Asking for Stats?

[BaronArtz]

One guy's very first response to my initial inquiry was 'age/weight/occupation'.

 

Just like that. Not 'hi, thanks for your inquiry, can I ask what your age/weight/occupation are?' From the ad, it looked like he was looking for a sponsor or a sugar daddy.

 

I wish him good luck establishing a client base.

[Gadfly22]

There are plenty of us who don't have security concerns or insecurities to deal with and have no problem providing stats and a picture.

 

This coming from someone who doesn't show his face in his profile pic. <--- Rolling my eyes

[P Gren]

This coming from someone who doesn't show his face in his profile pic. <--- Rolling my eyes

Does anyone?

[Gadfly22]

Does anyone?

 

Not many but most of us who don't are honest about wanting to be discreet. We are not hypocrites who say we have nothing to hide.

[+ Charlie]

I don't think that not posting one's own photo and other identifying information is "hiding" when one is posting on an anonymous website. It is not the same as providing that information to an individual with whom one wishes to make personal contact. (For the record, the person in my profile portrait is not me; I never wear a wig.)

[ChicagoGuy]

I hire escorts to live out a fantasy that regardless of who I am or what I look like, it is fulfilled, even just for an hour. I wouldn’t mind being told to be clean, have good hygiene and be disease and drug-free, but this line of opening is very off-putting.

[P Gren]

I hire escorts to live out a fantasy that regardless of who I am or what I look like, it is fulfilled, even just for an hour. I wouldn’t mind being told to be clean, have good hygiene and be disease and drug-free, but this line of opening is very off-putting.

Sorry, I'm not sure what it was you found off putting?

[P Gren]

I don't think that not posting one's own photo and other identifying information is "hiding" when one is posting on an anonymous website. It is not the same as providing that information to an individual with whom one wishes to make personal contact. (For the record, the person in my profile portrait is not me; I never wear a wig.)

You totally rock the wig - you may want to reconsider it as a fashion choice

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

I thought @Charlie's avatar was a sly reference to voyeurism.

[coriolis888]

Those questions are becoming more common. Young providers are bringing their grindr game(s) onto the RM platform.

 

 

Yes, that is likely so.

 

However, when they meet guys from grindr, there generally is no expectation of a financial transaction or gain.

[Strafe13]

Sorry, I'm not sure what it was you found off putting?

 

Seems pretty obvious to me that the part he found off-putting was being asked to provide information bearing on his level of physical attractiveness, when he hires escorts to fulfill a fantasy that he can be with incredibly attractive men "regardless of who [he is] or what [he] look like." If it kills the fantasy, that'd be pretty off-putting.

On a related note, it seems like a safe assumption that a significant portion of clients hire (or at least started hiring) as a way to cope with feelings of unattractiveness or unworthiness. I imagine that an easy way to trigger such feelings, even for those who may have moved past that, would be for a sex worker to make inquiries that suggest he's judging those clients' attractiveness. Even if the purpose of the sex worker's inquiry was purely functional as someone hinted above (to be sure he could connect with the client and provide a good time), rather than to be snooty or judgmental, it could easily come off as tone-deaf and insensitive at the least. Irrespective of the escort's true intentions, it sounds like a crappy or self-limiting business practice, IMHO.

[+ lookingforfunny]

It goes both ways:

1. Men who advertise their limits are jerks. I'm not attracted to jerks. I don't want to fuck them.
   
2. I share my stats before meeting, to warn off men who won't want to fuck me.
   

 

I like your approach. I do the same. Better safe than sorry and I prefer to put it all out there up front. More than not, it is not an issue. However, there are times when you may receive a message with a ridiculous offer, which is worse than no response. Professionalism goes both ways.

[Mocha]

An escort I was trying to hire asked for my ‘stats — size, height, weight, ethnicity’. I felt quite a bit insulted. That was probably just his second text message.

 

This is why there needs to be more escorts responding to these threads. It's really a tragedy to only hear the side of the hiring perspective in this section.

 

I had started asking for client's name/age/stats/website seen on/host or travel about two years ago. We've talked about this before. First off, it has NOTHING to do with someone trying to figure out if they can't get it on with someone. Put the insecurities aside. Think business. Common sense. Safety. Liability. Think about how 90% of initial contact is being done by text, unlike the voice calls.

 

I feel rentmen is the most popular gay escort site to ever come out. There's huge amounts of advertisers, and also huge amounts of people contacting. With text only, we don't know if it's a man or woman or transsexual. We don't know if it's a 15 year old or a 60 year old. We don't know if they are contacting from New York or from India. The only way to know is to Ask.

 

I ask because I can't tell anything about someone from a text. I don't ask age/stats on a phone call because I can hear in the voice, what their age and even put a visual on them simply by a voice.

 

Instead of me forcing people to call me. I decided is best to let them text, but to fill out a form describing themselves and their interests...and unless they offer it first, I ask on the VERY FIRST reply. I ALWAYS get a response back and no one has gotten offended.

 

Every other business does it. When you call your billing company and get in touch with a rep, first thing they ask is verify your name, address, pin, last 4 social security, phone number, etc. that's what they need.

