Anyone Affected By Suicide?

[Rudynate]

A young man with whom I had a strong infatuation hanged himself. He was a recovering Mormon with close family ties. I can't say I was devastated by his suicide, but, since I knew him as well as well as I did, I thought about it a lot more. I was more concerned about the guys who lived at the site where he took his life. They were good friends of mine and had an on-again off-again sexual involvement with the suicide victim. They had a tall staircase in their entry hall and came home from work one day to find him dangling from a rope in the stairwell. Ghastly.

[+ azdr0710]

the son of friends of my parents (my parents and his parents were friends before any of us several children were born) committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge many years ago......we kids occasionally hung out together if our parents met up with theirs.....

 

many of you have probably seen the haunting 2006 documentary "The Bridge", about suicide at the Golden Gate.......very sad, of course, but if you have 90 minutes, it's worth a watch.......moody music, great cinematography, deliberately paced.......the scene at 2:50, and in later scenes, will jolt you.......

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGgvAFfBUyk

Edited December 17, 2019 by azdr0710

[+ easygoingpal]

the son of friends of my parents (my parents and his parents were friends before any of us several children were born) committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge many years ago......we kids occasionally hung out together if our parents met up with theirs.....

 

many of you have probably seen the haunting 2006 documentary "The Bridge", about suicide at the Golden Gate.......very sad, of course, but if you have 90 minutes, it's worth a watch.......moody music, great cinematography, deliberately paced.......the scene at 2:50, and in later scenes, will jolt you.......

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGgvAFfBUyk

The documentary provides different angles and perspectives... I had a friend, married, with two children who took his life when he was in his 30's. This was about 20 years ago. I believe there were some mental issues that his family mentioned after the suicide. He may have put too much pressure on himself to live up to his family's expectations regarding his job and his marriage. It's always hard to get into someone's head to understand what's going on... As much as you want to help them, it's very difficult in the end.

[+ Charlie]

One of my male cousins committed suicide at 29, by shooting himself in a motel room in Florida. Twenty-one years later, one of his younger brothers, then 42, committed suicide in the same way. I was aware that both had been physically abused by their father when they were boys, and they led passively self-destructive lives as adults before they finally took the guns in their hands.

[+ WilliamM]

My aunt's husband committed suicide around 19553. My mother flew to the funeral in far away Florida (far away from Massachusetts). Tough connection flights bought quickly. She didn't know he killed himself until the plane landed in Tampa.

 

Their fishing business failed and they were broke. My aunt never fully recovered.

 

My mom was the youngest of eight children and lived to age 91. Not surprisingly she went to many funerals ,- this was the worst.

Edited December 18, 2019 by WilliamM

[LivingnLA]

129 Americans, mainly white and male, commit suicide every day. There are many reasons for the climbing suicide rate: inequality, endless war, loss of hope, out of control healthcare costs, homophobia, and more. We really need better support networks and mental healthcare. Our culture is toxic in many ways and if that doesn't change it's only going to get much worse.

 

https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

 

When I was a teenager, I tried to killed myself during a dark time in my life. Fortunately, I didn't succeed and my family rallied around the incident and worked together to support each other.

Edited December 22, 2019 by LivingnLA

[+ easygoingpal]

There is also need for more empathy towards people in need. Sometimes looking from the outside in is hard to comprehend and when looking back from the inside out is difficult to explain.

[Walker1]

There is also need for more empathy towards people in need. Sometimes looking from the outside in is hard to comprehend and when looking back from the inside out is difficult to explain.

Lot of times, it is difficult to see someone's pain especially when they are putting up a front and going through the motions or worse get into substance and other abuse to quell the pain.

 

I myself went through a phase when I was a very femme and a drag queen personality. Outside I was loud, strong and looked like nothing ever affected me. Inside I was slowly dying as that was not me, just some persona I adopted unconsciously. You can't share your pain and frustrations, when you are putting up a front and not being yourself-wether consciously or not even aware you are doing it. It is not like most people are so highly conscious of everything-most of us adapt to the circumstances and then carry around baggage and then the world changes and nothing makes sense. Whoever said ignorance is bliss, knew what he was talking about!

