Be careful of what you tell other members

[+ sniper]

No, they have my google phone number, from which they cannot find anything unless they work for Google and break a whole series of rules.

Fine, but lots of people don't bother to take the precautions you do.

[MikeBiDude]

Fine, but lots of people don't bother to take the precautions you do.

I’d say most poster/clients here DO take basic precautions at least

I use a burner app on my iPhone for first level of precaution, others would feel that wasn’t enough

[bigvalboy]

Often the harassment spills over onto the forum by the escort and his fan base, so protecting phone numbers isn't the issue. In my case the escort knew me from the PS gathering, and knew my real name and had my personal email. The trolling from one escort and his fans went on for several years.

Edited December 26, 2017 by bigvalboy

[+ saminseattle]

I never consider PMs to be “private messages.” As @Guy Fawkes reminded us a couple of years ago, it is better to consider them “personal messages.” While they may begin as relatively private “conversations,” they do not necessarily stay that way. https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/psa-conversation-facts-of-life.107601/#post-1001935

 

Personally, while I acknowledge that such personal messages may be useful, I am also somewhat troubled by the lack of accountability they imply. I consider the actual review system to be the most fair and reliable system that is possible in this world, because a neutral arbiter moderates it, providing checks and balances and giving all sides their say. A personal message, while it may convey valuable information, typically reflects only one (relatively anonymous) person’s claims and perspectives, not subject to any kind of independent verification. And while I think that most people aspire to avoid descending into gossip and to remain objective and fair in their assessments, but I also suspect that this is not always the case. Just something to keep in mind.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I never consider PMs to be “private messages.” As @Guy Fawkes reminded us a couple of years ago, it is better to consider them “personal messages.” While they may begin as relatively private “conversations,” they do not necessarily stay that way. https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/psa-conversation-facts-of-life.107601/#post-1001935

 

Personally, while I acknowledge that such personal messages may be useful, I am also somewhat troubled by the lack of accountability they imply. I consider the actual review system to be the most fair and reliable system that is possible in this world, because a neutral arbiter moderates it, providing checks and balances and giving all sides their say. A personal message, while it may convey valuable information, typically reflects only one (relatively anonymous) person’s claims and perspectives, not subject to any kind of independent verification. And while I think that most people aspire to avoid descending into gossip and to remain objective and fair in their assessments, but I also suspect that this is not always the case. Just something to keep in mind.

 

I agree 100% with you with a caveat. I do think PMs are also an important source of information. I am for a diversity of sources, all taken with due consideration. A PM from you is not the same than a PM from a newbie with no history, but PMs are a valuably resource. Even Rentmen reviews are useful up to certain extent. Sometimes very useful, like when I use them to reach out to the reviewers and obtain additional information about a potential hire.

[MikeyGMin]

diversity of sources, all taken with due consideration. A PM from you is not the same than a PM from a newbie with no history, but PMs are a valuably resource.

I couldn't agree more. A while ago I received a PM from someone inquiring about a guy I know quite well and have nothing but good things to say about. However, this particular person's main priority was getting oral by someone who would swallow. I know there is no way my guy is going to want to do that.

 

This is not subjective. I know my boy and we've talked about it. I think I spared them both an unsuccessful session. The client probably wouldn't have gotten what he really wanted and my boy may have felt pressured to do something he's not comfortable with.

[Populist Fury]

Didn't know there was all this PM drama going on behind the scenes until I read this thread lol

 

The few PM convos I've had so far have all been positive & friendly, hope it stays that way in 2018 <3

[LADoug1]

If what you said is the truth, it should not matter. They need to take responsibility for their own actions. One purpose of the forum is to share both positive and negative experiences. It allows us to make informed decisions. If a provider does not want information about a negative experience posted, they need to be on their next game I would suppose. Lord knows we post all the positive experiences as well.

 

Unless they are so crazy they don’t understand what taking responsibility means.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Unless they are so crazy they don’t understand what taking responsibility means.

 

I think it is much more complicated than that. There are a thousand possible circumstances that could cause miscommunications between clients and providers. You would be surprised how often both have quite different assessments of the same situation. I think the forums are strongly tilt towards us clients, and we don't always make the effort to get into the providers shoes.

