Knightrider

I recently hired a masseur to come over for an erotic massage at my place. I also knew he escorts (he’s on RentMen) but contacted him for a massage on a different website hence it was a different rate also. Things flowed naturally - we ended up making out, grinding, and connecting beyond the massage itself. He was even down to top me (though it didn’t end up happening), and we ended up lying together, talking, and just being. It felt real. Comfortable. Honestly, it was the most “seen” I’ve felt by someone in NYC in a long time - definitely non-platonically.
At one point, while we were just lying together, he asked: “Why do you need to pay?”
I brushed it off. I wasn’t ready to unpack the reality of my dating life with him. The truth is: dating here has been non-existent for me. Literally zero dates. Hookups? Sure, but mostly disappointing - disconnected, drugged-out, disinterested, transactional. I’m more of a 1:1, slow, sensual kind of guy, and NYC’s scene feels like a conveyor belt of fast, flaky sex. Honestly, it’s been some of the worst sex of my life.
Instead of explaining all that, I just said: “It’s hard to find someone who can handle me.” He looked confused and said: “Someone tall, built, with a big dick like you? You’ll be fine.” But I don’t feel fine. That comment sat with me.
He also did go down on me, even though he identifies as straight. I didn’t overthink it in the moment, but it left me wondering.
I followed up a week later, and he was receptive. He messaged back quickly (again, rare in NYC), and was down to meet again. But then he said:
“No rush bro. But if I looked like you, I wouldn’t pay.”
That comment threw me. Not because I’m against paying as money isn’t the issue. What messed with my head is: what does it mean if the only way I’ve ever felt this kind of presence, softness, and intimacy is through a paid experience?
Was it him?
Was it just my starvation for connection finally getting fed?
Am I overthinking all of it?
I’ve never hired an escort before (just spa massages with HE's usually, although I have been topped there too sometimes lol) so I don’t know what’s “normal.” I do wonder if I should book someone else, maybe try a “boyfriend experience,” since I’ve never even come close to having a real relationship. Maybe I just need to get it out of my system.
Because here’s the thing:
In that space, with him, I melted.
I was soft, present, sensual, alive.
I liked who I was in that moment.
And that version of me doesn’t come out on Grindr, Feeld, Scruff, Hinge, Tinder or even at gay dancing or sex parties. Not even close. It was WAY better (in terms of that satisfaction and 'whole' feeling) than any therapy I've ever had also.
So I guess my question is:
Is it worth continuing down this road?
Will I be paying for intimacy forever?
And why did a paid interaction feel more real than all the “free” ones I’ve had?
Would appreciate any perspectives, especially from those who’ve navigated this before.

Everyone has their own preference(s) relating to massages, sex,..etc. Myself personally, prefer being with "ONE MAN" when it pertains to massages and/or sex. I'm not into "couples" nor "threesomes"..etc. Yes, I've experienced "threesomes" and they were cool, just okay...simply wasn't thrill about it! When it comes to massages and sex I simply dislike sharing, regardless PAID or FREE!  Here's a scenario: You see a potential masseur and inquire his services. The masseur replys detailing his services emphasizing his Partner, or BFF as addition to the session. "It's such a "turn off" for me. I WANTED YOU, NOT YOU PLUS ONE, TWO...ETC! Then.. the masseur get offended because you declined his offer. I feel as though, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR PARTNER, IS "ALL THAT!!" I'll simply move on and seek out another masseur! THIS TOPIC IS FOR THOSE THAT ARE NOT INTO COUPLES, BFFS, OR ANYONE ELSE ADDED WITH "YOU AND YOUR DESIRED ONE'S time-together!!  
Pls Note:  If couples, threesomes..etc. are "Your Thing?"  Cool...good for you!  Move on and keep your criticism to yourself. Thank you.
 
 
 
 
e
 

Everyone has their own preference(s) relating to massages, sex,..etc. Myself personally, prefer being with "ONE MAN" when it pertains to massages and/or sex. I'm not into "couples" nor "threesomes"..etc. Yes, I've experienced "threesomes" and they were cool, just okay...simply wasn't thrill about it! When it comes to massages and sex I simply dislike sharing, regardless PAID or FREE!  Here's a scenario: You see a potential masseur and inquire his services. The masseur replys detailing his services emphasizing his Partner, or BFF as addition to the session. "It's such a "turn off" for me. I WANTED YOU, NOT YOU PLUS ONE, TWO...ETC! Then.. the masseur get offended because you declined his offer. I feel as though, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR PARTNER, IS "ALL THAT!!" I'll simply move on and seek out another masseur! THIS TOPIC IS FOR THOSE THAT ARE NOT INTO COUPLES, BFFS, OR ANYONE ELSE ADDED WITH "YOU AND YOUR DESIRED ONE'S time-together!!  
Pls Note:  If couples, threesomes..etc. are "Your Thing?"  Cool...good for you!  Move on and keep your criticism to yourself. Thank you.
 
 
 
 
e
 

Definitely being late is my top peeve but also I don’t appreciate providers who can’t perform, try to charge more than originally agreed, or finish quickly and don’t offer to go again.

