Charlie

Probably never--I haven't had sex with a young man in years.

Since I don't have children, I am tempted to call him "Sonny" if he calls me "Daddy."

I don't think there is anything on my phone that would be a problem--or even surprising--for anyone, but I did have a strange experience recently. When an old friend died suddenly, I didn't delete her from my contacts, and her husband inherited her cellphone. I had only met him once. Several weeks later,, I was out walking my dog with my phone in my pocket, and somehow I accidentally face-timed her number, and he answered. I didn't recognize him and he didn't understand who I was, so we had a very strange conversation before I figured out what had happened. (Somehow I have face-timed other contacts unintentionally with my phone in my pocket.) The only thing on my browser that might be a problem would be this site, and everyone of my friends and family knows that I am gay, but whoever gets my computer and iPad would have to understand that I was "Charlie," and I doubt that they would bother to try to read 20+ years of my posts and messages.

The photos look like they were taken over a long period of time, and in a few of them he looks a lot older than 45.

Why does he need arms?

Before my potential husband and I started living together, the first subject I broached was the issue of sexual exclusivity: we both were accustomed to being sexually promiscuous, and I didn't want that to end. We agreed that having sex with other people was OK as long as we didn't keep it a secret from one another. He has already let you know that sex with other people is his job, but does it/will it ever go beyond a "job" with someone else? Will you be comfortable hearing about his work? Will he expect to "work" at home, and how do you feel about that? Will his need to "work" take precedence over your personal plans together? How would you feel if a client wanted a threesome? How do you plan to explain your relationship to other people? If either of you is uncomfortable discussing these issues in advance, or if you are uncomfortable with his answers, then you need to go slowly with any kind of commitment.

But I draw the line at "Gramps."😒

Thanks for the advice, but I learned how to do that 75 years ago, and never thought there was anything wrong with it.

BTW, I found a pile of old written porn that I didn't know he had, and I put it in the recycling bin. I don't know what to do with the videos.

Sorry--all I have are plastic cards.

I am resolving to stop saving everything--I have become a hoarder. My house is overflowing with things that should be thrown or given away. My late spouse could never bring himself to throw away any kind of paper--printed, written, a drawing, or even blank sheets, and I have been setting aside at least an hour per day to go through them and save only those that would be of real interest to someone else or of some kind of use in the future. So long, airline ticket receipts from 1975 and train schedules for the Swiss railway system in 1981! Farewell, hand-drawn birthday card from a 7 year old niece who is now 53! Into the trash for alumni magazines from 2010 for schools I graduated from 60 years ago. Do I really need to save bank statements from ten years ago? (I know: I should shred them rather than put them in the recycling bin). My spouse was an architect and painter, so he had large supplies of blank drawing paper; it seems wrong to throw it away, but I can't find anyone to give it to. What do I do with his old medications and those I haven't used in years? Why do I save clothes I will probably never wear again? What do I do with all that equipment for dinner parties now that I no longer entertain? I pity the family members who will have to deal with all of it when I expire, so I resolve to get rid of as much as possible, and try to stop accumulating more.

Luckily, I never had any problem distinguishing between someone I was emotionally attracted to as a person and someone I was attracted to solely as a sex object. A provider was always the latter. That was probably why I was able to be happily married for 56 years and still enjoy the occasional sex with a paid provider. But I still needed to believe that the provider was enjoying the sexual experience just as I was, not that he was attracted to me for any other reason. If I thought that the only pleasure he derived from the sexual interaction was being paid for it, it diminished my pleasure in it.

As someone who subsists almost entirely on frozen TV dinners, I generally prefer Stouffer's to Marie Callender for the same dish.

So many distractions!

To me, furry and fuzzy refer to very short hair, and hairy indicates longer hair.

What I would enjoy doing is entirely dependent on who I am doing it with and under what circumstances. There are some guys whom I would have no desire to rim under any circumstances, and others I wouldn't mind rimming under the right conditions., and some guys I would be eager to rim no matter what. But I have to admit that being rimmed--by anyone--has never stimulated me sexually.

Palm Springs is a great place to retire if you enjoy doing dog rescue. The shelters are full of animals, and new volunteers are always needed.

