Would you judge someone for not paying back a debt years ago?

[+ Topseed]

Yes.

 

A now ex-friend has owed me money for 10 months. I've heard every excuse except "The dog ate my homework". I'm done. I've written off the debt. And the friendship.

[+ OliverSaks]

I'm forgetful at times, and I think that is a very possible explanation for why he never paid back.

 

Benefit of the doubt vs. "he's pure evil and never gonna change"

 

Which feels better for you?

[gallahadesquire]

So the strangest part is what he borrowed it for. It was either to buy a bed or to pay down a credit card he had used to buy a bed. Our dorm rooms all came with a twin bed and mattress for each student. Couples slept on them with no problem.

 

FWIW, he's a pedigreed professional at a top firm in his field.

 

 

 

Call the breeder and ask for his AKA papers to be revoked!

[+ nycman]

A leopard does not change its spots.

 

This is exactly what I was going to post.

 

There are several people in this world to whom I have "loaned" money.

 

#1 I never loan money that I can't afford to lose.

#2 Almost everyone I've loaned money to has repaid it promptly.

#3 The few that haven't....whenever they contact me...I simply respond..."I would be happy to talk with you AFTER you've repaid your debt to me".

#4 It's astonishing how short term the memory of a borrower is compared to how long term the memory of a lender is.

#5 I still freely lend money to people I love and trust

 

Have I lost friends? Maybe, but I don't think they were real friends to begin with.

 

So to answer the question....yes, I judge people who do not repay their debts....regardless of time passed.

 

That's my 2 cents.

[MiamiLooker]

I'm forgetful at times, and I think that is a very possible explanation for why he never paid back.

Some people do seem to suffer by choice from "selective" memory loss. But I think a lot of folks just have a sense of self-entitlement. They're entitled to your money more than you are.

[bigvalboy]

Some people do seem to suffer by choice from "selective" memory loss.

 

+1

 

People know when they are wrong, and they often forget many things, but money they have borrowed is not likely one of them.

[Larstrup]

As a person with very bad memory, it may happen to me.

 

Since you brought it up, that twenty I loaned you for that slutty lap-dance is still outstanding.

[YoungAD]

I was considering cultivating a casual friendship with him. The debt itself is trivial now. If/when I talk to the guy again, though, I would never mention it to him. But the idea that someone would take advantage of a kind person like Stacy pisses me off a little.

 

Wouldn't you feel the same way if it were your friend?

 

Edit: Latbear has a good point below.

 

No. Do you expect Stacy to share your anger over past slights and infractions?

 

Also, what do you hope to accomplish by being "pissed off a little?" Is this supposed to make Stacy feel better?

 

A final observation. The adage that "a leopard never changes its spots" may sound like sage wisdom at first listen. Consider this: a leopard acts out of instinct and hunger rather than a sense of morality. People make mistakes throughout life, some small and some large. Also consider that many of the men on this forum have cheated on their wives (and that number includes me).

 

To make the blanket pronouncement that none of us can now be trusted with fidelity or that we are all horrible people at our core is absurd.

[+ WmClarke]

Yes I have and yes I do.

 

The amounts are small in my case, so they have not ruined a friendship--I just don't do anything with that person if it involves me fronting or lending money.

[EZEtoGRU]

Yes.

+1

[+ FreshFluff]

No. Do you expect Stacy to share your anger over past slights and infractions?

 

Also, what do you hope to accomplish by being "pissed off a little?" Is this supposed to make Stacy feel better?

 

Alex? Is that you, cutie?

 

Of course we all make mistakes. Being angry that one's friend was stiffed is human nature though.

[rocky]

Wow, I have many examples and no I wouldn't trust them again. On the gay side a person I knew was in Las Vegas years ago with another guy who had hired him but he was out on his own and I sent him money. Both he and his "john" said well good luck in collecting. But I've also had so called friends who have asked for loans and am in a position to do so. One person who was going through a divorce gave me about 50% but not a dime in about four years, who is in my area, who has money, do I approach him, I'd like to but I will hold this against him for ever.

 

 

I recently ran into a fellow I'll call Alex.

 

I later learned that during our college days, Alex borrowed several hundred dollars from my close friend Stacy and never paid her back. Stacy took out a cash advance on her credit card in order to give Alex the money. She said Alex was a handsome guy who wanted to fit in but didn't have the cash to do so.

 

Of course, you shouldn't lend people money that you can't afford to lose. But Stacy is an unusually kind and altruistic person who would give you the shirt off her back. I wonder how many people Alex must have asked until he found the one soft touch who would do it. It took Stacy over a year to pay down that credit card debt.

 

Would you judge someone for something he did over a decade ago when he was a young adult? After all, Alex is no billionaire, but he did well for himself in the first decade after graduation He could easily have contacted Stacy but didn't. Is there a point where you forgive something like that, or do people not change? The question is academic for me as I barely know Alex, but I wonder how you all would see it.

[Rudynate]

In my youth, I was a bit flaky, and on several occasions borrowed what were then sizable amounts from friends. I sometimes didn't repay the debts when I promised to, but I always repaid them. I never even entertained the thought of not repaying them.

