extra time / rates

[stop]

So a couple questions for the pros.

 

Published rates. These seem to be all over the place. Rentmen will say X and another site will say Y. I am looking at both spots to get as much info as I can to see if we are compatible. Sometimes the rate will say ask me. I will usually say I saw you on Rentmen or I saw you on masseurfinder...But I will ask to confirm the rate when scheduling but I have then had a couple of guys who have said didn't you see the ad? They have seen fairly put off that I would even ask. So are we supposed to confirm? What is the best way of asking. I have kind of made a joke about it by saying something like, I hate being vulgar but I wanted to confirm your rates.

 

What if the session is more than 1 hour, is it rude to ask what the rate would be? I don't want to bring too much money but also don't want to be short so I kind of want to know in advance.

 

On a number of occasions the session has gone way past the time that was agreed upon. Not long ago I had set up a 2 hour session and we were pretty clear it was 2 hours. We exchanged intimacies and hung out for a bit. He ended up falling asleep for a bit, and then I did too. When we woke up he initiated intimacies with me again. We ended up spending a little over 4 hours together. I didn't even realize it till i was taking a shower. I am not sure what to do in this situation. I didn't intend on being there 4 hours and he didn't ask me to leave, but on the flip side I did stay 4+ hours. I ended up paying him for 3 plus a tip but on one hand this was far more than I intended on spending but on the other hand we are paying for "time" only. I can see if it runs a little longer but this was more than double what was agreed upon. I felt weird asking which I did. (thanks Juan for teaching me on the board) but his response was "what ever you think"

 

Could I have handled it better?

[craigville beach]

it sounds like you did the correct thing. it also sounds like both of you got "caught up" in the time together. It looks like you have seen this escort before, have you tried to see him since? I think you could mention it the next time you are scheduling an appointment to let him know you are not looking to take advantage of his time and how would he like you to handle it.

[Kuriousity]

On a side note, you learned "Don't let them take a nap on your dime".

[mattr]

If i am hiring for 1 hour, I usually just say something like "just to confirm the rate for our 1 hour meeting is x" If the escort does not list multi-hour rates. I will say something like "I would like to see you for an in-call of x hours, please let me know the rate for the meeting".

[mattr]

On a side note, you learned "Don't let them take a nap on your dime".

 

Anything less than an overnight does not include nap time for the escort. I think the escort took advantage of you.

[MiamiLooker]

Not long ago I had set up a 2 hour session and we were pretty clear it was 2 hours. We exchanged intimacies and hung out for a bit. He ended up falling asleep for a bit, and then I did too.

 

At what point during your 2 hour session did he fall asleep?

[+ José Soplanucas]

So a couple questions for the pros. Published rates. These seem to be all over the place. Rentmen will say X and another site will say Y. I am looking at both spots to get as much info as I can to see if we are compatible. Sometimes the rate will say ask me. I will usually say I saw you on Rentmen or I saw you on masseurfinder...But I will ask to confirm the rate when scheduling but I have then had a couple of guys who have said didn't you see the ad? They have seen fairly put off that I would even ask. So are we supposed to confirm? What is the best way of asking. I have kind of made a joke about it by saying something like, I hate being vulgar but I wanted to confirm your rates.

 

In my experience there is no standard on how different escorts manage their rates policy. Some have a flat fee for whatever you want to do, some publish it, some don't and use ask me, some have an array of fees just like a menu according to the different things a client may request, etc., etc., etc.

So I came out with a standard message for my first contact (and by the way, if an escort is reading this I would appreciate it any feedback about the appropriateness of my message). It says something like this: "Hi. I like your pictures in (website here). I'm looking for a masculine passionate lover who enjoys being submissive. I like to be in control, French hot passionate kissing, and eating ass. I am a top. If you think we can click, please let me know your fees and whether you would accept a FaceTime conference to verify your pics. Thank you!"

Some times I do not get an answer, some times is the starting of a short negotiation, some times leads to a quick deal.

[AndreFuture]

"Hi. I like your pictures in (website here). I'm looking for a masculine passionate lover who enjoys being submissive. I like to be in control, French hot passionate kissing, and eating ass. I am a top. If you think we can click, please let me know your fees and whether you would accept a FaceTime conference to verify your pics. Thank you!"

I think some might not be answering you because of the closeness of your expressed sexual interest with the question of fees. Maybe start with what you're into, and if he responds, then ask about rates. I'm also new and learning how to negotiate without being too forward (which kills me because I'm otherwise a very upfront and direct person because I like clear communication. But until sex work is no longer stigmatized/criminalized…)

[AndreFuture]

So a couple questions for the pros.

