Worst Ever Massage

[+ poolboy48220]

I've stayed through horrible conditions because I was unwilling to make a scene. I was younger then, I'd like to think I'd have the confidence now to say "oh no, I'm leaving".

[+ Travis69]

I've stayed through horrible conditions because I was unwilling to make a scene. I was younger then, I'd like to think I'd have the confidence now to say "oh no, I'm leaving".

I think most of us have but a stone island in a kitchen is beyond the realm of bad conditions. I would have cracked up laughing and said "are you kidding me??????????". i might have even paid him the money and told him to use it to buy a used massage table off Craigslist.

[MisterMike]

Creepy. But you posted a review of the masseur's bad behavior and he read it, hence his remorse?

Ugh, I think I had a similar experience with the same guy. Couldn't wait to get out of there......he was a sweaty, gross mess with an over-inflated ego about his skills, ability and looks. Yuk!

I think we know of whom you speak. He was blocked (I think) from this site 4 or 5 months ago due to his frequent, increasingly angry and strange outbursts. Sounds perhaps drug related from the above commentary. Hopefully he's getting the help he needs.

He's no longer living in LA. Seems to have moved out of the country after going on frequently more erratic and rambling diatribes on his Instagram account.

Seems to have been gone for three months now.

His ads are all expired

 

We are all talking about the same guy it seems. I reviewed his instagram and HOLY SHIT it seems really fucking crazy now. In retrospect, I kind of feel lucky I left without physical harm being done to me. You have to read the instagram to believe it: https://www.instagram.com/jameslamassage

[LOLO]

We are all talking about the same guy it seems. I reviewed his instagram and HOLY SHIT it seems really fucking crazy now. In retrospect, I kind of feel lucky I left without physical harm being done to me. You have to read the instagram to believe it: https://www.instagram.com/jameslamassage

 

Oh man, that's so sad. Seems pretty clear he has some kind of substance use and/or psychotic disorder. Hope the poor guy's ok.

[+ harey]

C'mon now. You know you have one. Spill:)

As long as I don’t wake up missing a kidney, I count my blessings. Should I raise my standards?

[MisterMike]

Oh man, that's so sad. Seems pretty clear he has some kind of substance use and/or psychotic disorder. Hope the poor guy's ok.

There's a limit to my empathy. As a human I hope he is not suffering too much due to things beyond his control. That being said, he has apparently ripped people off, been a real creep, and seems to not really be that great a person, so... KARMA.

[wDarling]

We are all talking about the same guy it seems. I reviewed his instagram and HOLY SHIT it seems really fucking crazy now. In retrospect, I kind of feel lucky I left without physical harm being done to me. You have to read the instagram to believe it: https://www.instagram.com/jameslamassage

 

What’s up with all the photos of the backs of women’s feet?! So creepy. Also some of the befores look better...

[MisterMike]

What’s up with all the photos of the backs of women’s feet?! So creepy. Also some of the befores look better...

Those aren't women.

[m4same]

Why did you stay?

I was young and didn't know better yet.

[RunnerGuy]

I met up with a masseur/escort in Weho. He has a lot of ads so I'm not going to post his name.

 

He kept getting texted and apologized for that, and said he was going to silence his phone.

 

Problem is, he had one of those cases on his phone that strobes when he's receiving a call. And he put it on the coffee table at the head of the massage table. So every time he got a call -- which was frequent -- it would flash incessantly. I felt like I was going to have a seizure on the table. Closing my eyes didn't help as I could still see the flashes (or they were burned into my retina).

 

Then we flip over and somehow we get into a conversation into cock size. He said I "wasn't small" (gee, thanks) but that he's seen really big ones. And I was like flirtily like, "oh yeah, how big?" And then he opened his arms and was like "this big." His hands must've been two to three feet apart. And then I was like "haha." And then he put one hand the same distance above the table and was like, "this big." And I just didn't believe him lol.

 

Anyway, it was odd.

[Ajac]

We are all talking about the same guy it seems. I reviewed his instagram and HOLY SHIT it seems really fucking crazy now. In retrospect, I kind of feel lucky I left without physical harm being done to me. You have to read the instagram to believe it: https://www.instagram.com/jameslamassage

He was local to me and despite a recommendation something told me to stay clear of him. Thank God for my Spidey sense.

[big dale]

This thread needs to make a comeback. I just laughed reading it all over again.

[CuriousByNature]

This thread needs to make a comeback. I just laughed reading it all over again.

Agreed!

[Antonio1981]

I enjoy reading these, because some are downright hysterical, and others seem like the start to a really tragic Lifetime movie.

 

I posted this in a different thread about my worst massage.

 

My experience with xxxxx was likely one of the worst massage experiences I have ever had. I will stay short of giving a review, but will provide these highlights:

• the house is at the end of a sketchy street, was pretty dark, a total mess and stunk of weed
  
• he took photos of my feet and legs (and who knows what else?) with his phone while I was face down and unaware (allegedly for "comparison to show how great his technique is")
  
• he told me it was $50 extra for him to work nude, but he was a sweaty, chubby mess with zero ability to get an erection
  
• he would not stop talking the entire time, mostly about how awesome he was, and sort of making digs about my body "if you want to lose weight you could..." but I am thinner and more muscular than him. He was like a stereotype of someone flying high on cocaine.
  

