Frustrated, Dumb, Hypocritical

[LaffingBear]

I thought I'd posted about this before, but can't find the post.

 

Context

• I live in suburbia, and its a challenge to get guys to come to me
  
• I found and spoke to a guy willing to come here.... but communications and scheduling were a challenge. It took days, I thought he'd decided against seeing me, and I moved on. Then he contacted me. I later learned he's super-busy with his real-life career, and there are some language challenges.
  
• Finally arranged a session. It was fantastic, got very hot. He seemed to enjoy it. He initiated a kiss as I walked him to his car afterwards.
  
• He's not responding to my calls, texts, for a few days now. Even when ad websites say Available Now
  

So, I feel stupid for repeatedly pursuing. Wonder if I misread the situation. Did he block me? Is he not interested?

 

And somewhat hypocritical; if anyone else posted this, I'd tell them to "Snap out of it!" and move on.

 

But I can't forget what a hassle the communications and scheduling were last time, and it was after I'd given up that he finally replied, I recognized the communications challenges, and we scheduled.

 

Just venting, I guess. I know the smart answer is move on. That would be much easier if it weren't for the logistics and challenges of being a suburbanite.

 

So hypocritical, feeling my challenges are more challenging for me, than others' are for them.

[+ HornyRetiree]

Not responding to my calls, texts, for a few days. Even when ad websites say Available Now

 

You may just have a wonderful one time memory to file away.

[Mydavid]

If you like him, don't give up, try communicating him after a while. Like someone said:"If you don't ask, the answer will always be no, if you ask, it might be yes".

However, don't forget, there are plenty of fish in the pond. Don't stop looking for new guys.

[LaffingBear]

I thought I'd posted about this before, but can't find the post.

I realize now, that I'm thinking about my posts and threads like https://m4m-forum.org/threads/preferred-method-declining.125836/

 

If he simply replied once, "no thanks" I'd move on. But, given that the first time was soooooo challenging to communicate and schedule...... I don't know what to think.

[Bucky]

LaffingBear. You seem like a smart guy. But you keep dwelling over things you don't control... i.e. his response.

[+ Kufrol]

I'd add one more word to your headline. Human. I agree with Bucky, but for me letting go of things I cannot control often is easier said than done. A wise friend told me nothing can change past moments (wonderful or otherwise), and only I can tarnish the memories of great times by second guessing myself. There's always the possibility he's afraid a repeat performance might further complicate his feelings toward you, and he's just not willing to risk continued emotional investments. Be of strong courage, LaffingBear.

[+ Keith30309]

Don't discount the possibility that he is simply a busy, unorganized poor communicator (and I mean that in the best way.)

 

There is a guy who I adore seeing and we have a wonderful time every time we meet. I honestly believe that he enjoys our time together as much as I.

That said, he is very difficult to communicate with and sometimes my texts go unanswered for a week. He is in school and has two jobs and, frankly, a little lacking in organizational skills. That's just simply who he is (in addition to being a real sweetheart with a gentle soul.)

 

That may be the case with your acquaintance - I'd not give up on him.

[Good Grief]

Don't discount the possibility that he is simply a busy, unorganized poor communicator (and I mean that in the best way.)

 

There is a guy who I adore seeing and we have a wonderful time every time we meet. I honestly believe that he enjoys our time together as much as I.

That said, he is very difficult to communicate with and sometimes my texts go unanswered for a week. He is in school and has two jobs and, frankly, a little lacking in organizational skills. That's just simply who he is (in addition to being a real sweetheart with a gentle soul.)

 

That may be the case with your acquaintance - I'd not give up on him.

 

+1

[LaffingBear]

Actually, Ive concluded Im foolish to not recognize the very behaviors Ive written about.

 

He simply doesnt have the capacity to decline my business.

 

How do I know? Well cant be certain. When I call from the phone I used in previous calls, one ring, then voicemail. When I immediately call from a different phone, it rings.

 

One ring then voicemail means number is busy, phone's off, or blocked. When calls within a few seconds from a different number ring through.... odds are strongly narrowed to blocked.

 

Thing is, Im not hurt by a guy choosing not to see me. But I get irritated as hell that he said he'd see me again, sent follow up texts with potential dates, etc.