 

It really helps to have friends, gossip, talk about nothing important and just not rush, rush, rush. It is like we are in a rush to get nowhere in particular.

[+ easygoingpal]

Lot of times, it is difficult to see someone's pain especially when they are putting up a front and going through the motions or worse get into substance and other abuse to quell the pain.

 

I myself went through a phase when I was a very femme and a drag queen personality. Outside I was loud, strong and looked like nothing ever affected me. Inside I was slowly dying as that was not me, just some persona I adopted unconsciously. You can't share your pain and frustrations, when you are putting up a front and not being yourself-wether consciously or not even aware you are doing it. It is not like most people are so highly conscious of everything-most of us adapt to the circumstances and then carry around baggage and then the world changes and nothing makes sense. Whoever said ignorance is bliss, knew what he was talking about!

 

It really helps to have friends, gossip, talk about nothing important and just not rush, rush, rush. It is like we are in a rush to get nowhere in particular.

Easier and at the same time hard to talk about oneself... In my case, I've had friends, but no close friends. What I have been feeling since age 8 it was never easy to discuss. Growing up in a catholic family and in a catholic country with plenty of people ridiculing the way I feel inside, is not conducive to share what you feel inside for fear of the repercussions.

 

What is helpful these days is that I have a few friends that are gay. Even this forum has helped me create a sense of friendship with some posters. I read and sometimes discuss topics regarding my health, the providers that I have seen, and my future retirement with posers in this forum and with a gay friend. I am glad I made it this far and I am hoping for the best next year when I will be retiring. Long gone are the pressure-cooking thoughts of suicide that I had when I was a teenager to get good grades in school while at the same time reminded of my mother's sacrifices (no father around) so that I could have an education, a place to live, and food to eat.

[+ g56whiz]

I’ve twice encountered suicide in my professional life. The first early in my career involved a teller in our drive-up window who watched the ambulance depart from across the parking lot only to discover that the call was to her home where her teenage son and only child had strangled himself. As I recall she never returned to work. The second was a young colleague who went to lunch at the old Downtown Athletic Club in NYC and never returned. He jumped off the roof. He was a member and had broken his femur in an accident in the pool area. In the recovery he became addicted to Percocet and couldn’t break that addiction. At least that was the assumption. I also belonged to the DAC. For years thereafter I wondered if the empty gray suit that hung on rack in the locker room had been his.

 

In my personal life I had a great uncle who boarded the Digby NS - Boston ferry and never disembarked. Depression and alcoholism are closely related. Every male on my father’s side of the family save my father, a cousin who was my father’s contemporary and died early from a heart attack and I have been institutionalize either in hospital or jail by drink. One cousin endured both later died of what was termed alcoholic epilepsy. That has persisted at least to the generation behind mine. About 20 years ago I was diagnosed as a low grade chronic depressive who had been so for about 40 years. I was treated with a variety of antidepressants until my liver where they all were metabolized failed. Given my family history, my psychiatrist attributed my condition to biology. The immediate cause of most depression and hence suicide is the brain’s mishandling of the hormone serotonin. When the cause of the mishandling in evident as in grief, suicide seems explainable. Too often the cause is not evident; it’s either a genetic disposition, as in my case, or a later malfunction. In those cases, suicide is not explainable, and judgments are unwarranted. In my case I had two suicidal ideations. In the last instance I was attempting to save my beloved partner from the misery of watching and caring for me as my mental illness progressed. In both instances there was someone in the right place at the right time. I later learned that my condition was not so much depression but a profound mood disorder that seems treatable with a different hormone: testosterone. Interestingly, I’ve found it more difficult to come out as having battled mental illness than as being gay.

