Dating an escort-Bad News?

[Lab12]

I have had a regular escort since November 2015, however, in march, we started hooking up without any exchange of gifts or financial attachment, going out to eat and movies et cetera. Our 'friendship' has all the trappings of a relationship except we have not talked about what is really going on. Should i bring it up or just enjoy this while it lasts. He is a good guy but I don't know if we can have a healthy relationship if he is still active as an escort.

[RyanDean]

Clear and direct communication is fundamental to any healthy relationship (including a hiring relationship). I would encourage you to, at minimum, check in with one another to confirm that you are "on the same page" as to what's happening between you. And do it soon.

[beachboy]

I have had a regular escort since November 2015, however, in march, we started hooking up without any exchange of gifts or financial attachment, going out to eat and movies et cetera. Our 'friendship' has all the trappings of a relationship except we have not talked about what is really going on. Should i bring it up or just enjoy this while it lasts. He is a good guy but I don't know if we can have a healthy relationship if he is still active as an escort.

If you feel uneasy with dating an escort why not treat it as having a hot fuck buddy & enjoy the ride? He is obviously attracted to you & because he escorts its probably not so easy for him too. You've only been seeing each other non professionally for a short while so maybe its best not to define it too rigidly as yet. Hugs & good luck.

[down_to_business]

Enjoy it while it lasts!

[CompleteNewbie]

Sure. You should probably get on the same page.

Best to make sure you're not running up a tab.

[needbodywork]

For it to work one of two things has to happen:

-You have to be okay with his escorting. Really okay with it, not claim to accept it then seethe every time he sees a client.

-Or, you have to provide the funds so he doesn't have to escort anymore, therefore becoming his sugar daddy. Even if he is legitimately attracted to you without any money involved.

[+ purplekow]

Sounds as though you are dating in a non-monogamous relationship. His being an escort is not any different than that. If you are jealous, and it has been several months since this non-payment has started, I suggest you decide whether or not you want to date an escort. If not, stop thinking of it as dating and start thinking of it as hooking up. I would then make sure he feels the same.

After three months, you should both be on the same page. Figure out which page you are on and then ask him where he is. I would do so gently, especially if you like where this is going. You do not want anyone falling out and drowning, once you start rocking the boat.

[AndreFuture]

I'm curious about this situation because a potential client approached me talking about hoping for an eventual FWB relationship. I found it rather off-putting to say the least, because I enjoy escorting as it is and hoping you'll get something for free after being a repeat customer strikes me as odd.

[humboldt]

I dated an escort once. Once. I had been hiring for years and was certainly not looking for a relationship. He was, though I didn't know it when I hired him. In hindsight, escorting may very well be his method of finding folks to date, as I later learned he had previously gone on to date clients and has since done so, as well.

 

Some folks have suggested you view it less as a relationship and more as having a hot friend with benefits. I think that's really good advice!

 

In my own case, even though I'm very open-minded and not relationship-needy nor jealous by nature, I nevertheless found the experience of dating somebody I knew was sleeping with other people all the time to be a very foreign experience. Nothing had really prepared me for it. And so there was always a general unease about the situation, at least on my end. After a couple of months, I called it off.

[marylander1940]

I have had a regular escort since November 2015, however, in march, we started hooking up without any exchange of gifts or financial attachment, going out to eat and movies et cetera. Our 'friendship' has all the trappings of a relationship except we have not talked about what is really going on. Should i bring it up or just enjoy this while it lasts. He is a good guy but I don't know if we can have a healthy relationship if he is still active as an escort.

 

 

 

Enjoy it while it last, and if you don't like his profession (even though you've met him that way) think of your choices and keep things the way they're, make changes or let him go.

 

Btw, how old is he and how old are you?

 

Ps: Do you realized you've made the 99% of this forum jealous?

 

[LivingnLA]

Interesting thread. I think @Lab12 needs to think about the feelings that are coming up. Escorting, like porn, is a job. Yes, it's more intimate than many jobs, but we're all whores in the sense that we sold something of ourselves in exchange for money. Only people born into serious wealth or those who opt out of our money-driven plutocracy can realistically claim never to have been whores in this sense.

 

Since OP is no longer paying the escort, how is the escort to cover living expenses? Clearly, by working. If OP cannot cover all of those expenses and the escort is unwilling to engage in such an exclusive relationship, then OP needs to reconcile himself to being ok with the escort working for a living. That is the first step.

