Paraphrasing Woody Allen

[Guest]

Just some 10 days ago, I dumped another "houseboy" who was a total basket case. It's hard to find men in their 30s who are interested in this, and I'm wondering whether any man of that age who would want to do this might have too much baggage? I did have a successful run (til the end) with my first man, but he was in his early 20s and I in my late 30s when we met (we were together over 13 years). The first man I met after him was a total troublemaker, constantly causing chaos. This last man constantly did things which seemed calculated to provoke a negative reaction in me. He seemed to have no understanding of how his behavior affected others, and I wondered if he had Asperger's Syndrome. He definitely had a bad eating disorder, rarely eating, and throwing up if he was in a situation in which he had to. As far as I could tell, he didn't have a single real friend. He came to me in a bad situation, and I had to just put him out with 5 nights' hotel when I kicked him out, since he had nowhere else to go. Not even his family would take him in.

“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

 

― Woody Allen

 

I'm starting to wonder if any man in his 30s who would want a daddy has to have something really dysfunctional about him? Yet I still cruise those web sites. I'm going to NYC in a few weeks, and some really handsome 29-year old has skyped with me (he contacted my ad first, and I responded since I happened to be going to NYC), and gushes about how handsome I am, and might be interested in moving in with me. Unlike the others, he does have a steady job, though. He's even told me he's picking me up at JFK to drive me to my midtown Manhattan hotel. I've never met anyone living in Manhattan who owns a car, so I'm not even sure where one would meet (I guess there must be short-term parking at JFK...). He says he lives nearish to the WTC, so maybe parking isn't as crazy there as it is midtown?? I asked him which subway stop was nearest to him, and he said he'd have to find out because he's never taken the subway. Are there people in Manhattan who never take the subway? Am I just getting paranoid? I feel thrilled at meeting this man, although another part of me tells me I'm irrational to think it could work out. Any thoughts? How much are parking spaces in lower Manhattan?

[+ poolboy48220]

My quick only-one-cup-of-coffee-so-far take - if they're in their 30's and still in that place where they need someone to take them in, I'm not sure if they're ever going to get out of that place.

[+ quoththeraven]

By the way, that's a paraphrase of Groucho Marx's resignation from a club, not a Woody Allen original.

 

I think you are focused on the wrong things if a long-term relationship is what you want. Him having his own job, interests and identity is important. Even if you have the $, why replicate the unequal power dynamics of the bad old days of wealthy men and beautiful younger women except with two men? Make it abt the 2 of you and feelings/emotions, not just $ and sex.

 

Also, do some fact-checking on each individual candidate. Trust but verify: one of the most (few?) sensible things Reagan said.

[+ nycman]

I'm not even sure where one would meet (I guess there must be short-term parking at JFK...).

 

Here's how you do that...

 

He parks somewhere "near" the airport around the time of your arrival.

You call / text him once you've landed and retrieved your bags.

He drives around and picks you up curbside at "Arrivals".

I do it all the time. No problem.

 

Are there people in Manhattan who never take the subway

 

I wouldn't trust a 29 year old who said they lived in Manhattan and didn't ride the subway....

Unless their last name was something like "Trump"...

In which case I doubt they'd be in the market looking for a houseboy job.

 

Honestly, I'm a lot older than 29...

and I can afford to travel however I wish in Manhattan.....

and I take the subway all the time.....

It's faster, easier, and cheaper than just about everything else....almost all of the time.

 

Just saying....the math doesn't work. I'm guessing he lives in New Jersey.

People in NJ often say they live "near" the WTC....because that's where the PATH train drops their asses off.

And they always drive cars....because...they live in NJ for Christ's sake...they HAVE to have a car.

 

You live in Jersey...you do NOT live "near" the WTC....you're a NJ Tunnel rat....own it!.....grin

[bigvalboy]

If he's 30 and doesn't own a washer and dryer, or still wears a name badge for work...move on.

[+ Truereview]

@Unicorn, I pay $300/month to park my car in SoHo. I can only imagine that WTC area (which is around Wall Street) is about the same or more bc of all the bridge and tunnel execs who like to drive their nice car into the city. Beats me as to why anyone likes doing that!

 

I agree 100% with @nycman that a lot of folks say they live near WTC, but they actually live in Hoboken, JC, or even Newark. Nothing wrong with those areas, but they are not Manhattan. I fear this guy is not what he seems. Please take Uber to your hotel and meet him at a public place for kawfee for your first arrangement.

[Guest]

I think you are focused on the wrong things if a long-term relationship is what you want. Him having his own job, interests and identity is important. Even if you have the $, why replicate the unequal power dynamics of the bad old days of wealthy men and beautiful younger women except with two men? Make it abt the 2 of you and feelings/emotions, not just $ and sex.

 

Also, do some fact-checking on each individual candidate. Trust but verify: one of the most (few?) sensible things Reagan said.

