Off the clock - or not?

[Fuzzy]

I live in a smaller city - there are less than half a dozen guys on rent.men in my town. So I haven't hired unless I'm traveling.

 

I was on Scruff the other night and started chatting with a guy who's here visiting family for the week. We talked for 20-30 minutes or so on Scruff - a combination of flirting, sending pics and get-to-know-you small talk. Sexy guy, exactly my type. We're supposed to get together in a couple days.

 

It wasn't until I went to his profile a couple days later that I noticed he had a link to his twitter account. When I clicked on it, it became apparent that he's a working man. Every other post is tagged #escort, #daddysboy, etc. But I can't find him on rent.men - so either he's not on there or I'm looking in the wrong city.

 

He didn't mention this at all when we were talking on Scruff, but it occurs to me that he might assume I saw his twitter account before agreeing to see him and is coming here for an appointment. Or he might not assume that and he just wants to get away from his family for a bit.

 

Obviously, I have no issue at all with what he does for work, but I didn't approach this - or agree to this - as a hire. How do I clear up expectations before he heads over here? "Hey, I saw your twitter account .. are you expecting to get paid?" seems ridiculously crass and tone-deaf.

 

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.

[LoveNDino]

I live in a smaller city - there are less than half a dozen guys on rent.men in my town. So I haven't hired unless I'm traveling.

 

I was on Scruff the other night and started chatting with a guy who's here visiting family for the week. We talked for 20-30 minutes or so on Scruff - a combination of flirting, sending pics and get-to-know-you small talk. Sexy guy, exactly my type. We're supposed to get together in a couple days.

 

It wasn't until I went to his profile a couple days later that I noticed he had a link to his twitter account. When I clicked on it, it became apparent that he's a working man. Every other post is tagged #escort, #daddysboy, etc. But I can't find him on rent.men - so either he's not on there or I'm looking in the wrong city.

 

He didn't mention this at all when we were talking on Scruff, but it occurs to me that he might assume I saw his twitter account before agreeing to see him and is coming here for an appointment. Or he might not assume that and he just wants to get away from his family for a bit.

 

Obviously, I have no issue at all with what he does for work, but I didn't approach this - or agree to this - as a hire. How do I clear up expectations before he heads over here? "Hey, I saw your twitter account .. are you expecting to get paid?" seems ridiculously crass and tone-deaf.

 

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.

If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up, but I'm sure there are others with more experience on this. Good luck!

[Marlfox]

If he said he was there visiting family, I would take it that he's there on vacation and whatever his job is, he's not working.

I wouldn't mention seeing his twitter account. Maybe he wants to go on a regular date.

[rvwnsd]

...Obviously, I have no issue at all with what he does for work, but I didn't approach this - or agree to this - as a hire. How do I clear up expectations before he heads over here? "Hey, I saw your twitter account .. are you expecting to get paid?" seems ridiculously crass and tone-deaf.

 

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.

 

There are multiple ways for you to handle this:

1. Play dumb and hope he doesn't ask for money.
   
2. Play dumb, but have an escort fee available just in case he asks for money
   
3. Say something like "Hey, I love your Twitter feed" and see what he says
   
4. Say something like "Hey, I saw your Twitter feed. What a coincidence - it looks like you've escorted and I've hired before!"
   
5. Continue chatting and see where this goes.
   

One thing struck me about your original post. You mentioned he is exactly your type, but you didn't mention whether he mentioned that you are his type. This could be a very important clue in determining where this is headed. If he has articulated that you fit his "type," then he might very well be approaching this as a date rather than as a working appointment.

 

Whatever is the result, have a GREAT time!!

[+ OliverSaks]

I would just ask.

 

It's possible he is just looking for something recreational (companions have desires also that aren't always fulfilled by clients).

 

However, I would say that it is more likely that he is hoping that you'll "take a hint" with the Twitter feed and understand that he is a companion (but he doesn't wanna raise alarms on the app and violate the terms of service).

[+ bigjoey]

I know one escort who just loves sex and when he is on vacation to visit family he is often on Scruff or another site trolling for just recreational sex!

 

Just go with the flow and he may be looking for some normal date time.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I would go for #2 at @rvwnsd 's post above. Good luck and good fuck!

