muscleboyinsd

I have to agree. I've been reading this forum for a far shorter time than many of our members, but in that time, I've noticed the good and the bad, and we need to live with, and more importantly learn how to react to both. Both in my time as a punter and a moderator (or now with one or other of those hats on) I've seen responses and sadly, withdrawal in the face of negative comments and at times hectoring or even outright bullying. As a moderator I feel compelled to think more closely about negative things that have been said, rather than just thinking, 'Arsehole' and moving on. More often than I thought we had a right to expect, I've seen other members take down bad commenters comprehensively, the better replies with zero reference to anything beyond the content of what had been said, other by challenging motives but not character. That is uplifting.
None of that is to justify bad comments or undisguised contempt for others, or for their intelligence. None of us is perfect, but we can all strive to do better. We all can do better.

I think some here are used to 
You're not alone and I could sure name a few. I've noticed they're usually the same types that rip escorts for things they can't control like age or appearance. 
Some people are just naturally assholes and that's about all you can say. 
 
 

Excellent points.  I suspect there are community members who refrain from making original posts or even commenting because they know the mean girls are just going to make them regret it.  

It's something that's hard not to see, made the more so by the number of times it's not a light being switched on or off. It's a gradual, at times imperceptible trend of declining civility. Sometimes it's the same posters, perhaps unconsciously, responding slightly more stridently to someone else raising the temperature, but there are others who might leap in when the escalation has already happened, almost as if they had been waiting for it to reach a certain level before their attempted coup de grace.
Regulating shared spaces is always fraught. Some things can be either allowed or not allowed, and there's no ambiguity. Others can be more nuanced but have trigger points that say 'this far no further', but most are a continuum where crossing the line is subjective.
While it is often easy to identify a problem, it's not always as easy to see a way to solve it, and I think that's the dilemma @CheckCar has identified. Even without an apparent solution, identifying an issue and canvassing it can be the first step to resolving it, and that discussion, and the awareness it generates, in itself can go some way towards that.

We’ve all seen it happen: A benign thread on this site that gets derailed by haughty and venomous users who seemingly delight in belittling and bullying others. Sometimes their comments reflect an inability, or maybe an unwillingness, to accept that others simply disagree with them. Perhaps more disturbing are the times when their spite and snark emerge with no clear provocation, leaving the rest of us to wonder whether participating on this site is worth the hassle. Either way, this mean girl dynamic — the bullying of fellow users into submission and silence — is difficult to avoid on Company of Men, and it undermines this site as a space where all of us can convene and connect.
 
Outside of reporting such behavior to site administrators — an imperfect response that raises its own set of challenges — I see no clear path toward curbing this dynamic on CoM. (If others have suggestions, feel free to share.) I am naming it here for the benefit of others who, like me, are troubled by the mean-spiritedness of some of our fellow site members. You are not crazy; some of our peers on CoM are terribly unkind, and their petty and spiteful communication styles can make it difficult to spend time here.
 
And sure, this is not unique to CoM. Aggressive and malicious comments from others pervade practically every online domain imaginable. But I find the mean girl dynamic on CoM particularly disheartening because of the purpose of this site. As a gay man of a certain age who is often invisible in bars and clubs catering to the gym-bodied under-40 crowd, and who engages in the type of encounters discussed on this site, I don’t have many people that I can talk to about my specific “extracurricular activities.” (I imagine this is the case for some — not all, but some — of you as well.) I was so relieved when I finally discovered this site after years of wasting time and money on unskilled providers just looking to make a quick buck. I was also incredibly grateful for the outlet (and on some days, the lifeline) this site provided during the COVID lockdown. CoM has the potential to nurture a spirit-lifting camaraderie for those of us who struggle to find it elsewhere. I wish some of us weren’t so seemingly hellbent on tearing others down.
 
Note: I have not named any specific users in this post, as the issue at hand extends beyond any single user. I implore anyone who chooses to comment on this thread to follow suit.

I wish there was more of that in general going on.
I miss the days of meeting someone out, having a drink, chatting a bit before going home to fuck their brains out.
Probably why I prefer meeting providers for a massage on a first meet. The encounter is more low key/ fewer expectations and more conducive to a little conversation. Wham*bam*thank*you*Ma'am isn't always what I am looking for.

I don't remember Jerry Brown ever doing a nude scene. What movie was it? 

For one I didn’t appreciate his advice 18 years ago and had I followed it I would be dead now.  Enuff said. 

Blanche Deveraux once said, "The only way to get over a man is to get under another one."
[A wise slut, that one!]

I'm looking to make a weekend trip to WEHO soon and wanted to see if anyone had recommendations for a nice restaurant with a good amount of bar seating.  Someplace friendly.  And if there are younger guys looking for older company that would also be great
I was visiting WEHO two years ago and I tried a place called Bottega Louie, which mostly fit the bill for me -- beautiful place, friendly, good bar seating.  Wondering whether anyone had other recommendations.
I had previously posted a topic about the old Numbers restaurant.  If there's anything like that around today, please let me know!
 
 
 

I mostly get this interaction with masseurs 😅. The memorable one was with Eli and his husband. Eli was plowing me asked if his husband can join in. They both fuck me we had a good time!

