How Soon Before Moving In Together?

[+ Avalon]

On Judge Judy a gay male couple knew each for two months and then moved in together. A month later they had a fight and are now suing each other.

[+ FrankR]

On Judge Judy a gay male couple knew each for two months and then moved in together. A month later they had a fight and are now suing each other.

I would say six months in general or three months after your first big disagreement. By then I know if I would like to have him around full time...warts and all.

[+ FrankR]

On Judge Judy a gay male couple knew each for two months and then moved in together. A month later they had a fight and are now suing each other.

I would say six months in general or three months after your first big disagreement. By then I know if I would like to have him around full time...warts and all.

[Rudynate]

I would say there's no formula. My partner I didn't move in together until we had been together 14 years, although we lived in the same apt. building for several years before that. That's an extreme, I know. But we were both already mature men when we met.

[Rudynate]

I would say there's no formula. My partner I didn't move in together until we had been together 14 years, although we lived in the same apt. building for several years before that. That's an extreme, I know. But we were both already mature men when we met.

[+ Charlie]

My spouse and I decided to move in together the day we met--which just happened to be 50 years ago from the date of your posted question. (I didn't see the post because we were celebrating.)

[Moondance]

Here's a story that kind of takes the question to the next level --

 

A close friend lost his husband last year (cancer). They had been together, and happily so, for 25 years. Soon thereafter (about a week) he mentioned to me that he had been faithful for all 25 of those years, but was damn horny after several months without sex. He hooked up with a guy via GROWLr, had a great time with him, and about six weeks later let me know that things were getting "serious."

 

Four months after they met they got married.

[+ Avalon]

Here's a story that kind of takes the question to the next level --

 

A close friend lost his husband last year (cancer). They had been together, and happily so, for 25 years. Soon thereafter (about a week) he mentioned to me that he had been faithful for all 25 of those years, but was damn horny after several months without sex. He hooked up with a guy via GROWLr, had a great time with him, and about six weeks later let me know that things were getting "serious."

 

Four months after they met they got married.

 

I think that happens alot with males who have been in a long term relationship regardless of sexual orientation.

[P Gren]

My spouse and I decided to move in together the day we met--which just happened to be 50 years ago from the date of your posted question. (I didn't see the post because we were celebrating.)

Congratulations. Your relationship has spanned a sea change in social attitudes. Have you always been able to be open about your relationship, or if not, when did that eventually change? And, again, congratulations. Nicest thing I've read today.

[Gvtire]

My spouse and I decided to move in together the day we met--which just happened to be 50 years ago from the date of your posted question. (I didn't see the post because we were celebrating.)

We’re almost the same. Moved in together a week after we met. So after 34 yrs, 5 kids, 14 grandkids still together and still very happy.

[+ Charlie]

Congratulations. Your relationship has spanned a sea change in social attitudes. Have you always been able to be open about your relationship, or if not, when did that eventually change? And, again, congratulations. Nicest thing I've read today.

No. To our close gay friends, of course, our relationship was known, but to most other people we were simply roommates....who happened to share a bed in a one bedroom apartment. When we bought our first house together in 1971, it had to be in his name, because only one of us could get a mortgage, as a "single man." Our first cars were all owned by me. By the time we bought the second house in 1983, there was no problem purchasing and getting a mortgage in both names. However, we didn't purchase and register a car together until 2004.

 

By the mid-1970s, our relationship was open knowledge to all our friends and neighbors, as well as to our work colleagues and our employers. (At his retirement reception twenty years ago, I was formally included as his partner.) His siblings--one of them also gay--recognized the relationship early on; other family members undoubtedly understood, but didn't openly acknowledge it. All our parents were deceased before we could legally marry, which probably saved them and us from a lot of angst, because they were fairly conservative. My father had a favorite cousin who had a male "friend" for many years, but in the 1930s and 40s, living together as a couple would have been unthinkable.