Not long ago I had set up a 2 hour session and we were pretty clear it was 2 hours. We exchanged intimacies and hung out for a bit. He ended up falling asleep for a bit, and then I did too. When we woke up he initiated intimacies with me again. We ended up spending a little over 4 hours together. I didn't even realize it till i was taking a shower. I am not sure what to do in this situation. I didn't intend on being there 4 hours and he didn't ask me to leave, but on the flip side I did stay 4+ hours. I ended up paying him for 3 plus a tip but on one hand this was far more than I intended on spending but on the other hand we are paying for "time" only. I can see if it runs a little longer but this was more than double what was agreed upon. I felt weird asking which I did. (thanks Juan for teaching me on the board) but his response was "what ever you think"

 

Could I have handled it better?

Who was supposed to keep track of time? When I see a client, I let them know I'm keeping track, so if we go over, it's on me. Conversely, if the client were to insist he watches the clock, if we go over, the extra time should come out of his pocket.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I think some might not be answering you because of the closeness of your expressed sexual interest with the question of fees. Maybe start with what you're into, and if he responds, then ask about rates. I'm also new and learning how to negotiate without being too forward (which kills me because I'm otherwise a very upfront and direct person because I like clear communication. But until sex work is no longer stigmatized/criminalized…)

 

Do you think so? I always thought they did not respond because they could not provide the service I was requesting.

[stop]

At what point during your 2 hour session did he fall asleep?

 

He fell asleep at what I would guess was over 2 hours. I don't think he fell asleep on my dime because at that point I am fairly sure it was past our scheduled time. It really didn't bother me that he napped because it felt like the session was/should have been over. And we napped maybe 20/30 minutes before he inititated more other stuff.

 

This was actually my first time with him. And I should add he asked me to stay longer. I haven't seen him since (yet) but was thinking about it and was trying to see if I should be doing something differently.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey Jeepo,

 

Here's my personal take on your questions:

 

Absolutely confirm the rate. Specially in The States be clear that you are confirming the rate for time. Some guys are skittish if you mention money close to activities, which is wise, so make sure you make that a different paragraph. However, if an escort is avoiding confirmation of the rate, you might be better off skipping him. Nothing ruins a day more than an escort telling you after the session that his rate is higher than you thought.

 

If you go to Cartier and ask for the price of a tiara, it's just a price. If you walk into a spa and ask for the price of a facial exfoliation, it's just a price. Escorting is no different. Ask about the rate for the escort's time directly. No need to apologize. You are not being vulgar. You are just being a great client who is trying to confirm and clarify the mutual agreement.

 

Again, if you are looking for an extended session, ask point blank if the rate system changes. Any professional will gladly explain how he does business. This by itself is not rude at all. It would be rude if you said something like "How much are you worth" or "How much are you?". On the other hand "How much is your hourly rate and do you charge the same for additional hours?" is just a polite, matter of fact business question.

 

Lastly, and I recommend you consider this seriously, I believe it is in your best interest to be aware of the time and stop the session when your time runs out. It only takes a tiny bit of attention and it can save you a lot of trouble. I know of escorts who deliberately hide clocks and when the client (Perhaps thinking he struck gold because the escort is giving him free time) goes to pay he is charged for the actual time spent together, not the agreed upon time. Technically, since you made an agreement based on time price and you were informed of the cost of every additional hour, the escort is entitled to be paid. Some will be coy and will say "Oh, give whatever extra you think you should give" which is a soft way to scam you out of your money, some will be aggressive and threatening.

 

On the other hand, every now and then I get the client who will constantly be looking at the watch, and knowing full well they are 20 minutes over will ask something that is very time consuming, like fisting... and then delay things on and on. When I ask them whether they want to stay for an additional hour they feign being offended and threaten with the ugly "clockwatcher" tag. I never see this kind of client again. It feels really sucky knowing full well that someone is trying to scam you out of your time.

 

Get a watch for visiting escorts. If you don't want to watch the clock all the time, set up an alarm for 15 minutes before your allowed time and leave your phone in the open so you can't miss it.

 

Be the one keeping track of time. Don't overstay. It's a business transaction; clear boundaries and fulfilled commitments make for longer and happier business relationships.

