Do you reveal your race to your masseurs/escorts?

[mike carey]

'Privilege' is a package deal. White, male, heterosexual, cis, Christian (less so). You are more likely to understand it if you fall outside any one of those, and understand more the more of the boxes you don't tick. Still, unless you have thought it through, you are likely to take your level of privilege as the 'norm' and not see those elements of privilege that you have.

 

Last week with the #MeToo surge on Twitter, many cis heterosexual men had an epiphany. They hadn't realised how many of the women in their lives sexual harassment and sexual assault affected, and how the fear of it had a chilling effect on everything they did. To be fair, many women were shocked to find out what they thought they uniquely had faced was the lived experience of virtually all of the women they knew. I hope that this sudden realisation that their lived experience of a comfortable life with the male privilege their gender accorded them was not universal will make at least some of them consider that other forms of privilege exist and benefit them. It won't change the world, but progress is achieved one step at a time.

[+ Axiom2001]

During my almost two decades of engaging the services of escorts, I've "NEVER" revealed my ethnicity, and this has "NOT" been a problem.

In the early 2000's, a well-reviewed escort had in his ad that he preferred not to see a particular ethnicity; I responded and asked him why not.

Fortunately, he replied back to me in the most genuine and candid manner of which I appreciated; he and I managed to see each other when he

visited the West Coast, and he and I had a remarkable and worthwhile time. On his next visit, we had another "fucking hot time!"

 

He was one hell of a sweetheart, and I think both of us were pleased in our having met! :)

 

I like ALL men, irrespective of their racial make up. When I hire or connect for sex, I look at physicality, size of penis, versatility, interactivity, openness {if indicated in ad}, activities in which we

can both be equally engaged. The preceding criteria has paid off in the long run for me.

[P Gren]

'Privilege' is a package deal. White, male, heterosexual, cis, Christian (less so). You are more likely to understand it if you fall outside any one of those, and understand more the more of the boxes you don't tick. Still, unless you have thought it through, you are likely to take your level of privilege as the 'norm' and not see those elements of privilege that you have.

 

Last week with the #MeToo surge on Twitter, many cis heterosexual men had an epiphany. They hadn't realised how many of the women in their lives sexual harassment and sexual assault affected, and how the fear of it had a chilling effect on everything they did. To be fair, many women were shocked to find out what they thought they uniquely had faced was the lived experience of virtually all of the women they knew. I hope that this sudden realisation that their lived experience of a comfortable life with the male privilege their gender accorded them was not universal will make at least some of them consider that other forms of privilege exist and benefit them. It won't change the world, but progress is achieved one step at a time.

You're rowing against the Aussie stereotype you know ...

[+ quoththeraven]

Sorry to enter this discussion late... it is an interesting and valuable one, and one that can easily open the very real wounds that some of our brothers carry as a result of mis-treatment because of their identity.

 

One thing that resonates deeply for me is how white-ness plays out here. White people, especially men, can far more easily navigate through places -- actual or implied -- than any others in our world. There is almost an assumption that whiteness is the norm ... a kind of hegemonic whiteness... and that anything that is other-than-white is the exception that must be "dealt with" as the other.

 

White men cannot possibly understand just how "easy" we have it - how our lives are not full of the aggressions (micro or otherwise) that are part of the daily realities of persons of color in our world.

 

To suppose otherwise - to in any way imagine a world in which there is "color blindness' is to be delusional.

You aren't being radical enough. There is an assumption that whiteness is the norm, including in fields that like to think of themselves as progressive, like publishing (which I hear about a lot on Twitter), the performing arts, movies and TV, and academia.

 

The assumption that whiteness is the norm and everything else is some exotic exception to the rule is pernicious, pervasive and itself a form of white supremacy.

[nynakedtop]

You aren't being radical enough. There is an assumption that whiteness is the norm, including in fields that like to think of themselves as progressive, like publishing (which I hear about a lot on Twitter), the performing arts, movies and TV, and academia.