 

So, don't be thinking just because you're hiring an escort, we want to just have random anonymous people come on over or trek to them without any information whatsoever. After awhile, one learns that not screening a client often ends up in unnecessary frustration and aggravation.

[coriolis888]

 

snip

 

Every other business does it. When you call your billing company and get in touch with a rep, first thing they ask is verify your name, address, pin, last 4 social security, phone number, etc. that's what they need.

 

 

It is not logical to compare a bonafide company's verification of a customer's data (for security purposes) versus an escort verifying a potential client for a sexual hire!

 

The two events do not fit together.

[Gadfly22]

I don't think that not posting one's own photo and other identifying information is "hiding" when one is posting on an anonymous website. It is not the same as providing that information to an individual with whom one wishes to make personal contact. (For the record, the person in my profile portrait is not me; I never wear a wig.)

 

With respect I feel completely the opposite way. If you truly believe you have nothing to hide and don't care who knows that you are hiring escorts then it seems much more sane and rational to me to share one's true likeness with a group of like-minded guys who are ostensibly friendly and trying to help each other than with a complete stranger and quite possibly a scam artist. Just my 2 cents.

[+ Charlie]

With respect I feel completely the opposite way. If you truly believe you have nothing to hide and don't care who knows that you are hiring escorts then it seems much more sane and rational to me to share one's true likeness with a group of like-minded guys who are ostensibly friendly and trying to help each other than with a complete stranger and quite possibly a scam artist. Just my 2 cents.

I realize you are fairly new here, so you may not be aware that there is no way for the posters here to know who the others on the site are, or to take for granted that everyone who reads it is friendly and trustworthy, or will remain so. Most members are exactly as you describe them, but there have been participants here who were not so trustworthy, and at least one (who may be reading this post) who has become a hostile stalker of other members outside the site. Even the founder and the administrators of the site have never posted their photos or names online, showing sensible discretion.

[+ WilliamM]

I realize you are fairly new here, so you may not be aware that there is no way for the posters here to know who the others on the site are, or to take for granted that everyone who reads it is friendly and trustworthy, or will remain so.

 

I have posted by own photo here and the world has not come to an end.

[+ Charlie]

But I see that you have stopped posting it, which I think is wise.

[MikeyGMin]

With respect I feel completely the opposite way. If you truly believe you have nothing to hide and don't care who knows that you are hiring escorts then it seems much more sane and rational to me to share one's true likeness with a group of like-minded guys who are ostensibly friendly and trying to help each other than with a complete stranger and quite possibly a scam artist. Just my 2 cents.

You're welcome to feel any way that you want to of course but you're basing it on a false equivalency. Not having security issues (i.e. no fear of being outed or blackmailed or losing one's job) does not equate to not caring "who knows that you are hiring escorts."

 

I am completely open about my hiring with anyone who I am close enough to talk about sex with in general, but that doesn't mean I don't care at all who knows. I work for a large company that has an LGBT employee group. There are a couple dozen men in my same demographic who could easily be hiring themselves, but we don't know each other outside of work. Would I want them stumbling on my photo on a public message board? No. Not because of shame or fear (or hypocrisy as you called it) but because it is a one-sided revelation. They would know much about me (because of the things I post) that I did not volunteer to them and I wouldn't even know that they knew.

 

This is not even close to being equivalent to sending my photo (or in my case the password to my private photos on Rentmen) to 5 or 6 guys a year. Most of whom I'm going to invite to my home and meet in person anyways.

 

Plus, as @Charlie alluded to, there have been, and still are, some serious whack jobs posting in this forum. In 15 years of hiring I have never had a single problem with an escort, but I've been harassed by a couple different board members. There is also a board member who uses several different identities to continuously harass one of the escorts. There are many more good people than bad, but it's a numbers game. I'll take my chances with 5 - 6 escorts a year over the many hundreds who come and go on this message board any day.

 

Edit: changed the reference to Charlie's comments from "mentioned" to "alluded to" since he never called anyone a whack job.

Edited December 16, 2017 by MikeyGMin

[P Gren]

Seems pretty obvious to me that the part he found off-putting was being asked to provide information bearing on his level of physical attractiveness, when he hires escorts to fulfill a fantasy that he can be with incredibly attractive men "regardless of who [he is] or what [he] look like." If it kills the fantasy, that'd be pretty off-putting.

 

On a related note, it seems like a safe assumption that a significant portion of clients hire (or at least started hiring) as a way to cope with feelings of unattractiveness or unworthiness. I imagine that an easy way to trigger such feelings, even for those who may have moved past that, would be for a sex worker to make inquiries that suggest he's judging those clients' attractiveness. Even if the purpose of the sex worker's inquiry was purely functional as someone hinted above (to be sure he could connect with the client and provide a good time), rather than to be snooty or judgmental, it could easily come off as tone-deaf and insensitive at the least. Irrespective of the escort's true intentions, it sounds like a crappy or self-limiting business practice, IMHO.

If it was obvious to me I wouldn't have asked. We obviously have different ideas about what is obvious. Basic information seems a reasonable and 'obvious' request. A carpenter is going to want a scope of work before taking a job or not - part of professionalism is taking on jobs you can handle and do a good job at.

