Letting go, honoring and longevity.

[Brian Kevin]

I haven’t been traveling as much for a reason. I had fallen in love. So for the last 3 years I’ve had an older man taking care of me from a distance, GCode on rentmen. He was in his is 60’s when we met, wife and kids with two foster dogs I grew to love as much as I love my own pups.

 

The first time we met, we connected over a plant— The Rose. Now for those who know me I have a memorial tattoo for my grandma on my bicep, I also LOVE roses, period. I know that’s what brought us together. I knew he hired other guys and he knew I worked “full time” as an escort/masseur. He would always ask for stories, but I had to respect HIPPA and everyone’s privacy in which he understood. After the first meeting we kept texting, everyday. After about two weeks of us talking everyday and being a hell of a support both emotionally and physically, things some how escalated. He would send me flowers, weed, food, material and finaical help. I fell in love, I’m not talking lust for money or material things. I’m talking cold, hard, break your heart and feel like you’re high school sweet heart all over again.

 

He started getting sick and kept mentioning his time was rapidly approaching. I started to refuse my daily allowance, only because as I seen him weekly/biweekly via traveling to Detroit, I also watched him wither away in front of me. About a year and 2 weeks ago, I spent 20 days in Southfield, MI at the Hilton Garden Inn— not working or taking clients, souly to be there for him through his appointments. To help him ask questions to understand what we had to do to get him heathier. All we got out of over 15 doctor visits was minor kidney failure and HBP.

 

I had an emergency in Detroit envolving my great aunt and little cousin so I flew to Detroit on the drop of a dime. Greg said he wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be able to meet me, which U understood. I was in the hospital visiting my great aunt when I got a text, he felt bad went to western union and sent me some cash. He got home and I don’t know what happend as we never got to discuss it. All I know is he was rushed to the hospital via ambulance, how did I know? As I was walking out he was coming in. Hooked up to oxygen and IVs, shirt ripped open. I immediately locked eyes with him for a second and I could see how upset and disappointed he was I seen him ok this.

 

I headed towards the waiting room. He got set up in a private room and I knew he knew I was waiting for him, as we’re both very stubborn. He texted me he didn’t have long but I could come see him. I had stopped at the gift store while I was waiting and I bought 2 dozen red roses. I knew he couldn’t keep them and so did he, so after we held each other’s hand and cried for awhile, we kissed deeply and passionately. I squeezed his hand and held his face I told him “I’ll see you in a couple weeks Poppa and we will go to Smash Burger and sexually Harrass the sexy men like we always do” after I left he texted me “the roses will outlive me”

 

I was so angry and upset we didn’t talk for 48 hours. As I sit here crying over my key board, I regret that. We both found out he had kidney cancer, and the cancer had manifested his whole body. We spoke everyday. Everyday. His texts got shorter and harder to understand as he started chemo. He told me I wasn’t allowed to visit and thanked me for everything I did for him. I knew that he would love, shit I beat cancer.

 

Long story short. There is no happy ending, there was no goodbye, we never got a last kiss, a last hug. I received one final text February 1st, 2018 it said “I’m getting everything together, I think this is almost over” I assumed chemo was a success, that he was heading home he had been going for two weeks. Boy was I wrong, no texts February 2nd, the 3rd no texts, 4th he doesn’t answer my phone call. The 5th..... I see his name pop up my head is hot and my heart pounding I go to start typing back in all caps telling him how worried I was. When all that came over me was a black cloud. “My dad is dead” I read it again and again and again. I knew I couldn’t respond. I searched for obituaries, and there it was the love of my life was smiling at me through a computer screen. I would never be able to touch him again or say my goodbyes.

 

I was banned from the funeral by his wife, she turned my credit card off and reported it as fraud (Greg added me to his accounts) I had proof and verification paperwork that he approved this, so legally she couldn’t get me, however she was able to reverse all charges I made from jan 15 to feb 1st. Which suck and all, but fuck her and her kids they were so mean and evil to Greg. This is why he had me and other guys.

 

There was a group of guys and one other guy Greg would see. You know I had to tell them he passed, we spoke about it once when we were at lunch. He said no one else will tell them you have too, please do this for me. I did. I have never been more full of rage or anger. They didn’t fucking care, alllll they cared about was money. THEY SAID THEY WERE JOKING BUT I KNOW YOU WERENT BOTH GROUPS OF GUYS, you know what they said after I told them he passed away and shared the obituaries. They both mocked me and said “well I guess you will have to be my new sugar daddy now since he liked you the most and clearly left you money because you’re so fucking perfect”

 

Little do they know, none of us got ANY money. As rich as he was, his will was written AND I PERSONALLY told him to keep his money in the family. The other guys all harass and begged him for money, where as with me I never once asked. I never cried wolf that things were rough And I had no food. It was the weirdest and best relationship I’ve ever had.