 

"Hi. I like your pictures in (website here). I'm looking for a masculine passionate lover who enjoys being submissive. I like to be in control, French hot passionate kissing, and eating ass. I am a top. If you think we can click, please let me know your fees and whether you would accept a FaceTime conference to verify your pics. Thank you!"

Some times I do not get an answer, some times is the starting of a short negotiation, some times leads to a quick deal.

 

I see a couple things here:

 

Many, if not most escorts will be squeamish about being submissive bottoms. It's a matter of safety. You should accept that and accept that many will simply not even respond to your enquiry for that reason.

 

Also many will not be amenable to a Skype session. If this is a non negotiable I see how escorts might not even want to waste their time answering. Not professional but understandable.

 

Lastly, you have to change the wording of your enquiry to create space between the sex clause and the money clause. On top of that, you should always ask "what would be the rate for your time?". Not the rate for this activity, not the rate for this kind of session, not the rate to do this. The rate for his time.

 

Hope this helps somewhat. Wishing you all amazingly fun encounters!

[LADoug1]

I always confirm rate (politely) prior to meetings. And I've learned to ask about rates for additional hours. I see nothing wrong with that. It never occurred to me that if we ran over that I would perhaps be expected to pay additional money. I always assumed that it was the escorts responsibility to be the time-keeper. Live and learn.

[jawjateck]

If I extend a session, I must be ready to pay up. If the escort extends the session, my company is his exceedingly great reward.

[geminibear]

Time management is never my strong point. I find it easier to just plan on an extended session and anything left over is like JJT said "my company is his exceedingly great reward" Trust me I can talk anybody's ear off for 30 minutes.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Hey Jeepo,

 

Here's my personal take on your questions:

 

Absolutely confirm the rate. Specially in The States be clear that you are confirming the rate for time. Some guys are skittish if you mention money close to activities, which is wise, so make sure you make that a different paragraph. However, if an escort is avoiding confirmation of the rate, you might be better off skipping him. Nothing ruins a day more than an escort telling you after the session that his rate is higher than you thought.

 

If you go to Cartier and ask for the price of a tiara, it's just a price. If you walk into a spa and ask for the price of a facial exfoliation, it's just a price. Escorting is no different. Ask about the rate for the escort's time directly. No need to apologize. You are not being vulgar. You are just being a great client who is trying to confirm and clarify the mutual agreement.

 

Again, if you are looking for an extended session, ask point blank if the rate system changes. Any professional will gladly explain how he does business. This by itself is not rude at all. It would be rude if you said something like "How much are you worth" or "How much are you?". On the other hand "How much is your hourly rate and do you charge the same for additional hours?" is just a polite, matter of fact business question.

 

Lastly, and I recommend you consider this seriously, I believe it is in your best interest to be aware of the time and stop the session when your time runs out. It only takes a tiny bit of attention and it can save you a lot of trouble. I know of escorts who deliberately hide clocks and when the client (Perhaps thinking he struck gold because the escort is giving him free time) goes to pay he is charged for the actual time spent together, not the agreed upon time. Technically, since you made an agreement based on time price and you were informed of the cost of every additional hour, the escort is entitled to be paid. Some will be coy and will say "Oh, give whatever extra you think you should give" which is a soft way to scam you out of your money, some will be aggressive and threatening.

 

On the other hand, every now and then I get the client who will constantly be looking at the watch, and knowing full well they are 20 minutes over will ask something that is very time consuming, like fisting... and then delay things on and on. When I ask them whether they want to stay for an additional hour they feign being offended and threaten with the ugly "clockwatcher" tag. I never see this kind of client again. It feels really sucky knowing full well that someone is trying to scam you out of your time.

 

Get a watch for visiting escorts. If you don't want to watch the clock all the time, set up an alarm for 15 minutes before your allowed time and leave your phone in the open so you can't miss it.

 

Be the one keeping track of time. Don't overstay. It's a business transaction; clear boundaries and fulfilled commitments make for longer and happier business relationships.

 

 

 

I see a couple things here:

 

Many, if not most escorts will be squeamish about being submissive bottoms. It's a matter of safety. You should accept that and accept that many will simply not even respond to your enquiry for that reason.

 

Also many will not be amenable to a Skype session. If this is a non negotiable I see how escorts might not even want to waste their time answering. Not professional but understandable.

 

Lastly, you have to change the wording of your enquiry to create space between the sex clause and the money clause. On top of that, you should always ask "what would be the rate for your time?". Not the rate for this activity, not the rate for this kind of session, not the rate to do this. The rate for his time.

