Have you ever wanted children?

[+ WmClarke]

Yes.

 

... But mainly to have someone to do dishes, make the bed and take out the trash.

Yeah, good luck with all that...

 

(Speaks from experience.)

Yeah. What @Good Grief said.

[leeper]

In my 20's I said I didn't want kids, then I changed my mind and now have two, a son and a daughter. The very best thing I have done in my life.

[Gvtire]

So, I shouldn't tell the adoption agency my plans?

When we decided to adopt the social worker asked each of us what we wanted in a child. I told her I wanted them house broken. After she stopped laughing, she said good luck I have a 17 year old he's not even close to being housebroken

Edited October 21, 2017 by Gvtire

[Walker1]

Strange thing is when I was younger, I never wanted kids. I would hold friend's kids for a few minutes and give them back. Then I guess aging, not sure what-maybe men have a biological clock too- I started looking at kids in a different way-in a yearning, wish that was my kid sort of way. It wouldn't go away-I realized I wanted to have my own kids. Unfortunately never fell in love with anybody-men or women, just lot of relationships and now hiring. I decided to go the scientific route-figured if I was dealing with kids and all the troubles-might as well be my own biologically. It is still very fresh and got a lot of flack from family who I had supported over the years , so not willing to talk as much about it for now. It has been overwhelming and great-gave my life a whole new purpose. I was getting melancholy, lonely and now barely have any time to ponder such things as the meaning of life!

Caring for someone else and being responsible for someone and watch them grow before your eyes is a whole another experience. You still have time to enjoy hiring-in fact hiring is perfect,as I just don't have the energy to invest in a relationship.

[+ Autumnal]

I didn't want kids - didn't think it was in me to be a successful father - my wife did, so I went along with it. Thought I was off the hook when we tried for 2 years and nothing happened even with fertility help. My wife stopped all drugs and timing and Boom - suddenly there was a baby boy in our life. And then Boom - there was another baby boy. I was 39. There were many struggles for many years with both of them but with love, and patience, and guidance there are now two more, responsible, caring, loving men in the world. Wouldn't change what was, and is, for anything.

[Walker1]

One of the reasons I am a little touchy about this, is the changes in my family after I made my decision to have kids on my own. But the ones I have supported through thick and thin more or less turned their backs on me-just disappeared. I guess it was a one way street. Made me realize they probably thought of me as the eccentric lifelong bachelor uncle who probably will bequeath my moderate possessions on them after I am gone. The stranger thing is the family I didn't have much relationships with-mostly because they were very conservative/religious and I for a long time just believed anyone conservative/religious was close to evil-jumped in to help, free babysit, advice and were the least judgemental of my choice. Go figure. they are still conservative/religious and I don't agree with their views, but actions are different I guess-not sure what to make of it. Just still smarting from the whole thing and how little we actually know about those closest to us and to be honest about ourselves too!

[gallahadesquire]

I've had 30 years of anesthesia residents. That'll do it for me.

[manorbrown]

Strange thing is when I was younger, I never wanted kids. I would hold friend's kids for a few minutes and give them back. Then I guess aging, not sure what-maybe men have a biological clock too- I started looking at kids in a different way-in a yearning, wish that was my kid sort of way. It wouldn't go away-I realized I wanted to have my own kids. Unfortunately never fell in love with anybody-men or women, just lot of relationships and now hiring. I decided to go the scientific route-figured if I was dealing with kids and all the troubles-might as well be my own biologically. It is still very fresh and got a lot of flack from family who I had supported over the years , so not willing to talk as much about it for now. It has been overwhelming and great-gave my life a whole new purpose. I was getting melancholy, lonely and now barely have any time to ponder such things as the meaning of life!

Caring for someone else and being responsible for someone and watch them grow before your eyes is a whole another experience. You still have time to enjoy hiring-in fact hiring is perfect,as I just don't have the energy to invest in a relationship.

I agree...as a single Dad with 3 "happy accidents" I'm so busy with the 3 of them a traditional relationship is hard to manage (at least it has been for me)...hiring has allowed me to scratch that itch and go about my life with the kids...

[+ FreshFluff]

So I just talked to a guy I'm sorta dating. His best friend, a straight finance guy, decided to have kids on his own. He bought some eggs, hired a surrogate, and is now expecting. He already has a team in place to raise the child(ren), including a nanny and a coach. He said it's cheaper than a wife.