Edited December 16, 2017 by P Gren

[Gadfly22]

I realize you are fairly new here, so you may not be aware that there is no way for the posters here to know who the others on the site are, or to take for granted that everyone who reads it is friendly and trustworthy, or will remain so. Most members are exactly as you describe them, but there have been participants here who were not so trustworthy, and at least one (who may be reading this post) who has become a hostile stalker of other members outside the site. Even the founder and the administrators of the site have never posted their photos or names online, showing sensible discretion.

 

I can't argue with that and I am not advising anyone to post pics of themselves though I see now that my earlier post could be construed that way. But that brings me back to my original point which was that to send pics of yourself to an un-vetted potential hire is infinitely more foolish than to post them on this forum.

[Gadfly22]

You're welcome to feel any way that you want to of course but you're basing it on a false equivalency. Not having security issues (i.e. no fear of being outed or blackmailed or losing one's job) does not equate to not caring "who knows that you are hiring escorts."

 

I am completely open about my hiring with anyone who I am close enough to talk about sex with in general, but that doesn't mean I don't care at all who knows. I work for a large company that has an LGBT employee group. There are a couple dozen men in my same demographic who could easily be hiring themselves, but we don't know each other outside of work. Would I want them stumbling on my photo on a public message board? No. Not because of shame or fear (or hypocrisy as you called it) but because it is a one-sided revelation. They would know much about me (because of the things I post) that I did not volunteer to them and I wouldn't even know that they knew.

 

OK I see your point (despite the triple negative). But I still think there is more risk in sending your pics to a potential hire than to post them on this forum. There have to be more "whack jobs" on RM and BP than here. Though I would advise not doing either.

 

In 15 years of hiring I have never had a single problem with an escort, but I've been harassed by a couple different board members. There is also a board member who uses several different identities to continuously harass one of the escorts. There are many more good people than bad, but it's a numbers game. I'll take my chances with 5 - 6 escorts a year over the many hundreds who come and go on this message board any day.

 

I find that a little hard to believe. In 15 years you have never been victimized by fake pics, age shaving, upselling, or shortchanging on time or promised services? If that is true you should document your vetting procedure, file for a patent and sell it to the rest of us.

[MikeyGMin]

I find that a little hard to believe. In 15 years you have never been victimized by fake pics, age shaving, upselling, or shortchanging on time or promised services?

That's a complete red herring. That's not what we were talking about. We were talking about problems resulting from providing pictures to escorts versus using one as an avatar in this forum.

 

To be fair, it's really been less than 10 years since you could easily text someone a picture. So I should have said in 10 years of sending out pictures, it has never caused a single problem. Prior to that it was just stats and home address. But that's not what got you confused now is it?

 

Is it the math? I'm not sending my picture to "all of Rentmen" and Backpage is completely irrelevant. I'm allowing access to my pictures to 5 - 6 guys per year. This forum has had almost 2,000 unique visitors within the last 30 days.

(I believe that number only represents the registered users and not people who just want to browse.)

 

If you think the odds of having a problem with the former is "infinitely more foolish" than the latter, we'll just have to disagree and maybe revisit the topic in a year. Once you've had a chance to see some of the crazy that comes out of some of the people here.

[+ peterhung85]

An escort I was trying to hire asked for my ‘stats — size, height, weight, ethnicity’. I felt quite a bit insulted. That was probably just his second text message.

My take on this: I think that was a good thing that the escort asked for your stats and I tell you why. In case he does not like what he reads about you, then guess what? You just saved not only your time and money but an uncomfortable situation in person. Nobody needs that. As far as I am concerned, I never ask for stats because I meet anyone as long as my 2 non-negotiable conditions are met (impeccable hygiene and safe play).

[TXDav]

 

I had started asking for client's name/age/stats/website seen on/host or travel about two years ago. We've talked about this before. First off, it has NOTHING to do with someone trying to figure out if they can't get it on with someone. Put the insecurities aside. Think business. Common sense. Safety. Liability. Think about how 90% of initial contact is being done by text, unlike the voice calls.

 

I ask because I can't tell anything about someone from a text. I don't ask age/stats on a phone call because I can hear in the voice, what their age and even put a visual on them simply by a voice.

 

So, don't be thinking just because you're hiring an escort, we want to just have random anonymous people come on over or trek to them without any information whatsoever. After awhile, one learns that not screening a client often ends up in unnecessary frustration and aggravation.

 

I'm not quite understanding how knowing someone's size, height, weight or ethnicity helps with safety or liability. Are shorter guys more dangerous than tall guys? Are some races more of a liability than others? Are skinny guys better for business? I'm further confused when you say you don't ask on a phone call because you can hear it in their voice. How is making assumptions common sense? Asking for stats has everything to do with figuring out if you can get it on with someone. You can properly vet a client without asking for his stats. In fact every provider should be screening potential clients. At the very least it should be protocol to ask where the client found you, what are they are looking for in a session, and if there are any special considerations the escort should know about. Both parties need to communicate any expectations before a meeting is set. But asking for physical stats only serves to gauge how bang-able a client is.