Edited December 18, 2019 by g56whiz

[+ Charlie]

One of my dear friends, who had AIDS in the early wave of the epidemic, essentially starved himself to death rather than to face the potential physical afflictions for which there was no effective treatment at that time. He could not have done it without the active support of his partner and another friend. Although I could objectively understand his motivation, and knew that his supporters helped him out of love and respect for his desire to control his fate, I could not have done it myself. I have never felt suicidal myself, and can't imagine wanting to bring my conscious being to an end, no matter how dire the future.

BTW, starving to death is not the easy or peaceful process some may imagine it to be.

[+ DERRIK]

A sobering thread but worthy of discussion

 

Suicide rates increased in 49 of 50 states from 1999 to 2016, with an increase greater than 20% in more than half of those states, the FCC says. Rates are higher across several at-risk populations, including veterans and LGBT communities.

 

the FCC recently approved 988 as a suicide hotline nationwide

 

this will automatically connect the caller with 170 centers in the US

[Guest]

Usually suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is help!!

Sometimes the person involved may feel it's a permanent solution to a permanent problem. And/or he may feel permanent solutions are better than temporary ones. If ever I'm in situation where I find more unpleasantness than happiness in m life, and don't see a way out, I have a .38 special in my drawer. But I realize others feel differently. I see convicts fight for getting life without parole instead of the death penalty. I can't imagine preferring living decades in a state prison over death, but I understand that for many, perhaps most, people, any life is worse than none, no matter how unpleasant. I know it's the tendency is to state the person who commits suicide is just weak-minded, but I have a tough time criticizing when I'm not in their shoes. I'm not condoning suicide, but I don't necessarily think it's my role to shake my finger at the person, either.

Edited December 19, 2019 by Unicorn

[sydneyboy]

A friend’s daughter aged 34 committed suicide about 5 years ago. Gassed herself in a car. The police said they had never encountered a more “organised “ suicide. She had in place all her superannuation documents laid out, appointments to be canceled, bank accounts in order etc. she had not taken into account the devastation to her parents, grandparents, friends etc. Her friends organised a wake and booked a venue holding 100. It became clear close to the event that this would be inadequate and the bottom line was that they required a venue holding 250. Everything to live for. A tragedy.

[Guest]

I had a friend commit suicide last year and I took it very hard. He was well loved in the community and it came as a great shock to all of us. Survivor's guilt is a very difficult thing to deal with and I wish he had reached out to his many friends who would have been there for him during his difficult times.

 

This topic is pretty hard to discuss. I've known too many people who've committed suicide and recently way to many who have passed away from natural causes or drug overdoses in the past year.

[+ Gar1eth]

A woman I worked with in grad school committed suicide. It only affected me peripherally as I wasn't a close friend to her, but I had known her for 4 years. The year before she did it her husband was killed in a motor vehicle accident by a drunken driver. I was told she did it on their anniversary a year later. While I wasn't close to her, I still think about her from time to time and feel sad, and it's been 28 years.

 

Gman

[+ g56whiz]

I lost my dad to suicide about a year and a half ago to the date. He hung himself in the bathroom. He suffered from bipolar depression and refused to medicate himself. I ended up having to take care of him the last few years of his life. I can't begin to tell you the impact it has on a child and how it has sparked a fire under my own feet. No child should have to suffer from a parent taking their own life

Get help! A support group, counselor. Going it alone can only prolong the agony as you make all the mental mistakes the pros know how to avoid. And Hugs.

[HotWhiteThirties]

I lost my dad to suicide about a year and a half ago to the date. He hung himself in the bathroom. He suffered from bipolar depression and refused to medicate himself. I ended up having to take care of him the last few years of his life. I can't begin to tell you the impact it has on a child and how it has sparked a fire under my own feet. No child should have to suffer from a parent taking their own life

 

My father committed suicide when I was 11. He was a workaholic battling a debilitating illness with no cure and I’m sure the thought of consuming the resources of our family for his care in addition to the hopelessness of his situation coupled with anxiety and depression created the perfect storm.

 

I will never forget that day as long as I live. I remember holding him and begging him to come back. Just 11, I didn’t fully comprehend what had happened. It changed me forever; even decades later it still haunts, shapes, and this may be strange to say, blesses me. (Yes, I have found ways to use the experience for good.)

