party etiquette

[+ Kman]

Last weekend my friends and I had a dinner party, it was relaxed, informal. One if the hosts invited another friend, who/whom we all knew but not very well, and he invites one of his friends and that friend brings his girlfriend.

 

Now I thought that the hosts' friend essentially inviting two more people was odd and out of line...I have always been taught that I never invite additional people to a party that I am invited to, unless I was told I could beforehand (without asking). What do you guys think?

[+ Avalon]

Last weekend my friends and I had a dinner party, it was relaxed, informal. One if the hosts invited another friend, who/whom we all knew but not very well, and he invites one of his friends and that friend brings his girlfriend.

 

Now I thought that the hosts' friend essentially inviting two more people was odd and out of line...I have always been taught that I never invite additional people to a party that I am invited to, unless I was told I could beforehand (without asking). What do you guys think?

 

I agree. It was wrong to do.

[LookingAround]

Way out of line.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

Last weekend my friends and I had a dinner party, it was relaxed, informal. One if the hosts invited another friend, who/whom we all knew but not very well, and he invites one of his friends and that friend brings his girlfriend.

 

Now I thought that the hosts' friend essentially inviting two more people was odd and out of line...I have always been taught that I never invite additional people to a party that I am invited to, unless I was told I could beforehand (without asking). What do you guys think?

 

I don’t understand the situation. There is more than one host?

It was at someone’s house, right? So is it hosted by a couple who live in this house?

Because ultimately it is up to the host(s) to decide if it is ok for a guest to invite other guests.

[+ Kman]

Thanks for the comments guys. Yes, 3 hosts (they are roommates). I agree it is up to the hosts to decide that, but it was out of the blue/last minute that he had invited the other two.

I don’t understand the situation. There is more than one host?

It was at someone’s house, right? So is it hosted by a couple who live in this house?

Because ultimately it is up to the host(s) to decide if it is ok for a guest to invite other guests.

[+ friendofsheila]

Unless one of the hosts okayed it, the guest should not have invited others. So I think you are right.

[sincitymix]

Thanks for the comments guys. Yes, 3 hosts (they are roommates). I agree it is up to the hosts to decide that, but it was out of the blue/last minute that he had invited the other two.

certainly is a lack of etiquette and manners on the part of the invited guest. what if the host had only enough food and or drinks to cover the planned guest list? etc etc

[+ Kman]

certainly is a lack of etiquette and manners on the part of the invited guest. what if the host had only enough food and or drinks to cover the planned guest list? etc etc

 

Exactly! There was barely enough food and all my beer was gone! COME ON!

[+ Tarte Gogo]

Thanks for the comments guys. Yes, 3 hosts (they are roommates). I agree it is up to the hosts to decide that, but it was out of the blue/last minute that he had invited the other two.

Well roommate relationships can be quite different from other roommate relationships.

It is between them to sort out how many of the 3 hosts need to agree before an invitation gets officially made to someone.

[+ azdr0710]

what did the roommate/host who invited his first friend have to say about that first friend inviting the others?......did friction develop at the party at all?........I have to wonder how truly "relaxed, informal" this party really was if there was such a strict guest list......was a lot of money spent on food and bev?......

 

I don't disagree with you....just being devil's advocate to make sure all the facts are known!!......I hate drama!

[+ Kman]

what did the roommate/host who invited his first friend have to say about that first friend inviting the others?......did friction develop at the party at all?........I have to wonder how truly "relaxed, informal" this party really was if there was such a strict guest list......was a lot of money spent on food and bev?......

 

I don't disagree with you....just being devil's advocate to make sure all the facts are known!!......I hate drama!

 

A lot of money was spent on food and beverages. As far as I know they have not said anything about it and there wasn't any friction about it at the party. I was simply asking for myself to see if this was common. And yes it was relaxed and informal but it still seemed odd for someone we barely know (except 1) invite extra people.

[+ Autumnal]

It is totally wrong for a person who is invited to a private party to invite someone else. IMO it is also wrong for an invited guest to ask the host to bring along another friend (unless it is an out of town guest/relative staying with him, or a new relationship partner unknown to the host) as it puts the host in the uncomfortable position of have to say yes or no. I have a friend who did this to me on three occasions and I have not invited him again.

[+ nycman]

Rude.

[+ sniper]

If these are all people in their 20s it's possible the friend didn't realize this was a "dinner party" and thought it was a "house party." Still should have run it by the host but if all their prior experiences were of the latter kind it's slightly more understandable.

[+ sniper]

I went to a wedding last year where a friend brought a plus one who was really just an acquaintance. I thought that was bizarre. And the invites were not "and guest."

[bigvalboy]

I don't see the problem. He was one of the hosts, and had a right, as far as I can see, to invite someone else to the party. You don't know what the host said to the first person he invited. He might have OKed the additional invite. Relaxed and informal says a lot about the kind of party it was. Formal dinner parties are another issue of course, but social etiquette has been greatly relaxed in the last decade. I don't think I would have given it a second thought, especially since it didn't cause any friction.