[marylander1940]

I live in a smaller city - there are less than half a dozen guys on rent.men in my town. So I haven't hired unless I'm traveling.

 

I was on Scruff the other night and started chatting with a guy who's here visiting family for the week. We talked for 20-30 minutes or so on Scruff - a combination of flirting, sending pics and get-to-know-you small talk. Sexy guy, exactly my type. We're supposed to get together in a couple days.

 

It wasn't until I went to his profile a couple days later that I noticed he had a link to his twitter account. When I clicked on it, it became apparent that he's a working man. Every other post is tagged #escort, #daddysboy, etc. But I can't find him on rent.men - so either he's not on there or I'm looking in the wrong city.

 

He didn't mention this at all when we were talking on Scruff, but it occurs to me that he might assume I saw his twitter account before agreeing to see him and is coming here for an appointment. Or he might not assume that and he just wants to get away from his family for a bit.

 

Obviously, I have no issue at all with what he does for work, but I didn't approach this - or agree to this - as a hire. How do I clear up expectations before he heads over here? "Hey, I saw your twitter account .. are you expecting to get paid?" seems ridiculously crass and tone-deaf.

 

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.

 

How old are you?

 

Do you think he was looking to hookup with you?

 

The fact that he told you a white lie "visiting family for a week" means that he didn't want you to know he's an escort, right?

 

Every time I open Grindr I recognize visiting and local escorts, as yinz know they also have a life and like to hookup just like other gay men.

 

There are multiple ways for you to handle this:

1. Play dumb and hope he doesn't ask for money.
   
2. Play dumb, but have an escort fee available just in case he asks for money
   
3. Say something like "Hey, I love your Twitter feed" and see what he says
   
4. Say something like "Hey, I saw your Twitter feed. What a coincidence - it looks like you've escorted and I've hired before!"
   
5. Continue chatting and see where this goes.
   

One thing struck me about your original post. You mentioned he is exactly your type, but you didn't mention whether he mentioned that you are his type. This could be a very important clue in determining where this is headed. If he has articulated that you fit his "type," then he might very well be approaching this as a date rather than as a working appointment.

 

Whatever is the result, have a GREAT time!!

 

He has to bring up he's on Scruff looing for generou$ guys upfront... so far looks like a hookup.

[MikeBiDude]

I would go for #2 at @rvwnsd 's post above. Good luck and good fuck!

+1, door #2 would be how I'd do it...

[Rudynate]

I live in a smaller city - there are less than half a dozen guys on rent.men in my town. So I haven't hired unless I'm traveling.

 

I was on Scruff the other night and started chatting with a guy who's here visiting family for the week. We talked for 20-30 minutes or so on Scruff - a combination of flirting, sending pics and get-to-know-you small talk. Sexy guy, exactly my type. We're supposed to get together in a couple days.

 

It wasn't until I went to his profile a couple days later that I noticed he had a link to his twitter account. When I clicked on it, it became apparent that he's a working man. Every other post is tagged #escort, #daddysboy, etc. But I can't find him on rent.men - so either he's not on there or I'm looking in the wrong city.

 

He didn't mention this at all when we were talking on Scruff, but it occurs to me that he might assume I saw his twitter account before agreeing to see him and is coming here for an appointment. Or he might not assume that and he just wants to get away from his family for a bit.

 

Obviously, I have no issue at all with what he does for work, but I didn't approach this - or agree to this - as a hire. How do I clear up expectations before he heads over here? "Hey, I saw your twitter account .. are you expecting to get paid?" seems ridiculously crass and tone-deaf.

 

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

I would ask. Since you know he's an escort, it is a perfectly appropriate question.

[Fuzzy]

One thing struck me about your original post. You mentioned he is exactly your type, but you didn't mention whether he mentioned that you are his type. This could be a very important clue in determining where this is headed. If he has articulated that you fit his "type," then he might very well be approaching this as a date rather than as a working appointment.

 

his "I am into" section on Scruff fits me to a T: Daddy, Bear, Geek, Guy Next Door. That and his reaction to some of my pics makes me think I'm his type.

 

I'm inclined to take option 2 .. happen to have a few bills in my wallet in case it comes up.