 

Well, he has a secretarial job for a nursing home. With the other two men, I did run criminal background checks before I let them live with me. What are other steps to take? I suppose I could ask for references? I don't want it to be about $ and sex, and I have provided a very warm, kind environment. I have tried to be attuned to their wants and needs. Of course, I have to realize that if I'm interested in men in their 30s, most will probably want some help. At least this new guy seems to be gushing about how handsome he thinks I am, so maybe there will be less $/sex dynamics? Of course, I always feel suspicious about someone who makes me out to be some adonis, just as I would get suspicious when a patient says I'm the best doctor ever (are they mad? ). Although I think I'm pretty well kept-up for my age, I'm no Brad Pitt. But maybe if he likes older men, and could enjoy a more comfortable lifestyle? Anybody on this forum ever have something work out with a 30-something?

[Guest]

As an update, I Skyped him again this morning (afternoon EST). I thought he'd have the day off, but he was working, so it was somewhat brief. He showed me where he worked, and even introduced me to one of his co-workers. Not a long conversation because he had to get back to work. Very romantic. I'm in love. Well, I may be taking my life in my hands, but he's going to pick me up from JFK. I'll see what plates he has . Lord, if this works out, I could end up being the happiest man on the planet...

http://tomorrowstarted.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/head-in-the-clouds-480x481.png

 

Well, if you read a story in the Daily News of a love-struck doctor abducted from JFK, that would be me...

Head in the clouds, feet on the ground he's the guy he's glad he's found he's his Shipoopi.

[gallahadesquire]

If he's 30 and doesn't own a washer and dryer, or still wears a name badge for work...move on.

 

Why the name badge? We had to wear them as attending physicians. I assume you mean like "MIKE AssistanrManager" not like "Gallahad Esquure MD / Assistant Professor "

[bigvalboy]

Why the name badge? We had to wear them as attending physicians. I assume you mean like "MIKE AssistanrManager" not like "Gallahad Esquure MD / Assistant Professor "

 

Yes..."MIKE Assistant Manager" = not good. "Dr. Mike"=Marry the man.

[Guest]

Yes..."MIKE Assistant Manager" = not good. "Dr. Mike"=Marry the man.

Yes, I do wear a name badge at work.

I feel a song coming on....

[+ Gar1eth]

Aren't y'all being snobbish about the name badges? Not everyone has the wherewithal either monetary or the right type of intelligence for college (NB: I'm not saying non-collegians aren't intelligent. But there are different types of intelligence. Some people are suited for college and some aren't. I went to college. Electricity is a mystery to me. If I tried to be an electrician, I'd probably electrocute myself in my 1st 15 minutes of training). But as we all know-these days getting a good job with a college degree is hard-without one-even if you aren't suited for college-even harder.

 

 

Gman

 

PS @Unicorn -I hope he's everything you want.

[bigvalboy]

Aren't y'all being snobbish about the name badges? Not everyone has the wherewithal either monetary or the right type of intelligence for college (NB: I'm not saying non-collegians aren't intelligent. But there are different types of intelligence. Some people are suited for college and some aren't. I went to college. Electricity is a mystery to me. If I tried to be an electrician, I'd probably electrocute myself in my 1st 15 minutes of training). But as we all know-these days getting a good job with a college degree is hard-without one-even if you aren't suited for college-even harder Gman

 

 

[AdamSmith]

If he's 30 and doesn't own a washer and dryer, or still wears a name badge for work...move on.

This. And what @quoththeraven said.

 

Anybody older than his early 20s -- at most -- who is still willing to play houseboy is seriously emotionally stunted and damaged.

 

That would seem self-evident.

[+ Truereview]

As an update, I Skyped him again this morning (afternoon EST). I thought he'd have the day off, but he was working, so it was somewhat brief. He showed me where he worked, and even introduced me to one of his co-workers. Not a long conversation because he had to get back to work. Very romantic. I'm in love. Well, I may be taking my life in my hands, but he's going to pick me up from JFK. I'll see what plates he has . Lord, if this works out, I could end up being the happiest man on the planet...Well, if you read a story in the Daily News of a love-struck doctor abducted from JFK, that would be me...

I don't care much about what you'd like in a boytoy, houseboy, etc.

It is your life and you get to live it on your terms, not on what society or others tell you.

My concern is purely your safety.

I lost a dear friend to a scammer. He bashed his head in after breaking his neck.

I think what you are detecting in our posts is apprehension for you.

Im cheering for you and hope this guy is a good match for your aspirations.

If I recall correctly, you are meeting him right around the holiday season in NYC.

Expect a clusterfuck of a traffic jam in midtown. You've probably visited NYC enough to know.

If he offers to take you to his place instead bc of some excuse, get the hell outta his car.

Also, please post an update here after your beau drops you off at your hotel?

If you'd prefer to have a check-in buddy to make sure all is fine, I can be that for you.

Just PM me to arrange. Again, sorry to sound negative & I'm wishing you the best! -TR

[Rudynate]

I don't understand why you don't look for a man who is younger than you, since that seems to be an important criterion, but otherwise similarly-situated - educated, professional, affluent. It seems as though you like an uneven power dynamic, even though it always seems to bite you.

[+ purplekow]

This is certainly a suspicious situation. Risk is inherent in any new encounter, but getting a car with a stranger in NYC is a high risk situation. Still, you are a big boy and if you want the excitement of a potentially dangerous situation, that is certainly your choice. Too sketchy for me as set up.

