Was I dealing with a nut job ?

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Guys some advice please. TIA!!

 

Saw an add in my local gay magazine, the guys add ran like this

 

dominate master handsome strong kink fetish role play toys experienced in all submissive slave roleplay friendly masculine great service great rates lets play

 

I sent a text saying

 

Saw your add in *** interested in submitting what are your areas of expertise rates etc thanks

 

2 hours later he phones me

 

Says I had a missed call

 

I said I sent you a text

 

he was not a good communicator

 

we stumbled around he told me how much - said he worked in the city or an suburban location, what time did I want to catch up

 

As I was not getting a good vibe - and he had not answered what I had texted I said

 

well if we do today how about 9pm

 

if we do today - i am sick of you fucking time wasters - your just wanking fuck off and dont ever call me again or I will call the police

 

then he terminated the call

 

while I was sitting there thinking - how bizarre I get three texts

 

"Fuck off don't ever contact me again u wanking liar sick to death if you time wasters"

"i said I will call the police"

No contact puss off u are a time waster to busy for time wasters go away"

 

After reflecting on the amount of abuse and anger i texted back

 

"very professional. I'm not wanking just trying to work out whats on offer and if we are a match. I am glad u are abusive as I would not want do do business with you"

 

end of story

 

Happy that I sorted out he was a nut job so early in the peace.

 

BUT where did I go wrong.

 

He advertises a service, I enquire.

 

If I am going to submit to a master - possibly be restrained, you gotta do some due diligence? Yes?

 

A photo - a conversation about what do you like, I have restraints - I wear boots chaps and a harness during a session - or what do u want me to wear? type of conversation.

 

So

 

Do I have unreal expectation or am I really a time waster?

 

The threat to contact the police does not phase me at all - as I did nothing illegal, and I know the police would laugh it off.

 

What do the guys on the forum think?

[jjkrkwood]

I think you went wrong by pursuing him AFTER you got a bad vibe about him. You should have ended communication then... After HE terminated the call, you still went back and communicated with him, attempting to give him some "clarity" on your motivations. My motto has always been , "if it doesn't feel right, DON'T".... but some guys are so focused on making that conquest that they are blinded to the Red Flags.

[AdamSmith]

I think you went wrong by pursuing him AFTER you got a bad vibe about him. You should have ended communication then... After HE terminated the call, you still went back and communicated with him, attempting to give him some "clarity" on your motivations. My motto has always been , "if it doesn't feel right, DON'T".... but some guys are so focused on making that conquest that they are blinded to the Red Flags.

+100

 

When you detect that somebody is toxic, walk away & don't look back.

[MiamiLooker]

Guys some advice please. TIA!!

 

Saw an add in my local gay magazine, the guys add ran like this

 

dominate master handsome strong kink fetish role play toys experienced in all submissive slave roleplay friendly masculine great service great rates lets play

 

I sent a text saying

 

Saw your add in *** interested in submitting what are your areas of expertise rates etc thanks

 

2 hours later he phones me

 

Says I had a missed call

 

I said I sent you a text

 

he was not a good communicator

 

we stumbled around he told me how much - said he worked in the city or an suburban location, what time did I want to catch up

 

As I was not getting a good vibe - and he had not answered what I had texted I said

 

well if we do today how about 9pm

 

if we do today - i am sick of you fucking time wasters - your just wanking fuck off and dont ever call me again or I will call the police

 

then he terminated the call

 

while I was sitting there thinking - how bizarre I get three texts

 

"Fuck off don't ever contact me again u wanking liar sick to death if you time wasters"

"i said I will call the police"

No contact puss off u are a time waster to busy for time wasters go away"

 

After reflecting on the amount of abuse and anger i texted back

 

"very professional. I'm not wanking just trying to work out whats on offer and if we are a match. I am glad u are abusive as I would not want do do business with you"

 

end of story

 

Happy that I sorted out he was a nut job so early in the peace.

 

BUT where did I go wrong.

 

He advertises a service, I enquire.

 

If I am going to submit to a master - possibly be restrained, you gotta do some due diligence? Yes?

 

A photo - a conversation about what do you like, I have restraints - I wear boots chaps and a harness during a session - or what do u want me to wear? type of conversation.

 

So

 

Do I have unreal expectation or am I really a time waster?

 

The threat to contact the police does not phase me at all - as I did nothing illegal, and I know the police would laugh it off.

 

What do the guys on the forum think?

