Relationship Help

[MscleLovr]

Unless there is a romantic or sexual element in this relationship, the so-called housemate is in fact a long-term house-guest. I feel keenly that Gallahadesquire has duties as a host (which he has more than fulfilled) and in turn the house-guest has certain obligations (to be well-mannered, helpful with chores and appreciative). Clearly, from what we've been told, the house-guest is a bad guest and treats his host as a doormat.

 

Something similar happened to me a year ago when a guy I'd dated a few times became homeless. He asked if he could stay with me for a few nights. I refused any payment for food or rent and of course picked up the bills in restaurants when we went out. We had a romantic involvement but I was clear that he was not moving in permanently and he assured me that 4-5 nights would be all he'd need. After 3 weeks, he offended me with some comments about my failure to buy some of his favourite foods (tho he had declined to come grocery-shopping with me on 2 occasions). I calmly told him I was not his parent and not obliged to look after him. I added that he had better go and stay with another friend. He immediately retracted his comments but I was steadfast. He left the same afternoon and I had the locks changed the next morning. Interestingly, after an interval of 2 months, he resumed contact and our friendship is stronger now.

[+ sync]

My housemate has been getting a little strange ... I think it may be time for him to go.

 

In reading the original posting, there is a gap in the continuity for me regarding the misogynist/racist exchange. Your guest's statement of "I usually don't say anything, because this is the way you act when I call you out on it." suggests that this has been an ongoing dialog. However, your statement of "I am not the most tolerant person in the world, but this all hit me from way across the room." suggests that his misogynist/racist accusation is new and unexpected. If this has been an ongoing issue, it would appear that the pot has come to a boil. If this is something new, and you feel the relationship is worth preserving, you have every right to demand an audience to determine what prompted his accusation and if the issue can be resolved favorably for the both of you.

 

There are not many relationships that are ideal all day, every day. They often hinge on taking the bitter with the sweet. I wish you well with however you decide to proceed.

[+ WmClarke]

... Kierkegaard that said something like: do it or do not do it, you will regret both.

That is a great quotation.

 

I googled it and you got the wording perfectly, though there is a little set-up preceding the advice:

 

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both.

[Rudynate]

That is a great quotation.

 

I googled it and you got the wording perfectly, though there is a little set-up preceding the advice:

 

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both.

 

And of course, at some point in life, everyone realizes that. No matter what course you choose in a situation, it extracts a cost. As people often say, "There are no free lunches."

[LADoug1]

Manners are in serious decline.

 

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