 

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

[mmk123]

NEVER

even when I was little or before I was out I never once pictured myself or ever thought "someday I will be a parent" or "what would I name my kids"

 

having a dog-yes (pets are so much more preferable to children in my opinion)

[+ Gar1eth]

When I was just a little lad of about two or three years of age, I had stuffed monkey as my plush toy. I named him Junior. That was my favorite name back then. I was sorry it wasn’t my name. I vaguely remember thinking of him as a baby. And over the early kindergarten to early elementary years, I would occasionally think about being married and having children.

 

I’m sorry I don’t have children. But on the other hand, I consider it a blessing. I don’t think I would have been a good father (even if I were the same as I am now, but straight, I don’t think I would have been a good father)-I’m barely taking care of myself now. Some people say they improve with age. Unfortunately for me in many ways-aside from being a bit more accepting of myself being gay- I did better job of taking care of myself when I was younger.

 

While I may not ever be totally at peace being gay, I’m glad that I am so far on the gay scale that I was never able to think about finding a girl and getting married. Better for me to make a mess of my own life singly than to have tried to pass as straight and end up ruining some woman’s life along with any possible children we might have had when I wasn’t able to continue passing anymore.

 

Gman

[Walker1]

So I just talked to a guy I'm sorta dating. His best friend, a straight finance guy, decided to have kids on his own. He bought some eggs, hired a surrogate, and is now expecting. He already has a team in place to raise the child(ren), including a nanny and a coach. He said it's cheaper than a wife.

 

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

Actually that is how I got started. A friend of a friend -straight as they come-went through the same route. I met him at a mutual event and started talking. Good looking ,very successful and I could not for the life of me understand why he choose this route, when he always had a bevy of beautiful women he hung out with. He said primarily the court system-alimony, child support, child custody etc. He said in his line of work, which is crazy hours-plenty of his colleagues are on 2nd or even 3rd wives and many rarely get to see their kids after the divorce and are paying through the nose . One they are already busy and two with separate households-just becomes too difficult. So he decided, since he never met the right woman, to have kids the new fashioned way, full time nanny, other help and still enjoy his life. I thought it was rather selfish reason-but hey who am I to be judgemental? That was the reason he gave too-way, way cheaper than a wife-rich people problems!! But he was saying at his level, many wives just hire nannies anyways while they end up being social butterflies and spend tons of money-way above my paygrade!

 

Me of course my problem is "mechanics". I am just also getting attracted to women, but still haven't gone all the way and am getting older. Unlike him, I can't afford an army and so very grateful for family -the religious kind-who for some reason just stepped in without even me asking. That was a shock. It is one of the reasons I am mad at Obamacare-the cost is horrendous for people like me who don't get subsidies and yet am not rich. When you are a middle class person, every penny counts.

Taking to the single guy and several other straight guys, I hear the ratio of straight single guys is almost 30%.-which is astonishing to me. One of my greatest regrets was the kids not having mom, but now have enough busybody families jumping in, so they have some strong female figures in their life.

 

Through this journey, I have heard of numerous combinations. Apparently there are several women in their 40s whose eggs are no good anymore, so they actually have egg donors, sometimes anonymous sperm donors and sometimes their partner, implant it and then have the baby-I don't understand that either-but hey all of us are different.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

 

Times have changed... And with that, so have preconceived notions.

 

As long as he's a good dad, I say great. Truth be told, I'd love to have seen him go the adoption route, but that can be a tough road for a single male.

[+ GregM]

I would love to have a kid. But sadly I don't see it happening

 

Hugs,

Greg

[bigvalboy]

So I just talked to a guy I'm sorta dating. His best friend, a straight finance guy, decided to have kids on his own. He bought some eggs, hired a surrogate, and is now expecting. He already has a team in place to raise the child(ren), including a nanny and a coach. He said it's cheaper than a wife.

 

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

 

I can understand. For some, children are a gift. It sounds like he is aware what he is in for. As other members have mentioned here, they can't imagine their life with them. He might be at that place and time in his life where he feels capable emotionally and financially. For a single straight woman who has been considering this, I would say throw caution to the wind, life is short. Living with regrets should not be an option...

