RyanDean

Sorry again about the lag time. Partly a result of craziness at work, but partly wanting to process some before I could verbalize. And warning to those who object to "novels"-- this post (well, this thread) isn't for you.
 
My late wife's older brother came to town for a meeting last week. He arrived Thursday, intending to stay until Sunday so we could visit Plebe twin at the Academy and see DePaul twin who came home over the weekend. Friday morning he offered to get us Wizards tickets for that evening, which normally I'd have jumped at, but I suggested watching on TV and getting pizza, and even told him I wanted to talk some. He nodded and said okay, ands went off to his meeting. I was nervous all day, playing and replaying what I wanted to tell him.
 
So, evening came. Pizza, basketball, and good wine. I wondered if he'd ask what I wanted to talk about, but we watched the game, chatted about the boys and our jobs. Then the game ended, and I turned the TV off. He looked curious but waited for me to start, which I couldn't, at first. I just didn't know what to say.
 
Finally I said that being alone this fall had been hard, and I missed his sister so much. He is a big guy (I guess I'd call him bear-ish) but he does have facial expressions that are just like hers. I said I know I have focused on the boys, maybe too much, and I can't do that any more, they don't need it for one thing.
 
I paused, unsure where to go, and he said that I didn't need to say anything, he and his parents have wanted me to do what I felt was best, and that his sister wouldn't have wanted me to be alone all this time. He clearly thought that my "talk" was going to be about moving on and starting to see women, maybe marrying again. So I smiled and sighed and said thanks but it's more complicated. My heart was pounding, and I'm sure he sensed I was nervous.
 
I said, as many of you have suggested, that I truly, dearly loved his sister and our marriage was great. But that I have had to acknowledge what I denied for a long time, and that's the fact that I have been physically attracted to men, and that at least for now, I'm more interested in men than in women.
 
Well. If he'd been drinking his wine at that point I think he'd have done a spit take, and as it was, his jaw literally dropped open. He sputtered a bit and finally said "What?" I repeated myself, I think in the same words. "Wait, wait. You... ?" he said, and I nodded. He shook his head and didn't say anything for a while. So I said, with my voice shaking, things I've posted here but never said to anyone. That I'd denied this to myself more than to anyone else, that I'd been a player with women to prove I was straight, that I'd married his sister and had kids and that it was much later that I began to acknowledge this, but never cheated on her with anyone, man or woman. And it was some time after her death that I let myself even consider it as a possible part of my life.
 
Finally he said, we all thought you weren't through grieving and that's why you never dated. And I said that was partly true. And he asked if I was sure this wasn't just a way of keeping my wife as the only woman I'd ever love, and I had to say no, I'm not sure about that, it's occurred to me. But that in any case, I know I am attracted to men, maybe I'm bisexual but at the moment the attraction for women that I remember is dormant.
 
He asked if the boys know, and I said no, he's the first person I've talked to (you guys are in a different category). He paused a long time, and asked if I knew to be careful, and that made me laugh, which broke any tension. He laughed too and said sorry, I had to ask. He asked if I had actually been with a man, and without getting too detailed, I told him I had had some online hookups and had hired escorts. Once again, the jaw dropped. I did not go into preferred sexual practices, I don't know what he'd have said if I'd told him I'm pretty much a total bottom.
 
Well, we finished the wine and talked late into the night. I asked him about his coming out experience, which was before I met him. I asked him to let me tell the family when the time was right, but he can tell his partner if he shares what the reaction is.
 
And, inspired by your speculation, I asked if he'd ever suspected. He shook his head and said, "I did not see this coming at all." He said he and his partner had discussed my not socializing with some concern, and one would sometimes say, "Of course, he might be gay," but never seriously.
 
So, we visited the Naval Academy on Saturday, on Sunday DePaul twin came in, that evening B-I-L left, having not given any sign that he knows something the boys don't. But he did get me alone to say I could talk to him any time, about anything. I won't say this was easy, but he made it as easy as it was ever going to be. Tonight all the boys will be home. I'm not sure when the next step happens, but I know it will.

EXACTLY. Most people in my circle are small-business operators or freelancers and they all have thoughtful/specific strategies for screening client (and potential client) calls during and beyond business hours. None put the burden on the client to intuit what's in/appropriate.

This is from 2007...
http://menofporn.typepad.com/menofporn/2007/10/hello-this-is-k.html

Another delayed update, inspired by your birthday wishes. Thanks giving was good, relaxed all around, the twins absolutely inseparable. My oldest left on Friday to visit his girlfriend and her family in Boston- when we dropped him at the airport, the twins erupted in speculation over how serious they are.
 
