Married guys

[marylander1940]

When gay men marry, do they have a lower expectation of sexual fidelity for themselves and their partner than straight men? Is infidelity as serious in a gay marriage as in a straight marriage?

 

I don't know but I'm sure many straight guys would be happy to cheat yet they would divorce and make their kids get a DNA test if their wife cheats on them.

[marylander1940]

Sure, that makes sense. Plenty of guys lie about all kinds of things online and in life.

 

How old are your wife and you?

 

How many years have yinz been together?

[LivingnLA]

How old are your wife and you?

 

How many years have yinz been together?

 

Old enough to know never to answer that question about my lady.

 

We've been married since college.

[+ glennnn]

How old are your wife and you?

 

How many years have yinz been together?

 

I think this is directed at me?

 

I'm 72, she's 67. We've been together for 50 years, married for 44.

[+ glennnn]

Oops! TMI.....sorry.

[tanman4u]

Married, to a woman, and still loving it.

[marylander1940]

I think this is directed at me?

 

I'm 72, she's 67. We've been together for 50 years, married for 44.

 

No it was directed at livingLA but I am glad you shared that information with us.

 

TMI? I'm sure there's a lot of people like yin z in this country

[LivingnLA]

No it was directed at livingLA but I am glad you shared that information with us.

 

TMI? I'm sure there's a lot of people like yin z in this country

 

[Rudynate]

When gay men marry, do they have a lower expectation of sexual fidelity for themselves and their partner than straight men? Is infidelity as serious in a gay marriage as in a straight marriage?

 

 

Gay men have always designed their own relationships. Now that same-sex couples can marry, gay men are still designing their own relationships. Some couples are strictly monogamous. Many aren't. Among the ones who aren't, there is an endless variety of understandings and arrangements regarding sexual conduct outside the relationship.

[+ sniper]

Warning to all Gay Men married to a Gay Man, he's fooling around outside your marriage! Monogamy is non-existent in Gay marriages! After all 100% is the maximum of the group. Thus saith Mrylndr'40.

 

Isn't posting a profile on Grindr the very definition of 'openly bragging' about everything you're posting about yourself?

 

Well strictly speaking he said 100% MORE likely. So that means double the odds, not 100% odds. e.g if straight men have sex outside the relationship at a 20% rate, it's 40% among gay couples. I'm not sure of the exact rate of male vs female straying, but it does seem to be higher for men. So I don't think that's entirely wrong. OTOH it depends on your definition. Male-male couples seem WAY more likely to either be open or have a tacit agreement that the occasional dalliance will be overlooked. More men seem to want the option, so it stands to reason that male-male couples are more likely to exercise it.

And frankly because same-sex fucking around is not going to result in a baby and child support obligations, it is less of a "threat" to a lot of people. (HIV on the other hand...but there are now means to reduce that risk to effectively zero).

[+ glennnn]

Thanks, @Rudynate,

 

I bought it up, because, I think, men can separate love and sex more easily than women. I has to do with that "need to spread the seed" we all have and it is not so closely tied to procreation for us, because once the seed is planted... We are dispensable. What do you think? I would love to hear from married gay guys on this subject. How would you feel if your partner got a blowjob from another guy? What about full on anal sex (top or bottom)? Let's assume a one time event.

[+ Truereview]

Now that's a need that many would love to fulfill! How do you want it?!

A large severance package would work

[beachboy]

A large severance package would work

Large packages of any kind are always welcome!!

[marylander1940]

Well strictly speaking he said 100% MORE likely. So that means double the odds, not 100% odds. e.g if straight men have sex outside the relationship at a 20% rate, it's 40% among gay couples. I'm not sure of the exact rate of male vs female straying, but it does seem to be higher for men. So I don't think that's entirely wrong. OTOH it depends on your definition. Male-male couples seem WAY more likely to either be open or have a tacit agreement that the occasional dalliance will be overlooked. More men seem to want the option, so it stands to reason that male-male couples are more likely to exercise it.

And frankly because same-sex fucking around is not going to result in a baby and child support obligations, it is less of a "threat" to a lot of people. (HIV on the other hand...but there are now means to reduce that risk to effectively zero).

 

I also said:

 

you're right, monogamy DOES exist in some gay marriages.

 

 

 

I get it you're famous and discreet

[LivingnLA]

I get it you're famous and discreet

 

Haha. Not famous but quite discreet.