In the follow-up to me posting that I started getting creepy voicemails from the provider on the google voice number I use to contact masseurs. Eventually I received a final call where the provider sounded very sorrowful, a little sniffly, and begged me to forgive and book another session for 25% off.

 

 

Was this someone who lived in north hollywood?

[+ azdr0710]

Did you take the discount and try again?

 

you may need to reply to @Ludo , who told the story, not Antonio

[m4same]

you may need to reply to @Ludo , who told the story, not Antonio

Thanks. Will do.

[m4same]

I enjoy reading these, because some are downright hysterical, and others seem like the start to a really tragic Lifetime movie.

 

I posted this in a different thread about my worst massage.

 

My experience with xxxxx was likely one of the worst massage experiences I have ever had. I will stay short of giving a review, but will provide these highlights:

• the house is at the end of a sketchy street, was pretty dark, a total mess and stunk of weed
  
• he took photos of my feet and legs (and who knows what else?) with his phone while I was face down and unaware (allegedly for "comparison to show how great his technique is")
  
• he told me it was $50 extra for him to work nude, but he was a sweaty, chubby mess with zero ability to get an erection
  
• he would not stop talking the entire time, mostly about how awesome he was, and sort of making digs about my body "if you want to lose weight you could..." but I am thinner and more muscular than him. He was like a stereotype of someone flying high on cocaine.
  

In the follow-up to me posting that I started getting creepy voicemails from the provider on the google voice number I use to contact masseurs. Eventually I received a final call where the provider sounded very sorrowful, a little sniffly, and begged me to forgive and book another session for 25% off.

Did you take the discount and try again?

[m4same]

OK. I few odd moments with massages. Once, in California, after the massage, the masseur asked if he could take photos of my butt. I have no idea why. Was this a compliment? Once, also in California, the masseur somehow managed to always have his dick in my hair. No matter how I would try to shift, his dick would rub my head. Again, I have no idea why. Finally, when I was in my early 20s, I hurt my shoulder playing softball and called a massage ad from the free newspaper called The Reader in Chicago. I asked the masseur if he was licensed and trained and told him about my injury. He assured me he was qualified. I entered his dirty apartment with no table and the slovenly looking unkempt dirty looking man had me lie on the bed. He then sprayed something into his mouth and tried to suck my dick. I wouldn't let him and asked about the massage. He expressed surprise that I actually wanted a massage and told me he doesn't know how to do that. I was out of there so fast...

[Beancounter]

I was a licensed massage therapist, having completed the prescribed course of study and subsequent state licensing test. These stories have brought back a lot of memories....both good and bad.

 

First off, as a massage therapist you get used to “aromatherapy” from clients. It just happens and I have smelled some of the wettest, raunchiest farts that mankind has ever produce. And all with a smile on my face as I silently gagged myself to death. Such was the life of a student intern.

 

Perhaps the thing I never got used to was the distinct smell of a menstruating woman and, in particular, the woman who spotted my brand new massage table sheets. Ugh! Those sheets subsequently took up residence in the local landfill.

 

Lastly, and quite sad, was the gentleman who came to the school I was studying at to get a reduced price massage from student interns ($35 at the time). That was all he could afford. The guy was heavy-set and had a severe skin condition that wasn’t contagious or anything. His skin was simply unpleasant to look at. He confessed to me one day that he liked to get massages because that was the only human touch and interaction in his life and it made him feel like a human being. I learned something about the human condition that day.

[big dale]

...I entered his dirty apartment with no table and the slovenly looking unkempt dirty looking man had me lie on the bed. He then sprayed something into his mouth and tried to suck my dick. I wouldn't let him and asked about the massage. He expressed surprise that I actually wanted a massage and told me he doesn't know how to do that. I was out of there so fast...

 

Doesn't sound like you were outta there fast enough. LOL

[Lewis H]

I was having a massage on a pullout bed when the bedframe collapsed and swallowed the both of us. Needless to say the massage ended at that moment.

[tj_forplay]

I was having a massage on a pullout bed when the bedframe collapsed and swallowed the both of us. Needless to say the massage ended at that moment.

No way! Sorry but that's absolutely hilarious ? ?

[samK]

This is the funniest thread ever. So I will chime in because I still laugh about it, but still my worst.

 

So I hire a traveling masseur who was "Highly Recommended Here" as a "don't miss if he comes to your town", "I would repeat" blah blah blah.

 

Talks about a table, about professionalism and more... So I find myself in the same city and feel it is a no brainer. I text, he replies and then says he is tired. Got it. So we try the next night because no one wants a tired therapist - right?