Everyone has their own preference(s) relating to massages, sex,..etc. Myself personally, prefer being with "ONE MAN" when it pertains to massages and/or sex. I'm not into "couples" nor "threesomes"..etc. Yes, I've experienced "threesomes" and they were cool, just okay...simply wasn't thrill about it! When it comes to massages and sex I simply dislike sharing, regardless PAID or FREE!  Here's a scenario: You see a potential masseur and inquire his services. The masseur replys detailing his services emphasizing his Partner, or BFF as addition to the session. "It's such a "turn off" for me. I WANTED YOU, NOT YOU PLUS ONE, TWO...ETC! Then.. the masseur get offended because you declined his offer. I feel as though, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR PARTNER, IS "ALL THAT!!" I'll simply move on and seek out another masseur! THIS TOPIC IS FOR THOSE THAT ARE NOT INTO COUPLES, BFFS, OR ANYONE ELSE ADDED WITH "YOU AND YOUR DESIRED ONE'S time-together!!  
Pls Note:  If couples, threesomes..etc. are "Your Thing?"  Cool...good for you!  Move on and keep your criticism to yourself. Thank you.
 
 
 
 
e
 

Everyone has their own preference(s) relating to massages, sex,..etc. Myself personally, prefer being with "ONE MAN" when it pertains to massages and/or sex. I'm not into "couples" nor "threesomes"..etc. Yes, I've experienced "threesomes" and they were cool, just okay...simply wasn't thrill about it! When it comes to massages and sex I simply dislike sharing, regardless PAID or FREE!  Here's a scenario: You see a potential masseur and inquire his services. The masseur replys detailing his services emphasizing his Partner, or BFF as addition to the session. "It's such a "turn off" for me. I WANTED YOU, NOT YOU PLUS ONE, TWO...ETC! Then.. the masseur get offended because you declined his offer. I feel as though, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR PARTNER, IS "ALL THAT!!" I'll simply move on and seek out another masseur! THIS TOPIC IS FOR THOSE THAT ARE NOT INTO COUPLES, BFFS, OR ANYONE ELSE ADDED WITH "YOU AND YOUR DESIRED ONE'S time-together!!  
Pls Note:  If couples, threesomes..etc. are "Your Thing?"  Cool...good for you!  Move on and keep your criticism to yourself. Thank you.
 
 
 
 
e
 

ANYONE ELSE WITH ME ON THIS? More than likely, WE'RE in the "MINORITY"... IT'S COOL.. I'M WITH YOU, BRUH....
Myself, simply can't get with "cum-kissing" nor someone shooting "cum on my face!" Believe it or not I love KISSING, especially with my mouth INSIDE his, sucking his tongue! What's even hotter..For Me, is when he injet a lot of saliva, and/or spit in my mouth while kissing! CUM..NO WAY!! ..Regardless if it's "His or Mine!" I've tried several times, but simply dislike it. Along with "SHOOTING CUM ON MY FACE!" In someway, I FEEL DEGRADED!! Only exception to "cum-kissing, cum-swallowing" would be if the guy was my Boyfriend or Husband! Yet, shooting "CUM ON MY FACE"..... outright "NO!"

First and foremost.."BAD BREATH!" regardless how goodlooking (facial, body..etc) the guy may be. I'm a passionate kisser, therefore; nice moist lips and good smelling breath is a must for me. Second: "NON-Reciprocation"...immediately I begin losing interest and eventually stop due to "lack of chemistry. Myself, being someone's sex-puppet infuriates me. I deserve to be "please" as well! I'm relevant just as much as the guy I'm with. Too many guys "out there" that will enjoy reciprocating intimacy..etc. to settle for less.

First and foremost.."BAD BREATH!" regardless how goodlooking (facial, body..etc) the guy may be. I'm a passionate kisser, therefore; nice moist lips and good smelling breath is a must for me. Second: "NON-Reciprocation"...immediately I begin losing interest and eventually stop due to "lack of chemistry. Myself, being someone's sex-puppet infuriates me. I deserve to be "please" as well! I'm relevant just as much as the guy I'm with. Too many guys "out there" that will enjoy reciprocating intimacy..etc. to settle for less.

ANYONE ELSE WITH ME ON THIS? More than likely, WE'RE in the "MINORITY"... IT'S COOL.. I'M WITH YOU, BRUH....
Myself, simply can't get with "cum-kissing" nor someone shooting "cum on my face!" Believe it or not I love KISSING, especially with my mouth INSIDE his, sucking his tongue! What's even hotter..For Me, is when he injet a lot of saliva, and/or spit in my mouth while kissing! CUM..NO WAY!! ..Regardless if it's "His or Mine!" I've tried several times, but simply dislike it. Along with "SHOOTING CUM ON MY FACE!" In someway, I FEEL DEGRADED!! Only exception to "cum-kissing, cum-swallowing" would be if the guy was my Boyfriend or Husband! Yet, shooting "CUM ON MY FACE"..... outright "NO!"

First and foremost.."BAD BREATH!" regardless how goodlooking (facial, body..etc) the guy may be. I'm a passionate kisser, therefore; nice moist lips and good smelling breath is a must for me. Second: "NON-Reciprocation"...immediately I begin losing interest and eventually stop due to "lack of chemistry. Myself, being someone's sex-puppet infuriates me. I deserve to be "please" as well! I'm relevant just as much as the guy I'm with. Too many guys "out there" that will enjoy reciprocating intimacy..etc. to settle for less.

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VIDEO CLIP:
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