[+ FreshFluff]

Old enough to know never to answer than question about my lady.

 

Good man.

[Rudynate]

Thanks, @Rudynate,

 

I bought it up, because, I think, men can separate love and sex more easily than women. I has to do with that "need to spread the seed" we all have and it is not so closely tied to procreation for us, because once the seed is planted... We are dispensable. What do you think? I would love to hear from married gay guys on this subject. How would you feel if your partner got a blowjob from another guy? What about full on anal sex (top or bottom)? Let's assume a one time event.

 

Gay men are more pragmatic about men's sexual natures. We recognize that we're all horndogs.

[+ quoththeraven]

Thanks, @Rudynate,

 

I bought it up, because, I think, men can separate love and sex more easily than women. I has to do with that "need to spread the seed" we all have and it is not so closely tied to procreation for us, because once the seed is planted... We are dispensable.

 

Maybe, maybe not. That's a common assumption, and it may be true on a population basis, but there are enough exceptions I would be wary of making such a generalization without a reasonably well-run, sufficiently randomized study or survey to back me up.

 

Hi, see exception here. It takes a lot for me to fall in love. Assuming circumstances where I feel comfortable and safe, casual sex is much less of a big deal than falling in love. (Making me demiromantic instead of demisexual.) I value my independence and ability to do what I want after 33 years of married monogamy in a relationship I should have ended 20 years ago - one in which we were best friends, but I was not in love. As a result, I'm not interested in men who are looking for their lifetime love or an exclusive relationship.

[+ quoththeraven]

Gay men are more pragmatic about men's sexual natures. We recognize that we're all horndogs.

 

Both my daughter and I have been in situations where it was the guy who said "no," in her case to over-clothes genital fondling (they were 15 and he didn't feel ready for it) and in my case to a kiss (and more, pretty obviously). How does that fit within the "men are all horndogs" paradigm?

[+ FreshFluff]

Gay men are more pragmatic about men's sexual natures. We recognize that we're all horndogs.

 

Straight men are very pragmatic about their sexual natures. They're just pragmatic about the fact that they have to deal with a sentry first.

[+ quoththeraven]

Straight men are very pragmatic about their sexual natures. They're also pragmatic about the fact that they have to deal with a sentry first.

 

Not meaning to pick a fight with you, but I really hate the "women are sentries" paradigm. I prefer something more egalitarian, less push and pull.

[+ sniper]

Not meaning to pick a fight with you, but I really hate the "women are sentries" paradigm. I prefer something more egalitarian, less push and pull.

 

It's changing but culturally it's still true enough of the time to be a paradigm. There are certainly exceptions, but we're dealing with overall patterns here, not hard and fast 100% of the time rules.

Even assuming total even-ness in desire, the reality of the real-world consequences of pregnancy is that they fall much more heavily on the female(I'm not talking aboiut what SHOULD happen if the man steps up - but what is). It's basic self-interest that leads females to - on average - be more often in the position of saying no.

[+ quoththeraven]

It's changing but culturally it's still true enough of the time to be a paradigm. There are certainly exceptions, but we're dealing with overall patterns here, not hard and fast 100% of the time rules.

Even assuming total even-ness in desire, the reality of the real-world consequences of pregnancy is that they fall much more heavily on the female(I'm not talking aboiut what SHOULD happen if the man steps up - but what is). It's basic self-interest that leads females to - on average - be more often in the position of saying no.

 

Give me the data to back up your assertions.

[+ sniper]

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/37853719/ns/health-sexual_health/t/surprising-sex-statistics/#.V4mOvbgrLIU

 

Well there's the fact that the median number of sexual partners for men is something like double that for women. Not possible unless a smaller number of women have multiple partners, and those women have way more. Which means that the bulk of women are more selective than the bulk of men.

There's also the fact that males lose their virginity at a younger average age than females, despite the fact that puberty typically starts a couple of years earlier for females. Now I suppose one could argue that has something to do with parents being less protective of their sons in that regard.

 

Again, I am not challenging your experience, just stating that it's not the norm. Nobody on this board is likely in the "normal" range of experience if we're talking about population-wide trends.

[MFLV]

Wow this post took a different path than what I had expected. Very interesting thoughtful responses. I have enjoyed reading all the posts.