 

I have also had a paternal uncle and paternal first cousin make the same choice. Plus countless friends, extended family members, and more.

 

Every circumstance is different, but the impact of this kind of loss is best understood by those who experience it as well. So, for what it’s worth, I offer my prayers as you sort life and learn to navigate this life following this trauma. I am not seeking to insert myself into your specific situation, however, when someone loses a father to suicide, especially where illness was involved and there are some similar circumstances, I try to always extend an offer of a listening ear or willingness to answer questions about my situation privately. That certainly holds in this case, but as someone else suggested, a professional might be better. Still, I found professionals didn’t sometimes fully understand, though they tried sincerely to do so.

 

(EDIT: I should also add that I’ve followed this thread since it’s beginning without commenting. Mainly because I didn’t know if I wanted this detail of myself on the forum and the risks of revealing something that personal in this format. Something about this post by @RyanChambers and his circumstances compelled me to say something. Maybe it helps him or perhaps someone in some way.)

Edited February 20, 2020 by HotWhiteThirties

[+ pdxleo]

I'm in the middle of dealing with all this just now. My youngest cousin, 34 yrs old, mother of one, just made the most gruesome decision last weekend. She and hubby arguing, he decides to go out to the garage to disengage and cool down, she grabs their gun, follows him out, shoots him in the head, then takes her own life. The next morning my aunt stops in the pick up her granddaughter to go to church, walks in to find the six-year-old sobbing, covered in blood, saying "Mama and Poppa won't talk to me.". Little Angel was in the house overnight, trying to get Mama awake, and her dad watched it all, unable to speak or move to get any help. I can't imagine what went through my aunt's soul, walking out to that abattoir in the garage. Husband lost so much blood that they thought he'd not make it through the ambulance trip, but so far so good.

 

Looking at a six-hour drive to North Idaho tomorrow, with my mom and youngest brother ( the closest to this cousin in age and outlook), expecting some very heavy conversations. i"m incredibly pissed off at her selfishness, but because she was so hopeless, I'll have to swallow my bitterness and become the pillar of support that every one expects. Many of you know that I lost my long-time female partner just over a year ago, and was starting to finally be in a better place- guess that ain't gonna be happening yet. My aunt and uncle, the sweetest people in my life, now face an unimaginable task, at age 69 and 70, burying their youngest child, and probably raising their six-year-old granddaughter. This child will have years of therapy ahead, may not ever be able to live a normal life, makes me shake just thinking about it.

 

I know logically that there are resources out there to help, but if you are watching someone already in the spiral into madness, how do you help out? An entire family is being torn asunder, and it feels ridiculous to watch- so much sadness and emotion. I fucking hate feeling helpless, but we'll do what needs to be done- I just hate jumping from one mess to another.

[+ g56whiz]

I'm in the middle of dealing with all this just now. My youngest cousin, 34 yrs old, mother of one, just made the most gruesome decision last weekend. She and hubby arguing, he decides to go out to the garage to disengage and cool down, she grabs their gun, follows him out, shoots him in the head, then takes her own life. The next morning my aunt stops in the pick up her granddaughter to go to church, walks in to find the six-year-old sobbing, covered in blood, saying "Mama and Poppa won't talk to me.". Little Angel was in the house overnight, trying to get Mama awake, and her dad watched it all, unable to speak or move to get any help. I can't imagine what went through my aunt's soul, walking out to that abattoir in the garage. Husband lost so much blood that they thought he'd not make it through the ambulance trip, but so far so good.

 

Looking at a six-hour drive to North Idaho tomorrow, with my mom and youngest brother ( the closest to this cousin in age and outlook), expecting some very heavy conversations. i"m incredibly pissed off at her selfishness, but because she was so hopeless, I'll have to swallow my bitterness and become the pillar of support that every one expects. Many of you know that I lost my long-time female partner just over a year ago, and was starting to finally be in a better place- guess that ain't gonna be happening yet. My aunt and uncle, the sweetest people in my life, now face an unimaginable task, at age 69 and 70, burying their youngest child, and probably raising their six-year-old granddaughter. This child will have years of therapy ahead, may not ever be able to live a normal life, makes me shake just thinking about it.

