Married guys

[bigvalboy]

Can we get to talking about married men on the forum? I, for one, would be interested in hearing people's experiences and more importantly, so would married male lurkers.

I agree with you FF it would be interesting...Just one thought, I'm sure there are some that would freely talk about it, but some of the married men that are on the forum that I know about are operating under the radar. I respect their desire to keep parts of their lives private. FWIW...

[+ Truereview]

Can we get to talking about married men on the forum? I, for one, would be interested in hearing people's experiences and more importantly, so would married male lurkers.

Fluff, it can be hard to talk about it bc we can be a judgmental bunch - I'm very much included in that statement. However, after seeing your post, I decided to call a buddy, "Jack" and to get his input and blessing. I'm taking a stab at this on his behalf and mine.

 

I've met "Jack," a forum member, who is a lurker. He is also married and his wife knows. Empty nester. We started talking via PM a while back and have gotten to know each other well. I now consider him a friend, and as he slowly comes out of his closet, I have felt honored to be there with him. I'm learning a ton, particularly patience bc I've been out most of my life and I take a lot of things for granted as an out gay male. I'm also learning how difficult it can be to be or act as a straight man. The expectations and pressures society puts on men, particularly if they as men don't pause to think about said pressures and expectations, can be crushing. Btw, no, I'm not saying it is harder to be straight man than a gay man or being a woman...I'm just saying I'm learning more about it and it is not as easy as I thought.

 

I'm learning that this guy originally approached me from a sexual interest perspective but our journey has evolved to something more meaningful for both of us. I don't have a term for it yet. He has no plans to leave his wife, they love each other. He does have plans to fulfill his fantasies with an escort, yet he hasn't. He is interested in how much I talk about sex and how i treat it so casually - and he has found out that some of us talk about sex very causally, but actually treat it a lot more seriously than we say

 

I wish this wonderful man would speak up more in this forum, but he is yet not at ease, plus some of us make it more difficult bc we can be harsh, opinionated, cliquish, and of course, no one can see our sarcasm in our text. He is hanging on bc we can also be compassionate, informative, witty, fun, and seriously thoughtful. Plus hanging out virtually with a tribe like this feels safer and helpful. His experience today is riddled with guilt for not honoring his commitment to his wife - romantically and sexually, he feels he has lost a lot of ground being closeted, he is angry at himself for not experimenting in his youth, he is envious of what I have, yet he is sad to see what I don't have - I bemoan not having children. Our conversations in phone and in-person are deep and leave me drained, but they help me grow, and I feel he is growing too. I just wish he would speak here.

 

I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I get confused at times. He does too. We both do know that we want this connection and that instead of questioning, we need to experience it. Maybe this can help or maybe I just fucked up. I thank him for letting me post this.

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm also learning how difficult it can be to be or act as a straight man. The expectations and pressures society puts on men, particularly if they as men don't pause to think about said pressures and expectations, can be crushing.

 

Yep.

 

Thanks for posting this, TR. I'm glad you and Jack have established a relationship, and I hope he eventually feels comfortable posting here.

[MikeyGMin]

The fact is I don't know anyone who is 100% anything.

 

Let me introduce myself. Kinsey 6. 100% gay. :p

[Rudynate]

I used to chase married men when I was in my 20's. Somebody told me that closeted, traveling businessmen frequented bars in nice hotels, so I started hanging out in bars in Hotels. It indeed turned out to be a great place to meet closeted married men. I used to take them home and I really enjoyed the weirdness of staying up half the night chatting with them, after we'd had sex, about their wives and families, golf games, etc. If I'd had my wits about me, I would have charged for it.

[bigvalboy]

Let me introduce myself. Kinsey 6. 100% gay. :p

+1

[beachboy]

Fluff, it can be hard to talk about it bc we can be a judgmental bunch - I'm very much included in that statement. However, after seeing your post, I decided to call a buddy, "Jack" and to get his input and blessing. I'm taking a stab at this on his behalf and mine.

 

I've met "Jack," a forum member, who is a lurker. He is also married and his wife knows. Empty nester. We started talking via PM a while back and have gotten to know each other well. I now consider him a friend, and as he slowly comes out of his closet, I have felt honored to be there with him. I'm learning a ton, particularly patience bc I've been out most of my life and I take a lot of things for granted as an out gay male. I'm also learning how difficult it can be to be or act as a straight man. The expectations and pressures society puts on men, particularly if they as men don't pause to think about said pressures and expectations, can be crushing. Btw, no, I'm not saying it is harder to be straight man than a gay man or being a woman...I'm just saying I'm learning more about it and it is not as easy as I thought.

 

I'm learning that this guy originally approached me from a sexual interest perspective but our journey has evolved to something more meaningful for both of us. I don't have a term for it yet. He has no plans to leave his wife, they love each other. He does have plans to fulfill his fantasies with an escort, yet he hasn't. He is interested in how much I talk about sex and how i treat it so casually - and he has found out that some of us talk about sex very causally, but actually treat it a lot more seriously than we say

 

I wish this wonderful man would speak up more in this forum, but he is yet not at ease, plus some of us make it more difficult bc we can be harsh, opinionated, cliquish, and of course, no one can see our sarcasm in our text. He is hanging on bc we can also be compassionate, informative, witty, fun, and seriously thoughtful. Plus hanging out virtually with a tribe like this feels safer and helpful. His experience today is riddled with guilt for not honoring his commitment to his wife - romantically and sexually, he feels he has lost a lot of ground being closeted, he is angry at himself for not experimenting in his youth, he is envious of what I have, yet he is sad to see what I don't have - I bemoan not having children. Our conversations in phone and in-person are deep and leave me drained, but they help me grow, and I feel he is growing too. I just wish he would speak here.

 

I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I get confused at times. He does too. We both do know that we want this connection and that instead of questioning, we need to experience it. Maybe this can help or maybe I just fucked up. I thank him for letting me post this.

Wow. We should all have a friend like you. I'm sure your bud values your friendship & support. Good on yer fella. Hugs

[BabyBoomer]

Let me introduce myself. Kinsey 6. 100% gay. :p

 

+2

 

~Boomer ~

[+ honcho]

I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I get confused at times. He does too. We both do know that we want this connection and that instead of questioning, we need to experience it. Maybe this can help or maybe I just fucked up. I thank him for letting me post this.

 

If his wife knows, but they want to stay together I don't understand would could be possibly wrong about the interactions you've had with him from any ethical standpoint.

[Becket]

My humble apologies to all the Kinsey 6's in our midst. Of course I babble on too much late at night. Cheers, and happy hunting.

[instudiocity]

I can't disagree more. I'm certain there are truly monogamous relationships between two married gay men.

I know that there are.

Then we actually agree because I was using sarcasm to sum up Mrylndr'40's bombastic declaration.

[MikeyGMin]

My humble apologies to all the Kinsey 6's in our midst. Of course I babble on too much late at night. Cheers, and happy hunting.

 

We're just jerking your chain. I keep thinking about Juan's "find your tribe" comments. If you are bisexual or fluid, I can see how your close associates could / would be similar. I've been out since I was 16 years old. My tribe is Homo with a capital H. In fact, I think I'm the only one who isn't gold star. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons.

[+ glennnn]

Yep.

 

Thanks for posting this, TR. I'm glad you and Jack have established a relationship, and I hope he eventually feels comfortable posting here.

 

+1 you help all of us "jacks" know we are not alone. Thank you, FF and TR.