 

The assumption that whiteness is the norm and everything else is some exotic exception to the rule is pernicious, pervasive and itself a form of white supremacy.

i agree with you 200%... i am trying to learn to temper my tone from time to time, but this is definitely not the place to exercise calm!

[+ José Soplanucas]

The assumption that whiteness is the norm and everything else is some exotic exception to the rule is pernicious, pervasive and itself a form of white supremacy.

 

You aren't being radical enough. It is White Supremacy.

Edited October 27, 2017 by latbear4blk

[+ Avalon]

On the American soap opera "Days of Our Lives" there is a beautiful gay Asian

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Narita

 

And on the Australian soap "Neighbours" there is a gay Asian

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Tanaka

[mike carey]

The assumption that whiteness is the norm and everything else is some exotic exception to the rule is pernicious, pervasive and itself a form of white supremacy.

You aren't be radical enough. It is White Supremacy.

I don't agree. To me there is a significant line between assumptions about what is the norm and a largely passive acceptance of that as the status quo, and white supremacy. To me, white supremacy is the active, even aggressive promotion of white superiority.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I don't agree. To me there is a significant line between assumptions about what is the norm and a largely passive acceptance of that as the status quo, and white supremacy. To me, white supremacy is the active, even aggressive promotion of white superiority.

 

We disagree. Cheers!

http://68.media.tumblr.com/206a1286e3085d72ed4038bdbed4e498/tumblr_ol329pEXuX1w4o831o1_540.gif

[Good Grief]

We disagree. Cheers!

http://68.media.tumblr.com/206a1286e3085d72ed4038bdbed4e498/tumblr_ol329pEXuX1w4o831o1_540.gif

 

So @latbear4blk . You're saying and disagreeing with @mike carey 's post and you're saying that ANY and ALL white men are Supremacists?

 

Really need to be sure. Really.

[+ quoththeraven]

You aren't be radical enough. It is White Supremacy.

I'm going to quibble here and say "form of" means it is one of, but not the only, way white supremacy is expressed.

 

It's not openly genocidal, but all that's required is a belief that whites should be at the top of the pecking order and in charge. By that definition, the United States still operates on white supremacy. The Twitter threads I see about white lady tears over diversity and inclusion in books and publishing and the belief that either white authors writing PoC (rather than PoC writing themselves) or having one or two authors of color are good enough are all the proof I need.

 

Sample Twitter thread:

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/SashaDevlin/status/922492929419173888?s=02

 

Sample tweets: We can change things as long as white comfort is always held as our first & strongest priority. And at their core that's what these bks are

 

"It's abt quality." Ima let you finish but someone wrote those bad bks you published & it can't all be AoC cuz you've only got two

 

"It's so hard to connect w a POC MC" B/c POC only speak in ancient obscure dialects and it has nothing to do w your internalized prejudices

 

A well-known, established (white) writer of romantic suspense thought it was appropriate to use a e-mail chain/author's loop sponsored by a trade organization of authors in her genre to decry diversity as a fad and drag the organization's Board of Directors for its advocacy of diversity because it wasn't serving her or other long-term (read: white) members well. She did this (deliberately, I suspect) shortly before the Board of Directors election. But mostly what she did was get herself on people's "will not buy or read anymore" lists.

[+ José Soplanucas]

So @latbear4blk . You're saying and disagreeing with @mike carey 's post and you're saying that ANY and ALL white men are Supremacists?

 

Really need to be sure. Really.

 

No, I did not mean that. I do not believe all White men are Supremacist.

I can see why you may interpret I said that.

I am mixing in my joke White Privilege and White Supremacy, and I should not have done that without making a clarification.

My apologies if I offended you, it was not my intention.

Thank you for pointing it to me.

[Good Grief]

No, I did not mean that. I do not believe all White men are Supremacist.

I can see why you may interpret I said that.