There is a big update to come, though. This week, my late wife's brother, who's been openly gay since college. comes to DC on business and will stay with me. As was suggested earlier in this thread, I'm going to open up to him about myself. I've waffled over when and how to talk to the boys, in part because of the school transitions, etc, but I feel it's right to talk to my brother-in-law now. He's a good man and has been supportive throughout my marriage and loss. I don't know if he's ever suspected anything or not, and I don't know how he'll react, but I know he'll be a sympathetic ear.
 
And now that I've posted about it I'll have to do it!

And not an unreasonable trajectory for someone who -- at/around the quarter-life crisis -- decided they wanted to do something specific (and very different) from what they did in college. Getting a PhD takes time.

Billy Idol

Michelle Pfeiffer and Maxwell Caulfield in Grease 2...I love the CHEESE!

Yep - one of my favorite scenes for both of them. (Though I do love Kevin Williams "hiring" Chad Douglas in Falcon's In Your Wildest Dreams.)

When he told you his nickname was trouble you should have told him your nickname was Generous.

Thanks for the review, Ryan. Now a little more in-depth research may be warranted.

So. It's an interesting product. Large black tub, full of sandy paste the color of dark coffee grounds. The aroma is appealing -- mix of coffee & cocoa butter & coconut. Not feminine, but also not that acrid "masculine" AXE-ish scent that so many "for men" products use. The tub is unwieldy, especially in the shower. And the color of the scrub itself is not for the squeamish. (Dribble a bit of scrub and it might look like you pooped in the shower.) That said, it seems like the product works as promised, both in terms of sluffing the buttskin and also in terms of freshening the nooks/crannies. (I'm writing this about 12hours after using the product for the first time, and I'm impressed at how "fresh" everything still feels.) And, as per @Benjamin_Nicholas's admonition above, the scrub is not so gritty that you have to actually worry about steering clear of the sweet spot but, yeah, it's for the environs not the hole itself. Can't report on the taste or the smell from the rimmer's perspective, as I've not had the good fortune to either give or receive such pleasure today, but -- as a treat for the buttlover -- I'd give it a preliminary recommendation.

and he needs to get that camera lens looked at....top third or so of it is horribly smudged.....

Yep - one of my favorite scenes for both of them. (Though I do love Kevin Williams "hiring" Chad Douglas in Falcon's In Your Wildest Dreams.)

To say thanks is human and it never hurts.
 
If you're unable to experience any amount of human connection in the time you spend with your escort, I'd say there are more things wrong than not wanting a follow-up message.

Are you in NYC? This guy is a dark blonde. Muscular, although a bit beefier now than in the model-esque pictures of his ad. He LOVES to bottom:
 
https://rent.men/hottmuscleboy/

I saw it this weekend, too. (Good thing I didn't know you were going, @Benjamin_Nicholas, else I might have sprained a neck muscle trying to spy you.)
 
I knew the score, and the story, but this was my first opportunity to see it in production. The intelligent use of creative staging was quite captivating, and the ensemble work thrilling. I happened to be sitting near the pond, so often could hear the incredible Quentin Earl Darrington as Agwe even when he wasn't fully amplified. The proximity made for a powerfully intimate experience. It was also fun to hear the audience gasp and giggle with wonderment throughout.
 
The show-score response from audiences is forceful. If the critics concur, it could be a major hit. (The industry-types I could hear gossipping were speculating that it would be a tough ticket to get once the reviews came out.) May it be so...

Look on Recon. Search "chastity" and/or "forced workouts." There are lots of guys on there into that sort of scene.

Glad I took the chance...he did all he had agreed to and except for no longer being clean shaven is very close to how he looks in the pics in his rent man posting. Was good time.

That's actor, tv personality and original Queer Eye Jai Rodriguez.
https://www.instagram.com/officialjairodriguez/

Not sure how I feel about this...While I will only eat a clean ass, I am not sure I want a sugary sweet smell and taste. I think I prefer ass that smells and tastes more like sweaty man!
 
https://getstudioready.com/

Noting what I've said above, I've been very intrigued by...

JAKE: https://rent.men/JakeMitchell.
Even though we've not been able to make an appt happen during my recent jaunts to LA, my interest has been stoked by our exchanges.
 
Same for this guy:
https://rent.men/MuscleGuyNxtDoor

I probably do.

Thanks, @alageorge & @Bearofdistinction!
Very appealing suggestions.

Colt Studios has calendars for all types - Colt Men, Colt Hung, Colt Daddies, Colt Leather, Colt Leather, Buckshot Boys, etc. All are hot guys with outstanding photography -https://coltstudiostore.com/collections/print
 
You may also search for work by Mark Henderson. You will find calendars for 2018 with work from Mark. Exceptional work! https://markhendersonphotography.com/home/
You can find calendars with Mark's work on Amazon.
 
You can't go wrong with either selection. Mr Henderson's work may not be as revealing as Colt Studios but both have outstanding models. I enjoy both companies work.