 

If OP cannot reconcile himself to someone making a living in the best way he knows how, I sadly don't expect a long-term relationship to exist. Perhaps a friends with benefits kind of thing or returning to the client/escort dynamic would be healthier long-term.

[BabyBoomer]

going out to eat and movies et cetera.

 

Who's paying for those activities?

 

~ Boomer ~

[Lab12]

Who's paying for those activities?

 

~ Boomer ~

Sometimes he pays, other times I pay.

[Lab12]

Enjoy it while it last, and if you don't like his profession (even though you've met him that way) think of your choices and keep things the way they're, make changes or let him go.

 

Btw, how old is he and how old are you?

 

Ps: Do you realized you've made the 99% of this forum jealous?

I just turned 30 and He is 28

I don't have a problem with his profession per se, i just think within the confines of a relationship, monogamy is paramount...or is monogamy overrated?

[AndreFuture]

monogamy overrated?

 

Overrated

[MikeyGMin]

Only you know what to do of course, but I wouldn't bring it up unless you are prepared for it to go up in a puff of smoke. Sometimes when you bring up difficult topics you end up on separate pages instead of the same one.

 

Do some introspective cost-benefit analysis. If you are having a good time, don't pick at it. If it's causing you distress, then you should probably confront it.

 

I think monogamy is highly overrated, but that is a completely personal decision that you have to make for yourself. The heart wants what the heart wants, and if your heart wants monogamy, there's no point trying to fool yourself.

[marylander1940]

I just turned 30 and He is 28

I don't have a problem with his profession per se, i just think within the confines of a relationship, monogamy is paramount...or is monogamy overrated?

 

Among gay people it's like the horizon, unreachable...

 

Btw, hiring at 28... don't you have enough with your college debt? I'm glad you're getting it for free now.

[Lab12]

Among gay people it's like the horizon, unreachable...

 

Btw, hiring at 28... don't you have enough with your college debt? I'm glad you're getting it for free now.

Fortunately for me, I came to the US on a scholarship so I am good there lol.

I started using escort services the avoid the entanglement of relationships but here I am on the cusp of one or not, depending on how I proceed.

[marylander1940]

Fortunately for me, I came to the US on a scholarship so I am good there lol.

I started using escort services the avoid the entanglement of relationships but here I am on the cusp of one or not, depending on how I proceed.

 

Trump is right, damn foreigners...

 

LOL, just kidding.

 

I'm glad you and others are here because of your merits, we need to "suck brains" out of other countries to maintain our universities competitive and keep producing Nobel awards and advances in all fields.

[Lab12]

Trump is right, damn foreigners...

 

LOL, just kidding. I'm glad you're here we need to "suck brains" out of other countries to maintain our universities competitive and keep producing Nobel awards.

 

Hehehehehe. I love this country so much.

[Lab12]

Enjoy it while it last, and if you don't like his profession (even though you've met him that way) think of your choices and keep things the way they're, make changes or let him go.

 

Btw, how old is he and how old are you?

 

Ps: Do you realized you've made the 99% of this forum jealous?

 

Hahahahahahaha

[marylander1940]

Hehehehehe. I love this country so much.

 

You might love it and appreciate it more than our own home grown students.

[LivingnLA]

I just turned 30 and He is 28

I don't have a problem with his profession per se, i just think within the confines of a relationship, monogamy is paramount...or is monogamy overrated?

 

Total monogamy is incredibly hard if both people in a marriage want to be totally fulfilled. That's not a moral statement. I'm just acknowledging the diversity and complexity of people and their needs and how they change over time. I've been married two decades and while we are dedicated to each other and want to maintain and grow our family for the rest of our lives, we also allow each other as individuals to grow and change over time. We want each other to be happy, successful and satisfied as people and as a couple and a family.

 

Relationships are very hard work and far too many people today seem unwilling, unable, or unprepared to put in the effort, energy, and work to make a relationship work over time. A year or two or even five are easy. It's when you get past a decade in that things get complicated, interesting, and rewarding.

[humboldt]

OMG your a client at 30?!!:eek:

so they do EXIST!!

 

Clients under 30 do, in fact, exist! I got fed up with dating (which I was never very good at) and started hiring when I was 26. I remember totally fantasizing about Jason Carter, who used to escort in Dallas. But his early ads stated he didn't see clients under 30. By the time I turned 30, he had already moved to Phoenix. Lol.

[klifhangar]

You talked about seeing movies etc. but are you having sex and he's not charging you? There's a difference between hanging out and dating. Does he use the "L" word (I don't mean lube...). I agree with the rest that, if you're not supporting him, he is likely still turning tricks.