[+ FreshFluff]

I can understand. For some, children are a gift. It sounds like he is aware what he is in for. As other members have mentioned here, they can't imagine their life with them. He might be at that place and time in his life where he feels capable emotionally and financially. For a single straight woman who has been considering this, I would say throw caution to the wind, life is short. Living with regrets should not be an option...

 

I tried convince myself to want kids--stared at babies and everything--and it didn't work, hence my sig. However, on the off-chance Mr Right came along and wanted one, I'd do it for him. That's where egg freezing comes in. Creating a kid from the frozen eggs is a long shot, but that's the only option. My only hesitation is the possible side effects--everything from weight gain to serious illness.

 

Actually that is how I got started. A friend of a friend -straight as they come-went through the same route. I met him at a mutual event and started talking. Good looking ,very successful and I could not for the life of me understand why he choose this route, when he always had a bevy of beautiful women he hung out with. He said primarily the court system-alimony, child support, child custody etc. He said in his line of work, which is crazy hours-plenty of his colleagues are on 2nd or even 3rd wives and many rarely get to see their kids after the divorce and are paying through the nose . One they are already busy and two with separate households-just becomes too difficult. So he decided, since he never met the right woman, to have kids the new fashioned way, full time nanny, other help and still enjoy his life. I thought it was rather selfish reason-but hey who am I to be judgemental? That was the reason he gave too-way, way cheaper than a wife-rich people problems!! But he was saying at his level, many wives just hire nannies anyways while they end up being social butterflies and spend tons of money-way above my paygrade!

 

He sounds identical to the guy my friend described. I almost wonder if they are the same person. Do you think he'll eventually get a hot Swedish au pair that the kids love and marry her?

Edited October 30, 2017 by FreshFluff

[Walker1]

I tried convince myself to want kids--stared at babies and everything--and it didn't work, hence my sig. However, on the off-chance Mr Right came along and wanted one, I'd do it for him. That's where egg freezing comes in. Creating a kid from the frozen eggs is a long shot, but that's the only option. My only hesitation is the possible side effects--everything from weight gain to serious illness.

 

 

 

He sounds identical to the guy my friend described. I almost wonder if they are the same person. Do you think he'll eventually get a hot Swedish au pair that the kids love and marry her?

I don't think so, the guy I know is in healthcare and makes big bucks, but works long, long hours. Just too scared to take on a wife, massive alimony, child support etc. This just worked out for him and sounds like he gave it a lot of thought. He did give me inspiration though!

 

Liek someone above said-life is too short, just go for it. Time goes by so fast. This decision has cut down on my sex life and hiring frequency. But hey there are people in their 70s still hiring, so I aim to be one of those.

 

[Bearofdistinction]

Have you ever wanted kids

 

Francaise?

 

Marsala?

 

Cajun Breaded and Fried

 

Or in Moms Stew with Dumplings?

[+ FreshFluff]

So I just talked to a guy I'm sorta dating. His best friend, a straight finance guy, decided to have kids on his own. He bought some eggs, hired a surrogate, and is now expecting. He already has a team in place to raise the child(ren), including a nanny and a coach. He said it's cheaper than a wife.

 

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

 

This story gets even more interesting. This very wealthy guy is nearly 60 and already has 2 kids with his ex-wife who cheated on him. He hated having kids with a wife, which is why he wanted to have another set on his own.

 

This guy was able to source eggs from an elite university, plus his donor is really good looking and tall. His designer son will be delivered to his doorstep soon.

Edited November 11, 2017 by FreshFluff

[bigvalboy]

This guy was able to source eggs from an elite university, plus his donor is really good looking and tall. His designer son will be delivered to his doorstep soon.

 

You lost me on that one FF...

[+ sniper]

This story gets even more interesting. This very wealthy guy is nearly 60 and already has 2 kids with his ex-wife who cheated on him. He hated having kids with a wife, which is why he wanted to have another set on his own.

 

This guy was able to source eggs from an elite university, plus his donor is really good looking and tall. His designer son will be delivered to his doorstep soon.

Pushing 60 as a single parent of a newborn is irresponsible IMO. Too much risk of orphaning the kid.

Hope he did his homework on jurisdiction. There are states where the birth mother, even if a surrogate and unrelated genetically, has parental rights and can change her mind at the time of birth and decide to keep the kid. A friend of mine just spent 3.5 years getting his name on the birth certificate of his bio-kid because the surrogate went crazy.