 

My issue. It is my shortcoming, failure to accept that, no matter the evidence to the contrary, I cant accept that the majority of people will choose avoidance rather than delivering a polite decline.... with no regard that they may be sending mixed messages or wasting others' time.

 

I guess Ill need to train myself to just ignore others, or tell a little white lie regarding my interest in them, even if I have absolutely no interest.

 

Life and e*communications in 2017.

[Mydavid]

There is a kind of guy called "Stamp Collector". They won't have sex with a guy twice. Maybe he is.

I knew one when I was young. I refused him and said, "I'm not a stamp".

[LaffingBear]

There is a kind of guy called "Stamp Collector". They won't have sex with a guy twice. Maybe he is.

I knew one when I was young. I refused him and said, "I'm not a stamp".

Ive met a few of those. I dont think thats the case.

 

Learned a new term, though. Thanks.

 

I remember first time I met a guy like that... not for hire. Concept turned me off so much, I almost pulled over on the freeway and asked him to leave my car.

[+ sync]

FWIW, I've read female accounts of meeting straight male "stamp collectors." I wonder what the motivation is with that?

[Deadlift1]

Actually, Ive concluded Im foolish to not recognize the very behaviors Ive written about.

 

He simply doesnt have the capacity to decline my business.

 

How do I know? Well cant be certain. When I call from the phone I used in previous calls, one ring, then voicemail. When I immediately call from a different phone, it rings.

 

One ring then voicemail means number is busy, phone's off, or blocked. When calls within a few seconds from a different number ring through.... odds are strongly narrowed to blocked.

 

Thing is, Im not hurt by a guy choosing not to see me. But I get irritated as hell that he said he'd see me again, sent follow up texts with potential dates, etc.

 

My issue. It is my shortcoming, failure to accept that, no matter the evidence to the contrary, I cant accept that the majority of people will choose avoidance rather than delivering a polite decline.... with no regard that they may be sending mixed messages or wasting others' time.

 

I guess Ill need to train myself to just ignore others, or tell a little white lie regarding my interest in them, even if I have absolutely no interest.

 

Life and e*communications in 2017.

i think u should stalk him. Analyzing ring tones. your already there. Learn to speak his language and befriend his mom.

[LaffingBear]

i think u should stalk him. Analyzing ring tones. your already there. Learn to speak his language and befriend his mom.

Not really my style. Or my proclivity. I recognize that I'm obsessive about the avoidance. But once I decided, I moved on.

 

We're all wired how we're wired. I'll never truly accept avoidance as a preferred method of dealing with things. I just need to cope with the fact that far too many people lack the courtesy and/or spine to simply say no.

 

I wonder what a criminal psych analyst would report.... what sets off stalkers more? Being rejected, or being avoided?

 

Heres a tangent. Not a major component, but occasionally, my work requires that I recruit to fill job openings. Same issues. I would NEVER let someone who applied for a job go without an acknowledgment. Even when they're entirely unqualified, even when its clear they just set up some form of keyword-based search that automatically applies regardless of interest or qualifications. It might only be an autoreply that establishes expectations, e.g., "thanks for applying, you'll hear from me if you match the requirements." But at least the interest was acknowledged.

[Epigonos]

Communicating with some people (escorts) is a real pain in the ass. I was in communication with an Adonis dancer. Things were going just fine so I emailed him a list of my likes and dislikes and asked him to contact me of they were all ok with him. When I didn't hear from him for a number of days I assumed he was not interested in doing some of the things I wanted to do so I moved on. Several day latter I received a message from him asking "How are thing going?". I wrote back and said fine and that since he hadn't answered I had assumed he wasn't interested in getting together. He responded "Everything you wanted was fine". Now how the fuck was I supposed to know that? So now we are back in communication. I gave him my personal email address and asked him to start using it. I haven't heard from him yet. I'm now assuming that we WILL be getting together but it just might take awhile to get everything ironed out. If I didn't find him extremely HOT I sure as hell wouldn't be going to all this trouble.

[+ Eric Hassan]

I thought I'd posted about this before, but can't find the post.