 

That is why I choose not to submit negative reviews. Too often a professional is negatively judge and labeled because of one bad experience. When the hire is a scammer or any kind of criminal, of course I would make that public. However, that kind of situations has never occur to me. The unsatisfactory experiences I have had can be explained in many ways, not always related to the provider responsibility, but to other circumstances. I think it is unfair to place judgement on a provider because of one single experience. I would share my concerns making clear they are not definite, but I would not submit or write an full review.

 

Similarly, one outstanding experience does not make an outstanding escort. It can be just chemistry with you, and that not aways happen with all clients. Often in my positive reviews I point to details than may be a concern. That is why I believe it is important to look at patterns instead of single experiences.

 

However, there are not guarantees about the quality of a performance when we are talking about human beings that may be affected by circumstances out of their control. I remember a forum member sending me a PM very frustrated because he had a very disappointing meeting with Sean Xavier. All my experiences with him have been outstanding, he has a proved record of premium performance, but that time he refused to kiss this client and delivered a lazy, disengaged experience.

[+ freecahill1965]

This has happened to me as well.

A few months ago, after sharing an experience via PM with 4 members here, I received a text from a New York escort with whom I’d had a pretty unpleasant experience: “People are telling me about things you are saying about me.” Only one of these members had any prior awareness and possible future hires.

Noted.

I hope you told the escort that the experience was poor experience and if you want good things said you better step up your game. I was contacted by an escort for which I freely stated my poor experience on the forum. I recanted the experience to him and said what would you say about you. I just state the facts. I appreciate the pms I get. I see no need in telling an escort they got a bad review from others let alone give them the identity of the client. This to me is desrepectful.

Edited December 26, 2017 by freecahill1965

[+ WmClarke]

Unless they are so crazy they don’t understand what taking responsibility means.

I think it is much more complicated than that.

Not always. Some people literally have mental health issues that prevent rational, mature thinking.

[Aquarionsol]

First I will apologize for having done such an action. I have never viewed the Conversations options as a private message because they are not private, it is not called a private message, and you may report them . Nor did I ever image that some people actually got harassed because of stating their personal opinions or that some do not use a burner number. I thought I was being tactful by not mentioning a name nor did I think it be easy to find out. I guess I am as blunt a a hammer because I always have said the first thing that came to mind to masseurs, escorts, and forum members, strangers, family, and friends alike.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Five pages summarized: People do a lot of private grousing

 

If you don't wish to accidentally be pushed into the deep-end, I'd suggest not hanging out near the edge of the pool.

[Strafe13]

Five pages summarized: People do a lot of private grousing

 

If you don't wish to accidentally be pushed into the deep-end, I'd suggest not hanging out near the edge of the pool.

 

Great summary, Benjamin. Also, @Aquarionsol, I wouldn't put too much weight in the fact that the conversations feature isn't labeled as "private." The site's previous iteration called them "private messages," so the colloquial name has just stuck amongst forum members. Either way, I think it's reasonable to assume that when someone contacts you for a conversation that only the two of you are in, that implies a level of privacy. That being said, assuming gets us nowhere and some people display little to no tact, common sense, and/or consideration. I guess we should all hope for the best, but expect (prepare for) the worst, right?

[+ DERRIK]

Lots of good posts

 

Just like any posting collection (yelp, facebook, BBB) the seller is at risk by postings by an unhappy customer

 

While a PM here may seem on the down low - one can never been sure

 

I have inquired a few times amongst the forum but typically I avoid forum members who are brand new. Forum members that have long term postings give me a sense of where their head is at.

 

Another option is to look for forum members who put their money were their mouth is ( Daddy needs contributions)

 

ultimately - all of us have good days and bad days - no provider or client always bats a 1000

[+ SundayZip]

I'd hate to see forum members stop sharing their experiences via PM just because there's a few bad apples here. As others have already posted, I do not share anything that would link my real identity to my online identity. I don't care if someone tells an escort that "Sundayzip" shared some information. If the escort doesn't like that I've shared, I can block him from sending me a message. I'm just careful to not share anything that could be used to identify me unless it's a forum member that I've met and trust.

[TruthBTold]

There are times that I will ask about a particular escort via PM. Some members have been more forthcoming than others but that is their prerogative. I have then been contacted by PM about an escort that I have been given an information about. Even if the information that I had received is good I will contact the first person and ask them if its alright if I relay the information (bad or good) to the person asking me. Because the one of the outstanding points of the forums are to glean information about a lot of things (especially clients' experiences with working guys) I hope members respect each other's privacy. I guess that is my Christmas wish.

