Mate, I’ve been there—truly. Sometimes the only place I’ve felt that kind of intimacy was in a paid setting too (and I’m married). It messes with your head, especially when it feels more genuine than all the “real” encounters. NYC can be brutal—cold, performative, surface-level. What you felt was real because you were finally met, seen, and allowed to soften. That’s not about money—that’s about connection. Don’t shame yourself for seeking it where it exists. Whether it’s through an escort or not, you deserve more of that feeling. Keep following what makes you feel alive. There is no shame in that.