 

Greg’s heart stopped and had a DNR, there was nothing anyone could do he was pronounced dead.

 

I wanted to thank @Steve yabsley , @Keith30309 and another client whose not on here for letting me reach out to you and talk in my time of need. I think my scars have healed and my heart is fully repaired, although a small part of it died with Gregory. I will mourn the loss of him for a long time, he was also an escort as a young boy via his paper delivery route. The first thing he bought after his first client was PF Flyers. We always joked about that. I told him before he passed I was going to get a PF flyer tattooed on me. I have yet to do it, only because I’m doing so much massage and it would be hard to keep clean so later this summer during vacation I will be getting the piece on my body.

 

I don’t think I had any questions, like I did when I first started this post, I think that his community understands this sequence of events much better than my family and friends, as supportive as they have been, I can see it in their eyes that they wonder how I can fall in love with a man who was so visually, unattractive. It was easy, he listened, he comforted me, was Always there for me. So for anyone reading this, thank you.

 

Love those you love and repair your relationships with those damaged because you just never know when your or their day is gonna be.

[+ Avalon]

About all one has in life are memories and you had some good ones. Cherish those.

[Brian Kevin]

About all one has in life are memories and you had some good ones. Cherish those.

 

It’s just scary becUse eventually memories are exactly that, you’re no longer remembering the event or time, you’re remembering memories. Yet— id rather have that then nothing at all. After 20 years I finally forgot my Grandmothers voice, then I herd a lady with the similar pitch and it triggered a memory and well as I can’t rmenwber her voice still, I have an idea of what it sounded like. These people work magic after they’re gone though. I will tell you that. Maybe not even a religious was, but everyone’s energy goes somewhere after you leave this life you know.

[+ othermanc]

Brian,

We've never met but I feel compelled to tell you this: as a client who has experienced beautiful loving emotions myself from an escort, I want you to know that I'm sure Gregory indeed loved you very much and that you helped make life worth living for him.

Bless you for making him happy!

[+ FreshFluff]

Brian, I'm sad for you and for Greg's family. Your account of Greg's last weeks is really moving. It sounds like you really brought cheer and hope to him in the last years of his life.

 

Try to see it from the wife's perspective though. She had been with him for many years, and after he dies, she suddenly learns that he's sending money to several men. That has to be really hard.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Seven (a majority) of the paragraphs you wrote start with “I”.

 

Do not be a bitch. I know it is questionable so much unconditional love coming from a provider, but that does not mean it is not true. When in doubt, I would choose to be more empathetic, or at least just shut up. Why do you need to make that remark?

http://media.tumblr.com/f65691089e939d342f78851cf9297c06/tumblr_inline_mvn84wWNqi1s4n8sv.gif

Edited March 7, 2018 by latbear4blk

[+ Kufrol]

To paraphrase Robert Woodruff Anderson, "Death ends a life, but it doesn't end a relationship ..." You honor us by sharing your thoughts and memories of two very honest and beautiful personal relationships (your grandmother and Greg). As therapy, writing has comforted me a number of times as I grapple with painful and perplexing transitions. Relying on faith (ie: trusting in a spirituality beyond myself), family, and friends sustain me through happy and sad times. May you take comfort in knowing you have plenty of each, and I hope that your wonderful memories will soon eclipse your current heartache. Again, thank you for such a pensive and heartfelt post.

Edited March 7, 2018 by Kufrol

[+ nycman]

A beautiful tribute to a man who sounds like he lived

an amazing and complicated life.

 

Thank you for sharing this and I’m sorry for your loss.

[mike carey]

Thanks for sharing this Brian. A beautiful, heartfelt tribute to this man you shared some of your life with. I'm so sorry to hear how it ended.

[instudiocity]

Brian, you are a man worthy of the highest respect. You’ve honored your friendship with Greg in a very humble and respectful way. You had to say “I” because you are the testifier to this awesome relationship you shared.

[MikeBiDude]

@Brian Kevin my condolences...and apologies for my (now deleted) inconsiderate and selfish remark yesterday. Not sure what bug I had up my butt, sorry. I can actually relate to your situation, similar happened to me...my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Thanks to @latbear4blk for deservedly calling me out. I’ll now take his advice and “shhhhh...”

[caliguy]

they were so mean and evil to Greg. This is why he had me and other guys.

I remember watching Bridegroom and how the family wouldn't recognize the guys lover or even let him come to the funeral. Sadly your situation isn't that unusual.

 

Sorry about your loss. My own dad died of Kidney Cancer.

Edited March 7, 2018 by caliguy

[Becket]

You are a precious and valuable soul.

[+ m_writer]

You have my condolences. I am sorry to hear of the stress and pain you have to go through.

 

You loved him and he loved you. Remember that, OK?