[wooly]

A M4M member soon to be visiting my area privately asked me to recommend RM escorts I have hired. I gave him a few names and also added a couple I was disappointed in meeting. He asked me to elaborate on one of the disappointments and I did. Big mistake. He then contacted that disappointment and relayed to him my remarks. Now, that escort is texting me to ask why I'm negatively reviewing him. I find this more than unfair. My comments to the inquiring M4M member were meant to remain just between the two of us. I did not post a review, I only made some candid observations to another member in private. I'm new on M4M, but isn't there some sort of code between members?

Unfortunately, many of those who are members here are real assholes and do even worse things than this.

[Bertster]

Hmmmmm...let’s re-read some of your 25 posts since you joined this month....

 

You seem quite the gem....and all this in under one month on here?

 

Pot...kettle...black....or should I say Mocha?

 

To be totally fair, this one that you quoted below in your rundown....

 

Geez! What a spectacular way to expose yourself as a supreme asshole.

 

.....was a more-than deserved rebuke for a effortlessly-toxic post in that particular thread by Nebula.

[Marcus G vulcan]

I have both given a bad review on someone and was also given a bad review from someone.

 

I give you my personal experience based on the activity that was done but I also stress that it WAS MY EXPERIENCE with them. Not that it was the person in general. There is a huge difference between the two.

 

Plus many factors play into the experience as well. If the client is nervous and can't emotionally calm themselves because they are too nervous...then I would change things around to make the meeting less stressful. If this change from sex to just hanging out is deemed "not what they wanted" but they chose to stay and continue when verbally given the chance to backout. Same goes for performance anxiety. It is still time spent no one if forcing them to stay or to continue with the original timelot scheduled.

 

I also had an escort who showed up late for a sit down "meet and greet coffee chat" and was constantly interupted and distracted by their phone. I gave them a write up based on that. "They lacked to show one on one dedicated attention to client for a set time period. Yes they saw the review and tried to blast me on it but I informed them that I knew more of their one sided private phone conversation than that of our scheduled one. They apologized and agreed with the content of the review saying "it was a bad day for them"...not my problem but that was my experience with them. Another date with the same person we had a great time shared tons of mutual experiences both good and bad and I posted that "of them" on another feed profile.

[Chidude]

What an eye opening thread - while I limit personally identifying details, I’ve found the PMs to be most valuable in helping me dodge bullets, and I hope in a few cases I’ve helped others with the same. In my experience I’ve gotten far more honest (candid) feedback about potential hires in PM than the forum or reviews.

 

A good lesson in additional caution. Thanks for sharing.

 

Ditto!! This thread is very informative. Perhaps I am too trusting, but this PM predicament had never occurred to me before. Thanks OP for starting this vital discussion!!

[marylander1940]

Didn't know there was all this PM drama going on behind the scenes until I read this thread lol

 

The few PM convos I've had so far have all been positive & friendly, hope it stays that way in 2018 <3

 

folks tend to be more polite and less bitchy by PM. Good point!

[marylander1940]

Unfortunately, many of those who are members here are real assholes and do even worse things than this.

 

Trolls are usually very nice folks in person... that's why they "release" on other places where they're anonymous.

[Strafe13]

folks tend to be more polite and less bitchy by PM. Good point!

 

Don't know if I'd go that far. When people PM others for advice/info they tend to be nice because that's what you do when you want someone to help you. (I think most forum members are nice folks anyway.) But those who PM others to expand arguments from publicly viewable threads have a different agenda, and may be more likely to be rude or insulting because the forum at large isn't there to see it. There are also those who use the PM feature to target and harass others.

[bigvalboy]

I also had an escort who showed up late for a sit down "meet and greet coffee chat" and was constantly interupted and distracted by their phone. I gave them a write up based on that. "They lacked to show one on one dedicated attention to client for a set time period. Yes they saw the review and tried to blast me on it but I informed them that I knew more of their one sided private phone conversation than that of our scheduled one. They apologized and agreed with the content of the review saying "it was a bad day for them"...not my problem but that was my experience with them. Another date with the same person we had a great time shared tons of mutual experiences both good and bad and I posted that "of them" on another feed profile.

 

You seriously wrote a review on someone over a "meet-n-greet"? Who would publish such a thing?