Reasons for hiring

[sniggy]

I have hired my share of escorts, mostly in NYC where I live and occasionally on business trips to LA and LV. Mostly these have been good experiences. Whenever I start to consider hiring though, I start to question my motivation. I thought I'd share my reasons for hiring and I'd be interested to hear from clients their reasons, and also from escorts if I am typical in my reasons if that makes sense.

 

I'm in my mid-40s, openly gay, in great shape (180, 6 feet, run 30 miles per week), handsome enough while still balding and fighting a small paunch like most guys my age. I have been with my partner for 15 years. I love him but we pretty much don't have sex anymore. We live in different places for about half the year as well.

 

I can--and do--hook up via apps like Scruff but find it stressful and annoying. Guys are often too drunk or drugged up, aren't fun in bed, end up liking me too much and being in touch too much, or the opposite where I worry I could fall for them if I'm not careful. Or they are just all talk which is the worst.

 

In hiring, I like to have the guy to my place for two hours. Have a glass of wine together, talk, flirt, then take it to the bedroom. I get to control it. And while the escort may like spending time with me (or not--ha!), I know he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. He will also be hotter than I am. And he will leave after two hours (although one guy I hired once stayed forever and was like omg are you kicking me out? Um...yes!). All positives in my book!

 

Interesting thing too: I've gotten minor STIs from random dudes on apps before but never via an escort. It generally seems safer. Go figure.

 

So...I often feel guilty when I'm about to hire. I wonder if I'm pathetic (paying money for sex seems sad and desperate in one moment and super exciting the next), wonder if I'm exploiting people even though I'm super respectful, wonder if I'm courting danger by having escorts to my apartment, on and on.

 

Anyway. Long post, I know. Would love to hear from anyone for whom this sparks thoughts!

[liubit]

Great post, @sniggy. This has been often discussed in this forum, but it is always interesting to hear other points of view. In a nutshell, I started hiring in NYC when I was 30, freshly out of the closet, because of the thrill, the anticipation of the unknown, the "forbidden fruit" flavor attached to it, and also because of my insecurities in the bar and gay hook-up scene. I continued hiring because it was so damn easy to have sex with gorgeous men that way. I went on because I enjoyed it, because I met great people, and because I could afford it.

 

Now, almost 30 years later, I still do it because the working boys in Prague are simply stunning; because, like you, I hardly have sex with my partner of 15 years anymore; because hiring satisfies my still oversexed libido; because I can afford it and, last but not least, because the boy leaves when we are done. They fulfill my physical needs, my boyfriend fulfills my love and emotional side. The best of both worlds!

[sniggy]

Thanks. I figured this must be in the forums elsewhere but couldn't find it!

[jjkrkwood]

Great post, @sniggy. This has been often discussed in this forum, but it is always interesting to hear other points of view. In a nutshell, I started hiring in NYC when I was 30, freshly out of the closet, because of the thrill, the anticipation of the unknown, the "forbidden fruit" flavor attached to it, and also because of my insecurities in the bar and gay hook-up scene. I continued hiring because it was so damn easy to have sex with gorgeous men that way. I went on because I enjoyed it, because I met great people, and because I could afford it.

 

Now, almost 30 years later, I still do it because the working boys in Prague are simply stunning; because, like you, I hardly have sex with my partner of 15 years anymore; because hiring satisfies my still oversexed libido; because I can afford it and, last but not least, because the boy leaves when we are done. They fulfill my physical needs, my boyfriend fulfills my love and emotional side. The best of both worlds!

 

IMO, the biggest point made here is being able to "afford it"... Sex with beautiful men is quickly addictive, but spending money on this hobby should not preclude your basic living expenses. Its a wonderful luxury for those that can easily afford it, but can be quite destructive for those that CANT. And keeping emotions in check is also another difficult aspect of the hobby, as you can quickly become infatuated with your hire as he is giving you the "attention" you want/need....

[marylander1940]

IMO, the biggest point made here is being able to "afford it"... Sex with beautiful men is quickly addictive, but spending money on this hobby should not preclude your basic living expenses. Its a wonderful luxury for those that can easily afford it, but can be quite destructive for those that CANT. And keeping emotions in check is also another difficult aspect of the hobby, as you can quickly become infatuated with your hire as he is giving you the "attention" you want/need....

 

Exactly, like embezzling money, stealing from your family's company or going bankrupt to afford this addictive hobby!

[jjkrkwood]

Exactly, like embezzling money, stealing from your family's company or going bankrupt to afford this addictive hobby!

 

 

But as Trump might say " a cock in hand is worth 2 in your bush"....

[sniggy]

Yes I'm lucky that I can afford it. I also don't get emotionally attached to my hires which is good! I once told an escort that I liked hiring him because I knew he didn't want to be my boyfriend. At first he was offended and thought I meant it seemed he wasn't enjoying himself. I clarified of course that my comment was meant as a compliment!

