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End of life request


TylerandAce
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A prospective client has been in contact who says he has limited time due to a terminal illness. We are trying to quickly find some openings on the calendar in order to travel to him, but I would welcome any input from others who may have had this type of request in the past. He is dying from complications associated with advanced Parkinson's. We are certainly open to the opportunity and are flattered that he'd choose us, but not really sure what to expect. He's not even sure how he will be involved, but it's not hard to imagine that he just wants to feel human (and alive) again before passing. Any insight is appreciated.

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I'm an anesthesiologist, and have performed at least one (1) physician assisted suicide. Plus I assisted my own mother's death, but rather passively.

 

I'm not an escort (obviously) but: Find out what his wishes are. If it's just parkinson's, I don't see that a roll-in-the-hay would be fatal, but you might want to get info on that.

I would be forthright in discussing what his immediate ante-mortum and post-mortum plans are. If he wants to go out with a bang with y'all, you might want to make sure that

the 911 respondents are part of the scene; i.e., that he might kick on his own without warning. [Not a bad plan in any case].

 

Assuming the worst: Have you had an end of life discussion with him? I think getting the conversation and the information out into the open is the key factor.

 

If you can face the worst-case scenario [PM me for details], remember: You are doing one of the most honorable things that one human can do for another: Giving them their requested mode of shuffling off this mortal coil.

 

I doubt he'll die. But his lack of abilities might have an affect on you all. Try to feel out his limitations, worries, concerns ... and then give him the fuck - uh, sexual experience of his life.

 

meh, what do I know? Licensed physician for 34 years.

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Thanks Gallahad!

Yep...glad I posted. Thanks for the direction. Hadn't considered some of that. He says he does have care givers during the part of the day, but they are not there all the time. They are obviously nearby can respond quickly. We had considered the need to call 911 if the overheating becomes life-threatening. There's actually no fear in that for us, but I think your recommendation about a plan with him is definitely worth discussing. I'll PM with more questions as we go forward. Thank you very much.

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If this is a bucket list item, then clearly you are doing a service. Without the details of his condition and what he wants done, it is difficult to evaluate just what to expect. Since patients with Parkinson's have good days and bad days, a lot of what will go on will likely be related to how he is doing that day. You should probably learn a bit about Parkinson's disease before going. Patient's with Parkinson's can have difficulty initiating an action and also in terminating an action. So they may appear to be "frozen" for a bit and need assistance in starting or they can have difficulty when stopping which may result in injury. On a good day, there may only be a slight resting tremor.

Good luck with this person. It will likely be a memorable experience for all concerned.

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Hey guys,

 

I have had a couple experiences like this and it has been a real honour to be part in a loving send off. What has worked for me has been open and honest communication. If you don't know what to expect, talk about it with him, if you don't know how to deal with his possible physical limitations ask him directly. Don' guess, don't do research because every single person presents different challenges regardless of their condition.

 

Whenever I have been asked to contribute in a situation like this, what my clients have told me in no uncertain terms is that they are not looking for pity. They get a lot of that from the people around them, what most of them were craving was to be seen again as a person, not a dying patient, but a person, with sensuality, with presence, with honesty. Depending on the client's physical condition it might be hard to not focus on the disease, but I know that once you are able to relate to the human being underneath all that it can be an incredibly fulfilling experience.

 

Just a couple things to consider:

Make sure that people around your client are aware of what is happening and even though you don't need third party's consent, it would be a huge downer if family members walk in the middle of it and freak out. Ask your client what is their family's stance on this.

Remember that his ability will be in an entirely different "time" than yours. A slow caress might feel like a world for him, so don't worry about trying to cram a lot of activities. Just touch, closeness, looking into each other's eyes, being present and allowing him to lead things.

Be aware that this might trigger an intense emotional response in you. If that happens, be honest and communicate with him. All feelings are okay in a situation like this, but in the end you are there to allow him a safe space to feel alive and seen and cared for in a sensual way. Also, most people around terminal patients tend to lie and conceal. Having you communicating openly and being vulnerable might be a huge gift for him.

 

I am sure you guys will do a fantastic job. He chose wisely. What a beautiful thing to do!

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Some wonderful and thoughtful advice guys. As was the case with the comments about Dave-SF's meeting with a guy in a wheel chair. If his family woundn't understand that only matters if they might be there, so that's something to explore. T&A, you are obviously approaching this from a thoughtful place, more power to you!

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To some extent, you good escorts do it all the time, often with people who are terminally terrified of where they find themselves. Sometimes it's of coming out and being themselves, sometimes just of admitting to their own fears of who they are. Occasionally it's a poignant instance of someone who is dying or who is living with a disability. You give them something they had been unable to get or in some cases unable to imagine. The Legendary Dave's review today is a case in point. I'm in awe of the man who wrote the review, and also of @Dave for helping him through it all.

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just make sure you have honest communication, back and forth, about his specific hopes for the meeting (and the possible medical limits that might be unforeseen/"unschedule-able")......you both are smart and good guys and I'm glad you are on this.....he may only want some touch and passion, chat, etc.....

