClient]

I do this a lot and I've done the Grindr guys open to gen, used hot escort to get Grindr guys for free, etc.. Here's what I have learned.

 

I'm not much on overnights. I can't imagine two nights. I love having sex with a young 18 to 20 something guy and I'm in my 50s. But sex is only an hour or so. The rest of the time I hate listening to their vacuous conversations, their annoying music, their constant phone usage and it dinging all night. In 3 hours their crap is all over my house, wet towels on dressers, not using coasters, dishes everywhere and my cranky old queen list goes on LOL.

 

It sounds like you are better suited for one hour sessions like I learned. You get the fun, your done and no drama.

[robberbaron4u]

Escorts are not your friends. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

Without revealing too much about myself, I often get asked by escorts if I’m an escort myself. I STILL dont see their compliments as friendship.

 

It’s a business relationship. Give me the dick. Give me the ass. And get out.

!!!AMEN!!! I always stand amazed that "clients" do not comprehend the how and the why and the wheretofor of the thing. . .escorting is a business, not a social relationship. "I love you, daddy" is no more than a line to be delivered in following the script. . .

[Dtxstudfinder]

Thanks, you guys are great! I'm not looking for a relationship though. I'm fine with the sex and then you leave thing. I think Dallasclient was right, the sex was fine but then he left me feeling inadequate for not meeting his needs and I was so unhappy with what I was seeing from those Grindr guys. Just hit me really hard. Starting to feel better though.

 

I just need to do one hour visits, take care of my needs only and forget about trying to make them so happy and gratified. If I'm not enough, they need to book another appointment instead of using my place to bring in strangers for their own needs.

 

I needed a new attitude.

[+ nycman]

I needed a new attitude.

I feel your pain.

Glad the cloud is lifting.

And just because we all need a little Patti Labelle in our lives....

 

[marylander1940]

It might have been better for you to control the Grindr contacts with your profile pic cluster showing you both and you being the primary host, or even being folded in to his profile but you doing the texting. That might have inhibited some of the nastiness because they would be responding directly to you.

 

It sounds like he put himself in charge, fished them in, then tagged you in and he was then proxy and switchboard operator for snotty remarks. Similar to if he added "BTW I share a bedsit with my female room-mate but she likely won't just walk in".

 

I prefer the less glamourous term "hypersexual" over "insatiable" ... either ring of obsessionality, though, and I would not have a guest in my home who could not unplug.

 

The escort was the bait!

[instudiocity]

Don’t you remember how stupid and insensitive you were at 20? You were a heat seeking missle looking to do and be done without regard to the other guy’s feelings. Your 20 year old self would never look at a 50 year old as a source for frolicking all night long.

 

Why would you allow those 20 year old stupid jerks space in your brain? You have far more success, sensitivity and intelligence than to allow their young, smug, inexperienced and insensitive opinions as judgement in your mind.

[Dtxstudfinder]

Thanks and I learned my lesson to leave overnights and especially 2 overnights alone. I don't really have anything in common with them in a nonsexual way. I just want them to treat me respectfully as I treat them, have great but short sex and go home. Most of my visits are fine like this. Just let him talk me into basically subsidizing his 3 day vaycay. Maybe he cut me a deal in the beginning hoping to have the freedom to do guys on the side but he never mentioned it. I did offer the second day the option to renegotiate our arrangement so he could get a hotel and do what he wanted with a group of twinks. He wanted to stay. Anyway not gonna do that again.

[sexymonk]

Not sure what I expect here. Just curious what others think.

 

I frequently use Rent Men and Grindr as a generous guy. I have met some great guys that I think of as friends. I define friends as those few that contact me and vice versa for no other reason than to visit about everyday stuff. Recently, I had an escort hit me up wanting me to fly him here for a few days. He gave me a rate of $1200 for Wed thru late Friday. He is 20 and I'm 51. He has an insatiable sex drive. I can only go at it once a day. We have in the past used his Grindr to find a third or fourth to join us. I was reading the group chat he had going on and once my pic and age was given, there were a lot of hateful remarks made by those guys. They were asking if could leave so they could all use my place, etc.. I usually have thick skin but this time several things hit me. I told him they couldn't come. My escort was disappointed as he really wanted to have an orgy. I wasn't able to get it up that night or the morning. I had him charge to an early flight on Friday morning. I feel worthless for having a dick that doesn't cooperate, feel like I wasted money even though we had sex twice and I feel like a gross old man. Today is kind of a low for me.

You don't need to feel bad. Remember that here it is all monetary transaction at the end! Never expect much from this type of interaction except for good time for the time you are paying! If you can't get up more than once then use viagra and that will help you. At the end be your own friend and don't rely on others for happiness. Eat, drink, sleep, fart, watch Netflix, at times watch hot men, take viagra and enjoy!

[sexymonk]

Hope you feel better. Things like this have happened to most people and we all bounce back. Personally I have learned to think of escorts/masseurs as business arrangements, not friends.

So true!

[sexymonk]

Thanks and that does help. I am trying to really determine the kind of guys that really are compatible with me. I'm finding the insatiable ones or ones that requires other twinks are the ones I need to stay away from. I have about 3 regulars and one I do not pay except maybe every third or fourth time. He is from Grindr that doesn't know I do this with others. The trouble I also need to learn to get over is not saying no. I didn't contact the 20 year old who came over he hit me up. Im not going to have him over again.

Ohh. If you already have pool of guys then why do you need more? Chastise yourself by wearing caged Indy to keep yourself in check!

[robberbaron4u]

Thanks, you guys are great! I'm not looking for a relationship though. I'm fine with the sex and then you leave thing. I think Dallasclient was right, the sex was fine but then he left me feeling inadequate for not meeting his needs and I was so unhappy with what I was seeing from those Grindr guys. Just hit me really hard. Starting to feel better though.

 

I just need to do one hour visits, take care of my needs only and forget about trying to make them so happy and gratified. If I'm not enough, they need to book another appointment instead of using my place to bring in strangers for their own needs.

 

I needed a new attitude.

"He left me feeling inadequate for not meeting his needs"??? Forgive me, but, was the escort paying you??? Fault me for insensitivity toward a working stiff (not a pun), but if you are the one putting the money on the table, the one and only "need" that should be met is yours not his. . .