Those awkward questions we field for straight people

[Guest ChrisW]

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

[RadioRob]

Amen, Father Chris! Preach to the children!

[+ quoththeraven]

Normative assumptions about gender roles make many of us who have hetero sex frustrated, too. Women especially. The equation of "female" and "submissive" (particularly sexually submissive) is particularly annoying, as is the assumption that because a woman can't top physically without a strap-on she can't psychologically be the top. Or that to be a dom(me), a woman has to use a whip, crush balls, and avoid being penetrated. The whole "women are bottoms, and bottoms are submissive" mindset is so ingrained that women who'll happily read BDSM erotica featuring a male dom and a female submissive cringe at the thought of reading the reverse because that's unnatural.

 

I cringed at one couple's glib equation of being male with masculinity and being female with femininity. Not necessarily .... Lesbian and gay couples aren't the only ones challenging gender norms.

[sincitymix]

I dunno, I like being a submissive bottom. I think I will make someone a good wife someday

[+ purplekow]

While the top bottom issue certainly is high on the list of questions straight people ask, i think the number 1 question is: When did you know you were gay. Does anyone ever ask when you knew you were straight? Anyway, as a bi man. if people ask me when I figured out I was bi, my standard reply is: Any day now.

[Guy Fawkes]

They've just never seen a power bottom in action; It's rather amazing actually.

 

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

[+ Gar1eth]

While the top bottom issue certainly is high on the list of questions straight people ask, i think the number 1 question is: When did you know you were gay. Does anyone ever ask when you knew you were straight? Anyway, as a bi man. if people ask me when I figured out I was bi, my standard reply is: Any day now.

 

I actually think asking when did you know you were gay is a fair question between friends of a certain level- I don't think strangers should be asking. But if we take the assumption that the majority of people are straight- then there comes a point when most of us realize that maybe we aren't like the majority.

 

But there is a different question but related question- realizing you are gay may take until adolescence when sexual urges begin. However I knew I liked looking at handsome men/actors/bodybuilders as a child. I didn't know however that I was gay at that point.

 

Gman

[+ purplekow]

I actually think asking when did you know you were gay is a fair question between friends of a certain level- I don't think strangers should be asking. But if we take the assumption that the majority of people are straight- then there comes a point when most of us realize that maybe we aren't like the majority.

 

But there is a different question but related question- realizing you are gay may take until adolescence when sexual urges begin. However I knew I liked looking at handsome men/actors/bodybuilders as a child. I didn't know however that I was gay at that point.

 

Gman

Well until one has sexual urges one really does not know what the trigger for those urges may be. So to that extent, gay or straight, bi or try anything, you do not know until you know. On the other hand, it seems that many straight people just assume they never had to know that they were straight, they just were. And it is also so, that many straight people assume that although they always knew that they were straight, that knowing one is gay is a biblical revelation of sorts. Many gay people are just gay, they never realized it, they just were.

[Samai139]

Not sure I agree with G-man's comment about sexual urges beginning at adolescence. I had sexual urges and acted on them (masturbation) before I was able to ejaculate. Perhaps there are physicians or psychologists here who could add more scientific information?

[+ WmClarke]

Not sure I agree with G-man's comment about sexual urges beginning at adolescence. I had sexual urges and acted on them (masturbation) before I was able to ejaculate.

 

Me, too. My first ejaculation was the 100th time I masturbated. Tasted great.

[marylander1940]

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

 

I'm sure this ain't the direction of your thread but I'm going to hijack it for a while...

 

Sometimes I think straight people think this way about gay men's privately life.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnboa0uV8Co

[Guy Fawkes]

Sooo wrong, but sooo funny!

[+ purplekow]

I think that whirlwind moves looks like a lot of fun.

[marylander1940]

I think that whirlwind moves looks like a lot of fun.

 

Only a small Asian boy can be handle that way... I wonder if he's even 99 pounds?

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

That sounds like something a girl would say.