[marylander1940]

But as Trump might say " a cock in hand is worth 2 in your bush"....

 

He meant CAT!

[marylander1940]

Yes I'm lucky that I can afford it. I also don't get emotionally attached to my hires which is good! I once told an escort that I liked hiring him because I knew he didn't want to be my boyfriend. At first he was offended and thought I meant it seemed he wasn't enjoying himself. I clarified of course that my comment was meant as a compliment!

 

@sniggy

 

Do you think he ever saw you as bf material?

 

How old was he and how old were you at the moment?

[sniggy]

No I'm sure he never saw me as bf material! I was in my early 40s while he was about 30. I just mean to say I like that there is no real risk of the escort wanting more than I do, whereas with a random hookup one can never say, you know? I don't think I'm in danger of escorts falling in love with me. Ha.

[Michael Wayne]

It is not pathetic! It like eating at a great restaurant. Nothing wrong with hiring! I wish for (and actually miss) all the great guys who used to hire but have chosen to endure the miserable world of Scruff and Grindr as you so aptly described it. I think the rentboy seizure drove about 75 percent of guys who hire to the apps instead and only a small percentage of them have returned. I just learned this weekend of another household name who has washed out of the biz.. It is too bad!!! In 23 years in the biz I have never seen conditions so negative for the male escort. I have plenty of money in the bank but I feel bad for the young guys........

[+ Truereview]

Thanks for asking, @sniggy. I'm one of those forum members that doesn't mind a thread that repeats an old topic. I find that every repeat thread brings forth a new insight or perspective I had not thought about. I've shared my story already, but here it is again with the hopes it can help someone. I've had several drivers for hiring & they've changed over time:

• I initially hired for the first time when I was 19. It was to learn from the best so that I could kick off my own escorting biz. I kept hiring to hone my craft and, well, bc it was fun to support my peers while having gr8 sex.
  
• In my mid-twenties, I stopped hiring bc I fell in love and got married abroad. When I lost my partner, I went celibate and I became a bit of an emotional hermit. My first hire as a client was a gift from friends who thought I needed it. And I did. It brought me back to enjoying emotional intimacy.
  
• I tried to avoid hiring after that bc I thought I shouldn't be hiring, but I quickly overcame that self-imposed stigma. Hiring allowed me to rekindle my ability to connect with other men
  
• Then I began to experiment in hiring choices. I used to hire for a certain look and it was a bias I had to overcome for my own peace of mind. So glad I did. I learned to connect with men of all looks and it broadened my horizons and enhanced my sex life. I do vehemently support clients to hire who they are attracted to, but if a client is willing to expand their sexual horizons across diverse choices, this hobby is an excellent way to start. I'm grateful for the diversity of men I've had the pleasure and privilege to bed.
  
• Today, I hire for convenience. I'm 38, in the best shape of my life, and I consider myself good looking and self-assured. I just don't have time to play games on hookup apps and although I've been pursuing a relationship, bc of my travels and circumstances, I cannot make a commitment. I also should share that I still struggle to just hook up for the sake of sex with strangers. Call me to romantic, needy, dumb, but I need a connection with the men I share my bed with and the portfolio of escorts I've generated delivers exactly that: emotional intimacy on my terms.
  
• Last point: I'm keenly aware that at some point in my life I may have a choice to have a life partner. We will together figure out what is best for both of us and some compromises may need to happen. In the meantime, I'm going to have my cake and eat it too until the right reason comes along to change my ways.
  

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Thanks for asking, @sniggy. I'm one of those forum members that doesn't mind a thread that repeats an old topic. I find that every repeat thread brings forth a new insight or perspective I had not thought about. I've shared my story already, but here it is again with the hopes it can help someone. I've had several drivers for hiring & they've changed over time:

• I initially hired for the first time when I was 19. It was to learn from the best so that I could kick off my own escorting biz. I kept hiring to hone my craft and, well, bc it was fun to support my peers while having gr8 sex.
  
• In my mid-twenties, I stopped hiring bc I fell in love and got married abroad. When I lost my partner, I went celibate and I became a bit of an emotional hermit. My first hire as a client was a gift from friends who thought I needed it. And I did. It brought me back to enjoying emotional intimacy.
  
• I tried to avoid hiring after that bc I thought I shouldn't be hiring, but I quickly overcame that self-imposed stigma. Hiring allowed me to rekindle my ability to connect with other men
  
• Then I began to experiment in hiring choices. I used to hire for a certain look and it was a bias I had to overcome for my own peace of mind. So glad I did. I learned to connect with men of all looks and it broadened my horizons and enhanced my sex life. I do vehemently support clients to hire who they are attracted to, but if a client is willing to expand their sexual horizons across diverse choices, this hobby is an excellent way to start. I'm grateful for the diversity of men I've had the pleasure and privilege to bed.
  