Look, I’m not going to debate it anymore. It’s disingenuous to say an escort provides accompaniment and nothing more. Tell that to the vice squad when apprehended—if it ever actually happens. Any reasonable person understands what transpires between an escort and client.
A guy who doesn’t provide services directed at pleasing the client but is looking to get paid for something he could get for free through hookup apps and other gay social settings isn’t an escort. You can tell me I’m wrong. I’m sure there are plenty here who agree with you. There may be a few who agree with me. Telling me I’m wrong and saying it’s so because you happen to be an escort doesn’t make me wrong.
I’m not interested in picking a fight or having an argument. I’ve said my piece on that and that’s that. Let the applause begin because I’m shutting up.

Your claim was an escort isn’t an escort if they limit their services too much.. but that’s not for you to decide if I as an escort tell you what I offer that’s what I offer end of story. If it’s not what you’re looking for that’s fine move on but you don’t get to claim that person isn’t an escort. Especially when an “escort” just means to accompany another person. Aka on a date or a night out. Doesn’t inherently mean sex so you claiming that someone who limits their service isn’t what they claim to be is just wrong. You don’t get to decide what a provider offers. If what they offer isn’t for you that’s fine but that doesn’t mean they aren’t an escort.

Whenever a "provider" requires a photo I always send this one - and it usually satisfies their demand.
 

Unless you're someone with no social media presence, there are likely photos of you that can be easily found. If someone is requesting a photo, you have every right to refuse, and they have every right not to meet you. While I maintain that sex work is work and should be decriminalized or legalized, it's not the same as going to the barber or even getting a massage. While some providers may well be trying to monetize their sex lives, I suspect most who ask for a pic are trying to get a sense of the person they'll be meeting. I have a pretty diverse sexual palette but I know some guys would be a nonstarter for me. I also feel like if I send a photo and the person ghosts me (which has yet to happen), I probably dodged a bullet. 

This hasn't been my experience at all. In over 15 years of hiring, I've only been asked for a pic once and that was a couple of years ago.

A London provider I recently contacted asked for a photo. Once I sent it he ghosted me.
In reality he probably did me a favor. If he wasn’t going to be engaged I didn’t want to go through with it anyway

I'm ok with sending a face pic personally. I only hire guys pretty much who have been reviewed positively on here so I know for instance they're legit. My family and coworkers wouldn't even be shocked to find out I hire and wouldn't care so a provider wouldn't even phase me if they said they'd tell them. 😅

It sounds like there is a split here between gentlemen that find a regular who suits their needs (my personal preference) and those who are always seeking a new thrill and a new face. (Or dick)
I ponder what the percentage is of the thrill seekers who have been single all their life, and those who are in relationships.
I notice that a lot of gay men who have enjoyed the availability of easy-sex over the years, get no joy out of a predictable routine. The thrill-seeking of a lifetime of anonymous hook ups, affects their desires in other areas such as massage where the thrill of the new is more important than the quality of massage or the comfort of a provider who has become a trusted friend.

Is anyone else slowly getting burned out by massages? I started receiving them with frequency maybe 12 years ago. The unknown nature of what is about to happen was such a rush. A thrill. Every masseur had a different touch. Some would keep you draped until late. Some would start with you uncovered. The various amounts of undress for each masseur was a surprise. 
 
Now it’s like… I guess I’ve just experienced it all. There is very little thrill. You know if you go to certain places, you’ll get a happy ending. Because of reviews, you also know how each masseur operates. 
 
Im not saying I don’t like or appreciate reviews, but I find myself no longer thrilled by a massage. Sure, I still get one on occasion but the outcome is a reducing level of satisfaction. 
 
Anyone else experiencing this or just me? 

Start here…

Hmm almost 20 years here and I did not realize that, or as he was asking about being topped on Long Island I answered in the thread in which it was posted.  You figure it out.  

In my experience over the past few years there are no hard and fast rules about bumping. 
But as explained by @MikeBiDude, normally a 'bump' is not needed for a current post.  Some will bump after a few days, while others will wait a few weeks before bumping.  Some even get bumped after several years, even though the provider no longer advertises anywhere.  Or, may even be dead for all we know.  That one always confuses me.
There are a number of ways a bump can be made:
The cool and detached bump: bump
The serious but dignified bump: Bump
The anxious/excited/somewhat desperate bump: Bump!
The angry/very desperate bump: BUMP
The incredibly horny bump: BUMP!!!
And of course, the playful/cutesy bump:  Bumpity Bump Bump
In all cases of bumpedness, I've roughly calculated that only 14.78% of bumps result in any responses, other than other subsequent bumps.  These subsequent bumps occur in approximately 73.62% of cases, but multiple bumps seem to have a negligible effect on the response rate.
In the history of posts, there are also a number of spelling errors that can be observed.  There are cases of 'bimp' and 'bunp', but the most common mistake is missing the 'm', which leads to a resulting 'bup'.   Bupping a post will only harm your chances of getting a reply.  Spelling matters!
I should note that I am one of the posters, who even at 51, has never met with a provider - so I don't actually know first hand what it is like to bump or be bumped.  Let alone grind.   
 

Why would you bump a post barely one hour old 🤷🏻‍♂️