 

I know logically that there are resources out there to help, but if you are watching someone already in the spiral into madness, how do you help out? An entire family is being torn asunder, and it feels ridiculous to watch- so much sadness and emotion. I fucking hate feeling helpless, but we'll do what needs to be done- I just hate jumping from one mess to another.

I hope knowing that anonymous colleagues on this site are praying for you and your family helps.

[Guy Fawkes]

Sometimes suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem. I disagree with those who say such people are being selfish.

 

Until they've lived in someone's shoes who is in pain 24 x 7 x 365 they really should really keep their judgements to themselves. I've several times had to provide hospice to those in need; and someday I suspect I will be in need of that hospice in return.

 

Usually suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is help!

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm in the middle of dealing with all this just now. My youngest cousin, 34 yrs old, mother of one, just made the most gruesome decision last weekend. She and hubby arguing, he decides to go out to the garage to disengage and cool down, she grabs their gun, follows him out, shoots him in the head, then takes her own life. The next morning my aunt stops in the pick up her granddaughter to go to church, walks in to find the six-year-old sobbing, covered in blood, saying "Mama and Poppa won't talk to me.". Little Angel was in the house overnight, trying to get Mama awake, and her dad watched it all, unable to speak or move to get any help. I can't imagine what went through my aunt's soul, walking out to that abattoir in the garage. Husband lost so much blood that they thought he'd not make it through the ambulance trip, but so far so good.

 

Looking at a six-hour drive to North Idaho tomorrow, with my mom and youngest brother ( the closest to this cousin in age and outlook), expecting some very heavy conversations. i"m incredibly pissed off at her selfishness, but because she was so hopeless, I'll have to swallow my bitterness and become the pillar of support that every one expects. Many of you know that I lost my long-time female partner just over a year ago, and was starting to finally be in a better place- guess that ain't gonna be happening yet. My aunt and uncle, the sweetest people in my life, now face an unimaginable task, at age 69 and 70, burying their youngest child, and probably raising their six-year-old granddaughter. This child will have years of therapy ahead, may not ever be able to live a normal life, makes me shake just thinking about it.

 

I know logically that there are resources out there to help, but if you are watching someone already in the spiral into madness, how do you help out? An entire family is being torn asunder, and it feels ridiculous to watch- so much sadness and emotion. I fucking hate feeling helpless, but we'll do what needs to be done- I just hate jumping from one mess to another.

I hope knowing that anonymous colleagues on this site are praying for you and your family helps.

 

I realize there's not really anything I can do. But my heart goes out to you and all your family,@pdxleo.

 

Gman

[CuriousByNature]

I hope knowing that anonymous colleagues on this site are praying for you and your family helps.

Amen ?

[HotWhiteThirties]

Sometimes suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem. I disagree with those who say such people are being selfish.

 

Until they've lived in someone's shoes who is in pain 24 x 7 x 365 they really should really keep their judgements to themselves. I've several times had to provide hospice to those in need; and someday I suspect I will be in need of that hospice in return.

 

Agree!!! It grieves me deeply anytime this is said (ie the “permanent solution to a temporary problem,” or it being the “most selfish act.”) Unfortunately the statement, though well-meaning by most, is usually said out of ignorance and with disregard to those who are close to that situation. There are a multitude of reasons one makes the choice. Nearly all I’ve ever known were not out of selfishness...if you really knew the person at least, and had an idea of what the circumstances were. People say dumb/ignorant things all the time...I sure do, but on this issue, people struggle for explanations and answers that they will never have, and it lends itself to a lot of speculation and “one size fits all” statements.

[+ pdxleo]

Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated my friends- my theme for the week is, Know that you are loved, and know that you are worthy of being loved.God bless!