[MikeyGMin]

I don't understand why you don't look for a man who is younger than you, since that seems to be an important criterion, but otherwise similarly-situated - educated, professional, affluent. It seems as though you like an uneven power dynamic, even though it always seems to bite you.

 

You forgot beautiful. I'm sure these mythical creatures exist. Young men who are educated, professional and beautiful and are also attracted to older men. But he is probably trying to increase his odds to slightly above hitting the lottery.

[Tonyko]

I'm a native and have lived on this rock Manhattan most of my adult life, and I know of NO man woman or child who, regardless of lifestyle who is unaware of where the closest subway is to their apt. Even if you never take it you see you you pass it you KNOW. And thou the FiDi/Battery Park area is more economically friendly in a more-bang-for-you-buck sense because it is so far removed, the only ppl I know who ALSO can keep a car are ppl of VERY high means who drive to the country house in Bucks County etc on weekends. I am in the camp of - he lives in across the river in NJ. I understand you are in love you've Skyped you seen his work and co-workers etc but my advice - TAKE A CAB. GO TO YOUR HOTEL MEET HIM THERE FOR A DRINK. What harm is there in a little caution??? Why get into a car with (in reality) a stranger in Queens while there's even a "slight" chance that he's not been tots honest??? We all know one lie usually means there's more. If it turns he is completely legit then what harm's been done???

[+ Gar1eth]

This is certainly a suspicious situation. Risk is inherent in any new encounter, but getting a car with a stranger in NYC is a high risk situation. Still, you are a big boy and if you want the excitement of a potentially dangerous situation, that is certainly your choice. Too sketchy for me as set up.

 

I'm curious. Is it any more risky than us meeting escorts we don't really know anything about even if they have reviews on here? King Cobra anyone?

 

Gman

[Tonyko]

I'm curious. Is it any more risky than us meeting escorts we don't really know anything about even if they have reviews on here? King Cobra anyone?

 

Gman

If you sense danger it's hard to make a break for it on the BQE.

[jimboivyo]

this is a slow motion car wreck

[+ Truereview]

I'm curious. Is it any more risky than us meeting escorts we don't really know anything about even if they have reviews on here? King Cobra anyone?

 

Gman

The assumption i make is that those meeting escorts are taking precautions-

meeting in public places, checking references, have a check-in buddy, etc.

Btw, most escorts worth their salt take similar steps to vet & meet w/ clients.

Hell, I hate to admit this, but even on regular dates with a new guy,

I'm careful to watch out & plan for unexpected surprises.

Sadly, shit happens most often when our guard is down.

I do think there are folks out there who like the gamble of handing their lives over to strangers.

No judgment here on those guys, but I've got responsibilities - pets, family, friends, clients -

that would just flip if something happened to me due to my my lack of prevention.

Fuck, I luv myself too much to just risk it foolishly.

[Guest]

I don't understand why you don't look for a man who is younger than you, since that seems to be an important criterion, but otherwise similarly-situated - educated, professional, affluent. It seems as though you like an uneven power dynamic, even though it always seems to bite you.

 

I'm truly touched by the expressions of concern. To answer Rudynate, I have tried the silverdaddies website, but, frankly I have a feeling it would be almost impossible to find someone 20 years younger who is similarly situated and interested in someone my age. If there are other websites you guys can recommend in which one can find 30-somethings looking for 50-somethings, I would love to hear of them. I don't look at is as an uneven power dynamic, just two people with different things to offer. FWIW, this man expresses genuine interest in me.

I hear the safety concerns. Of course, I've invited a number of big, muscular escorts to my hotel room, where they could have roughed me up and stolen everything. It actually came close at one time. My degree of comfort increased, of course, when he showed me his place of work, and skyped me to a co-worker. This is where he works:

http://www.highlandrehabandnursing.com/Pages/Home.aspx

A picture on that website matches what I saw during the Skype, and he and his co-worker were wearing uniforms from the place, so at least I know that part's legit. He told me that it would take much longer to take public transportation to his place of work that to drive, so that's why he drives. I could probably give the information to my siblings, neighbors, or friends about the encounter--name, photo, work address--although they already think I'm nuts for taking the last two men in, and I'm afraid they'll think I'm completely certifiable, which perhaps I am. I don't want to share his photo in public, but perhaps I could send the photo to a couple of you, with the proviso that if I don't make a posting on the 14th, then something's amiss. If he's trying to rob me, this would seem a very time-consuming and convoluted way of doing so.

I did find his not knowing his nearest subway stop to be the queerest part of all of this. I do remember one man I met some 15 years ago, though, who lived in lower Manhattan, and he also used to drive to get around, so I guess there are people like that. My sister-in-law and brother (who won't be in town that week, but his wife will be) live in Manhattan, and they don't have a car, although their annual income is well into the 7 figures...

[Guest]

Hey, just an update. He picked me up from JFK and drove me to my midtown Manhattan hotel. We've been Facetiming it quite a bit over the last 2 weeks. He's super sweet and handsome!