 

One time, my mother called and wanted to borrow what was a REALLY sizable amount of money, for me, at the time. I stewed about it and stewed about it, talked with friends about it, because I really didn't want to lend it to her - I knew I would never get it back - it was nearly my entire nest egg. I stewed some more - I thought, "How can you not lend your mother money when she asks for it?" Finally, I decided not to lend it to her and I stewed some more about what to tell her. And I decided that I was going to tell her the truth. I called her back and told her I wasn't lending her the money because I didn't think she would repay it and I couldn't afford to lose that much money. She really guilted me, but I held out. I don't think she was even angry, disappointed yes, because she had assumed that I would say yes, but not angry. Over the long term, it had no ill effect on our relationship.

[gallahadesquire]

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be,

For Loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of Husbandry."

— Polonius' advice to Laertes. Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3, by William Shakespeare

[+ deej]

I recently ran into a fellow I'll call Alex.

 

I later learned that during our college days, Alex borrowed several hundred dollars from my close friend Stacy and never paid her back.

 

Never loan him money. Ever.

 

And that's pretty much where you judging should stop. The rest of the relationship isn't yours.

[SuenosAmor]

Going by what's described here, I would absolutely judge someone for not paying back the debt. Unless you're dead or in prison, there's no excuse in my mind.

[gallahadesquire]

I've "lent" money to two people in my life. One turned out to be a deadbeat, but he needed it to stay up with his mortgage. (What he was doing with a four bedroom, three bathroom house in the first place was anybody's guess.) gone forever.

 

The other was a friend who was hit by an unexpected $4000 HOA / Condo special assessment. I didn't ever actually expect to get that back. Several years (and apologies that he would pay it back), he was found dead at home. He had left me the $4000 in his will. He was also about six months behind on his mortgage. Everything had to be liquidated to pay his debts, and there was a net $73 from his estate. Frankly, I'd rather have John back.

[corymonroe]

FreshFluff asked more than one question in the OP, so I have no idea what the one word answers yes or no mean.

 

If I know someone who didn't repay a debt, especially given the manner in which this money was given, I would not be able to overlook the character aspect of the person.

[Bearofdistinction]

I recently ran into a fellow I'll call Alex.

 

I later learned that during our college days, Alex borrowed several hundred dollars from my close friend Stacy and never paid her back. Stacy took out a cash advance on her credit card in order to give Alex the money. She said Alex was a handsome guy who wanted to fit in but didn't have the cash to do so.

 

Of course, you shouldn't lend people money that you can't afford to lose. But Stacy is an unusually kind and altruistic person who would give you the shirt off her back. I wonder how many people Alex must have asked until he found the one soft touch who would do it. It took Stacy over a year to pay down that credit card debt.

 

Would you judge someone for something he did over a decade ago when he was a young adult? After all, Alex is no billionaire, but he did well for himself in the first decade after graduation He could easily have contacted Stacy but didn't. Is there a point where you forgive something like that, or do people not change? The question is academic for me as I barely know Alex, but I wonder how you all would see it.

 

Unless there is security posted by the borrower -- a car title - jewelry -- stocks -- etc. then it is not a loan.

 

Unless you can afford to throw the money to the wind to help a friend or family member -- do not GIVE THE MONEY --- for it is a gift 90+% of the time.

[AdamSmith]

In Saturday's address for the monthly Jubilee of Mercy general audience, Pope Francis said almsgiving is not just about the money; it is about being attentive to the actual needs of the person asking for help.

 

“Almsgiving is a gesture of love which directs us toward those we meet,” the Pope said in his catechesis. “It is a gesture of sincere attention to those who come to us and ask our help.”

 

“We should not identify almsgiving simply with a (hastily given) monetary offering” he said, “without looking at the person, and without stopping to talk, to understand what they really need.”

 

In off-the-cuff remarks, the Pope challenged the faithful as to whether they are able to “stop and look in the face, look in the eyes, of the person who is asking for my help.”

 

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/pope-when-giving-to-the-poor-look-them-in-the-eyes-59625/

 

Your A.S. gives every time he is asked, and takes the person to a meal together, and a visit, and sometimes a small but still human communion.

 

Anything else seems unconscionable.

 

Are we not human?

 

The number of invaluable human sparks of lives that have given back into me from that simple humane approach...

 

Francis is possibly the most valuable of us all, right now in time.

[MassageDrew]

I recently ran into a fellow I'll call Alex.

 

I later learned that during our college days, Alex borrowed several hundred dollars from my close friend Stacy and never paid her back. Stacy took out a cash advance on her credit card in order to give Alex the money. She said Alex was a handsome guy who wanted to fit in but didn't have the cash to do so.

 

Of course, you shouldn't lend people money that you can't afford to lose. But Stacy is an unusually kind and altruistic person who would give you the shirt off her back. I wonder how many people Alex must have asked until he found the one soft touch who would do it. It took Stacy over a year to pay down that credit card debt.

 

Would you judge someone for something he did over a decade ago when he was a young adult? After all, Alex is no billionaire, but he did well for himself in the first decade after graduation He could easily have contacted Stacy but didn't. Is there a point where you forgive something like that, or do people not change? The question is academic for me as I barely know Alex, but I wonder how you all would see it.

 

Would I judge? Easily. It doesn't matter how long ago this happened because, clearly, it's still in the back of your mind. You never forget. I had a coworker who was strapped for cash and asked if I could cosign a loan. I said I couldn't.