Did they all come out of that tiny Porsche?!

My late parents would have considered me wealthy now, but they never lived in 21st century Palm Springs. My father would be flabbergasted at what I paid for a simple haircut at the barber yesterday--he would have budgeted that amount for the family to have a holiday dinner at a good restaurant! He knew about money, because he was a credit investigator for Dun and Bradstreet in New York. But, of course, that was 80 years ago, when they had just bought a three bedroom house in the suburbs for $5500, with a 20 year mortgage (a smaller house across the street from me here just sold for $575,000).

I can identify with some of the people who are discussed in this article. Although I was an only child, I never felt lonely when I was young, although I was rather shy. However, from the time I entered college, I always lived with someone--a friend or a partner--for all but six months from my late teens until my early 80s. Since my spouse's death a year ago, I have had a very hard time adjusting to the reality that there is no one else in the house except my dog. Whenever I hear a sound somewhere around the house, I have to remind myself that there is no one else here. If I buy a piece of furniture or break something or change where I hang a picture, I have to remind myself that I don't have to explain or justify it to anyone. And, yes, I spend a lot of time talking to myself or to my dog. I do have a social life of the kinds that are recommended in the article. I play tennis a couple of days per week, play Bridge with a group once per week, etc., but that doesn't really make up for the casual, unstructured interactions of everyday life with someone. I have been much more upset by good friends among my neighbors selling their homes and moving away than I ever used to be. The article does mention that a demographic that is more likely to experience loneliness is older gay men; I suspect that is because younger gay men are much more likely to react to loneliness by having sex with other men, including providers, while old gay men have difficulty attracting sex partners who really make them feel good about themselves. Older gay men are also less likely to have younger generations of family members to interact with regularly. Thanks for going to the trouble of reprinting the article here.

That looks pretty uncomfortable.

OMG!! That looks like my first partner.

I had my first gay sexual experience when I was 17, and from then on I was pretty active sexually. At 25 I settled down with a partner, but we had an open relationship in which both of us felt free to have sex with other men when we felt so inclined. When I was 35, my father died, and after returning home from his funeral, I was feeling depressed, but my partner was out of the country at the time, and I didn't feel like cruising, so for the first time I tried hiring a professional provider through an agency that advertised in The Advocate. The AIDS crisis in the 1980s slowed down all my sexual activity. By the time I was 55 I wasn't doing much cruising (or having much success at it), so virtually all of my infrequent extramarital sexual activity was with pros. When I was 60, I discovered this site, and I began talking about sex more than actually having it. The last time I hired was in 2011, so there are very few providers discussed here about whom I could comment from personal experience.

I have owned five houses in my lifetime and have never stayed in one long enough to pay off the mortgage. However, I have sold each house for more than I paid for it, so it seemed like a reasonable investment at the time. However, I admit that I am not much good at making long-term economic calculations. I buy my homes not because of economic calculations, but because I don't want to live in a place that is owned by someone else, so I can do what I want with it, and I suspect that most people think that way about mortgages if they don't have enough money to buy their home outright.

When I started hiring I was in my 30s and reasonably attractive (I got plenty of sex for free), so I didn't think about whether the provider would be turned on or off by my appearance. However, by the time I reached my 60s, I began to wonder if the pleasure really was mutual or the provider was only going though with the act for the money, and it bothered me enough to eventually stop hiring. It sounds like you are really self-conscious (and uncomfortable) about your own appearance, so as others here have said, it is important that you find a provider that is not going to react in a way that will ruin the experience for you by confirming your fear of rejection. And as several others here have said, the best way to insure that doesn't happen is to be completely upfront about whatever it is in your appearance you think someone would likely be turned off by, so the provider is prepared for it: weight, scars, other kinds of disfigurements, even handicaps. And as has been said here often, cleanliness is the most important issue for many providers. (BTW: don't forget to brush your teeth and use mouthwash.) What you don't want to do is apologize for something after you meet him. If you have prepared him, and he has accepted the appointment, then relax and enjoy yourself. Note: I don't think that sending him a photo is a good idea. He is the one auditioning for a role, not you.