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My uncle, who was gay & died from Parkinson's complications, confided on me that what he missed most was sexual intimacy - not the physical act, but the spark & eroticism. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if your client wanted to watch you both interact and just partake on the glow and warmth of the intimacy. I'm confident you guys will kindly and thoughtfully uncover his needs and wants.

 

I'm also sure you guys are already reading up to prepare. And, in case you want a primer, here is a short article to build some foundational knowledge.

 

Thank you for your work.

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I was thinking about that "feeling sorry" thing, too......we all hear stories about physically handicapped people who resent being coddled or treated specially.....most just want to feel like one of the bunch.....

 

the obvious answer, T and A, is to do just that....talk normally (not loudly!!), make jokes, ask him questions, don't ask if he needs special help (though you might want to tell him ahead of time you're ready to help if he needs it), hang out like good buddies with him.....

 

lots of google stuff on this....though she gets into talking about "vibrations" and stuff, here's one that looks good:

 

http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/empathy-doesn't-help.html#axzz40v2VHIsl

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Thanks for that. Extremely helpful. I guess the main thing we are trying to grasp now is how to not feel sorry for him and just focus on his needs.

Yes, he is not an object of your pity, he is a functioning man who has his own requirements for sexual interaction with another man. Love him, play with him, dare I say fuck him or let him fuck you, just enjoy the meeting. Time for me to shut up!

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As was the case with the comments about Dave-SF's meeting with a guy in a wheel chair. If his family woundn't understand that only matters if they might be there, so that's something to explore.

 

Well, actually when it comes to terminal patients that is not the only worry. Sure, they might show up unannounced and it would be a problem, but the main problem is that if complications should arise, if medical care was needed or if (which is conceivable) the client were to pass in their presence, the ramifications of having two escorts at the scene would make it incredibly difficult. Escorting is still illegal in the States.

 

If the family is not on board, perhaps his doctor or a nurse could be made privy of his intention. A good therapist might entirely understand and be on board with this. Having some other professional aware of what is happening, and perhaps the nurse in the other room might make things easier to deal with if push comes to shove.

 

Good lucky, guys! I am sure it's going to be great.

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Thanks for that. Extremely helpful. I guess the main thing we are trying to grasp now is how to not feel sorry for him and just focus on his needs.

Babes, on this one I would say focus on the needs of all 3 of you. I get it...you are consummate professionals who want to ensure a unique experience for your client. Bravo! And, you are not dealing with just a person with a disability, but someone whose life is ending. This is emotionally taxing. Don't let our/your eagerness to have you both deliver, get in the way of the emotional toll this can take. How are you planning to care for each other before, during, and after your appointment? It is rhetorical. Just don't completely lose yourselves in the care of another.

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Juan, I didn't want to downplay the issues involved.

 

I didn't imagine you wanted to, I just wanted to share what I think it's worth considering. Sadly this situation is incredibly more complicated in The US, as opposed to in a country in which escorting is legal and licensed. One should consider all the possible legal ramifications and everything that could go wrong.

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I was thinking about that "feeling sorry" thing, too......we all hear stories about physically handicapped people who resent being coddled or treated specially.....most just want to feel like one of the bunch.....

 

the obvious answer, T and A, is to do just that....talk normally (not loudly!!), make jokes, ask him questions, don't ask if he needs special help (though you might want to tell him ahead of time you're ready to help if he needs it), hang out like good buddies with him.....

 

lots of google stuff on this....though she gets into talking about "vibrations" and stuff, here's one that looks good:

 

http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/empathy-doesn't-help.html#axzz40v2VHIsl

Thank you. Such good advice. I appreciate the article, too.

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Babes, on this one I would say focus on the needs of all 3 of you. I get it...you are consummate professionals who want to ensure a unique experience for your client. Bravo! And, you are not dealing with just a person with a disability, but someone whose life is ending. This is emotionally taxing. Don't let our/your eagerness to have you both deliver, get in the way of the emotional toll this can take. How are you planning to care for each other before, during, and after your appointment? It is rhetorical. Just don't completely lose yourselves in the care of another.

That's a very good point. We are pretty good at reading each other during appointments, but it is worth saying that we do have a responsibility to each other. That's really not a whole lot different than any other encounter, though. This will just take more communication about needs. Thanks for that :)

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That's a very good point. We are pretty good at reading each other during appointments, but it is worth saying that we do have a responsibility to each other. That's really not a whole lot different than any other encounter, though. This will just take more communication about needs. Thanks for that :)

I would be afraid of the family calling the police if they found you there.

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My uncle, who was gay & died from Parkinson's complications, confided on me that what he missed most was sexual intimacy - not the physical act, but the spark & eroticism. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if your client wanted to watch you both interact and just partake on the glow and warmth of the intimacy. I'm confident you guys will kindly and thoughtfully uncover his needs and wants.

 

I'm also sure you guys are already reading up to prepare. And, in case you want a primer, here is a short article to build some foundational knowledge.

 

Thank you for your work.

 

What a GREAT informative link!

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How are you planning to care for each other before, during, and after your appointment?

 

Great question about what happens after the appointment. He (probably you guys too) may have strong emotions and thoughts. I think it's a good idea to have some quiet non-sexual time with him after the sex for all of you to decompress and maybe talk about the experience. I have a strong feeling you've already thought about this. You're two professional and considerate guys.

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