 

Hope this helps somewhat. Wishing you all amazingly fun encounters!

Gracias, Juan!

[MikeyGMin]

I always confirm rate (politely) prior to meetings. And I've learned to ask about rates for additional hours. I see nothing wrong with that. It never occurred to me that if we ran over that I would perhaps be expected to pay additional money. I always assumed that it was the escorts responsibility to be the time-keeper. Live and learn.

 

I know many on this board would never consider it, but this is EXACTLY why I like outcalls. I like the escort to be totally in control of when he comes and when he leaves. That said, there is a clock next to my bed and I am a fanatical clock watcher. I don't waste a lot of time with the initial chit chat and I make sure that we wrap it up about an hour after he has been at my house.

 

If he wants to linger a little while doing the chit chat that normally happens first, I am happy to do that but I don't start adding dollars. I also don't paw at him or initiate any more sex in anyway.

 

This system has worked out very well with my favorite. We have spent some time getting to know each other, and I'm sure he does not feel taken advantage of, because he knows he can get up and get dressed at any time. I would never feel comfortable lingering if I was doing an incall.

[seaboy4hire]

On my RM advert I have my hourly rate down and I also mention that there is a discount for multi hour appts. I don't state what it is because I dont want my ad censored. I don't mind if someone asks to confirm my rates and such. As for running over if it's 30 mins or so I dont say anything nor charge for that half hour. For me it's not a big deal. But if it runs past that I do mention it and ask if they'd like to continue. Different guys will have different rules and guidlines. It is always best to confirm.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[rvwnsd]

I take Juan's advice regarding separating the activity clause from the rate clause: I put them in two separate emails. Typically, my first email discusses the things I like to do and asks for the escorts opinion or asks whether he thinks we are a match. In a subsequent email I ask or confirm his rate and then ask what the rate would be for a two- or three hour appointment. When a guy's ad states he discounts his rate for longer appointments I ask about his discount policy, but again I do so in a separate email.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I take Juan's advice regarding separating the activity clause from the rate clause: I put them in two separate emails. Typically, my first email discusses the things I like to do and asks for the escorts opinion or asks whether he thinks we are a match. In a subsequent email I ask or confirm his rate and then ask what the rate would be for a two- or three hour appointment. When a guy's ad states he discounts his rate for longer appointments I ask about his discount policy, but again I do so in a separate email.

Thank you!

[rvwnsd]

Thank you!

You are welcome.

 

Oh, be discreet if you bring a stopwatch. Kills the mood.

[+ José Soplanucas]

You are welcome.

 

Oh, be discreet if you bring a stopwatch. Kills the mood.

Lol!

[MikeBiDude]

I really prefer to discuss beforehand a "session" rate, like how much for a relaxed 90-120 minutes? This is often problematic with first time meets, that's ok with me if we go strict hourly. But when I go "regular" with someone it's usually a flat rate for a "session", they know they will not be taken advantage of. I've had exceptional luck with this strategy.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Ultimately whatever the escorts rates policy is, he should never mind when a client asks for confirmation or a budget. If any service provider, not only sexual services but any, cannot deal politely with that they better look something else to do.

[Juan Vancouver]

I really prefer to discuss beforehand a "session" rate, like how much for a relaxed 90-120 minutes? This is often problematic with first time meets, that's ok with me if we go strict hourly. But when I go "regular" with someone it's usually a flat rate for a "session", they know they will not be taken advantage of. I've had exceptional luck with this strategy.

 

I guess the key here is getting to know one another. In my personal experience, 90 percent of the times anyone has tried to negotiate a rate for the session, they forcefully overstayed the agreed time limit sometimes by 250 percent.

 

Most sessions, however go a little over the time. There is always flexibility when it is clear both parts are being respectful and mindful.

 

You see how someone proudly said in this thread "I can talk someone's ear off for 30 minutes". Being chatty is lovely and exciting. Deliberately abusing someone's presence or time by forcing a one sided conversation 90 minutes after your time was over while you are watching the clock is not being mercurial, it's just being rude.

 

If you wrap it up on time, if your escort has time he will possibly tell you to relax, not to rush out. That is a consensual thing. If you force things and you only leave after having said "Oh, gosh, I am taking too much of your time... but I will tell you this story before I leave" 15 or 20 times, you are just being a bore.

 

Nothing in the escort code of ethics says one has to accept this behaviour. I will endure it, but I will make sure I don't see this person again. Again, it boils down to honouring our agreements, being present, being clean, being open and being respectful.