• Today, I hire for convenience. I'm 38, in the best shape of my life, and I consider myself good looking and self-assured. I just don't have time to play games on hookup apps and although I've been pursuing a relationship, bc of my travels and circumstances, I cannot make a commitment. I also should share that I still struggle to just hook up for the sake of sex with strangers. Call me to romantic, needy, dumb, but I need a connection with the men I share my bed with and the portfolio of escorts I've generated delivers exactly that: emotional intimacy on my terms.
  
• Last point: I'm keenly aware that at some point in my life I may have a choice to have a life partner. We will together figure out what is best for both of us and some compromises may need to happen. In the meantime, I'm going to have my cake and eat it too until the right reason comes along to change my ways.
  

 

You said it all! Great points darlin, really look forward to the day we finally get to meet.

[sniggy]

Great replies! Thank you!

[jjkrkwood]

It is not pathetic! It like eating at a great restaurant. Nothing wrong with hiring! I wish for (and actually miss) all the great guys who used to hire but have chosen to endure the miserable world of Scruff and Grindr as you so aptly described it. I think the rentboy seizure drove about 75 percent of guys who hire to the apps instead and only a small percentage of them have returned. I just learned this weekend of another household name who has washed out of the biz.. It is too bad!!! In 23 years in the biz I have never seen conditions so negative for the male escort. I have plenty of money in the bank but I feel bad for the young guys........

 

Well everyone should have a Plan B, especially escorts, whose longevity in the biz is often limited by the younger and prettier boys that come up behind them. . Anytime you put all your eggs in one basket, you usually will end up with a basket of rotten eggs. And for anyone that CAN find sex on an App, good for them. If it meets their needs at little to no cost, I see nothing wrong with it other than it is putting you guys out of business.. But word on the street is that YOU have re-branded and are now marketing yourself as a Str8 escort for females. Now that's what I call a Plan B.....

[+ MasssageGuy]

IMO, the biggest point made here is being able to "afford it"...

 

Agree!!!

[+ saminseattle]

I agree with @Truereview about revisiting old topics because new insights often appear. At the same time, I like cross-referencing prior threads that may contain their own unique insights. While we gain new ideas, let’s not forget old ones…here are a few other threads that touch on this issue:

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/why-do-you-hire.114326/

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/why-hire-escorts.107520/#post-1003514

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/if-you-didnt-hire-would-you-be-extremely-depressed.86415/

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/thoughts-on-younger-clients.116765/

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/unusal-request.116972/

[sniggy]

Thanks for the links to the other threads. Good stuff in there!

[+ nycman]

Whenever I start to consider hiring though, I start to question my motivation.

 

You're thinking with the wrong head.....

 

So...I often feel guilty when I'm about to hire.

 

Still thinking with the wrong head.....

 

I wonder if I'm pathetic

 

Wrong head....

 

wonder if I'm exploiting people

 

Wrong head....

 

wonder if I'm courting danger

 

Wrong head.....grin

 

Would love to hear from anyone for whom this sparks thoughts!

 

I hire because I like to fuck and I don't have a lot of spare time to chase some random dude for hours HOPING he MIGHT want to get fucked tonight.

 

I'm not a WHORE....I'm a TIME SAVER!

[sniggy]

Ha--best response ever!

[+ José Soplanucas]

Ha--best response ever!

I also loved nycman post, but let me point out to how much I like your opening post, sniggy. I appreciate the candor and your relaxed way to approach our complexities.

 

And said that, I am going to paraphrase nycman and, to celebrate October, I WILL SAVE SOME TIME this weekend.

[JerseyBabyDaddy]

Three main reasons:

 

1-I love meeting new people. Most escorts I've met have very fascinating stories and incredible lives. Random hook-ups typically don't want to converse beforehand. I find that conversing makes the experience a lot better and a lot less awkward.

2-I like muscular guy-next-door-type guys, but in real life, there is no way that a muscular guy-next-door type will ever give me a second-glance at a bar, let alone grindr.

3-Escorts are more likely to agree to use condoms than random guys I meet at a bar or on grindr. As a vers/bottom, condoms are a must for me.

[+ WilliamM]

I had a prostate cancer operation nine years before retiring. Fortunately, I hired a number of escorts who understood my limits. I saw one guy every three weeks for years. He fell in love with one of his clients and married. Then I had to make a decision whether my own personal satisfaction was worth the money I was spending. Yes and no. So now I rarely hire unless it's someone who really interest me very much.

 

Prostate cancer. I did not have a high PSA, but knew something was wrong because I was exhausted for an entire day after having sex. Even a very good urologist was surprised when I asked for a biopsy, and even more surprised that I had prostate cancer. No problems since & that was a long time ago.

[sniggy]

So many good replies, both of the heartfelt and hilarious variety. Both highly appreciated.

[sniggy]

And @nycman if you're a good top, I'm a willing bottom. Ha.