[jjkrkwood]

I hope they ALL brought "hostess gifts" ?

[mike carey]

To me the term 'dinner party' is the key, and I'm not sure my interpretation is the same as would apply in the US. To me, a dinner party is one where tables are set, and there are only place settings for the invited guests, in which case the guest list should be the end of it. If one of the hosts invited an additional guest, they would only have done so if catering and seating could be adjusted, and as a host they would know whether it could. If it were a buffet dinner then there could be more flexibility, but unless +1 was specified, a guest bringing someone with them is not appropriate.

[rogerG]

What can you expect from a party that has 3 different hosts? A roommate situation is not the same as a married couple or a single person acting as host. How old were these people? I don't know anybody who has roommates at my age.

 

I found the original posting confusing, and I'm still confused. Why would it matter to you how much money was spent on food and beverages if you weren't one of the hosts? You said all your beer was gone. Were you asked to contribute to the food and beverage cost? Did you volunteer? Was the party a "bring your own beverage" deal?

 

I have been to "bring your own beverage" parties in my youth. A party like this is usually hosted by someone who wants to throw a party but can't afford the costs associated with being a good host. Already bad etiquette. In these cases, someone always gets treated unfairly. If the party is "bring your own beverage," and you have a particular favorite, I learned to find a way to carefully hide it from others, or, bring more than enough to anticipate the unexpected and take home the un-used.

[+ Kman]

What can you expect from a party that has 3 different hosts? A roommate situation is not the same as a married couple or a single person acting as host. How old were these people? I don't know anybody who has roommates at my age.

 

I found the original posting confusing, and I'm still confused. Why would it matter to you how much money was spent on food and beverages if you weren't one of the hosts? You said all your beer was gone. Were you asked to contribute to the food and beverage cost? Did you volunteer? Was the party a "bring your own beverage" deal?

 

I have been to "bring your own beverage" parties in my youth. A party like this is usually hosted by someone who wants to throw a party but can't afford the costs associated with being a good host. Already bad etiquette. In these cases, someone always gets treated unfairly. If the party is "bring your own beverage," and you have a particular favorite, I learned to find a way to carefully hide it from others, or, bring more than enough to anticipate the unexpected and take home the un-used.

 

I apologize for the confusion. You are right, it doesn't matter how much money was spent and I voluntarily brought my own beer. I really don't care that my beer was gone I did bring it for everyone.

 

So we are all in our early to mid 30s (at the party). 2 of the hosts are roommates and the additional host helped set it up ect (so I just count her as a host). The original party had 7 guests and then one host invited another guest and we all knew him at least as an acquaintance. Then the acquaintance invites 2 other people and as I mentioned earlier it was late minute. Actually the acquaintance did not mention it until after he arrived. So that is where I think things were out of line regardless of the fanciness of the party or how much food you just don't do that. Even in college I would never go to a house party where I did not know the host.

[LoveNDino]

This reminds me of the wise Cher Horowitz

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I would not do this as a guest (arrive unexpected OR invite others)

 

But as a host, if it is not a “sit down i cooked a fancy dinner for you” type of party I wouldn’t think much of it.

Just order a couple of pizzas online when you realise you have extra guests. If there isn’t enough beer, grab 3 bottles of wines from the cellar to make sure there is enough for everyone to get drunk. So I would play the good natured host who says “the more the merrier”.

[MikeBiDude]

I don't see the problem. He was one of the hosts, and had a right, as far as I can see, to invite someone else to the party. You don't know what the host said to the first person he invited. He might have OKed the additional invite. Relaxed and informal says a lot about the kind of party it was. Formal dinner parties are another issue of course, but social etiquette has been greatly relaxed in the last decade. I don't think I would have given it a second thought, especially since it didn't cause any friction.

“Tempest in a teapot” to a host who truly enjoys entertaining. “heads up”wouldn’t have hurt

[+ poolboy48220]

Miss Manners says it's a no-no, but if it happens to you as host, make the most of it. This is from a letter from two people who (unwittingly) were the uninvited guests - the hostess opened the door and said, with a frozen smile, "Oh, look! Uninvited guests!" Rudeness on both sides, although if I'm remembering the letter right, the uninvited guests were assured (by the guest who invited them) that it was okay.

[+ quoththeraven]

I don't see the problem. He was one of the hosts, and had a right, as far as I can see, to invite someone else to the party. You don't know what the host said to the first person he invited. He might have OKed the additional invite. Relaxed and informal says a lot about the kind of party it was. Formal dinner parties are another issue of course, but social etiquette has been greatly relaxed in the last decade. I don't think I would have given it a second thought, especially since it didn't cause any friction.

This wasn't a matter of a host inviting someone else but a guest bringing two more people.

 

No, it's not the end of the world, but it's presumptuous and inconsiderate.