According to many posters in this thread, as a simple courtesy. you should have closed the conversation by telling him to "have a nice day" (or something to that effect):

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/things-men-can-feel-free-to-stop-saying.116160/

[bigvalboy]

I think you went wrong by pursuing him AFTER you got a bad vibe about him. You should have ended communication then... After HE terminated the call, you still went back and communicated with him, attempting to give him some "clarity" on your motivations. My motto has always been , "if it doesn't feel right, DON'T".... but some guys are so focused on making that conquest that they are blinded to the Red Flags.

 

+100

 

When you detect that somebody is toxic, walk away & don't look back.

 

+1

[Bargara Leatherboy]

I think you went wrong by pursuing him AFTER you got a bad vibe about him. You should have ended communication then... After HE terminated the call, you still went back and communicated with him, attempting to give him some "clarity" on your motivations. My motto has always been , "if it doesn't feel right, DON'T".... but some guys are so focused on making that conquest that they are blinded to the Red Flags.

 

I can assure you there was no way I was still trying to organise a meeting.

 

I just felt that I had to put my side of the story to him.

 

I knew he was toxic - by the way he snapped, it would not have been a good encounter and literally a waste of my $$

[jjkrkwood]

I can assure you there was no way I was still trying to organise a meeting.

 

I just felt that I had to put my side of the story to him.

 

I knew he was toxic - by the way he snapped, it would not have been a good encounter and literally a waste of my $$

 

 

I do understand your motivation, but HIS perception of the situation apparently was different due to your continued contacting of him... It might seem like you were trying to make amends with him and bring a meeting to fruition.

[+ Funguy]

Perhaps, only perhaps, he was trying to show you how "dominate" he was!

[mike carey]

@westernsyd, I can understand your wish to set the record straight with him, and I would tend to do the same. There is a chance that he is a reasonable person who misunderstood what you were saying, and if that is the case you have put your case. The other, more likely option, is that he is indeed a nutter. In either case, run away.

[Beancounter]

@westernsyd....I think you're over analyzing your contact with this guy. Anytime an escort uses profane language with you or threatens to call law enforcement you should cease any further contact with him.

 

To answer the question in your thread title...yes, you were dealing with a nut job.

[+ Eric Hassan]

I can assure you there was no way I was still trying to organise a meeting.

 

I just felt that I had to put my side of the story to him.

 

I knew he was toxic - by the way he snapped, it would not have been a good encounter and literally a waste of my $$

 

The attack is only as meaningful as the defense you mount against it.

[down_to_business]

http://media.makeameme.org/created/dont-feed-the-8pl0hm.jpg

[WolfRamNHard]

I think you went wrong by pursuing him AFTER you got a bad vibe about him. You should have ended communication then... After HE terminated the call, you still went back and communicated with him, attempting to give him some "clarity" on your motivations. My motto has always been , "if it doesn't feel right, DON'T".... but some guys are so focused on making that conquest that they are blinded to the Red Flags.

 

Very well stated, especially the part about wanting to make that conquest. I can definitely relate to that. Just have to let it go, even though that's not as easy as it sounds.

[Juan Vancouver]

Dude,

 

If you are looking to get tied up, abused and manhandled by someone, the first thing, before hotness, communication skills, dick lengths or anything else, is TRUST.

 

You are willing to put your life on someone else's hands. And then ask him to do things on to you that might be abusive and potentially dangerous.

 

If you are a responsible adult, you will cease all forms of communication after the slightest sign that this person might not be trustworthy. If you understand correctly the BDSM rules and understand the loving respect that has to be present, you will stop communicating immediately. Period. No questions asked. No explanations. No back and forths.

 

If you, like a lot of people who misunderstand BDSM are turned on by actual abuse, if you like to taunt the person you want to meet so that he is pissed off, angry and willing to hurt you further that he would normally, if you do not understand the very important love-trust-honouring bond that HAS to be present in a BDSM session and instead are looking for rough, mean, angry guys because you are thrilled by real time abuse, then you will ask, and challenge, and back talk, and test back, and question, and engage.

 

I am not saying you are either. I am just saying that sometimes we might be subconsciously looking for something while thinking we are looking for something else.

 

I am not saying you were. I am just sharing the way many "BDSM" amateurs think it is a good way to contact a DOM.

 

If you get the smallest inkling that you cannot entirely trust this person with your entire finances, with your family, with your healthy and your life, DO NOT HIRE HIM FOR BDSM.

[rvwnsd]

Guys some advice please. TIA!!