 

I arrive early and he texted to come up to his room. He is asking me a lot of strange questions and all the while I am looking for the massage table. So I ask and he says the room was too small and he will use the bed. (some would call that the first red flag - but some many Helens agree how great he is...) So I get on the bed and he begins. To set the mood, the bed is a rather plush one and being a little guy anywhere he would kneel I would roll towards him... cause he was Much Bigger than me. So think like a waterbed from the 70's situation.

 

As if that is not bad enough, the conversation was very baffling and not sure where he is going with any of it.. yet he is missing many good opportunities to spot the tension spot or growing tensions from his conversations about political crap. I thought maybe he had a lisp or an accent of some kind.... but then I started to feel it was that he had been drinking and simply slurring his words.

 

10 - 15 minutes later, he proceeds to reposition himself and gets in a position that confused me for the following reason:

1) how is he supposed to massage me while sort of spooning me

2) I had read the reviews and although everyone says they were happy... it was mostly how good at massage he was... and that was all that I texted looking for.... so why am I being spooned.

 

Then... He fell asleep... well at first I thought he was escalating the massage into more than I wanted and I was about to say something as his weight was getting a bit much.... then I realized that he was snoring! It was unbelievable. One part of me wanted to sneak out and act like it didn't happen. Here I was thinking I was about to be "Me Too'ed" and instead I became some kind of body pillow for his comfort .... and worse I think he was drooling on my shoulder.

 

Okay, I guess if it was a date it would have been really worse.... but all I wanted was a damn massage and not to pinned down on a bed for 15 minutes! Yep, that is how long I laid there thinking how was I going to get out or escape this situation. Plus I was starving and had dinner plans right after the massage and not sure how my growling stomach did not wake him.

 

The worst part was when I began to free myself he woke up and started rubbing me with one hand as if he had not been sleeping. Talking about his picking mushrooms with his family back home at Christmas... like maybe I had not noticed his narcoleptic episode.

 

I know this is not as horrible of some... but I hope it makes you laugh and I hope it never happens to you... unless he is super hot and you want to wake up together in the morning!

Edited February 13, 2020 by samK

[samK]

Ok this one goes back awhile. Back to the years of finding masseurs in the ad section of Frontiers Magazine. Before the advice of forum members. There was a guy whose body was amazing kind of like the guy from Tarzan movie with Bo Derek ... Miles Okeef I think. ( 20 somethings start googling). Any way I arrived at a dingy little apartment. He seemed pretty out of it. He in told me to go ahead and lie face down on the bed which was unmade and sheets were obviously not fresh. ( OK let me say it is amazing what you will let slide when some one is extremely good looking. ) He then lay on top of me and kind of kneaded my shoulder with one hand occasionally mumbling incoherently. On a side note his hair was shoulder length but more little lord Fontleroy then Sexy romance novel and obviously had not been washed in a very long time. I digress,the strange Kneading continues until it becomes obvious he has dozed off. Yes full dead weight on top of me asleep. So he come to as I writhe about a bit. continuing to mumble and pinch. At this point I initiate the turn over and just want it all to end. So I am a bit fuzzy on this but there was some sort of HE, more Hurried than Happy. The kicker, as I am getting dressed he decides it is time for him to prep dinner. This is a one room with kitchenette so I get to watch as he waves a huge knife around and tries to make small talk. Now had it been a paring knife to cut his potato no biggie but this was a fight crocodiles in a swamp knife so I was wondering if was ever going to be seen again. I go into compliment mode, going on and on of what a great time it was as I dressed and edged toward the door. I made my escape to home and a very long shower.

I am so relieved to know that I am not alone in my worst experience... we should start a support group. haha

[samK]

Easy to remember - it was my FIRST massage ever while a student at GW in DC! I was fully draped with a sheet - No idea what to expect - was zoned out enjoying the massage when I had my first spontaneous ejaculation WHILE FLACCID! I didn't even have a semi - so no tenting of the sheet.

 

I gave it no thought as it was just part of the energy flowing and swirling through my body -- NOTE! The masseur never went within 12" of my genitals! -- there was no external stimulation!

 

When he saw the wet spot on the sheet as my semen liquefied and soaked though, the Masseur lost it - started yelling at me and ended the massage right then! I was mortified as I didn't feel I had done anything wrong and he sure as hell had not stimulated me directly!

 

From that point forward I communicated up front - told the Masseurs that I ejaculated spontaneously (while flaccid) and went to Masseurs who would massage nude on nude. Spontaneous ejaculations were normal, during good massages, for me into my late 50s -- it is all energy!!!

 

NOW, I need some direct stimulation by the masseur:):)

 

I have never forgotten that first massage!

 

Got a boner once too during a massage, totally legit massage and matter of fact I didn't even know I was so zoned out ... until the masseur laughed and slapped it, which made me snap back from whatever island I was on. I reached down and felt my erection through the sheet only to say "mom always said if you leave it alone it'll go away". A door which he walked through after slapping my erection... I was so embarrassed I never went back. Sadly, he was really good too. Now that I am in my late 50's too... maybe I should go back.