Charlie

Sometimes younger Americans forget how dangerous it often was in the past to be "out" in America, and how dangerous it still is in many parts of the world. Gay men anywhere have many reasons other than legal or physical danger to want to stay "in the closet." Being openly gay may affect their livelihood, their acceptance in a religion that is important to them, their personal relationships with family or other important persons in their lives. One's sexual orientation or sexual behavior is something that one can manage to hide more easily than one's race, physical disabilities, lack of education or financial means, and other issues that affect one's social interactions. That being said, staying in the closet can have psychological repercussions, given how important one's sexuality is to a healthy, integrated personality. In my late teens, I had what was loosely called a "nervous breakdown," and my parents sent me to see a counseling psychologist. He gave me the best advice--and surprising advice in those days--which was to always tell the truth to myself about who I was, and to be honest with my loved ones, even if it was hard to do. In other situations, be as honest as you could be pragmatically (this was in the early 1960s, when being homosexually active was illegal and could get one expelled from school, fired from a job, banned from the military, and even sent to prison). I went home from his office, and told my parents I was "homosexual" (they had no idea what "gay" meant), and to my relief they did not seem openly upset (my mother asked, "How do you know?" which caused me to start laughing and relax). I was already out to a couple of my closest friends, and from then on I was ready to admit my orientation to anyone else who asked. Within a couple more years I had met new friends who were very active in the burgeoning gay rights movement and had joined them in their activities; when a photo appeared in a major newspaper of me taking part in a protest, I gave up any pretense of not being gay. I do not condemn anyone who stays in the closet for a good reason, though I still would encourage them to be as honest with themselves and as open with others as is possible for them. I agree that those who are stridently homophobic are usually fighting against fear of being perceived as gay by others.

What is she doing there?

To answer your question: no, I have never been introduced to something new by a provider and found that I liked it. The first time I had sex with another man, we tried almost everything I could think of (though fisting wasn't one of them), and I decided then which things I liked and which ones I really didn't want to repeat. Two of my closest friends were members of FFA (that is not Future Farmers of America!), and they sometimes tried to explain to me why they found fisting so satisfying, both as tops and as bottoms, but since I don't even care very much for getting fucked by most men, I can't imagine having a fist in my ass would be at all pleasurable. I did fist men a couple of times when they asked for it, but I was always rather nervous about it, worrying about whether my fingernails were manicured enough.

He has more smooth curves than that Porsche!

It was a cloudless Christmas Eve in Palm Springs, with a full moon overhead, so I knew Santa could easily find his way to my chimney. I was awakened in the wee hours by a noise in the living room, so I went to investigate, but it was only my spouse staggering around in the dark trying to find the bathroom. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Those photos look like they were taken at very different times in his life. None of them make him look like a "dark blond(e)."

"Influencer" is the new desired career choice.

Has anyone read the novel The Guncle by Steven Rowley? It was recently recommended to me by a straight married woman friend, who said it is very funny but also very heartwarming, so I intend to start it soon. (I am a "guncle" by marriage rather than by blood.)

I was a younger gay man in the '50s who watched I Love Lucy every week, and I never felt the slightest gay vibe from Fred. He reminded me of my grandfather, who was a grumpy old private detective.

OMG! I had a summer job in North Bergen when I was a teenager.

This is making me nostalgic! My college roommate was from Mahwah, and my first fulltime job was in Lodi.

Opposites attract?

Given all the questions here about different providers on Rentmen, I'd say that most members here--regardless of generation--have their own version of menu anxiety among expensive choices.

I did, too.

Only if I were accompanied by an armed guard at all times.

We drove up to the Whitewater Preserve this afternoon. Blue skies, sunshine, temps in the 70s. The fall foliage still hasn't disappeared from the trees, so the views were gorgeous. This is the first weekend it has been open since August, when the road up to it was damaged by flooding, so more people than usual had made the trek this late in the year.

If you have allergies and want to know all the science around them and their treatment, Allergic by Theresa MacPhail is a thorough introduction. But it is not an easy read.

He says, "I don't fight against nature, I just let nature be." And then he disfigures himself with that facial jewelry.

I think it's a 1955 Eldorado.

I think a lot of the arguing that this thread has deteriorated into is due to my failing to clearly define my terms. The roles of "responsible person" and "caregiver" can be played by a single person, but they don't have to be. I happen to be both for my spouse. As "caregiver", I do all his shopping, make his meals, administer his medications, take him for walks, sometimes wash and shave him, help him use his computer and DVD player, take him to medical appointments, etc., and watch over him for much of the time. As the "responsible person," I make his medical appointments, take him to them and sit in with him during them, handle all his financial affairs, including banking and consultation with his financial advisor, do his taxes, monitor his phone calls, and act as intermediary with the government (jury duty, SS, etc.). I have his power of attorney. I could hire someone to be his caregiver, either in house or in a care facility, but I would not want that person or institution to also do all the things I do as the "responsible person" for him. I started this thread because I wondered how others here went about finding or choosing a responsible person for themselves if they didn't have children or other family to act as the "responsible person," not necessarily also as a caregiver. I like and trust my in-laws, specifically my spouse's youngest brother and his niece, not to simply find a way to get our money and abandon us or me to no care or poor care, but I don't expect either of them to be his/my/our caregiver. But I do wonder if my spouse dies first--which is highly likely--whether they or other close family members will feel as much responsibility for my care as I believe they would for his.

Hmmm....Do you suppose it's changed in the last 60 years?🤔

@nycman is correct!! The last time I checked over the weekend it was still closed (since late August), but it apparently re-opened two days ago.

Marlon Brando?

Unfortunately, the Whitewater Preserve is closed indefinitely because of problems with the access roads.

I normally eat a banana with breakfast, but lately I have been finding bananas that look unblemished on the outside, but are rotten when I peel away the skin.