[P Gren]

No. To our close gay friends, of course, our relationship was known, but to most other people we were simply roommates....who happened to share a bed in a one bedroom apartment. When we bought our first house together in 1971, it had to be in his name, because only one of us could get a mortgage, as a "single man." Our first cars were all owned by me. By the time we bought the second house in 1983, there was no problem purchasing and getting a mortgage in both names. However, we didn't purchase and register a car together until 2004.

 

By the mid-1970s, our relationship was open knowledge to all our friends and neighbors, as well as to our work colleagues and our employers. (At his retirement reception twenty years ago, I was formally included as his partner.) His siblings--one of them also gay--recognized the relationship early on; other family members undoubtedly understood, but didn't openly acknowledge it. All our parents were deceased before we could legally marry, which probably saved them and us from a lot of angst, because they were fairly conservative. My father had a favorite cousin who had a male "friend" for many years, but in the 1930s and 40s, living together as a couple would have been unthinkable.

Thank you for sharing that. Have you written about your lives together more formally, as part of a lived history story?

[+ WilliamM]

I would say there's no formula. My partner I didn't move in together until we had been together 14 years, although we lived in the same apt. building for several years before that. That's an extreme, I know. But we were both already mature men when we met.

 

I can relate because we also lived in separate apartments in a relatively small building. But, younger than you and your partner. Being so young helped greatly during the winter we had no heat. At times it was mutual great adventive to find new electric outlets for space heaters.

[+ Avalon]

One thing about being widowed and getting remarried it could affect any spousal pensions and retirements one might receive.

[+ Charlie]

Thank you for sharing that. Have you written about your lives together more formally, as part of a lived history story?

Both of us have written memoirs. His has been shared with a number of friends and family, but mine is a little too candid to be shared until after I am long gone. (An institution has agreed to archive it with my journals.)

[+ Avalon]

Both of us have written memoirs. His has been shared with a number of friends and family, but mine is a little too candid to be shared until after I am long gone. (An institution has agreed to archive it with my journals.)

 

Take good care of them. Back in the early 80s my aunt had a professional historian come and interview my grandmother. We all got tapes. I could never listen to mine. My aunt has told me that the tapes have decomposed. I don't know where mine is. I know I still have it. In some box in the closet.

Edited August 25, 2018 by Avalon

[Wolfer]

My experience has been that you only really get to learn how compatible you are when you're actually living together.

 

I remember when I was in college there were several couples (some older than me at the time) that had been together for years but always living apart. All of them broke up shortly after moving in together.

 

My ex-husband and I moved in together after about two or three months.

[Rudynate]

My experience has been that you only really get to learn how compatible you are when you're actually living together.

 

I remember when I was in college there were several couples (some older than me at the time) that had been together for years but always living apart. All of them broke up shortly after moving in together.

 

My ex-husband and I moved in together after about two or three months.

 

 

When my partner and i moved in together after 14 years, it was maddening. I don't know what we were expecting, but it was extremely difficult for several months. I don't know about him, but for me, it suddenly became easier, when I just wore out and gave up. I faced the fact that he is who he is and that there was no changing that and that that had to be OK with me if we were to live together.

[MikeBiDude]

but for me, it suddenly became easier, when I just wore out and gave up.

Yes, it can be a positive thing in life:

[+ Charlie]

My experience has been that you only really get to learn how compatible you are when you're actually living together.

 

I remember when I was in college there were several couples (some older than me at the time) that had been together for years but always living apart. All of them broke up shortly after moving in together.

 

My ex-husband and I moved in together after about two or three months.

Good friends of ours became a couple in the 1970s, but each had his own home. They didn't decide to live together until they retired and moved to Florida 20 years later. Even though they bought a house with two master suites and were together mostly in the kitchen-dining area, they ended up bickering constantly. Visiting them could be pretty uncomfortable.

 

Another couple met in the early 1960s when each was married with children. They divorced their wives, but had partial custody of the children, so they got two apartments in the same building (they would have certainly lost custody if they tried to live together). When the kids were grown and they both retired, they finally moved in together, but found it hard to adjust after so many years of each being a head of household.

[+ Avalon]

It might be easier for young people to move in and live together because they have not become set in their ways.