 

Context

• I live in suburbia, and its a challenge to get guys to come to me
  
• I found and spoke to a guy willing to come here.... but communications and scheduling were a challenge. It took days, I thought he'd decided against seeing me, and I moved on. Then he contacted me. I later learned he's super-busy with his real-life career, and there are some language challenges.
  
• Finally arranged a session. It was fantastic, got very hot. He seemed to enjoy it. He initiated a kiss as I walked him to his car afterwards.
  
• He's not responding to my calls, texts, for a few days now. Even when ad websites say Available Now
  

So, I feel stupid for repeatedly pursuing. Wonder if I misread the situation. Did he block me? Is he not interested?

 

And somewhat hypocritical; if anyone else posted this, I'd tell them to "Snap out of it!" and move on.

 

But I can't forget what a hassle the communications and scheduling were last time, and it was after I'd given up that he finally replied, I recognized the communications challenges, and we scheduled.

 

Just venting, I guess. I know the smart answer is move on. That would be much easier if it weren't for the logistics and challenges of being a suburbanite.

 

So hypocritical, feeling my challenges are more challenging for me, than others' are for them.

 

Repeat after me: "I don't work for dick."

 

Even AWESOME dick doesn't typically provide a regular paycheck, insurance, and sick days. If you find yourself saying "This is a lot of work, I'm not sure if it's worth it," take a look at your paycheck.

 

If you still wanna bust ass for dick - and get nowhere - you're a masochist. Then you don't have to move on, but you can't complain that dick doesn't pay.

[+ sniper]

Heres a tangent. Not a major component, but occasionally, my work requires that I recruit to fill job openings. Same issues. I would NEVER let someone who applied for a job go without an acknowledgment. Even when they're entirely unqualified, even when its clear they just set up some form of keyword-based search that automatically applies regardless of interest or qualifications. It might only be an autoreply that establishes expectations, e.g., "thanks for applying, you'll hear from me if you match the requirements." But at least the interest was acknowledged.

 

Sadly many major employers don't even do that, so lack of response has become the norm.

[+ oldNbusted]

I thought I'd posted about this before, but can't find the post.

 

Context

• I live in suburbia, and its a challenge to get guys to come to me
  
• I found and spoke to a guy willing to come here.... but communications and scheduling were a challenge. It took days, I thought he'd decided against seeing me, and I moved on. Then he contacted me. I later learned he's super-busy with his real-life career, and there are some language challenges.
  
• Finally arranged a session. It was fantastic, got very hot. He seemed to enjoy it. He initiated a kiss as I walked him to his car afterwards.
  
• He's not responding to my calls, texts, for a few days now. Even when ad websites say Available Now
  

So, I feel stupid for repeatedly pursuing. Wonder if I misread the situation. Did he block me? Is he not interested?

 

And somewhat hypocritical; if anyone else posted this, I'd tell them to "Snap out of it!" and move on.

 

But I can't forget what a hassle the communications and scheduling were last time, and it was after I'd given up that he finally replied, I recognized the communications challenges, and we scheduled.

 

Just venting, I guess. I know the smart answer is move on. That would be much easier if it weren't for the logistics and challenges of being a suburbanite.

 

So hypocritical, feeling my challenges are more challenging for me, than others' are for them.

 

Self-awareness can be a bitch, can't it? I say don't be too hard on yourself, you can be damn sure the guys you are dealing with aren't. Just do your best and keep moving forward, I think you're doing fine.

 

 

Sadly many major employers don't even do that, so lack of response has become the norm.

 

OK, it's been a long time since I had to deal with screening resumes for a job, but the last time I did, I wrote a very specific classified ad (yes, in a newspaper, that's how long it's been) that had a section of required skills and a section of 'nice to have' optional skills. We got about 100 resumes and only 4 of them met the stated requirements. Do you think I bothered to let the other 96 know I felt they were too stupid to hire because they applied for a job they were not qualified to have? What would be the point? Do you really think they care? My understanding this problem is much, much worse these days. At what point does the shear scale makes this a self indulgence?

 

On an tangent from this tangent, I've heard of increasing incidents of people accepting job offers, then not showing up on their start date, as it turned out they get a better offer elsewhere and didn't bother to let the first place know.