 

Saw an add in my local gay magazine, the guys add ran like this

 

dominate master handsome strong kink fetish role play toys experienced in all submissive slave roleplay friendly masculine great service great rates lets play...

 

If the text you typed above is verbatim from the ad he ran in the magazine then you have your first clue that something is wrong. It reads like it was written by someone who is intoxicated.

 

...I sent a text saying

 

Saw your add in *** interested in submitting what are your areas of expertise rates etc thanks

 

2 hours later he phones me

 

Says I had a missed call

 

I said I sent you a text

 

he was not a good communicator

 

we stumbled around he told me how much - said he worked in the city or an suburban location, what time did I want to catch up...

I'm confused. What did he mean by "catch up?" I'm guessing you are located in Australia, so perhaps I am missing a slang term for "meet."

...As I was not getting a good vibe - and he had not answered what I had texted

...

Given you were not getting a good vibe (and no wonder why) the conversation needed to stop right there. Tell him you changed your mind, you chickened out, you are in the middle of disinfecting your canaries and can't leave them now, whatever. The minute you get a bad vibe, bail.

... I said

 

well if we do today how about 9pm...

So the conversation did not end. That's unfortunate. You started making plans with this guy. That's even more unfortunate. And then you used the word "if." In fairness, it makes you sound flaky. However, you had a bad vibe and I assume didn't want to meet.

... if we do today - i am sick of you fucking time wasters - your just wanking fuck off and dont ever call me again or I will call the police

 

then he terminated the call...

Although I don't like the guy's words or attitude, at least you were spared the possibility of him coming over to your place. Not agreeing with the way he handled it, but at least you aren't going to get tied up and God knows what else by this asshole.

... while I was sitting there thinking - how bizarre I get three texts

 

"Fuck off don't ever contact me again u wanking liar sick to death if you time wasters"

"i said I will call the police"

No contact puss off u are a time waster to busy for time wasters go away"...

Make that crazy asshole. If that's how he talks to all clients it is little wonder he gets "time wasters."

...After reflecting on the amount of abuse and anger i texted back

 

"very professional. I'm not wanking just trying to work out whats on offer and if we are a match. I am glad u are abusive as I would not want do do business with you"...

It sounds like he didn't text you again, which is certainly a good thing.

...

end of story

 

Happy that I sorted out he was a nut job so early in the peace.

 

BUT where did I go wrong....

 

For starters, you went wrong by answering the ad. As I said above, it sounds like it was written by someone who is high, drunk, or both. Bad, bad news. You also went wrong by continuing the conversation even after you had a bad vibe. Even more wrong was continuing the conversation and attempting to make plans. Lastly, after he terminated the call and sent you angry texts you went wrong by sending him another message. He told you he didn't want any more contact with you, but you didn't listen. Don't do that again.

...He advertises a service, I enquire.

 

If I am going to submit to a master - possibly be restrained, you gotta do some due diligence? Yes?...

Yes, you do need to do some due diligence. However, I am not sure asking for a pic and a price is due diligence. Then again, he didn't give you a chance to ask about his approach to a session, whether he would be comfortable meeting in a neutral place, and so forth because he got angry with you.

 

...A photo - a conversation about what do you like, I have restraints - I wear boots chaps and a harness during a session - or what do u want me to wear? type of conversation.

 

So

 

Do I have unreal expectation or am I really a time waster?......

Based on what you have told us, you do not sound like a time-waster. Aside from saying "if we meet..." nothing you told us indicates you were wasting his time. Frankly, if someone behaved like that escort did, I would probably be stumbling on my words, too. A true professional would sense that. This guy is not a true professional.

...The threat to contact the police does not phase me at all - as I did nothing illegal, and I know the police would laugh it off....

Probably, but maybe not. If his addled mind thinks you are stalking him and he can pull himself together for long enough to have a coherent conversation with the police he could convince them that you are, in fact, a stalker. Assuming, of course, that you actually contacted him again. Hopefully, you are not going to do that. If you do contact him again, well, nothing good will come of that.

...What do the guys on the forum think?

I think you should refrain from any further contact with this guy, block his number, and find BDSM guys using different means. Not being a BDSM practitioner I can't give you any pointers, but there are guys on the board wh can.

[Juan Vancouver]

Based on what you have told us, you do not sound like a time-waster. Aside from saying "if we meet..." nothing you told us indicates you were wasting his time.

 

Actually...

 

May this be boldly engraved in the Client-escort communication annals forever...

