I feel awful

[LADoug1]

Arranged via Grindr yesterday to meet a guy. He asked if I could pick him up. He was young and it’s LA so I said sure. Turns out he was a homeless kid on the streets. He had all his belongings with him. I was concerned for a number of reasons and said it wouldn’t work. He was cool with it and I left him as I found him. It occurred to me while driving home that I could have least given him some money to help him out. I’m really kicking myself.

 

Curious to know what others would have done.

[+ sniper]

I think I would have given him some cash and if he seemed amenable possibly tried to talk him into going to a shelter and offered to help him navigate services. I wouldn't have taken him home.

[+ Cock Eyed Optimist]

I agree with the things that sniper has said. Perhaps if you see him again on Grindr you could meet just to help him out. Who knows why someone that young would be homeless. I can't help thinking of the kids that were kicked out of their homes because they are gay.

[jjkrkwood]

Arranged via Grindr yesterday to meet a guy. He asked if I could pick him up. He was young and it’s LA so I said sure. Turns out he was a homeless kid on the streets. He had all his belongings with him. I was concerned for a number of reasons and said it wouldn’t work. He was cool with it and I left him as I found him. It occurred to me while driving home that I could have least given him some money to help him out. I’m really kicking myself.

 

Curious to know what others would have done.

 

How does a homeless kid on the streets AFFORD a cell phone and a monthly plan ?

[+ sniper]

How does a homeless kid on the streets AFFORD a cell phone and a monthly plan ?

there are plans that are about a dollar a day. When you think about it, that probably gets them more utility than anything else that cheap. That's not going to put a roof over your head.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I would have taken him for a warm meal and a chat to learn about his situation, given I was attracted to him.

[MikeyGMin]

That's a tough one. I'm pretty sure I would have given him some money, but anything more would have been based on his age and whether I could determine why he was homeless. If there was a Starbucks nearby or something like that I may have taken him there to talk.

 

Being homeless because his family booted him out would have gotten much more support from me. Especially if he was quite young. Drug problems or mental health issues would still have garnered sympathy but much more fear of getting involved and trying to help. I can get a kid to an LGTBQ youth support center, but would have no idea how to help someone with drug or mental health issues.

[+ sync]

That's a tough one. I'm pretty sure I would have given him some money, but anything more would have been based on his age and whether I could determine why he was homeless. If there was a Starbucks nearby or something like that I may have taken him there to talk.

 

Being homeless because his family booted him out would have gotten much more support from me. Especially if he was quite young. Drug problems or mental health issues would still have garnered sympathy but much more fear of getting involved and trying to help. I can get a kid to an LGTBQ youth support center, but would have no idea how to help someone with drug or mental health issues.

 

I'm sure my sympathy would have thrown me into the deep end of the pool, and I would have made a complete mess of things for the both of us. I wish I could have your presence of mind in such situations.

[TruthBTold]

That's a tough one. I'm pretty sure I would have given him some money, but anything more would have been based on his age and whether I could determine why he was homeless. If there was a Starbucks nearby or something like that I may have taken him there to talk.

Being homeless because his family booted him out would have gotten much more support from me. Especially if he was quite young. Drug problems or mental health issues would still have garnered sympathy but much more fear of getting involved and trying to help. I can get a kid to an LGTBQ youth support center, but would have no idea how to help someone with drug or mental health issues.

 

Hospitals often have either services to deal with drug/mental health issues or can give you info to help out. Unfortunately with all the cuts to services these may be going to the wayside. Money for a few days of food is always tricky because it may be going to booze/drugs but in the end I just accept I can't control it, except for the first day that I accompany them to the restaurant.

[+ sniper]

My thinking on the booze drugs is that while it's not optimal self-medicating, it may in the short term be keeping them from harming themselves in despair.

I really think if they hadn't been functional alcoholics my parents might well have killed themselves directly sooner than their smoking and drinking did.

[bigvalboy]

Arranged via Grindr yesterday to meet a guy. He asked if I could pick him up. He was young and it’s LA so I said sure. Turns out he was a homeless kid on the streets. He had all his belongings with him. I was concerned for a number of reasons and said it wouldn’t work. He was cool with it and I left him as I found him. It occurred to me while driving home that I could have least given him some money to help him out. I’m really kicking myself.

 

Curious to know what others would have done.

 

Don't beat yourself up over this. When all is said and done, you are not responsible for their lives. The situation was a crap shoot. Like others, I would have asked him what he needed, given him some money, offered him a hot meal, but beyond that I too would have left him as I found him. Yes there are some good kids out there, that are just a little lost, tossed out of the family home and down on their luck, hoping for a better life, but many do have drug problems and mental health issues that make them dangerous. Your safety and well being should always be considered first.

[+ Avalon]

I found this site that might help. Maybe if you still have a way to contact him you could pass it on to him.

 

https://lalgbtcenter.org/social-service-and-housing/youth/homelessness

[Redwine56]

Don't beat yourself up over this. When all is said and done, you are not responsible for their lives. The situation was a crap shoot. Like others, I would have asked him what he needed, given him some money, offered him a hot meal, but beyond that I too would have left him as I found him. Yes there are some good kids out there, that are just a little lost, tossed out of the family home and down on their luck, hoping for a better life, but many do have drug problems and mental health issues that make them dangerous. Your safety and well being should always be considered first.

[Redwine56]

You guys are all so cool. I hope these responses helped LA Doug from "feeling so awful."

[MikeBiDude]

Ok...pragmatist here...but if the kid is on Grindr, maybe he just wants some attention and sex? I don’t see any mention of “scam”, or inappropriate request for care/money. I’m ok the OP not going through with it...but maybe the kid just needed some lovin’

[+ GregM]

How does a homeless kid on the streets AFFORD a cell phone and a monthly plan ?

 

WiFi. He could have already had the phone.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[OCClient]

Arranged via Grindr yesterday to meet a guy. He asked if I could pick him up. He was young and it’s LA so I said sure. Turns out he was a homeless kid on the streets. He had all his belongings with him. I was concerned for a number of reasons and said it wouldn’t work. He was cool with it and I left him as I found him. It occurred to me while driving home that I could have least given him some money to help him out. I’m really kicking myself.

 

Curious to know what others would have done.

 

I don't do social apps, but am aware how this kind of meeting can unfold into quite a persistent, unsettling situation, when they have your mobile # and your home address.

 

When I see the homeless in LA I feel awful. I understand! You're human.

But not taking this guy with you sounds like the smart move.

 

I ask myself what I can do to help. I keep trying and I keep asking.

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

WiFi. He could have already had the phone.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

Right. Many homeless have smartphones. I see them at Starbucks every day. It's a survival tool. Sometimes it's the only thing of value they had with them when they were evicted or ran away.

 

WiFi works without mobile service. That gives them email, text messages, VOIP, Skype, the web, job ads, access to public services, Google maps, gps... weather reports if they're sleeping rough. Many phones can call 911 even without service.

 

Next time you upgrade, factory reset your old phone, put it in a bag with the charger and give it to a shelter or drop in center. Homeless people get robbed all the time. Somebody will want it.