[BaronArtz]

So I just talked to a guy I'm sorta dating. His best friend, a straight finance guy, decided to have kids on his own. He bought some eggs, hired a surrogate, and is now expecting. He already has a team in place to raise the child(ren), including a nanny and a coach. He said it's cheaper than a wife.

 

Wow. Anyone can understand why a straight woman would get pregnant on her own when she's almost out of time. For a gay man,likewise. But a straight guy who is under no time pressure and can find a wife quickly in any case?

 

He is applying the principles of finance to his family life. He is driven by cost analysis, long-term expected payoffs and return on investment. However, the mistake he makes is that he could have married a substantially wealthier wife, executed an attractive pre-nup agreement and all his present financial calculations would be off.

 

Looking at the bigger picture, the friend of the guy you are sorta dating, doesn't seem to be ready for/want/desire a wife. If this is true, he really shouldn't. One shouldn't marry just for the purpose to have kids. There are so many other alternatives.

[Walker1]

Well 60 is up there in age. When the kids hit their 20s, he will be in his 80s. Who knows, maybe the ex took him to the cleaners, his grown kids don't see him and he just got tired of hiring. To each his own. There are parents who molest or kill their kids-this one just wants to be a parent and experience the love and joy from his child.

 

You can't guarantee the kids look from mom. I think it was Bernard Shah who said that, when an actress told him they should have kids so the kids would be as smart as him and as good looking as her-to which he replied-they could be as dumb as you and as ugly as me- or something to the same effect.

 

I have seen some beautiful people with average looking kids-not that there is anything wrong with that.

 

My neighbor is like that, got divorced 25 years ago, hasn't seen his adult kids in 7 years-doesn't even know where they live anymore and even if they are still alive. Though he is in his late 70s. I go by at least once a month-sharp wit-but lot of sad situations-men and women as they get older. Another woman immigrant, had a single daughter who died in a car crash. Sad, lonely figure-especially when you live in hicksville with limited resources and not able to go the big city nearest to you.

[+ FreshFluff]

Pushing 60 as a single parent of a newborn is irresponsible IMO. Too much risk of orphaning the kid.

Hope he did his homework on jurisdiction. There are states where the birth mother, even if a surrogate and unrelated genetically, has parental rights and can change her mind at the time of birth and decide to keep the kid. A friend of mine just spent 3.5 years getting his name on the birth certificate of his bio-kid because the surrogate went crazy.

 

Yep. You can't use a surrogate from NY for that reason.

 

He is applying the principles of finance to his family life. He is driven by cost analysis, long-term expected payoffs and return on investment. However, the mistake he makes is that he could have married a substantially wealthier wife, executed an attractive pre-nup agreement and all his present financial calculations would be off.

 

Looking at the bigger picture, the friend of the guy you are sorta dating, doesn't seem to be ready for/want/desire a wife. If this is true, he really shouldn't. One shouldn't marry just for the purpose to have kids. There are so many other alternatives.

 

Some of these guys want wives from a better class, but this one didn't. He wanted a hot nympho and--surprise!--she cheated on him. As for prenups, even the best ones are sometimes invalidated by the courts, so a lot of men don't believe in them.

 

I agree with you that he shouldn't get married. He is just bringing a lot of expectations to bear on this kid. He's already found a coach and everythinng. I hope the kid lives up to expectations and doesn't have any issues.

Edited November 11, 2017 by FreshFluff

[+ FreshFluff]

@Walker1 ,

Yeah, I agree that you never know what you'll get as far as genes go.. Looks and athletic ability (depending on his own build) are easier to guarantee than intelligence, which is clearly important to him also. That's why he paid for the top-school eggs. Hope the kid doesn't end up with any special needs. As you say, that sometimes happens even if both parents are very smart.

 

BTW, I'm definitely not criticizing him. I was just shocked that a nearly 60 y.o. man who already has 2 kids would want to go through the process again.

 

You lost me on that one FF...

 

Egg donors are typically sourced from college campuses and are usually paid about $10K for the risk, pain, and trouble.

 

A few parents want donors from the very top universities , especially if both parents went to such universities themselves. But most women at elite schools are not desperate for money and put a very high value on their genetic material, so it's nearly impossble to get eggs from those schools. This guy probably paid around $100K just for the eggs--not including the cost of the surrogate and so on.

Edited November 11, 2017 by FreshFluff