Companions impact on dating

[+ Reisr30]

I'm curious what others think about the impact meetings with companions has on one’s dating life.

 

I tend to be honest in relationships and would feel weird lying to potential partners. Do folks find potential dates have issues if you have met with companions in the past?

 

I know if people can’t accept you as you one should move on but it’s not always that simple or easy.

[+ Avalon]

I think a person's past sex life is not the concern of one's present partner. Everyone has a history.

[+ nycman]

If I’m being honest, I use escorts to avoid having to date.

 

While I love the initial rush of a new love....it wears off fast

and I quickly feel stuck in a rut with someone I used to love.

 

I’m not sure my strategy is the best for the long run but so

far it’s served me well for over 15 years.

 

On the one occasion I slipped and fell in love....I was honest

about hiring escorts from the 2nd or 3rd date. One thing I refuse

to do is to be in a relationship that isn’t based on honesty from

the start. Nonetheless, while he pretended to be ok with it....

I don’t think he ever truly was.

 

I’m extremely good at emotionally separating sex from love, but

in retrospect, it’s not fair to expect someone to compete with a

revolving door of new studs every month. Even if I knew the

difference in my heart....that’s hard to explain.

 

My personal opinion is that most men and potential dates are

jealous of men who hire escorts, but they cloak it in a veneer

of judgmental disgust.

Edited November 24, 2017 by nycman

[+ glutes]

I ran across an article re. 'roaching', which is germane to this question:

 

https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/understanding-the-roaching-dating-trend.html

[+ Avalon]

Although I said the past is the past if two people are entering into a relationship they must at the very beginning decide what they want from the relationship.

[jjkrkwood]

I really dont think its a "dates" business, because they have as much baggage as you do, and its only a date.... Once in a serious committed relationship, you might decide to come clean, but what's the point ? Unless you are HIV+, theres really no reason to have a historical discussion.

[MikeyGMin]

I used to have a better balance between dating civilians and hiring escorts, but in the last few years and has shifted heavily towards escorts. I just can't get excited about age-appropriate men who would be suitable for dating.

 

When I was dating actively and also seeing escorts, I was always upfront about it, but I treated it like "seeing other people." I stopped seeing escorts for brief periods when a dating relationship got serious. The same time frame you might stop seeing other people in any other relationship.

 

My experience has been that the younger the man the more judgmental they are likely to be. They judge the older man as being desperate and can be particularly harsh on the escort. I call it the "eww" factor. They cannot imagine themselves being with an older man so they judge their peer very harshly. The eww factor seems to lessen as men age and can identify with both parties better.

[LADoug1]

I think I would tell someone I was dating once the relationship had evolved into a potential partnership. I don’t like secrets. And having seen escorts would be part of my past which is therefore a part of who I am. I want to know that my partner accepts all of me.

[Rudynate]

I think I would tell someone I was dating once the relationship had evolved into a potential partnership. I don’t like secrets. And having seen escorts would be part of my past which is therefore a part of who I am. I want to know that my partner accepts all of me.

 

 

It seems like you're making more of it than deserves to be made of it. In your mind, you've made it into this important thing that you would need to share with someone in order to be completely transparent with somebody that you care about it. But is it really that significant? I say "no."

[Rudynate]

they must at the very beginning decide what they want from the relationship.

 

So on the first date, you think two people should decide what their ultimate goal for the relationship is? What about letting it develop organically, at least for a time?

[+ Avalon]

So on the first date, you think two people should decide what their ultimate goal for the relationship is? What about letting it develop organically, at least for a time?

 

Not on the first date but once they begin to get serious about having a relationship.

[+ sniper]

I think they're entitled to know if you are having sex with other people while you are seeing them, and if you want to continue to do that. As for the past that's up to you whether to disclose. I mean if there's a chance they will find out from someone ELSE you probably should spill the beans.

[jawjateck]

Whew....I'm glad I don't have to ponder any of these relational quandaries.

[Rudynate]

Whew....I'm glad I don't have to ponder any of these relational quandaries.

 

 

Have you permanently given up relationships?

[jawjateck]

Have you permanently given up relationships?

 

Uh huh.....I figured out by my early 30s that I am wired for singleness; I'm not into relationships at all. I have to have way too much "me time".

[dcguy20]

Uh huh.....I figured out by my early 30s that I am wired for singleness; I'm not into relationships at all. I have to have way too much "me time".

 

Someone is speaking my language!

[+ Avalon]

Uh huh.....I figured out by my early 30s that I am wired for singleness; I'm not into relationships at all. I have to have way too much "me time".

 

When I was in my teens I realized that I would not be mature enough for a relationship. But there are several like that in my family.