[mike carey]

I'm not a girl, but would love for y0u to take me on!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

I'm not a girl, but would love for y0u to take me on!

 

[Guest ChrisW]

Damn it now I am binge watching Britney Spears videos! DAMN YOU CHRIS!!!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Damn it now I am binge watching Britney Spears videos! DAMN YOU CHRIS!!!

 

That sounds like something a girl would do.

 

(Toxic is the best one.)

[+ Gar1eth]

Not sure I agree with G-man's comment about sexual urges beginning at adolescence. I had sexual urges and acted on them (masturbation) before I was able to ejaculate. Perhaps there are physicians or psychologists here who could add more scientific information?

 

Me, too. My first ejaculation was the 100th time I masturbated. Tasted great.

 

I never masturbated until I was 16. I had heard about it. But I wasn't sure how to do it. One day I was in the shower, and I started stroking and continued until.... When I finally came-my 1st time not during a wet dream-my knees buckled-and I almost fell inside the shower.

 

Gman

[+ WmClarke]

That's really hot, Gman.

 

My first time was an intellectual exercise in wondering what a V would feel like. Got naked, got my hand wet with warm water, made a fist, and went to work. I remember my back arching off the bed to a great height....

[+ quoththeraven]

Speaking of straight people imposing heteronormative stereotypes on queer folks: https://storify.com/charlesatan/foz-meadows-on Here's the heart of the argument:

 

If you approach the idea of queer sex by asking 'well, who's the man/woman?', congratulations! You're blind to the idea of sexual equality.

By which I mean: you've already conceived of two distinct, binary, unequal roles & want to know what coinflip is used to put someone on top.

This is why queer relationships terrify bigots: if there's no difference in gender, then all chores/roles are negotiated, not innate drives.

Hence the need for bigots, especially sexually, to ask queer couples who the man is. Meaning: cui bono? Which one of you benefits most?

The idea that there are two equal beneficiaries - that sexual roles might be fluid & negotiated, not quietly assumed - is subversive.

Her description of queer sex and relationships is what I want for all relationships, not just same-sex ones.

[Rudynate]

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

 

There are dominant bottoms. I got together with one once who sat on me and fucked my dick with his hole. It was an amazing experience, having this pushy, controlling bottom in the driver's seat.

[Rudynate]

I actually think asking when did you know you were gay is a fair question between friends of a certain level- I don't think strangers should be asking. But if we take the assumption that the majority of people are straight- then there comes a point when most of us realize that maybe we aren't like the majority.

 

But there is a different question but related question- realizing you are gay may take until adolescence when sexual urges begin. However I knew I liked looking at handsome men/actors/bodybuilders as a child. I didn't know however that I was gay at that point.

 

Gman

 

Yes, as a little boy, 5-6 years old, I got erections looking at hunky action heros in comic books.

[Rudynate]

"Normative questions/assumptions make queer people feel invisible and frustrated. Traditional gender norms aren't necessary in all relationships"

 

I have heard that bottoming is the submissive or "woman's" role SOOOO many times and it drives me nuts. Putting something up your butt doesn't make you submissive it means you have nerve endings that you've figured out how to stimulate!

 

http://www.newnownext.com/gay-couples-react-to-ignorant-invasive-questions-in-youtube-video/04/2015/?xrs=synd_facebook_logo

 

 

It's so nice living in San Francisco and not having to deal with that sort of questions. The questions I get are much more 21st-century. My partner and I are completely on board with gay marriage, but at this point, it's just not for us. But, all the time, we hear, "When are you guys going to get married?" Even though straight people, all the time, for one reason or other, do not go down the path of marriage, it is assumed that, now that marriage is an option for gay couples, why wouldn't you do it?

 

And people ask us if we're considering children. Never mind the fact that we're both in our 60's. To me, not having to mindlessly start a family because it's expected of you and getting to live life for yourself has always been one of the great privileges of being gay. I know I have it completely backward from the conventional way straight people see it, but settling in and having children seems such a pointless thing to do with your life.