[+ José Soplanucas]

his "I am into" section on Scruff fits me to a T: Daddy, Bear, Geek, Guy Next Door. That and his reaction to some of my pics makes me think I'm his type.

 

I'm inclined to take option 2 .. happen to have a few bills in my wallet in case it comes up.

 

Go for him, brother bear!

[Larstrup]

his "I am into" section on Scruff fits me to a T: Daddy, Bear, Geek, Guy Next Door. That and his reaction to some of my pics makes me think I'm his type.

 

I'm inclined to take option 2 .. happen to have a few bills in my wallet in case it comes up.

 

I've often found that Franklin is a better name than Bill.

[Fuzzy]

The fact that he told you a white lie "visiting family for a week" means that he didn't want you to know he's an escort, right?

 

What makes you think that was a white lie? I'll admit the thought crossed my mind too and he might be here trying to scare up appointments. Though I wouldn't think this is a terribly lucrative town to do that in. And if he didn't put his twitter link on his profile, I'd never suspected a thing, y'know? so ... he want's me to know, right?

[marylander1940]

What makes you think that was a white lie? I'll admit the thought crossed my mind too and he might be here trying to scare up appointments. Though I wouldn't think this is a terribly lucrative town to do that in. And if he didn't put his twitter link on his profile, I'd never suspected a thing, y'know? so ... he want's me to know, right?

 

white lie/excuse... visiting family in town, visiting family while escorting, just escorting... details. Maybe he's a genuine chubby (bear) chaser.

 

Will you sleep with him for free or not?

 

Just contact him and let us know.

[MPF_1966]

I once had an escort hit me up on Adam 4 Adam and it was unclear to me whether it was an appointment or an off the clock hook up. I asked and it was off the clock. We had a great time. To me, it is better to air this up front so there are no misunderstandings.

[rvwnsd]

his "I am into" section on Scruff fits me to a T: Daddy, Bear, Geek, Guy Next Door. That and his reaction to some of my pics makes me think I'm his type.

 

I'm inclined to take option 2 .. happen to have a few bills in my wallet in case it comes up.

Well, there you go! I'd still bring along enough to cover an escort fee "just in case."

 

Have fun, whatever you do!!

[corndog]

I would assume that it's "off the clock." If he is expecting compensation, it is his responsibility to negotiate that upfront. It isn't reasonable for him to expect you to know his rates. And, let's suppose that you have a "regular date" that might naturally last 3-4 hours. Could he, after the fact, say "oh, my rate is $400/hr, so you owe me $1600?" Hell no.

[+ Topseed]

Option 6: If he asks to be paid after you play, gently tell him you did not know ahead of time it was intended to be an escort appointment. I see no reason for you to jump through hoops if the fellow hasn't made his expectations clear at the get-go.

[Fuzzy]

After all was said and done ... that was kinda wonderful.

 

After the appointed hour had come and gone, I assumed he had blown me off. But about a half hour later, he messaged me and gave a decent excuse - he is, after all, on vacation.

 

He arrived soon thereafter and we shared a bottle of wine and just chatted. He grew up here but left a couple years ago to find his fortune elsewhere. He makes himself out to be quite the entrepreneur, but turning tricks was not mentioned at all.

 

We ended up in my bedroom and .. I must say, the boy knows what he's doing. I decided before he got here, that being in charge might be a welcome change of pace for him - make it about what he wants and not as much about what I want. So I was going to let him lead the way. Which - more or less worked out. He was somewhat passive and I found myself giving gentle direction. And I'm not sure how much detail I can go into here without running afoul of the board standards. But let's just say he has a very talented tongue.

 

In any case, not a mention was made of fees or any other consideration. So it turned out to be a conventional -- if rather successful -- scruff date.

 

but there's a TWIST!

 

Turns out I'd met him before. Ten-ish years ago I went on a couple dates with a fellow and while we got along pretty well, there just wasn't that spark. So we kept in touch but didn't really see much of each other. Well, he invited me to a house warming party a few years later and his then-boyfriend was there, who I met briefly. A rather young, sullen, gothy boy who just seemed to want to be left alone. Well, goth-boy has grown up, filled out, and is not at all sullen anymore. But he had been here for a good half hour before I put 2 & 2 together.

 

This town is so fuckin' small!