[Bearofdistinction]

To paraphrase Robert Woodruff Anderson, "Death ends a life, but it doesn't end a relationship ..." You honor us by sharing your thoughts and memories of two very honest and beautiful personal relationships (your grandmother and Greg). As therapy, writing has comforted me a number of times as I grapple with painful and perplexing transitions. Relying on faith (ie: trusting in a spirituality beyond myself), family, and friends sustain me through happy and sad times. May you take comfort in knowing you have plenty of each, and I hope that your wonderful memories will soon eclipse your current heartache. Again, thank you for such a pensive and heartfelt post.

 

 

Writing and Sharing have great power to free the heart - process grief - and vent pain so that there is room for the joy you garnered before the loss to return and help the healing.

[Brian Kevin]

Brian,

...as a client who has experienced beautiful loving emotions myself from an escort, I want you to know that I'm sure Gregory indeed loved you very much and that you helped make life worth living for him.

Bless you for making him happy!

 

What a very beautiful thing it is. To associate both a proactive work environment, but to feel that love and connection is truly a warming thing. Thank you for the reassurance, it truly does help.

 

Brian, I'm sad for you and for Greg's family. Your account of Greg's last weeks is really moving. It sounds like you really brought cheer and hope to him in the last years of his life.

 

Try to see it from the wife's perspective though. She had been with him for many years, and after he dies, she suddenly learns that he's sending money to several men. That has to be really hard.

 

Fluff you are such an 'old soul' you and I think alike. My heart genuinely hurts for her. I find myself praying for his family and their peace of mind and serenity more than myself lately. I know I have opened the belly of the beast and made it MUCH worst than it ever should have been. I acted very selfishly, I was a temptation and he was the apple I had to bite. I have a picture of them, from their wedding, they were both so happy. He often shared stories of their wedding and months after with me. I wish I could sit in a room with her and let her say everything she needs to then deeply hug her and go on my way without even needing to respond, because I know there will be a profound amount of hatred towards me. It would only be fair-- to be fair. Thank you babe :*

 

Do not be a bitch. I know it is questionable so much unconditional love coming from a provider, but that does not mean it is not true. When in doubt, I would choose to be more empathetic, or at least just shut up. Why do you need to make that remark?

http://media.tumblr.com/f65691089e939d342f78851cf9297c06/tumblr_inline_mvn84wWNqi1s4n8sv.gif

 

+1 I've reached out to you in a PM lat. Thanks for being a solid rock man.

 

 

To paraphrase Robert Woodruff Anderson, "Death ends a life, but it doesn't end a relationship ..." You honor us by sharing your thoughts and memories of two very honest and beautiful personal relationships (your grandmother and Greg). As therapy, writing has comforted me a number of times as I grapple with painful and perplexing transitions. Relying on faith (ie: trusting in a spirituality beyond myself), family, and friends sustain me through happy and sad times. May you take comfort in knowing you have plenty of each, and I hope that your wonderful memories will soon eclipse your current heartache. Again, thank you for such a pensive and heartfelt post.

 

Wow Kufrol, you are an artist with words. I have tears bellowing in my eyes. I don't have the best grammar but for what I have-- I put my best foot forward first. I thank you for understanding and respecting my vulnerability. He was at church every sunday, always praying for myself and the other guys he frequented. Everyone needs an extensive set of hobbies to cope and writing helps me but often times I am embarrassed of my writings as they often leave me sounding weak. I have a dozen notebooks full of poems and short stories I've written over the years. Having mentioned Robert Woodruff Anderson I know you indulge in literature!

 

Brian, you are a man worthy of the highest respect. You’ve honored your friendship with Greg in a very humble and respectful way. You had to say “I” because you are the testifier to this awesome relationship you shared.

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. +1

[gallahadesquire]

There's one provider I hope will feel this way about me when my time comes.

[Brian Kevin]

There's one provider I hope will feel this way about me when my time comes.

 

YOU are a very special and wonderful man that has a HUGE heart. I still hope we can meet one day and i hope your kitty is well!

[gallahadesquire]

YOU are a very special and wonderful man that has a HUGE heart. I still hope we can meet one day and i hope your kitty is well!

Kitty is fine. Roommate of five years is gone, which is interesting. You are too kind with the compliments, Sir Brian.

[Walker1]

Hugs, it will take a while to heal. The wife, yeah-it is what it is. Like they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all-I guess that would be me, never have fallen in "love".

 

Life is memories, it almost magical if you look at it. Things that are so real and you feel so strongly about disappear into the mist and then someday it is our turn too to join the hereafter and be a memory to someone else. One can only hope others feel and miss us as much as you miss Greg.

 

Hugs and like they say-this too shall pass!

[beachboy]

Big hugs to the guy with the biggest heart xx