 

This IS the definition of a time waster. He had already made up his mind about not meeting him, and instead of saying a clear: "Thanks of your time, I don't think this is going to work for me" he took the circuitous "Yeah... but IF we meet... err..." He gave a fictitious meeting time.

 

Then kept explaining. Then texted angrily to have the last word.

 

This fits the model perfectly.

 

Perhaps in the beginning he had every intention of meeting, but at some point, he had none and kept communicating. As a client I imagine it is hard to believe this is relevant at all, but if you get ten men simultaneously communicating with you while it is clear none of them will meet you, it really gets annoying.

 

I would have probably dealt with the situation differently, but right after the "IF" I would have asked directly if he had any intentions of meeting at all, and if he didn't, I would have thanked him for having called and would have wished him a great day.

[rvwnsd]

Actually...

 

May this be boldly engraved in the Client-escort communication annals forever...

 

This IS the definition of a time waster. He had already made up his mind about not meeting him, and instead of saying a clear: "Thanks of your time, I don't think this is going to work for me" he took the circuitous "Yeah... but IF we meet... err..." He gave a fictitious meeting time.

 

Then kept explaining. Then texted angrily to have the last word....

 

Good point. You stated he didn't start out that way and implied that he ended up that way. My thought is similar: he didn't start out that way and he did not end up that way because the "if..." was the result of being thrown off by the way the conversation went. However, I see your point. Had I been him, the minute I decided the meeting was not going to happen I would have thanked the guy for his time and ended the call.

 

...I would have probably dealt with the situation differently, but right after the "IF" I would have asked directly if he had any intentions of meeting at all, and if he didn't, I would have thanked him for having called and would have wished him a great day.

 

You also don't strike me as the type of guy whose ad reads like the garbled ramblings of a meth-addled homeless guy. Of course, we don't know whether the ad read the way it was described.

[Nvr2Thick]

I think a few folks are trying to read into the situation to find a creative way of looking at it. We're probably never going to know where he went wrong, but some are fixating on the extra response the OP gave after it already went wrong. The final response justifying his position was not productive, but it wasn't where things went wrong.

 

I'll speculate on the side of the OP. We do see escorts who are picky. It could be that you rubbed him the wrong way, or it could be that he's not a full-time, full-service escort serving a broad range of clientele. Maybe there was something about your voice or your approach that made him decide that you weren't gonna be the hot, fun, paying hookup he usually looks for. Maybe he was busy and not in the mood for a client on that day. In either of these cases, maybe reversing the blame and bullying is his method for dumping clients he doesn't want. If an escort is difficult to talk to it may be an indication that he's not interested. It's definitely an indication that he's not worth the trouble.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Interesting.

 

I do not believe first contact with an escort asking for details about rates and services implies that you are ready to confirm a booking.

 

If I was going to make a time (and I was seriously looking for a "date"), I would like to know details like his age, stats, experience, equipement, what toys etc he has.

 

I got none of that - just seemed like I was being forced into a commitment of a time. Hence the word "if".

 

I hire lots of dominate tops - none who have ever behaved like that.

 

As for threatening to call the police in a time and age of number blocking, how rediculous.

 

I for one know that there was no crime being committed by myself.

 

Lets remember I sent a text, he phoned me.

 

He then abused me in that phone call, and sent three texts to confirm his abuse.

 

I had not got a great vibe from him, and if he was a serious escort he would have picked up on that and marketed his business in a much more professional way

[MasterMaxRR]

Any escort that is not willing to be patient and transparent enough to answer your questions isn't quite doing it right in my book. Even more so for a BDSM master as it is a relationship of absolute trust and that needs to be earned by both parties. It is my personal style to allow the submissive/slave/client come to me rather than rush a terrified potential into a booking and scare them away. Seems the so called "Master" isn't living up to that ideal, but not all masters do. I also absolutely agree with Juan that juggling 10 clients with no hope of booking an appointment can be frustrating, but in this case, all that is needed is a bit of understanding from both parties. Still, as other's have said, your misgivings does not earn you the right to be abused. If you're still worried that you are the cause of his frustration, allow me to assure you that while that might have been true, your instincts that told you to say no deal were spot on. My 2 cents.

 

Love and Light

Master Max

[MasterMaxRR]

I feel it neccesary to add that there are many dominant's who advertise themselves as Masters without being aware of the difference, but to those with experience, the difference is night and day. A friend of mine put it so well when he said,

 

"All Masters are dominant, but not all dominant's can be Masters"

 

L&L

Master Max

[Bargara Leatherboy]

So true. That's why I try to do my due diligence before committing to a meet.