I am mixing in my joke White Privilege and White Supremacy, and I should not have done that without making a clarification.

My apologies if I offended you, it was not my intention.

Thank you for pointing it to me.

 

 

I appreciate your clarification. I suggest you be more careful in the future. You seem to have a disdain for Caucasians. Your preference and that's okay.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I appreciate your clarification. I suggest you be more careful in the future. You seem to have a disdain for Caucasians. Your preference and that's okay.

 

I do not. But that is often Cauacasians' impression when I question White Privilege.

[Good Grief]

I do not. But that is often Cauacasians' impression when I question White Privilege.

 

Did I say anything that led you to bring up the White Privilege issue?

 

Please educate me.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Did I say anything that led you to believe I have a disdain for Caucasians? Please educate me.

[+ oldNbusted]

I believe there is a growing awareness that the 'fad' of passive hostility toward anything that threatens white privilege is just as bad as outright white supremacy because it's so much more pervasive and insidious due to flying so far under the radar that many practitioners get away with denying it even exists.

[P Gren]

I believe there is a growing awareness that the 'fad' of passive hostility toward anything that threatens white privilege is just as bad as outright white supremacy because it's so much more pervasive and insidious due to flying so far under the radar that many practitioners get away with denying it even exists.

They're different - one may only be the thin edge of the wedge of the other - but they're different

[SuenosAmor]

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians). Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

 

The struggle is real! It's better than it used to be, but I agree it's an unspoken reality in the gay community. Growing up, I think "Long Duk Dong" (played by Gedde Watanabe in the '80s classic Sixteen Candles) did a lot of damage to emasculate the Asian American image. But I'm encouraged there are more Asian American characters in TV and film these days, and even some good looking ones in leading roles.

 

By the way, your "no fats, no fems, no Asians" tagline reminded me of the brilliant Kim Chi.

 

[+ oldNbusted]

They're different - one may only be the thin edge of the wedge of the other - but they're different

 

Even if the outcome is the same? The argument is it's a distinction without a difference.

[P Gren]

Even if the outcome is the same? The argument is it's a distinction without a difference.

That's the point - the outcome isn't the same. Not hiring an Asian escort doesn't have the same outcome of unprosecuted lynching of African-Americans through the 20's or shooting of African-Americans by some law enforcement today. Individual discrimination (not saying this isn't a problem potentially) isn't the same as systemic oppression.

Edited October 24, 2017 by P Gren

[Walker1]

The struggle is real! It's better than it used to be, but I agree it's an unspoken reality in the gay community. Growing up, I think "Long Duk Dong" (played by Gedde Watanabe in the '80s classic Sixteen Candles) did a lot of damage to emasculate the Asian American image. But I'm encouraged there are more Asian American characters in TV and film these days, and even some good looking ones in leading roles.

 

By the way, your "no fats, no fems, no Asians" tagline reminded me of the brilliant Kim Chi.

 

Yup. There is Ken jeong as Mr Chow-the typical small dicked Asian on the Hangover movies.

 

But then there is this hottie Lee byung-Hun Oh My

Edited October 24, 2017 by Walker1

[SuenosAmor]

Yeah, stereotypes are a funny thing. Sometimes they're true and other times not. I think the truth becomes more clear when these types of guys become part of one's dating pool.

[+ oldNbusted]

That's the point - the outcome isn't the same. Not hiring an Asian escort doesn't have the same outcome of unprosecuted lynching of African-Americans through the 20's or shooting of African-Americans by some law enforcement today. Individual discrimination (not saying this isn't a problem potentially) isn't the same as systemic oppression.

 

Did you mean to reply to me? Your reply doesn't seem relevant to what I wrote. Not the end of the world.

[P Gren]

Did you mean to reply to me? Your reply doesn't seem relevant to what I wrote. Not the end of the world.

Yes. I was replying to your post. I don't agree with the comment, it's a distinction without a difference. I think there is a difference.