[+ purplekow]

Lack of responsiveness seems to be the norm.

I recently applied to be on a well known TV game show. I took an on line test and then had a Skype interview. At the end of the interview the production assistant offered that I would receive a status update e-mail in the next week. I was a bit surprised and asked if I would get an e-mail only if I was accepted as a contestant. I was told: No we e-mail each interviewee one way or the other. As on now, several weeks later, no e-mail. More to the point, I am not expecting one despite what I was told.

As I was applying for a job last month, I was told that after the interview they would let me know in one week. After four weeks, I was called and I was offered the job. I am still considering the offer, but I wonder why anyone would state an intention to call, and a time frame and then disregard it, especially if it is there intent to offer a job. Why not just be more forthright and inform the candidate that a follow up may take weeks?

These types of interactions have occurred many times with escorts, with friends, with relatives, and with other service people. My new standard is to not expect the courtesy of a reply and to assume the response is a negative if I do not hear in an appropriate amount of time. If I need closure, then I call them.

[LaffingBear]

it's been a long time since I had to deal with screening resumes for a job, but the last time I did, I wrote a very specific classified ad (yes, in a newspaper, that's how long it's been) that had a section of required skills and a section of 'nice to have' optional skills. We got about 100 resumes and only 4 of them met the stated requirements. Do you think I bothered to let the other 96 know I felt they were too stupid to hire because they applied for a job they were not qualified to have? What would be the point? Do you really think they care? My understanding this problem is much, much worse these days. At what point does the shear scale makes this a self indulgence?

I have the same experience. Its sometimes hard not to laugh. "What in the world made you think your experience grooming dogs qualifies you to be an MRI tech?"

 

Like you, I write specific qualifications. I dont send individual replies. I set up an auto reply email, something like "thanks for applying. You'll be contacted if your background and skills match the advertised requirements." At least they know their resume was received, and can infer a reason if they dont hear more.

 

One if the strangest things... people are so casual about setting up autosubmissions based on keywords, the most common response I get when I call people and say Im calling about their application is that they are totally unaware they've applied.

[+ oldNbusted]

I have the same experience. Its sometimes hard not to laugh. "What in the world made you think your experience grooming dogs qualifies you to be an MRI tech?"

 

Like you, I write specific qualifications. I dont send individual replies. I set up an auto reply email, something like "thanks for applying. You'll be contacted if your background and skills match the advertised requirements." At least they know their resume was received, and can infer a reason if they dont hear more.

 

One if the strangest things... people are so casual about setting up autosubmissions based on keywords, the most common response I get when I call people and say Im calling about their application is that they are totally unaware they've applied.

 

 

This has to lead to an xkcd strip about semi-intellent autonomous search and response agents locked in a feedback loop...

[Epigonos]

I'm convinced that in the complex world we live today it is frequently the case of the right hand doesn't have a clue what the left hand is going. A relative of mine is being treated at one of the major cancer research hospitals here is Southern California. One staff member will tell her that such and such scheduling persons will be calling her with twenty-four hours. After forty-eight hours she will call back and speak to the person who was to call her and the person is clueless. It is frequently the case of too many cooks in the kitchen.

[LaffingBear]

I'm convinced that in the complex world we live today it is frequently the case of the right hand doesn't have a clue what the left hand is going. A relative of mine is being treated at one of the major cancer research hospitals here is Southern California. One staff member will tell her that such and such scheduling persons will be calling her with twenty-four hours. After forty-eight hours she will call back and speak to the person who was to call her and the person is clueless. It is frequently the case of too many cooks in the kitchen.

That is particularly accurate for the healthcare delivery system.

 

We tend to think of healthcare and hospitals being technologically advanced. But they're years behind other industries in terms of information sharing, coordination, and general communications.

 

The finance/banking, hospitality/hotel, and telecommunications industries are much further along than healthcare, when evaluated on coordination or integration.

[JayCeeKy]

if anyone else posted this, I'd tell them to "Snap out of it!" and move on.

 

Exactly.

[LaffingBear]

Exactly.

I wrote that over a day ago... Ive moved on.